[Fic] The Hurricane Inclined Us
Title: The Hurricane Inclined Us
Fandom: Samurai Flamenco
Pairing: Hazama Masayoshi/Goto Hidenori
Warnings/Spoilers: no warnings; vague spoilers through episode 8
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,624
Summary: Masayoshi and Goto, stuck in a very cold cabin in the mountains, during a blizzard.
Notes: This is a kinkmeme fill, for the prompt: Goto/Hazama (any order), stuck in a cabin during a blizzard and need to sleep together to stay warm, or something like that. Fic takes place roughly between episodes 8-10. Anon, I hope this is along the lines of what you had in mind! ^_^
Our lives depended on the visions through the night
All we had always, all we had always wanted to before
The hurricane inclined us, grappling on the floor
- All Delighted People, Sufjan Stevens
**
“Jesus, it’s freezing,” Goto mutters for about the tenth time in the last ten minutes.
He squints at Masayoshi across the dim room. The moon is bright enough, but the light barely reaches past the cabin’s small window frame, and the glow from the camping lantern Masayoshi had brought with him doesn’t quite reach the corners either. They might as well be sitting up here freezing their asses off in complete darkness.
“This is your fault,” Goto says, pointing one, cold finger out at his friend across the dusty, wood-paneled room.
Masayoshi is visibly shivering, propped up on a couple of old wooden crates, peering out of the cabin’s lone window into the darkness. He’s wearing a big fluffy down coat and snow pants over what Goto’s sure must be the newest version of his suit. Which only serves to remind Goto of just how cold it is in here.
“You didn’t have to come,” Masayoshi says, throwing a pointed stare across the room at Goto.
“I didn’t have all of the information,” Goto grumbles. “When you called me - on my day off, I might add - to announce that you’d received an anonymous ‘tip’ that one of King Torture’s minions was hiding out in the mountains and that you were going to ‘camp out’ in an attempt to ambush him, you didn’t tell me you were planning to actually, you know, camp out.”
“Camping out is camping out, Goto-san,” Masayoshi says flatly. “If you wanted more information, you could have asked.”
“You were already on your way!”
“So what?”
“So I wasn’t going to let you come up here on your own, that’s what.” Goto sighs. “It’s fine, I just… I wish I’d brought a pair of gloves.”
He shoves his hands deep into his pockets like he’s been doing for the past few hours.
“You can have mine if you want,” Masayoshi says, looking over at him (a little apologetically, Goto thinks) before he directs his attention out the window again. “I’m really not that cold.”
“You’re shivering,” Goto points out. He shakes his head. “And no, I don’t want your gloves.”
Masayoshi just shrugs, and looks out the window into the darkness again. Then he lets out a sigh. “There’s nothing out there but snow.”
“You think?” Goto says. He immediately feels bad about giving his friend such a hard time when he sees Masayoshi’s shoulders slump a little.
“Seriously,” he continues. “I think we can give up on the whole ambush plan now - there’s no way anything’s making it up here in this blizzard.”
“It is coming down pretty good,” Masayoshi agrees.
He hops down from his spot by the window, and sits across from Goto on the wooden floor. He looks up over the lantern.
“The weather forecast didn’t say it would be this bad.”
“I don’t know if it makes me feel better or worse that you actually checked the weather, and still thought it was a good idea to come out here,” Goto says, frowning.
Even in the mostly-darkness, Goto can see that Masayoshi’s nose has turned a deep red. His ears are red too, at least the tips of them, which are the only parts visible from under his thick ski hat. There’s a giant red pom-pom attached to the top of it that Goto kind of wants to pluck right off of his friend’s head.
Their breath huffs out in front of them like tiny clouds.
**
After another few hours, they start to pass from the uncomfortably cold phase of the evening, to the absolutely freezing and slightly delirious phase.
Masayoshi has taken to hopping around the room in an attempt to warm himself up, while Goto sits on the cold floor and stares up at him, wondering when the battery is going to give out on the lantern. It’s not generating any heat, obviously, but they’ve been huddled around it all night anyway, like it’s a fire that they can warm their hands on.
“Goto-san,” Masayoshi says, his voice a thin whine. “My knees hurt.”
“Then stop jumping around like that, and come sit down. You’re wasting all your energy anyway.”
“But it’s so cold,” Masayoshi offers plaintively. “What if we never get out of here?”
“It’s not that bad,” Goto says, though to be honest, he’s really not sure.
He doesn’t think the temperatures around here get to the levels of freezing where they’d have to worry about say, actually freezing to death, but… Well, the whole deliriously cold thing is making him wonder. He doesn’t exactly feel 100% capable of coherent thought at the moment.
“The sun will come out in the morning,” he tells Masayoshi, “the snow will stop, and we’ll be able to make our way back down the mountain. It’s just too dangerous to go out in the dark in the middle of a storm. Especially with no cell phone service.”
