hey amyface. so yes, i really like this poem. i like the imagery and word choice and i think you use pretty strong language and i like the contrast with softer images (manhandling vs "matters of the heart", punishment via affection, etc...) the only thing i had trouble with was the word "hoping" in the last stanza. im not sure if its a grammar thing or just the way it sounds but thats the only thing that stuck out at me. ill have my oatmeal raisin cookies delivered to my earlham address. thanks :P (im joking. i love reading poetry) i hope i helped even just a lil bit.
This is Will
anonymous
February 22 2006, 18:39:18 UTC
I didn't know you wrote; I've been writing since I was about 13. the wording in this is wonderful, it conveys very well what you mean. Was there a particular style you were going for? It's almost iambic, but I didn't know if that was an accident or part of the assignment, or maybe just style. Either way, I like it. I have to wonder if I know who it's about or not. You could do some tweaking and some strumming and that could be a song. (sorry, music is on the brain. always) Anyways, if you want more specific stuff, just send me a message or call me. I ran a poetry forum for a while, I got used to critiquing. Hope he notices. Take care hun.
Comments 3
so yes, i really like this poem. i like the imagery and word choice and i think you use pretty strong language and i like the contrast with softer images (manhandling vs "matters of the heart", punishment via affection, etc...)
the only thing i had trouble with was the word "hoping" in the last stanza. im not sure if its a grammar thing or just the way it sounds but thats the only thing that stuck out at me.
ill have my oatmeal raisin cookies delivered to my earlham address. thanks :P
(im joking. i love reading poetry) i hope i helped even just a lil bit.
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Much love,
Amyface
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Will
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