Slammin' Sammy's Stunt Show Spectacular
Slammin' Sammy's Stunt Show Spectacular
Original Air Date: 10-22-1982
What happened? The last episode aired on 10-08-82. Reagan had been shot the year before, so that couldn't be it, and it would be a few years yet before the evening news became fascinated by the Presidential colon. Maybe they were re-airing the pilot. It's kind of interesting to wonder.
this dash was made for kissing
I like the idea of KITT checking himself out on his onboard monitors. "Yep, still got it."
The episode opens with Michael and KITT traveling cross-country. KITT is driving.
and the windshield shows the dark and terrifying void
Michael is reading KITT's owner's manual.
"wow, did you know that you come with air conditioning?" "yes, Michael, I did."
It is revealed that they are heading back to the Foundation and neither of them know why. It hasn't crossed either of their minds that they might be about to be laid off, which I reckon is one of the benefits of working for a nonprofit with an unlimited budget. Their best guess is that Devon is about to send them on a mission, which Michael at first carelessly refers to as his mission, until KITT ahems at him and he must amend that to "our" mission. Michael thinks that KITT is being touchy about being cut out like that, and KITT claims he's not touchy at all, it's just that his circuits function better when they operate in a reality mode.
Michael feels like he's been insulted but can't figure out how
They soon pass a cop, who clocks them at 55 mph, but he quickly recalibrates the radar gun in order to erroneously clock them at a higher speed so that he can make his ticket quota. The cop gives chase. When Michael notices he first accuses KITT of speeding, and KITT must defend himself. KITT speculates (correctly) that the officer is trying to meet a ticket quota, and Michael gripes that he's not taking a citation for KITT's driving and decides to run for the nearby county line. He hits turbo boost. ???
PENG
Instead of making KITT sail gracefully through the air (as awesome as that would have been) they instead simply accelerate to 200+ mph and leave the cop eating dust.
Why turbo boost? Why not Pursuit? Why does turbo boost function differently here than it has in the past and will in the future? Why ask why?
Also, I recall believing in this premise (that you could escape a citation if you could make it to the county/state line before the cops caught you) but thinking back I'm not sure it was ever true. This is the kind of thing that makes me remember the stuff I used to believe, and question it now. It seems like the cop should have just radioed back to dispatch and had them call ahead, and tell the police in the next jurisdiction (or the state police) that a car of KITT's description was approaching and driving like a lunatic. I mean, it's not like we let murderers get away by crossing state lines, and it's not implausible that someone burning up the road at 225 mph is going to kill someone if not stopped.
But none of that occurs. Michael makes it back to the Foundation mansion and walks in on Devon, who is playing croquet in his office, alone, by himself.
whacking your mallet and balls is something that should be done in the privacy of your bedroom, Devon
Devon explains today's plot: Sammy Phillips has a racetrack, at which he runs a stunt show. The show has fallen on hard times and Sammy took out a second mortgage on the track, which was purchased by today's big bad, Lawrence Blake. It's Blake who interests FLAG, since he has a habit of buying second mortgages on marginal businesses which then suffer tragic accidents and fold, leaving him with valuable property with little investment. Which, to me, demonstrates that the writer doesn't really know how second mortgages actually work, but let's go with it for now.
So Michael's mission (oh, I'm sorry, Michael and KITT's mission) is to stop Blake from sabotaging Sammy's stunt show, preferably catching him in the act so he can be locked away. Before Michael can jump on this assignment, Bonnie calls.
"Bonnie's ready for you," reports Devon after speaking with her. "Oh, I only wish that meant what it sounded like," says Michael, kicking off a running theme of him wanting to get into Bonnie's pants that, much to my chagrin but true to the 80s, never goes anywhere interesting.
In another location, we are shown what a two-bit operation this stunt show is.
life before Photoshop
classy
there is a prophesy that foretells that one day the king of cars will come to this track and usher in a new age
Sammy is doing the finances and his son Mark rushes in, explaining excitedly about the awesome new act he's put together for his motorcycle.
but daaaaaaaad, all the other kids are getting Olivia Newton John tattoos!
Sammy is not receptive; he already has problems and he doesn't need Mark injuring himself. Mark argues a little but Sammy shuts him down on the grounds that he's too eager, and in the stunt show business eagerness will just get him killed. He sends Mark to gas up his car, as they have a show later that day.