The chattering of his teeth make it difficult to get all of that out, but it looks to have done the trick. Masayoshi is nodding his agreement.
“Oh!” Masayoshi exclaims suddenly, beaming at Goto like he’s just won the lottery. “My sleeping bag!”
Goto’s eyes widen. “You have a sleeping bag? And you’re just remembering this now?!”
“Well, you said it was dangerous to fall asleep, and then I sort of forgot about it,” Masayoshi says sheepishly.
Goto listens to Masayoshi fumble around in the darkness for a few moments before he gets up and brings the lantern over to the far corner of the cabin.
He realizes he's a little lightheaded after a moment, probably from getting up so quickly after sitting in the same place for hours and hours in this ridiculous cold, and he reaches out for Masayoshi’s arm to steady himself.
“Sorry,” he says. “Got up too quickly.”
“Goto-san,” Masayoshi gasps, and suddenly there are Masayoshi’s giant gloved hands all over him, as his friend drops the sleeping bag at their feet, and focuses all of his attention on Goto.
“I’m fine - never mind me, just get the sleeping bag,” Goto says quickly.
He’s a little exasperated, but he has to admit-Masayoshi’s arms around him don’t feel half bad. It’s kind of nice, really. Lately he’s been feeling on edge when it comes to Masayoshi, ever since the whole King Torture saga began, like they’re suddenly unable to communicate with each other on the same level, but tonight it feels okay between them. Good, even. It’s a huge relief, actually.
After a minute or two spent convincing Masayoshi that he’s fine, really, and could Masayoshi please stop poking at him, they pick up the sleeping bag, and head back across the room to where they’d been sitting.
They unzip the bag and spread it out to its full size, which is pretty slow going with their half-numbed fingers, but finally they’re successful. Masayoshi lets out a long sigh of contentment, as he pulls the edge of the sleeping bag up to his chin. Goto stares at the patterns of light the lantern has plastered across the wooden walls of the cabin. It takes him a while to realize that half of the reason he’s so much warmer now is because Masayoshi’s entire body is practically on top of him, they’re sitting so close together, huddled under the blanket with their knees pulled up to their chins like elementary school kids at a sleepover. They sit like that for a few long minutes, just breathing in and out.
“That’s right,” Masayoshi says suddenly, and under the sleeping bag, Goto can feel him fiddling with something. A moment later, his friend’s bare hand emerges and before Goto can blink, Masayoshi’s hand is pressed against his forehead. It feels like absolute ice, but Goto doesn’t flinch. He kind of leans into it, actually.
“Oh thank god,” Masayoshi says, and takes his hand away. He smiles at Goto, before putting his glove back on. “I don’t think you have a fever. I guess you did just get up too quickly.”
Goto can’t do anything other than stare at Masayoshi, and after another couple of seconds, his friend’s face gets a strange, faraway look on it. It’s a look Goto has noticed pass over Masayoshi’s face a couple of times tonight - and a couple of times over the last few weeks, too.
“I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to you, Goto-san,” Masayoshi says, and his voice isn’t as steady as it was a moment ago. “I really don’t.”
“Hey,” Goto says, and in the warm cocoon between their bodies, he finds Masayoshi’s hand - it’s awkward, and he can barely tell it’s a hand at all under the thick glove, but he finds it, and squeezes it firmly. “Nothing’s going to happen to me.”
Masayoshi is quiet, but Goto can practically feel the tension coming off of him in waves.
“Don’t say that,” Masayoshi says, and Goto realizes that he’s trying to extract his hand from under the blanket.
“Okay, sorry, I just-"
And suddenly Masayoshi is scrambling away from him, out from under the sleeping bag, and he’s ripping off his gloves, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands. Goto’s never seen his friend so agitated before. It’s kind of unnerving.
“You can’t promise me that you’ll be okay, so please - please don’t say it.” Masayoshi drops his head to his knees. “If you say it, I might believe you.”
Goto is more than a little dumbfounded at this sudden outburst. He’s sure a lot of it has to do with the situation though - the fact that it’s the middle of the night, and they’ve been freezing up here for hours now. Masayoshi is just probably exhausted, stressed.
Goto scoots over as quietly as he can to where Masayoshi is sitting. He wraps his arm around his friend’s shoulders, and pulls the sleeping bag back up over their knees.
“You’re right,” Goto says. “I can’t promise you that nothing will happen to me. But I can take care of myself - you know that. You’re also not so bad yourself when it comes to this whole superhero thing.”
Masayoshi’s head is still buried in his knees. He sniffles, and his shoulders are shaking a little. Goto isn’t sure if it’s from the cold.
“Come on,” he says, a little worried. “Talk to me.”
