Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Clark & Lois (also some Lois/Oliver)
Rating: PG
Summary: Yes, that's really the title! When Oliver Queen's called away, it's up to Clark Kent to ensure that Lois Lane gets a holly, jolly Christmas. A "Divine Intervention" Secret Santa fic for DramaPrincess87 who requested S6, PG-13 and "A Holly Jolly Christmas". Don't know if it got all the way there on the ratings, but I hope it's still worthwhile.
Have a holly, jolly Christmas;
It's the best time of the year
I don't know if there'll be snow,
but have a cup of cheer.
"Clark? Man, I am so glad I got hold of you!" Oliver Queen's voice came through, loud, clear and slightly tinny on the cellphone that Clark held with one hand, while vigilantly watching the road as he steered his truck with the other.
"Oliver? What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" Clark glanced out at the setting sun. Late afternoon near Christmas meant that sunset came all too soon, pretty much at the same time he should be picking his mother up at Metropolis airport from the quick trip she'd taken with her chief of staff out to Dodge City for a constituency meeting. Unconsciously, his foot pressed a bit harder on the gas pedal as he headed down the highway towards the big city.
"Yeah, you can say there's a problem," Oliver replied. "It probably hasn't hit the news yet, but a factory in Indonesia that Queen Industries bought earlier this month, as part of our takeover of Goldstar Holdings; it's blown up."
Clark instinctively winced in sympathy. "Oh. How bad?"
"Bad enough. Over a hundred factory workers were killed in the blast and a nearby village had to be evacuated because of a chemical fire that started with the blast." Oliver sighed. "I'm getting ready to fly over there now and see what we can do for the people as well as find out who did this."
The traffic began to pick up as he drove closer to Metropolis. Clark slowed to match the speed of the right hand lane as he followed the signs to the airport, ten miles away, but didn't lose track of the conversation. "Who did this? You mean it wasn't an accident."
Oliver's voice took on a bitter tone, "No, not at all. There are lots of suspects: political opponents of Yudhoyono's government, the corrupt former manager who were ousted when we took over, even eco-terrorists have been mentioned. Between figuring this out and helping the people there, which is our first priority, I'm going to be tied up for a while. No Christmas for me."
"Aw, Oliver, that's too bad, but I know you're doing the right thing."
Oliver laughed again, "Just try telling that to Lois. No, I know she'll understand, but she was really looking forward to our spending some time together at Christmas. Said she wanted to make up for the last month of 'absentee boyfriend'."
Clark nodded sharply as he suddenly connected all the pieces of the conversation. "So, you're not going to be able to pick her up at the airport tonight."
Oliver continued for him, "Or take her to the Senator's Christmas party or to dinner at your house. I've been trying to phone her for the past hour but I guess her plane's still in the air."
"Yeah, I'm heading to the airport right now to pick up my mom since they were flying back from Dodge City together. They're supposed to land in the next hour or so."
Oliver sighed again. "Look, we're pulling up to the Star City airport now. As soon as the jet is fueled, I'm off and won't be able to talk with Lois for a while since we're going to set up a teleconference with Yudhoyono's government and get going on the investigation. Could you make sure she gets home and everything? I really hate to disappoint her. Just tell her to check her messages and I promise to call as soon as it's a decent hour."
"Ooookay," Clark said dubiously. He'd seen Lois disappointed enough times to know this wasn't going to be a fun job.
"Come on, Clark. It'll just be for a few days. Anyway, you know your mom'll make you do this, soon as she hears I'm not going to be around."
"You've got a point there." Still, Clark sighed heavily enough that Oliver could hear it over the phone.
"Come on. Just think of yourself as a pinch-hitter. Well, not for the boyfriend stuff, obviously, but as a friend. Keep her busy. Keep her happy. Otherwise Lois is going to be all alone for the holiday and probably will try to do something stupid like investigate another crazy story for that tabloid. And picking up after that'll be more work than just shepherding her for a few days."
Clark found himself agreeing. Even if Lois drove him crazy, he knew she'd need some friends around her for the holiday. "Sure thing, Oliver. Mom and I'll take care of her. You know, take her back to Smallville and feed her up. We'll keep a place out for you at Christmas dinner, too, in case things finish up sooner than you think."
