Comments | anarchyrepublic: (без темы)

anarchyrepublic

(Untitled)

Apr 07, 2007 02:33

Post-coitus smoke lingers over her thighs. Beside her, David replaces his spectacles on that perch between his eyes. Silvery puffs course from lips to loins in rings of infidelity before splashing of her linen covered knees ( Read more... )

Comments 8

eroticidalfiend April 9 2007, 22:11:00 UTC

ummm.???

anarchyrepublic April 10 2007, 02:15:22 UTC

It's art!

Are we on for Wednesday?

homunculus_puck April 9 2007, 23:42:52 UTC

I like this. In bookstores I read the first and last pages of a book to decide whether to buy or not. I might buy, depending on the last page.

anarchyrepublic April 10 2007, 02:14:38 UTC

It's part of a short story I'm writing. To give you even the last line would be to ruin the story. But I'll post it soon.

I knew that you would like it.

homunculus_puck April 10 2007, 19:44:22 UTC

How?

anarchyrepublic April 11 2007, 00:36:16 UTC

How did I know?

I'm not sure. I posted it, reread it, and thought that you'd like it.

A classic quote from a friend about this excerpt... anonymous May 10 2007, 08:20:10 UTC

"Is this a story about a girl smoking a cigarette with her cooch?"

Pretty much sums up my impression as well.

Oh, and this is classic stilted dialogue. “I would have gotten a smoking room, if I knew you smoked. I don’t even know if they offer those anymore. You think? The laws are getting kind of crazy, right?”

Honestly, do you even think about what real people sound like when they're conversing before you write that?

/troll off

Re: A classic quote from a friend about this excerpt... anarchyrepublic May 10 2007, 08:50:15 UTC

1) I explicitly stated that the smoke was coming from her lips. That's alright, though, I know you're looking for cheap shots, and that your cowardice has once again kept you from signing your comment.
2) I sold this story
3) Do you not know what "stilted" means? It's when writing or speech is dignified or attempting to be dignified to the point of being pompous. You think my work is pompous? Fine. But no matter how poor my work is, I wasn't writing in a dignified or formal manner at all, so "stilted" doesn't fit here.
4) Yea, that is how people speak. If a pathetic man, cheating on his wife were talking to his lover, whom he didn't know, then yes, his speech would have rather absurd syntax.