Masayoshi raises his head slowly. He stares at Goto for a long moment, and for Masayoshi’s sake, Goto is thankful for the dim light, since he’s fairly certain his friend’s face is a mess right now. In fact, the look on Masayoshi’s face is making Goto’s stomach flip uncomfortably, over and over again. Goto lets out a long breath that pours out like smoke in front of his face. God, he could use a cigarette, they both probably could - that’s what he’s thinking when he feels Masayoshi’s lips suddenly press against his cheek.
He turns toward Masayoshi in surprise, and then, just as suddenly, Masayoshi’s lips are on his mouth. It’s clumsy, and sloppy, and his extremities are so cold the whole effect is generally kind of numbed, but there’s no mistaking what’s happening when their lips part. Suddenly he feels Masayoshi’s tongue behind his teeth and oh, oh… This is a kiss, Goto thinks. And then he just closes his eyes, and plunges in.
Much in the same way as it’d taken him a few seconds to realize they’d started, it takes Goto a few seconds to figure out that they’ve stopped, too, and that Masayoshi is sitting there staring at him again. His face is even more of a mess than it’d been a minute ago - flushed and splotchy and, well, actually, still pretty damn attractive. Masayoshi’s eyes sparkle a little, making the grey stand out, bright and clear. Goto has always really liked Masayoshi’s eyes, liked their clarity and openness, especially when they’re focused on him. His stomach flips again, and this time, Goto wonders if that’s actually discomfort he’s feeling or something else entirely.
“Um,” Goto says eloquently into the entirely-too-small space between their faces.
“I really like you,” Masayoshi confesses, his eyes wide. “Goto-san, I… I really, really like you. I’ve liked you since the day we met in that alley. That’s why I’ve dragged you into all this stuff with me and I never meant to, but I just couldn’t help it. I didn’t want you to lose interest. I wanted you to keeping spending time with me.”
Masayoshi ducks his head at that, and inside Goto’s chest, some very strange, strange things are happening. He thinks maybe it’s his heart, coming detached, unhinged from the rest of him.
“But things are getting really dangerous now,” Masayoshi is saying. “Those cops, they…” He swallows, and his eyes fill with tears, and yeah, Goto thinks, his heart is definitely not in its proper place anymore.
“They died, and it could have been you,” Masayoshi says. “And I just… I could never forgive myself if, if-"
“Let’s get something straight,” Goto hears himself say, a little surprised by the strength of his voice. “First of all, I like you too. A lot.”
The words hang there for a second in the air. Goto is sure that should have been harder to say, is sure he should be qualifying those words with a hundred more, but instead he finds himself plunging onward.
“And second of all, all the times I’ve put myself out there for you it’s been because I wanted to. Not because you dragged me into it, or… Well, maybe it was little because I just wanted to be around you so badly I’d do anything, but…” Goto thinks he should probably shut up, but he can’t; his mind is racing. “My point is that it’s my choice. To stand up there with you, to put myself in danger. To freeze to death with you in this stupid cabin.” He smiles, feeling a little giddy. “It’s my choice. I understand what you’re saying, and why you’re upset, but you shouldn’t be. Because I want to be here. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Okay?”
He hadn’t been watching Masayoshi’s reaction to any of this, maybe because he knew if he did he’d never be able to keep going, but he sneaks a look at Masayoshi’s face now, and realizes that his friend is… Well, he’s doing a very strange thing that Goto’s never seen before - he honestly can’t tell if Masayoshi is laughing, or crying.
Goto’s heart - which still feels quite unhinged, and unsteady, thanks - swells a little in his chest as he tightens his arm around Masayoshi’s shoulders. Their knees press together under the sleeping bag. He can feel the wool of Masayoshi’s hat against his cheek, and for a few long moments they sit there like that, their heads resting together, as Masayoshi’s sniffles turn to steady breaths in and out. Eventually Goto relaxes his grip on Masayoshi’s shoulder, just a little.
“We’re not really going to freeze to death up here, are we?” Masayoshi says eventually, his voice quiet, and close.
“Nah,” Goto says. “I think we’ll make it.”
“Good,” Masayoshi says, and his teeth are chattering a little. “That’s good.”
“You feeling okay?” Goto asks. “I really don’t know that much about survival skills in the cold, but I think frostbite should still be a ways off… It should be morning soon anyway.”
“Masayoshi?” Goto asks, when he doesn’t answer.
Masayoshi turns to face him, as easily as he can anyway, while still keeping all the necessary points of contact so that the sleeping bag doesn’t come undone.
“I feel great,” Masayoshi says, and he’s grinning. “Perfect, really.”
“Well forgive me if I don’t just take your word for it. You forget you were sobbing into your knees not ten minutes ago. How do I know you’re not just delirious from the cold?”
Masayoshi looks suddenly stricken. “Goto, are you…”
“Delirious?”
Masayoshi nods nervously.
“Yes,” Goto says quickly. “A little delirious, yes, but… Only partly from the cold.” He grins, and Masayoshi’s face flushes pink.
“So...”
“So?”
“So we’re okay?”