As Mark sulks away, a woman walks in. This is Lisa. She is Sammy's daughter.
do I approve of that shirt? yes, I think I do
She tries to promote Mark's act to Sammy, but Sammy doesn't want to hear it from her any more than from Mark. He drops some exposition about the operation's marginal finances and rants some, and then realizes that he's taking things out on Lisa that aren't her fault and apologizes.
Lisa goes to leave, without revealing why she came in there in the first place, but before she can make it out the door Mario slides in.
but I don't approve of his
He suggests that he and Lisa go "rehearse the new routine" but she has other things to do. When she tries to leave he stops her and asks if she's afraid to be alone with him.
her arms do not belong to you, Mario
Lisa pushes Mario's hands off her and tells him to find a groupie if he wants to get laid, and escapes. Sammy is amused by the interplay, and Mario leaves as well now that all the players are set up and all the necessary exposition has been provided.
In the semi, Bonnie is working under KITT's dash.
but, despite how this may look, she's not giving him a blow job
Bonnie mentions that KITT should function flawlessly, "at least until that nut starts abusing you." So she thinks Michael and KITT have a BDSM thing going on? Probably not, but it makes me smile to think so.
Michael strolls up in time to hear that but Bonnie does not apologize. Instead she explains that she's installed a new device that will let KITT oxygenate the cabin on command, and also increased power on the boosters. That's it, but Michael loiters, kind of in her personal space.
don't stand so close to me
She quickly notices, and Michael sort of almost tries to ask her out, but chickenshits at the last second and just thanks her for telling him about KITT's new gear. Then he makes an incredibly awkward little not-quite-pass at her, to which she does not react well, and he makes a quick escape.
Later, at Sammy's, Mark fills up the gas tank on Sammy's orange stunt car while Lisa performs on the track in her own car. Once Mark is gone, a person unrevealed by the camera comes in and pumps much of the gas back out of the tank. Since this is Sammy's car and Lisa and Mark (two of the other three named characters) have been accounted for, no prizes if you guess who this is.
Sammy soon takes to the track and does some stunts.
this car dreams of being KITT
KITT leaps rivers and this car leaps a chintzy flaming ring
Sammy has an admirer
The announcer then reveals that Sammy is going to do this same stunt again, but this time blindfolded.
this gentleman of color is the Reverend Henry Jackson, because it's time for a new stereotype, and because it's the law that black men have to be named Jackson
The blindfolded version of the stunt is going perfectly, until Sammy's car runs out of gas and faceplants in the middle of the jump. It flips and catches on fire.
the one time when a car explosion would have made sense, and it doesn't happen
Mark gets the emergency crew moving and they put out the fire and extract Sammy, while a sinister-looking guy in the audience watches.
I'm sure he's nobody important
As he's loaded into the ambulance, Sammy complains about his leg and the act ends.
The second act opens on the track. Lisa is practicing stunts while Michael watches.
he has a new belt buckle. it's a giant gold K
She's quite good and Michael is impressed. He runs up as she's exiting her car and starts a conversation. Sensibly, she wants to know who the hell he is first, and he claims to be just a guy looking for a job. She is a little incredulous that he thinks he can replace Sammy, and Michael offers to demonstrate his skills (using KITT of course).
As Michael runs off to collect his car, Mario inquires as to what's going on. Lisa explains, and Mario is displeased.
KITT asks how it went, and Michael tells him that they need to audition. KITT is also incredulous, mainly because he is a state-of-the-art supercar and far superior to any stunt car, capable of a performance that no stunt car could match.
the king of cars does not stoop to "stunts"
Michael has to explain that the challenge in this is that they want to look good but not too good.
but KITT can never not look good
They swing onto the track and slide around a bit, do a couple of moonshiner turns, and a few other moves. Lisa likes what she sees, and Michael butters her up further by asking if she can teach him more. She is now in favor of hiring Michael but has to go get her dad because Sammy makes the final decision.
While she's gone, Mark comes up to Michael and introduces himself, and like any kid he has an urge to show off for an admired adult, so he offers to show Michael his own tricks. Michael is amenable, so Mark gets on his motorcycle.
this is actually a pretty cool trick
Michael is impressed and Mark is happy that he's impressed, but when Sammy hobbles up on crutches he comes down pretty hard on Mark. Crushed, Mark leaves. Michael tries to come to Mark's defense by praising his skill to Sammy, and Sammy reveals that he's actually proud of Mark, and just doesn't want him to get hurt because motorcycles are extremely dangerous. Then, of course, he wants to know who the hell Michael is, and Michael introduces himself as Sammy's new driver.