He could practically see Oliver's smile beaming across the miles. "Thanks, Clark. I owe you! I don't think I'll be back for Christmas, but I'll try. Look, we're here at the airport so I've got to go." With that, the call ended. Clark flipped his phone closed and dropped it on the seat beside him, concentrating on the traffic as he made his way towards the airport, his mother and Lois.
***
Clark paced at the luggage pick-up, waiting for Lois and his mom to make their way down the crowded escalator from the arrivals area. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, but was only ten minutes by the watch, he spotted his mother's red head and bright smile, closely followed by Lois who was leaning into her phone as she pulled a small carryon behind her. Lois' expression was puzzled and Clark quickly surmised that she must be phoning Oliver who was now unavailable as his corporate jet raced westwards to the disaster site. She flipped her phone closed and shrugged, seemingly indifferent, only Clark could see the set of her mouth expressing disappointment and frustration.
But at that moment, Martha's eyes lit on her son. She smiled widely and waved at him, nudging Lois to follow along. "Clark, you're here! It's a zoo, isn't it?" Martha looked around at the crowd of holiday travelers.
Clark absently nodded as he tried to catch Lois' attention. She was standing on her tiptoes, peering over the crowd and obviously looking for Oliver. He gave up the subtle approach and touched her shoulder. At that, Lois spun around, eyes wide. When she saw it was Clark and not Oliver, however, her smile faded. "What is it, Clark?"
"I got a call from Oliver while I was on my way to the airport."
"And?" Lois asked, impatiently.
"He won't be able to meet you. Something came up with one of their new factories over in Indonesia. It's probably on the news, now. There was an explosion and a lot of people were killed. He's flying out there now and that's why he can't meet you. He said he left some messages for you but you were in the air so he couldn't call you himself."
Martha's forehead creased in a frown. "Oh, no, Clark! I hope everything's going to be okay."
Clark found himself nodding for his mom while watching Lois' expressionless face. "He said that they were going over there to see what they could do for the survivors and if they could find who did this. They suspect sabotage."
Lois growled, "If he'd been able to wait another hour or two, I would have gone with him. I could have helped investigate that."
In spite of himself, Clark's eyebrows raised in visible disbelief. "You? Investigate something in Indonesia?"
Lois shrugged her shoulders elaborately. "I spent six months there with Daddy. I know my way around."
Martha looked back and forth between them, obviously not wanting them to start bickering in public. "Well, it's too late for that. It sounds like Oliver's going to need our support as he works through this. When did he say he's coming back?"
Clark scuffed his feet, dropping his gaze to the industrial-grey carpet. "Well, he obviously couldn't be here to pick you up. And he doesn't' think he's going to be back for the party." He paused for a moment. "Or Christmas."
Lois looked away, biting her lip. Clark wasn't sure whether she was more angry or upset, but the bright sheen of tears in her eyes told him that whatever she was feeling, it wasn't good. Trying to appease her, he stumbled on, "He asked me, I mean, he wanted me, to be his pinch-hitter. For you. For the holiday."
Lois laughed incredulously. "Pinch-hitter? What's that? Some kind of weird, male-bonding idea? Like I'm a baseball and you're going to," she gestured like swinging a bat, "hit me out of the park? I don't think so."
Martha interrupted, looking a bit relieved at having a solution laid out before her. "No, no, Lois, it's perfect. Oliver probably knew I would be needing your help to get everything ready for tomorrow's party at the Talon. And Clark is happy to help, isn't he?"
Clark smiled weakly then, as his mom elbowed him, broadened it into a grin. "Yeah, sure, mom. I'm happy to help Lois."
Lois eyed him skeptically. "Pinch-hitter? In your dreams, Smallville. You can be a placeholder." Expertly, she kicked her suitcase into his knee. "Carry this out to the car for me, won't you, sweetie? Lois gave a dulcet smile as he nodded painfully. Wheeling her carryon behind her, she stepped in with Martha while Clark corralled their luggage. "Lead the way."
His grin grew more and more forced as he headed back to his truck in the parking garage. Oliver was going to owe him, big time!
***
Lois had not been happy to see the truck. The close quarters forced upon them, three together in the truck, made the ride seem all the more uncomfortable. Clark's belated directive to Lois to check her messages met with little more than an impatient roll of her eyes.