“We’re okay,” Goto says, and he squeezes Masayoshi’s arm through his million layers of clothing for emphasis.
“This is really happening? I’m not dreaming this?”
Goto laughs. “I’m pretty sure it’s happening. Either that, or you’ve got some pretty powerful dreams.”
Masayoshi turns a little, and stares into Goto’s face, which is a bit of a challenge given the close proximity.
“What about your girlfriend?” he says, chin quivering a little, though that could just be the cold.
“She hasn’t really been my girlfriend for a while now,” Goto says matter-of-factly.
“Really?”
“Really,” Goto says, and because he realizes that he can, he leans in and presses his lips to Masayoshi’s.
He hadn’t really had the chance to notice it before, but Masayoshi’s mouth tastes a little sweet, and also a little minty, like peppermint candies. He closes his eyes, and allows the cabin and the cold and everything else to fade away for a while. He allows himself to focus on this - really focus on it, on how it feels to press his lips against Masayoshi’s, how it feels to experience how Masayoshi tastes, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.
He hadn’t realized just how badly he’d wanted this, but it’s as if a giant weight has been lifted from his shoulders. His heart feels like it could float away at any second, like a balloon bouncing around in his chest. He’s never really been one to lose himself in something like this - but if Goto is anything right now, he’s lost, in the best way imaginable.
When he opens his eyes again, he realizes that he’s staring up at the ceiling, and that Masayoshi’s legs are tangled up around him. The rest of him isn’t too far off either - Masayoshi’s head is pressed against his chest, and they’re both letting out quick huffs of breath into the space in front of them.
He knows they shouldn’t let themselves fall asleep, but he closes his eyes anyway. It’s sort of like everything with Masayoshi - he knows he shouldn’t be encouraging him with this whole superhero thing, knows the dangers involved in what they’re doing, knows all of the alarms are going off for a reason, but in the end, he just wants to be here next to him. Nothing else has ever really mattered.
“You said we weren’t supposed to sleep,” Masayoshi says eventually, after what feels like a long time. He says the words into the fabric of Goto’s jacket, and his voice is muffled and a little groggy.
“I know,” Goto says. “We probably shouldn’t.”
“Is that snow?”
“What?”
“Outside, up on the roof…”
And Goto realizes that from their vantage point on the floor, he can actually see out the tiny window - the clouds have cleared, and it must be a full moon tonight, because there are giant fluffy flakes falling outside the window, and they’re illuminated by a soft glow.
The lantern is still going too, and with the dark wood of the cabin walls around them, and the glow from the window, it’s almost cozy in here. Or it would be, if it wasn’t completely freezing.
“It’s beautiful,” Masayoshi says, and he tightens their tangled limbs together, pulling himself close to Goto. “Thank you,” Masayoshi murmurs. His lips are nestled up somewhere around Goto’s earlobe.
“For what?”
“For coming out here with me tonight…” Masayoshi says, and then he whispers against Goto’s ear. “For everything. For not arresting me the day we met. For listening to me.”
“Well, you’re welcome, but I don’t really feel like I had a choice.” Goto rolls over, ignoring the protests from pretty much all of the bones in his body as they make contact with the hard floor. “You’re pretty irresistible, you know.”
“Thanks,” Masayoshi says softly. Then he places a light kiss on Goto’s neck. “I tried my best.”
Goto laughs for a few seconds at that, until he hears Masayoshi let out a giggle against his chest, too.
“What, it’s the truth.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Goto says, and he doesn’t, not at all. He’s fairly certain Masayoshi strives to be the best at everything he does, whether he’s obvious about it or not. His ability to be so straightforward, to work so hard for what’s important to him… It’s one of the things Goto likes so much about him.
“Goto…” Masayoshi says softly, a hint of a question in his voice.
“Hmm?”
“We’ll be okay, right?”
“Of course we will be. It’s practically morning already.”
“I don’t just mean tonight.”
“Come here,” Goto says, reaching his hand out for whatever skin he can find under his fingers - Masayoshi’s cheek, his neck, his forehead. It’s tricky under all these layers, but he manages as best he can. “You know, all that confidence you have when you put on that suit - I’ve always wondered where it comes from. Because honestly, you worry more than anyone I know.”
“It’s different when I put on the suit…”
“I know,” Goto says, and his fingers trace a line down Masayoshi’s cheek to his chin. “You should trust yourself more.”
Masayoshi is quiet, but he buries his face against Goto’s neck, which honestly, is something Goto finds he’s getting pretty used to. Masayoshi fits here, really well, Goto realizes, like the last piece of a puzzle finally slotting into place.
