I'm lonely
I know it's silly but I can't seem to shake it today
I just wanna cry, not really sure why. Last weekend was lovely. Ian and Tyler got along fairly well - as best I could hope for at the moment I think. Ian likes Tyler and is willing to accept that there will be a new authority figure for him and Tyler was pretty patient and willing to be lenient. I love being with Tyler, I just want it to be June. I want to be living with him, making our life together. At times I can't imagine why were waiting. I know their are reasons, the biggest being not making Ian change schools in the middle of the year. But I am also very afraid Tyler will change his mind before then. I'm not such a catch and I don't really know what he loves about me or why he loves me so I don't know how to make sure I keep doing or being whatever it is he wants. I know, I think too much but it seems so long to go, only seeing each other once a month. And I worry, does he really want me, does he really love me, it's all happened so fast. I've never had anyone tell me they love me and it scares me. i want this life so bad, I had no idea I would. I want to wake up with him every day and go to bed with him every night. I want to eat dinner, the three of us like a family at the table. I want to grow old with him. He tells me how much he wants that too. I just get so nervous, worrying that he will stop wanting me. No one has ever stuck around for me before. I have to get over my nerves and self doubt because that's all it is. I love him and trust him it's me I don't have faith in. grrrrr
I just wanna cry, not really sure why. Last weekend was lovely. Ian and Tyler got along fairly well - as best I could hope for at the moment I think. Ian likes Tyler and is willing to accept that there will be a new authority figure for him and Tyler was pretty patient and willing to be lenient. I love being with Tyler, I just want it to be June. I want to be living with him, making our life together. At times I can't imagine why were waiting. I know their are reasons, the biggest being not making Ian change schools in the middle of the year. But I am also very afraid Tyler will change his mind before then. I'm not such a catch and I don't really know what he loves about me or why he loves me so I don't know how to make sure I keep doing or being whatever it is he wants. I know, I think too much but it seems so long to go, only seeing each other once a month. And I worry, does he really want me, does he really love me, it's all happened so fast. I've never had anyone tell me they love me and it scares me. i want this life so bad, I had no idea I would. I want to wake up with him every day and go to bed with him every night. I want to eat dinner, the three of us like a family at the table. I want to grow old with him. He tells me how much he wants that too. I just get so nervous, worrying that he will stop wanting me. No one has ever stuck around for me before. I have to get over my nerves and self doubt because that's all it is. I love him and trust him it's me I don't have faith in. grrrrr