(no subject)
i write my deepest and darkest feelings in here becuase everyone eles in the world will bash me for them:
i hate me.
i hate everythign about myself. i feel small and stupid compared to the people i love most. i do everything for everybody and get NOTHING in return. nothing.
i love my boyfriend to death but he makes me feel so tiny that it makes me wonder why hes with me in the first place.
i am 5'7 and currently weight 220 which has been my highest weight. i have resulted in bulimia and im trying to do the anorexia because my mind keeps telling me its possably better. if being fat is such a bad thing then why is it so easy to gain weight? and why is it so hard to loose it.
i found a miricle program about 3 months ago a lady approched me becuase apperently i "looked like i needed help" she told me of this program where i could loose tremendious weight with in months that i should attend to one of the meetings, which was a room filled with people my age with the same problem but they were thin. they kept talking and tlaking about how great the experiance was and blah blah blah completly sucking me into there "miricle group" and when it was time to join i had to put a 2000 dollar down payment on it.
im only 19, i dont have that kind of money to be spending on weight, as much as weight loss means to me.
i kneeled down infront of my best friend after leaving and telling them i couldnt participate, trying to suck my pain back in and hold it just so i could make it out side, wanting to scream and ask why.
i want to feel pretty, not to you, not to any one eles but to myself. for once i would like me friend to say "man you're so lucky to have that body" which probably wont ever be the case.
my parents are hooked on drugs which is probably why i eat because i eat to feel good, so i eat when im unhappy and when i am happy like an on going cycle. my family redicules me about my weight, pointing at my sister as if shes the pretty one "the only hope" they call her.
my boyfriend says he likes my "extra-love-meat" which puts a smirk on my face. but if you could only see the girsl hes dated befor me. beautiful.
now that you knwo my story, i havea few questions:
1. i have anemia, which is an iron deficiancy caused by malnutrition, what would be the best fasting diet for me? and what are some good tips so i wont break out into a seszure?
2. drinks and food items that might help me on my weight goal? thank ya much
i hate me.
i hate everythign about myself. i feel small and stupid compared to the people i love most. i do everything for everybody and get NOTHING in return. nothing.
i love my boyfriend to death but he makes me feel so tiny that it makes me wonder why hes with me in the first place.
i am 5'7 and currently weight 220 which has been my highest weight. i have resulted in bulimia and im trying to do the anorexia because my mind keeps telling me its possably better. if being fat is such a bad thing then why is it so easy to gain weight? and why is it so hard to loose it.
i found a miricle program about 3 months ago a lady approched me becuase apperently i "looked like i needed help" she told me of this program where i could loose tremendious weight with in months that i should attend to one of the meetings, which was a room filled with people my age with the same problem but they were thin. they kept talking and tlaking about how great the experiance was and blah blah blah completly sucking me into there "miricle group" and when it was time to join i had to put a 2000 dollar down payment on it.
im only 19, i dont have that kind of money to be spending on weight, as much as weight loss means to me.
i kneeled down infront of my best friend after leaving and telling them i couldnt participate, trying to suck my pain back in and hold it just so i could make it out side, wanting to scream and ask why.
i want to feel pretty, not to you, not to any one eles but to myself. for once i would like me friend to say "man you're so lucky to have that body" which probably wont ever be the case.
my parents are hooked on drugs which is probably why i eat because i eat to feel good, so i eat when im unhappy and when i am happy like an on going cycle. my family redicules me about my weight, pointing at my sister as if shes the pretty one "the only hope" they call her.
my boyfriend says he likes my "extra-love-meat" which puts a smirk on my face. but if you could only see the girsl hes dated befor me. beautiful.
now that you knwo my story, i havea few questions:
1. i have anemia, which is an iron deficiancy caused by malnutrition, what would be the best fasting diet for me? and what are some good tips so i wont break out into a seszure?
2. drinks and food items that might help me on my weight goal? thank ya much