“We’ll be fine,” Goto says against Masayoshi’s head, breathing in fibers of wool from his hat, and wishing it were Masayoshi’s hair instead. Masayoshi’s pom-pom flops over onto his nose thoughtlessly, without a care in the world, and Goto just closes his eyes and lets it rest there. “Especially now.”
end
Fandom: Samurai Flamenco
Pairing: Hazama Masayoshi/Goto Hidenori
Warnings/Spoilers: no warnings; vague spoilers through episode 8
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,624
Summary: Masayoshi and Goto, stuck in a very cold cabin in the mountains, during a blizzard.
Notes: This is a kinkmeme fill, for the prompt: Goto/Hazama (any order), stuck in a cabin during a blizzard and need to sleep together to stay warm, or something like that. Fic takes place roughly between episodes 8-10. Anon, I hope this is along the lines of what you had in mind! ^_^
Our lives depended on the visions through the night
All we had always, all we had always wanted to before
The hurricane inclined us, grappling on the floor
- All Delighted People, Sufjan Stevens
**
“Jesus, it’s freezing,” Goto mutters for about the tenth time in the last ten minutes.
He squints at Masayoshi across the dim room. The moon is bright enough, but the light barely reaches past the cabin’s small window frame, and the glow from the camping lantern Masayoshi had brought with him doesn’t quite reach the corners either. They might as well be sitting up here freezing their asses off in complete darkness.
“This is your fault,” Goto says, pointing one, cold finger out at his friend across the dusty, wood-paneled room.
Masayoshi is visibly shivering, propped up on a couple of old wooden crates, peering out of the cabin’s lone window into the darkness. He’s wearing a big fluffy down coat and snow pants over what Goto’s sure must be the newest version of his suit. Which only serves to remind Goto of just how cold it is in here.
“You didn’t have to come,” Masayoshi says, throwing a pointed stare across the room at Goto.
“I didn’t have all of the information,” Goto grumbles. “When you called me - on my day off, I might add - to announce that you’d received an anonymous ‘tip’ that one of King Torture’s minions was hiding out in the mountains and that you were going to ‘camp out’ in an attempt to ambush him, you didn’t tell me you were planning to actually, you know, camp out.”
“Camping out is camping out, Goto-san,” Masayoshi says flatly. “If you wanted more information, you could have asked.”
“You were already on your way!”
“So what?”
“So I wasn’t going to let you come up here on your own, that’s what.” Goto sighs. “It’s fine, I just… I wish I’d brought a pair of gloves.”
He shoves his hands deep into his pockets like he’s been doing for the past few hours.
“You can have mine if you want,” Masayoshi says, looking over at him (a little apologetically, Goto thinks) before he directs his attention out the window again. “I’m really not that cold.”
“You’re shivering,” Goto points out. He shakes his head. “And no, I don’t want your gloves.”
Masayoshi just shrugs, and looks out the window into the darkness again. Then he lets out a sigh. “There’s nothing out there but snow.”
“You think?” Goto says. He immediately feels bad about giving his friend such a hard time when he sees Masayoshi’s shoulders slump a little.
“Seriously,” he continues. “I think we can give up on the whole ambush plan now - there’s no way anything’s making it up here in this blizzard.”
“It is coming down pretty good,” Masayoshi agrees.
He hops down from his spot by the window, and sits across from Goto on the wooden floor. He looks up over the lantern.
“The weather forecast didn’t say it would be this bad.”
“I don’t know if it makes me feel better or worse that you actually checked the weather, and still thought it was a good idea to come out here,” Goto says, frowning.
Even in the mostly-darkness, Goto can see that Masayoshi’s nose has turned a deep red. His ears are red too, at least the tips of them, which are the only parts visible from under his thick ski hat. There’s a giant red pom-pom attached to the top of it that Goto kind of wants to pluck right off of his friend’s head.
Their breath huffs out in front of them like tiny clouds.
**
After another few hours, they start to pass from the uncomfortably cold phase of the evening, to the absolutely freezing and slightly delirious phase.
Masayoshi has taken to hopping around the room in an attempt to warm himself up, while Goto sits on the cold floor and stares up at him, wondering when the battery is going to give out on the lantern. It’s not generating any heat, obviously, but they’ve been huddled around it all night anyway, like it’s a fire that they can warm their hands on.
“Goto-san,” Masayoshi says, his voice a thin whine. “My knees hurt.”
“Then stop jumping around like that, and come sit down. You’re wasting all your energy anyway.”
“But it’s so cold,” Masayoshi offers plaintively. “What if we never get out of here?”
“It’s not that bad,” Goto says, though to be honest, he’s really not sure.
He doesn’t think the temperatures around here get to the levels of freezing where they’d have to worry about say, actually freezing to death, but… Well, the whole deliriously cold thing is making him wonder. He doesn’t exactly feel 100% capable of coherent thought at the moment.
“The sun will come out in the morning,” he tells Masayoshi, “the snow will stop, and we’ll be able to make our way back down the mountain. It’s just too dangerous to go out in the dark in the middle of a storm. Especially with no cell phone service.”