This doesn't go over well until Lisa runs up and pitches Michael's case. Sammy thinks about it, and asks Michael to show him a trick; when Michael asks for suggestions on what he should do, Sammy suggests skiing. Then he has to explain to Michael that this means driving on two wheels; the fact that Michael did not know this already does not inspire confidence in him or Lisa. Michael asks for further clarification on which wheels, right or left, Sammy would like him to use. Sammy, speaking slowly for this dense amateur, suggests trying it both ways.
KITT back there would be rolling his eyes, if he had eyes
Michael eagerly runs off to attempt this, and Lisa tells Sammy that this isn't a fair test because probably nobody can ski both ways. Sammy shrugs.
KITT, of course, has no problem with this at all.
fanservice, if the fan is me
Michael is hired.
Later, in a downtown skyscraper, Blake is meeting with the sinister-looking guy, whose name is Gordon.
the face of 80's evil, scribbling on paper from a dot matrix printer
Blake stands to make $5 million in profit from Sammy going under, which is why he's displeased when Gordon reports that Sammy hired a new driver and the new driver is good. Blake instructs him to do whatever it takes. Then he makes Gordon leave by the side door, like a secret lover.
Back at the track, KITT is garaged with the other stunt cars, which I'm sure he loves. A person rendered headless by the camera comes in and attempts to open him up.
KITT doesn't lift his hood for just anyone
liking sex doesn't mean he has no standards, faceless human
with his doors closed, he's also rape-proof
KITT notices the attention and wakes up. The person rolls under him and attempts to get at ... something, his brakes I guess, and KITT moves backward to avoid the tampering.
NO NO BAD TOUCH
To avoid a second attempt, KITT rolls forward. Undeterred by the vehicle that is moving all by itself, the saboteur tries a third and fourth time. KITT finally deals with it by letting the air out of his tires and warning the guy to move before he's trapped. The guy runs out, and KITT re-inflates his tires.
Later (the next day?) Michael and KITT are driving down the road and KITT reports the attempt at sabotage. Michael is pleased that the hornets are stirring. They then discuss the concept of stunt shows; Michael has to explain it to KITT in small words, because KITT is thinking logically and there's nothing logical about this whole business. They eventually conclude that they need to come up with a spectacular stunt, and KITT is ill-equipped to make suggestions since logic doesn't apply here.
At the track, they are rehearsing for a show.
these cars put on their best performance for their king
Michael is watching, and Sammy soon comes out to join him. They discuss the need for a showstopper. Michael suggests jumping a car and a truck while they are moving, which Sammy thinks is impossible. Michael insists; he'll even use his own car so that he doesn't wreck one of Sammy's. Sammy is willing to let him try it the next day in practice, but there is a show that afternoon and Michael wants to do it for the finale. Clearly thinking Michael is a lunatic, Sammy gives in.
Michael runs off to pimp his ride for the show.
the king of cars does not do "stars"
KITT seems humiliated and Michael has to threaten to repaint him red, white and blue like the other stunt cars to get him to stop griping.
Later, during the show, as Michael and KIIT move into position to do the stunt, Michael finally gets around to asking KITT his opinion of this trick and KITT has to break it to him that the odds of success are "somewhat less than optimum."
at least their outfits match
even tarted up, KITT looks good
Despite KITT's pessimism, they successfully make the jump. The crowd, somewhat thin today, goes wild ... except for Gordon, who is in the audience and who is less pleased. All of the show crew applaud as Michael rolls backstage, and Sammy compliments Michael effusively. He has no praise for KITT, however. :( Lisa runs up and gives Michael a peck on the cheek and calls it a business kiss (is that a thing?) and then shoves her tongue down his throat. This, she calls a social kiss <- take note kids! Sammy seems to approve of his daughter macking his newhire right in front of him. Mario is unhappy.
Sammy and Lisa run off. Gordon comes up and introduces himself, and then offers Michael big bucks to come work for his corporation. Michael is receptive! but he wants to talk to the boss, he doesn't deal with peons like Gordon.
Back at the Foundation mansion, Michael cools his heels while Devon has a phone call with ... the prime minister? Of what country? I think we're suppose to guess England but a lot of countries have prime ministers. It could be Malaysia. He quotes Henry Kissinger and finally gets the PM off the phone so Michael can make his report. Devon points out that buying Michael off is only one way to get rid of him; another would be murder.
Coincidentally, Gordon is meeting with Blake, and Blake is endorsing the murder plan. He doesn't think anyone should be able to meet directly with him, and if Michael won't deal with Gordon, then Gordon should take him out. Gordon offers to kill Michael quietly, but Blake wants a big noisy accident instead. The act ends.
