The skies are clear and now I've got it planned out.
This is not exactly a rant.
The talk is ready. As in, planned out.
The first question is, what do you want to do? Do you have a plan? Is there something mapped out in that that peaceful mind of yours? What you want to change, where you want to work, how you want to live?
Or do you want to remain just as you are, hidden in your long and narrow bedroom in your mother’s house? In the job you claim to hate? Do you really mean to leave that one? Because I don’t see you do anything. Any single thing. Not even posting CVs to job ads. So from here, it does not look like you had any plans of changing that.
Therefore, the next question is, what do you want me to do? Do you actually want me to go ahead and make my own plan? Do you want me to do that without giving you a role and a task? That is what it looks like because you clearly steer away from even seeming as if you wanted a role.
Does that mean you want me to make my own plan without counting you in? Because that might mean I go away. As in, small town uni, big academic fish. Or it might mean that I finally struggle my way out of my own suffocating lock-in in this house and get to my own. Will you just expect to meet there as we have been meeting anywhere for the last thirteen months? Do you think that will be fair, if I do the struggling and you just bring the movies?
Or do you just expect me to wait and join you in doing nothing and pretending nothing is wrong?
Because I need to do something, and I want to know if I will have to make my own alone plans for getting a life.
That is not what I want.
Quite basically because I love you.
And because of that I want to make my plans with you. Including you.
This is not an ultimatum. I simply want to know what the options are, so that we can examine and evaluate them with a clear head. If I don’t like the options, I will not pout and stomp and run away. However, if I have to make my own plans, it might mean that I will be more distant than I feel you are right now, because it might mean that if you don’t want a role, you really won’t have one. Because, as you know, life does not tolerate gaps, and if you do not want to be in that plan I will have to fill that gap with... something, as much as it pains me.
Is that what you want?
Yes, the talk is planned out.
Now I need to find a way to make it without sounding hurtful.
Becasue I don't want hurt and distant. I want love and together.
The talk is ready. As in, planned out.
The first question is, what do you want to do? Do you have a plan? Is there something mapped out in that that peaceful mind of yours? What you want to change, where you want to work, how you want to live?
Or do you want to remain just as you are, hidden in your long and narrow bedroom in your mother’s house? In the job you claim to hate? Do you really mean to leave that one? Because I don’t see you do anything. Any single thing. Not even posting CVs to job ads. So from here, it does not look like you had any plans of changing that.
Therefore, the next question is, what do you want me to do? Do you actually want me to go ahead and make my own plan? Do you want me to do that without giving you a role and a task? That is what it looks like because you clearly steer away from even seeming as if you wanted a role.
Does that mean you want me to make my own plan without counting you in? Because that might mean I go away. As in, small town uni, big academic fish. Or it might mean that I finally struggle my way out of my own suffocating lock-in in this house and get to my own. Will you just expect to meet there as we have been meeting anywhere for the last thirteen months? Do you think that will be fair, if I do the struggling and you just bring the movies?
Or do you just expect me to wait and join you in doing nothing and pretending nothing is wrong?
Because I need to do something, and I want to know if I will have to make my own alone plans for getting a life.
That is not what I want.
Quite basically because I love you.
And because of that I want to make my plans with you. Including you.
This is not an ultimatum. I simply want to know what the options are, so that we can examine and evaluate them with a clear head. If I don’t like the options, I will not pout and stomp and run away. However, if I have to make my own plans, it might mean that I will be more distant than I feel you are right now, because it might mean that if you don’t want a role, you really won’t have one. Because, as you know, life does not tolerate gaps, and if you do not want to be in that plan I will have to fill that gap with... something, as much as it pains me.
Is that what you want?
Yes, the talk is planned out.
Now I need to find a way to make it without sounding hurtful.
Becasue I don't want hurt and distant. I want love and together.