The chattering of his teeth make it difficult to get all of that out, but it looks to have done the trick. Masayoshi is nodding his agreement.
“Oh!” Masayoshi exclaims suddenly, beaming at Goto like he’s just won the lottery. “My sleeping bag!”
Goto’s eyes widen. “You have a sleeping bag? And you’re just remembering this now?!”
“Well, you said it was dangerous to fall asleep, and then I sort of forgot about it,” Masayoshi says sheepishly.
Goto listens to Masayoshi fumble around in the darkness for a few moments before he gets up and brings the lantern over to the far corner of the cabin.
He realizes he's a little lightheaded after a moment, probably from getting up so quickly after sitting in the same place for hours and hours in this ridiculous cold, and he reaches out for Masayoshi’s arm to steady himself.
“Sorry,” he says. “Got up too quickly.”
“Goto-san,” Masayoshi gasps, and suddenly there are Masayoshi’s giant gloved hands all over him, as his friend drops the sleeping bag at their feet, and focuses all of his attention on Goto.
“I’m fine - never mind me, just get the sleeping bag,” Goto says quickly.
He’s a little exasperated, but he has to admit-Masayoshi’s arms around him don’t feel half bad. It’s kind of nice, really. Lately he’s been feeling on edge when it comes to Masayoshi, ever since the whole King Torture saga began, like they’re suddenly unable to communicate with each other on the same level, but tonight it feels okay between them. Good, even. It’s a huge relief, actually.
After a minute or two spent convincing Masayoshi that he’s fine, really, and could Masayoshi please stop poking at him, they pick up the sleeping bag, and head back across the room to where they’d been sitting.
They unzip the bag and spread it out to its full size, which is pretty slow going with their half-numbed fingers, but finally they’re successful. Masayoshi lets out a long sigh of contentment, as he pulls the edge of the sleeping bag up to his chin. Goto stares at the patterns of light the lantern has plastered across the wooden walls of the cabin. It takes him a while to realize that half of the reason he’s so much warmer now is because Masayoshi’s entire body is practically on top of him, they’re sitting so close together, huddled under the blanket with their knees pulled up to their chins like elementary school kids at a sleepover. They sit like that for a few long minutes, just breathing in and out.
“That’s right,” Masayoshi says suddenly, and under the sleeping bag, Goto can feel him fiddling with something. A moment later, his friend’s bare hand emerges and before Goto can blink, Masayoshi’s hand is pressed against his forehead. It feels like absolute ice, but Goto doesn’t flinch. He kind of leans into it, actually.
“Oh thank god,” Masayoshi says, and takes his hand away. He smiles at Goto, before putting his glove back on. “I don’t think you have a fever. I guess you did just get up too quickly.”
Goto can’t do anything other than stare at Masayoshi, and after another couple of seconds, his friend’s face gets a strange, faraway look on it. It’s a look Goto has noticed pass over Masayoshi’s face a couple of times tonight - and a couple of times over the last few weeks, too.
“I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to you, Goto-san,” Masayoshi says, and his voice isn’t as steady as it was a moment ago. “I really don’t.”
“Hey,” Goto says, and in the warm cocoon between their bodies, he finds Masayoshi’s hand - it’s awkward, and he can barely tell it’s a hand at all under the thick glove, but he finds it, and squeezes it firmly. “Nothing’s going to happen to me.”
Masayoshi is quiet, but Goto can practically feel the tension coming off of him in waves.
“Don’t say that,” Masayoshi says, and Goto realizes that he’s trying to extract his hand from under the blanket.
“Okay, sorry, I just-"
And suddenly Masayoshi is scrambling away from him, out from under the sleeping bag, and he’s ripping off his gloves, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands. Goto’s never seen his friend so agitated before. It’s kind of unnerving.
“You can’t promise me that you’ll be okay, so please - please don’t say it.” Masayoshi drops his head to his knees. “If you say it, I might believe you.”
Goto is more than a little dumbfounded at this sudden outburst. He’s sure a lot of it has to do with the situation though - the fact that it’s the middle of the night, and they’ve been freezing up here for hours now. Masayoshi is just probably exhausted, stressed.
Goto scoots over as quietly as he can to where Masayoshi is sitting. He wraps his arm around his friend’s shoulders, and pulls the sleeping bag back up over their knees.
“You’re right,” Goto says. “I can’t promise you that nothing will happen to me. But I can take care of myself - you know that. You’re also not so bad yourself when it comes to this whole superhero thing.”
Masayoshi’s head is still buried in his knees. He sniffles, and his shoulders are shaking a little. Goto isn’t sure if it’s from the cold.
“Come on,” he says, a little worried. “Talk to me.”
