A Knife Into Play - 1/1

[amyhit]

Title: A Knife Into Play
Author: amyhit
Summary: Right now, Mulder, I think you could get away with just about anything.
Rating: PG (plus swearing)
Spoilers: CancerArc - Zero Sum, Small Potatoes.
Disclaimers: Not mine.

Author’s Notes: This fic is a Post Ep. for Zero Sum. It's become something of an unintentional exploration - of voice, and of the

Comments

[amalnahurriyeh]

This makes me want to curl up on the couch and watch some cancerarc. Hmm, wonder what's on the Tivo tonight.

Stories like this are so hard for me to take--there's at no point in the series when I want them to be on the same page more, not even during the pregnancy/baby arc. Seeing them both circling and circling and never coming in for a landing hurts.

Mulder is always standing at doors, isn't he--he wants to know everything is OK on the other side, but he can't actually make it be OK.

I wish I had better words to describe this. But it's lovely and sad and very true.

[amyhit]

there's at no point in the series when I want them to be on the same page more

me neither. i think it always comes back to the knowledge that SHE'S DYING. they don't have time to fumble and withdraw and lick their respective wounds - SHE'S DYING. and there's so much tragic irony in the fact that her dying is what's keeping them extra unusually at odds with each other.

i want an icon that says: Mulder is always standing at doors. so true.

thanks!

[azurelunatic]

I like the way they're just talking about apparently so little, but actually so much; all the things they're not saying.

[amyhit]

thank you! for me (someone a bit effusive) it's maddening to try to say little enough to keep their conversations within character. i'm glad you got a sense of that.

[penumbra23]

Amazing, and traumatically gorgeous. I feel like you tore out my heart and stomped it into the floor. I mean this in the best possible way. Oh, Mulder! Sweet, sweet Mulder.

[amyhit]

traumatically gorgeous. I feel like you tore out my heart and stomped it into the floor.

there's nothing i wanted to hear more. and i too mean that in the best possible way.

Oh, Mulder! Sweet, sweet Mulder.

guh. I KNOW. i have a hard time speaking about mulder using my indoor voice.

[leucocrystal]

Oh, ouch. This hurts in that deceptively quiet way that sneaks up on you, just like the watching cancerarc does, which of course means you've struck the tone of that time perfectly. You always manage to write characters' perspectives in such a way that I really do feel everything they're feeling - in this case, I'm feeling Mulder's paranoia, his helpless anxiety, anger and fear, all of that. Wonderfully done.

Oh, Mulder. It tickles me pink when people get him right. It doesn't happen as often as I'd like, but when it does, it's so reassuring and lovely.

[penumbra23]

Oh, Mulder. It tickles me pink when people get him right. It doesn't happen as often as I'd like, but when it does, it's so reassuring and lovely.

Me too. Honestly, I think Scully is easier to write. But I'll walk a mile for a really good Mulder,* and this one is just exceptional.

*Okay, maybe that only sounds dirty to me. I just watched 'Sanguinarium' and my mind's a little in the gutter over this guy. (As usual.)

[leucocrystal]

I think you may be right about Scully! I feel I understand and identify with Mulder much more naturally, and so I write him quite a bit, but often Scully will come to me out of nowhere, as much to my surprise as anyone's, heh.

But I'll walk a mile for a really good Mulder,* and this one is just exceptional.
Oh, same. (Oh dear, Sanguinarium? When I think of that, I think of this and this rather than all the gore, and my mind goes straight to a happy place!)

[amyhit]

You always manage to write characters' perspectives in such a way that I really do feel everything they're feeling

you know that weird myopia that occurs when you've just combed over your own fic way, WAY to many times, trying to see it clearly, and now you're really not sure you can see it at all? or feel anything? that's when the best thing in the world is for someone else to come along and say, "yup, i feel it." so thank you.

Honestly, I think Scully is easier to write.
I think you may be right about Scully!and i'm the other way. when i began in the fandom i was writing nothing but scully (and doing a poor job of it - hence the non-appearance of those fics so far). i identify with her immensely, but it's kind of a masochistic identification on my part (like wanting to be a disney princess when you grow up) because i couldn't be less like scully. mulder, on the other hand, i am very very similar to. it took me a long while to figure out how easy i found it to write mulder in comparison. writing mulder, one gets to be messy, to

[scapersuse]

I love this. It fits so well with what was going on during that time period, Scully's containment of herself and Mulder's quiet desperation.

Well done!

[amyhit]

thank you. it was 'a time of dark dark despair' wasn't it? i'm always impressed by how the show builds tension during that time - there's so much violent emotion and mulder and scully are so restrained.