The final act opens some time later at the track. Michael and Lisa are practicing synchronized driving tricks. They hop out of their cars to get something to drink, and they and Sammy have a chat about the stunt show biz life. Lisa thinks that Sammy should retire, and Sammy scoffs. Michael inquires as to why Sammy doesn't sell the track; Sammy explains that he owes a ton of money on the track, which we knew already because that's why this plot is happening. In any case Sammy wants to be able to leave it to his kids. He's very appreciative of Michael, however, even though he can't figure why a driver as good as Michael would want to work for a crappy little stunt show. He thinks that in a couple of weeks, with Michael in the show drawing in crowds, things will start looking up.
Michael realizes he's built up some social capital with Sammy, and he decides to spend it on the spot to get Sammy to let Mark perform in the next day's show. Sammy agrees.
Later in the night, Gordon meets with the faceless saboteur to hand over some money. The saboteur complains that this is only half the money, and Gordon points out that the show is supposed to go under and that hasn't happened yet. He tells the saboteur to kill Michael, and offers a $5,000 bonus. The saboteur promises to try, and Gordon threatens to use a bomb if he fails again. He also warns the guy not to try backing out.
this doesn't look like anyone we've seen before, does it?
The next day, Mark is polishing one of the stunt cars, and Sammy hobbles up and tells him he's in the show. Mark is ecstatic. Sammy gives Mark his own helmet to wear in the show.
this helmet has been passed down from father to son for generations
Later, the show is starting. The crowd in the stands is much more dense today. Mark performs, and all are pleased except Gordon. Mario approaches Michael and apologizes for being so hostile in the past, and offers Michael a cup of water with a delicious surprise.
surely he won't notice a half-dissolved mass of pill in the bottom of this cup
Suspecting nothing, because apparently KITT failed to tell Michael the identity of the person who went for his brakes, Michael slurps it down and then heads to his car.
these cars pay homage to their tarted-up king
The announcer describes the stunt and introduces Michael, and refers to KITT as Michael's "faithful car, nicknamed KATT." KITT is not amused. Michael, who is not feeling so hot, blows him off. Despite feeling shaky, Michael tries to go through with the stunt. KITT quickly notices that they are going far too slowly (so does Sammy from the sidelines) and prompts Michael, who is passing out, to hit the Auto button and let KITT take over. Michael does so in the nick of time, and KITT activates turbo boost to take them safely over the ramp.
Michael is now almost fully unconscious in the car.
I promise you, he's not giving oral to the steering yoke
However, he is just awake enough to ask KITT to oxygenate the cabin with his new gizmo. KITT complies, and in a breathtaking display of 80's TV logic, this dispels the effects of the drug.
Michael sees Mario sprinting away across the track (?) and decides to run him down. While Mario tries to outrun a car (??) Michael tells KITT to bring them alongside and then he reaches out and grabs Mario into the car window to stop him. (???)
Mario immediately spills his guts, and even tells Michael about the plan to set a bomb and where the bomb will be planted (under the boarded-off unsafe stands). Michael and KITT race off.
Gordon, meanwhile, is busy planting the world's most stereotyped bomb.
he borrowed it from a Bugs Bunny cartoon
Michael and KITT, however, are on the case.
this should make anyone shit his pants
at least they used the door this time
Michael fences with Gordon some and eventually pins him between KITT's front bumper and a stack of boxes.
KITT can't kill anyone, but that doesn't mean he can't cripple them
Gordon points out the bomb and Michael rolls KITT backward over the bomb to smother the explosion somewhat, and only afterwards asks KITT's opinion about this.
maybe I was onto something with that BDSM thing after all
KITT is still online but damaged. Michael heads out to apprehend Gordon.
Later, Michael barges into Blake's office downtown.
having not yet changed clothes or even having taken off that silly cravat
He demands money, claiming to be angry about the attempt on his life and threatening blackmail on what he got from Mario and Gordon. Blake seems semi-willing to deal, and Michael contorts.
if someone were standing in my office hugging himself like this, I would call for security
He gets Blake to explicitly implicate himself, and of course KITT is listening in and recording through Michael's comlink. PWNED.
The epilogue has Michael and KITT back in the trailer of the semi. Devon again comes down on Michael for being random and destructive, and again I don't really get his gripe here. Bonnie has checked KITT over and the only major damage was to his muffler. She then starts to remove the silver stars from KITT, but Michael stops her. They still have to be in Sammy's show until Sammy himself can get back behind the wheel. Michael anticipates this will take three weeks. Devon gives in without much of a fight, and Michael gives him and "Bon-bon" tickets to the show; "Bon-bon" does not appreciate the nickname at all.