Masayoshi raises his head slowly. He stares at Goto for a long moment, and for Masayoshi’s sake, Goto is thankful for the dim light, since he’s fairly certain his friend’s face is a mess right now. In fact, the look on Masayoshi’s face is making Goto’s stomach flip uncomfortably, over and over again. Goto lets out a long breath that pours out like smoke in front of his face. God, he could use a cigarette, they both probably could - that’s what he’s thinking when he feels Masayoshi’s lips suddenly press against his cheek.
He turns toward Masayoshi in surprise, and then, just as suddenly, Masayoshi’s lips are on his mouth. It’s clumsy, and sloppy, and his extremities are so cold the whole effect is generally kind of numbed, but there’s no mistaking what’s happening when their lips part. Suddenly he feels Masayoshi’s tongue behind his teeth and oh, oh… This is a kiss, Goto thinks. And then he just closes his eyes, and plunges in.
Much in the same way as it’d taken him a few seconds to realize they’d started, it takes Goto a few seconds to figure out that they’ve stopped, too, and that Masayoshi is sitting there staring at him again. His face is even more of a mess than it’d been a minute ago - flushed and splotchy and, well, actually, still pretty damn attractive. Masayoshi’s eyes sparkle a little, making the grey stand out, bright and clear. Goto has always really liked Masayoshi’s eyes, liked their clarity and openness, especially when they’re focused on him. His stomach flips again, and this time, Goto wonders if that’s actually discomfort he’s feeling or something else entirely.
“Um,” Goto says eloquently into the entirely-too-small space between their faces.
“I really like you,” Masayoshi confesses, his eyes wide. “Goto-san, I… I really, really like you. I’ve liked you since the day we met in that alley. That’s why I’ve dragged you into all this stuff with me and I never meant to, but I just couldn’t help it. I didn’t want you to lose interest. I wanted you to keeping spending time with me.”
Masayoshi ducks his head at that, and inside Goto’s chest, some very strange, strange things are happening. He thinks maybe it’s his heart, coming detached, unhinged from the rest of him.
“But things are getting really dangerous now,” Masayoshi is saying. “Those cops, they…” He swallows, and his eyes fill with tears, and yeah, Goto thinks, his heart is definitely not in its proper place anymore.
“They died, and it could have been you,” Masayoshi says. “And I just… I could never forgive myself if, if-"
“Let’s get something straight,” Goto hears himself say, a little surprised by the strength of his voice. “First of all, I like you too. A lot.”
The words hang there for a second in the air. Goto is sure that should have been harder to say, is sure he should be qualifying those words with a hundred more, but instead he finds himself plunging onward.
“And second of all, all the times I’ve put myself out there for you it’s been because I wanted to. Not because you dragged me into it, or… Well, maybe it was little because I just wanted to be around you so badly I’d do anything, but…” Goto thinks he should probably shut up, but he can’t; his mind is racing. “My point is that it’s my choice. To stand up there with you, to put myself in danger. To freeze to death with you in this stupid cabin.” He smiles, feeling a little giddy. “It’s my choice. I understand what you’re saying, and why you’re upset, but you shouldn’t be. Because I want to be here. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Okay?”
He hadn’t been watching Masayoshi’s reaction to any of this, maybe because he knew if he did he’d never be able to keep going, but he sneaks a look at Masayoshi’s face now, and realizes that his friend is… Well, he’s doing a very strange thing that Goto’s never seen before - he honestly can’t tell if Masayoshi is laughing, or crying.
Goto’s heart - which still feels quite unhinged, and unsteady, thanks - swells a little in his chest as he tightens his arm around Masayoshi’s shoulders. Their knees press together under the sleeping bag. He can feel the wool of Masayoshi’s hat against his cheek, and for a few long moments they sit there like that, their heads resting together, as Masayoshi’s sniffles turn to steady breaths in and out. Eventually Goto relaxes his grip on Masayoshi’s shoulder, just a little.
“We’re not really going to freeze to death up here, are we?” Masayoshi says eventually, his voice quiet, and close.
“Nah,” Goto says. “I think we’ll make it.”
“Good,” Masayoshi says, and his teeth are chattering a little. “That’s good.”
“You feeling okay?” Goto asks. “I really don’t know that much about survival skills in the cold, but I think frostbite should still be a ways off… It should be morning soon anyway.”
“Masayoshi?” Goto asks, when he doesn’t answer.
Masayoshi turns to face him, as easily as he can anyway, while still keeping all the necessary points of contact so that the sleeping bag doesn’t come undone.
“I feel great,” Masayoshi says, and he’s grinning. “Perfect, really.”
“Well forgive me if I don’t just take your word for it. You forget you were sobbing into your knees not ten minutes ago. How do I know you’re not just delirious from the cold?”
Masayoshi looks suddenly stricken. “Goto, are you…”
“Delirious?”
Masayoshi nods nervously.
“Yes,” Goto says quickly. “A little delirious, yes, but… Only partly from the cold.” He grins, and Masayoshi’s face flushes pink.
“So...”
“So?”
“So we’re okay?”
“We’re okay,” Goto says, and he squeezes Masayoshi’s arm through his million layers of clothing for emphasis.
“This is really happening? I’m not dreaming this?”
Goto laughs. “I’m pretty sure it’s happening. Either that, or you’ve got some pretty powerful dreams.”
Masayoshi turns a little, and stares into Goto’s face, which is a bit of a challenge given the close proximity.
“What about your girlfriend?” he says, chin quivering a little, though that could just be the cold.
“She hasn’t really been my girlfriend for a while now,” Goto says matter-of-factly.
“Really?”
“Really,” Goto says, and because he realizes that he can, he leans in and presses his lips to Masayoshi’s.
He hadn’t really had the chance to notice it before, but Masayoshi’s mouth tastes a little sweet, and also a little minty, like peppermint candies. He closes his eyes, and allows the cabin and the cold and everything else to fade away for a while. He allows himself to focus on this - really focus on it, on how it feels to press his lips against Masayoshi’s, how it feels to experience how Masayoshi tastes, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.
He hadn’t realized just how badly he’d wanted this, but it’s as if a giant weight has been lifted from his shoulders. His heart feels like it could float away at any second, like a balloon bouncing around in his chest. He’s never really been one to lose himself in something like this - but if Goto is anything right now, he’s lost, in the best way imaginable.
When he opens his eyes again, he realizes that he’s staring up at the ceiling, and that Masayoshi’s legs are tangled up around him. The rest of him isn’t too far off either - Masayoshi’s head is pressed against his chest, and they’re both letting out quick huffs of breath into the space in front of them.
He knows they shouldn’t let themselves fall asleep, but he closes his eyes anyway. It’s sort of like everything with Masayoshi - he knows he shouldn’t be encouraging him with this whole superhero thing, knows the dangers involved in what they’re doing, knows all of the alarms are going off for a reason, but in the end, he just wants to be here next to him. Nothing else has ever really mattered.
“You said we weren’t supposed to sleep,” Masayoshi says eventually, after what feels like a long time. He says the words into the fabric of Goto’s jacket, and his voice is muffled and a little groggy.
“I know,” Goto says. “We probably shouldn’t.”
“Is that snow?”
“What?”
“Outside, up on the roof…”
And Goto realizes that from their vantage point on the floor, he can actually see out the tiny window - the clouds have cleared, and it must be a full moon tonight, because there are giant fluffy flakes falling outside the window, and they’re illuminated by a soft glow.
The lantern is still going too, and with the dark wood of the cabin walls around them, and the glow from the window, it’s almost cozy in here. Or it would be, if it wasn’t completely freezing.
“It’s beautiful,” Masayoshi says, and he tightens their tangled limbs together, pulling himself close to Goto. “Thank you,” Masayoshi murmurs. His lips are nestled up somewhere around Goto’s earlobe.
“For what?”
“For coming out here with me tonight…” Masayoshi says, and then he whispers against Goto’s ear. “For everything. For not arresting me the day we met. For listening to me.”
“Well, you’re welcome, but I don’t really feel like I had a choice.” Goto rolls over, ignoring the protests from pretty much all of the bones in his body as they make contact with the hard floor. “You’re pretty irresistible, you know.”
“Thanks,” Masayoshi says softly. Then he places a light kiss on Goto’s neck. “I tried my best.”
Goto laughs for a few seconds at that, until he hears Masayoshi let out a giggle against his chest, too.
“What, it’s the truth.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Goto says, and he doesn’t, not at all. He’s fairly certain Masayoshi strives to be the best at everything he does, whether he’s obvious about it or not. His ability to be so straightforward, to work so hard for what’s important to him… It’s one of the things Goto likes so much about him.
“Goto…” Masayoshi says softly, a hint of a question in his voice.
“Hmm?”
“We’ll be okay, right?”
“Of course we will be. It’s practically morning already.”
“I don’t just mean tonight.”
“Come here,” Goto says, reaching his hand out for whatever skin he can find under his fingers - Masayoshi’s cheek, his neck, his forehead. It’s tricky under all these layers, but he manages as best he can. “You know, all that confidence you have when you put on that suit - I’ve always wondered where it comes from. Because honestly, you worry more than anyone I know.”
“It’s different when I put on the suit…”
“I know,” Goto says, and his fingers trace a line down Masayoshi’s cheek to his chin. “You should trust yourself more.”
Masayoshi is quiet, but he buries his face against Goto’s neck, which honestly, is something Goto finds he’s getting pretty used to. Masayoshi fits here, really well, Goto realizes, like the last piece of a puzzle finally slotting into place.
“We’ll be fine,” Goto says against Masayoshi’s head, breathing in fibers of wool from his hat, and wishing it were Masayoshi’s hair instead. Masayoshi’s pom-pom flops over onto his nose thoughtlessly, without a care in the world, and Goto just closes his eyes and lets it rest there. “Especially now.”
end