KITT has become enthused about starring in the show, and as Michael gets into the car he starts suggesting new stunts. A somersaulting car has never been done before, for instance. He also suggests setting his wheels on fire (!!!) and doing a jump, which should look good at night. Or a double barrel roll, or that with a somersault. Michael thinks that maybe KITT needs to be reprogrammed.
my data confirms that a 100 mph approach to a 48-degree angle ...
I really like Lisa in this episode. She stands up for herself without making a drama out of it. She wears a shirt that shows off her biceps and pulls it off. She's skilled with a car and seems to be an integral part of the stunt show. She doesn't let Mario paw her.
She's the one who makes the decision that Michael should be hired. It's ultimately Sammy's call, because he owns the track and the show, but Lisa is the one who comes to the conclusion that Michael would be a good fit and she convinces Sammy to agree with her. She does this in an intelligent, adult way as well, through reason. It would have been really easy for the writer to have her rely on feminine wiles to get her way, but the script doesn't take that out. Instead, she comes across as a regular person. It's sad and pathetic that I have to applaud that, but I do.
Of course, it is ultimately Sammy's call because he owns the track and the show, because we have to have a man in charge of the business. In this case, it is literally patriarchy.
Bonnie also gets a reasonable amount of screen time here, and it's a shame that she and Lisa never meet up. It seems like they'd get along. The attitude that Michael takes toward Bonnie is conflicted. He makes a somewhat crude innuendo to Devon when Bonnie is not around, but when Bonnie is around he can't seem to avoid tripping over himself. Bonnie simply doesn't seem interested, and it's implied that at least some of her hostility stems from the damage with which KITT keeps coming back.
I like that KITT's technician is female, even though Bonnie's inclusion as a character seems almost token, like someone noticed following the pilot that the entire recurring cast was male and felt that needed to be remedied. The token female could have been anybody, but they made her a mechanically competent and intelligent individual and I respect that. I also like that she is not falling all over Michael. He has a thing for her; the reverse is not true. It's a shame that the relationship between the two of them just spins its wheels and goes nowhere.
As far as KITT is concerned, the episode spends a lot of time trying to convince us that KITT is just a computer, but simultaneously demonstrating that he isn't. In the very first conversation Michael states outright that KITT is a "collection of microprocessors" and KITT agrees with him. The subtext, however, is that KITT sees himself as an equal partner and wants Michael to have the same opinion. He doesn't like being taken for granted.
The discussion that happens right after Mario attempts to tamper with KITT's brakes runs along similar lines. KITT has trouble with the concept of a stunt show, because there's no logic in it. Michael has to explain it in terms of their mission: it doesn't matter why people want to see the show, all that matters is that they do. Once KITT has accepted that (axiomatically), he quickly deduces that they need to put on an impressive stunt, but he's not able to think creatively in order to come up with one.
At the end, however, KITT has worked past this problem, and is busy suggesting some pretty outrageous stunts. This is KITT's first observed session of truly creative thinking. It's not hard to bridge those two incidents (one in which KITT is hung up on the logic of it, and the next in which KITT is genuinely brainstorming) with some interim heurism on his part: once he's actually performed Michael's stunt and seen the crowd's reaction, he understands and is able to subsequently build on that understanding.
We would hope that Michael's comment at the end, that this personal growth on KITT's part is an undesirable flaw that needs to be reprogrammed away, is just episode punctuation and that he's not serious. Of course, he might be. Michael's comfort level with his self-aware car has improved considerably since the pilot, but he's still not yet at the level of thinking of KITT as the equal partner that KITT wants to be.
The portrayal of KITT's agency is interesting. During the sabotage attempt, KITT is able to defend himself quite handily without any instruction, which demonstrates at least some ability to self-initiate action. However, later when Michael is drugged, he has to wait for Michael to hit the Auto button before he can take control of the car. There's no intervention here, even though Michael could have really used one; had Michael not reached the button in time, KITT would have been trapped by his subordination into a nasty crash. He has the ability to take over control of the car from Michael, but he lacks the agency to exercise that ability.
Leastwise, he lacks the agency when Michael is present. When Michael is elsewhere, he can do whatever is necessary to protect himself, but when Michael is in the seat he has to wait for specific instructions before even doing something as reasonable as releasing the magic drug-neutralizing oxygen. That's a very strict leash on KITT.
And that's it for this episode.