"I'll wait since there's no rush now that he's off and away," Lois said.
Martha patted Lois' hand. "I know you must be missing Oliver a great deal, Lois."
The younger woman sighed. "It's just that I was looking forward to spending some time with my boyfriend. Since Thanksgiving, we've seen each other twice and neither date was a rousing success."
Clark's eyebrows rose at this admission, but he wisely kept his eyes on the road as he caught Lois checking to see if he seemed to be paying attention.
Martha smiled gently. "I'm sure he's missing you as well."
Her only answer was a deeper sigh. Lois reached out for the radio, obviously seeking some distraction. She started twisting the knob, rapidly running through stations.
"Hey!" Clark objected as the buzz of static and garbled tones flipped by.
"Just finding some Christmas music, Clarkie," Lois assured him. "I won't even try playing any of your CDs since I'm sure you don't have any good music, anyway." She continued to fiddle with the knob before finally settling on one station, high on the FM dial. Burl Ives tunefully enjoined them to have "A Holly Jolly Christmas".
Settling back in the seat with a small sigh, Lois said wistfully, "That'll be the day." Sparing a glance for the two people on either side of her, she forced a crooked smile to her face. "I guess we're all going to have to work on the holiday spirit, aren't we?"
Clark realized this was true. Usually he loved the holiday, but this year it had been a little tough to get into the Christmas spirit when every box of decorations or holiday card brought back memories of his dad. Spotting his mother biting her lip, he knew she was thinking much the same thing. Turning his gaze back to the road, Clark vowed to try and make this a jolly Christmas in spite of everything.
Have a holly, jolly Christmas;
And when you walk down the street
Say Hello to friends you know
and everyone you meet.
His vows to do so were feeling less and less enjoyable the next morning as he staggered behind Lois, loaded down with a pile of boxes heavy enough to make him grateful for his super-strength.
"Do try and keep up, Clark!" Lois might have been invisible to a normal guy toting three towering boxes of decorations for the Christmas party. Clark could use his x-ray vision to see her smug expression.
"You're enjoying this," he accused as he followed her down a Main Street that was filled with busy Smallville residents.
Lois slowed a little until she walked beside him. "Why, yes, yes I am," she said, cheerfully.
"You're a torturer at heart," he groaned, pretending to struggle with his load.
Her grin broadened. "You say the sweetest things, Smallville. Now get a move-on. We've still got to get everything set up at the Talon!"
Clark stifled a sigh and continued down the busy sidewalk. Their progress was further impeded by the need to stop and greet just about everyone they met. He darkly suspected that Lois was dragging out these conversations just to see him suffer. Clark really wouldn't put it past her, but he also remembered how seriously she took her job working for his mom. This party was their way of giving back to Smallville and all the other communities that had rallied around the new Senator Kent less than a year ago.
So Clark patiently made his slow way over to the Talon in Lois Lane's busy wake. And he patiently bore with her barked commands to do this or that as they transformed the site into a holiday setting fit for his mom's party. But patience only went so far, he discovered when Lois turned her attention to making over him.
"No way," he warned, as she eyed him consideringly.
"Come on, Clark!" Lois insisted.
"I'll be just fine," he said as she started towards the front door of the Talon.
"Well, I won't!"
"Look, I don't need anything," Clark said nervously as she hauled on his arm, dragging him down the street.
Lois glanced back, scornfully. "I know. You're going to wear that blue shirt again, aren't you?"
Clark shrugged his shoulders helplessly. She sighed. "Consider it my Christmas present to you. Otherwise I was just going to give you a lump of coal in your stocking. Anyway, you have to look presentable tonight. If not for your mom, remember what you promised Oliver, placeholder!"
"Pinch-hitter!" Clark protested, but he suffered himself to be dragged into the clothing store. When Lois eyed the holiday sweaters, he drew the line. She grudgingly settled for a plain red shirt.
"At least it will be a change of pace," she sighed as she took it up to the counter, then shoved the shopping bag into his hands. "Go home, get ready and make sure your mom gets to the party early!"
Oh, ho, the mistletoe
hung where you can see;
Somebody waits for you;
Kiss her once for me.
Martha looked around the Talon, eyes wide. "Lois," she said, "it looks lovely!"
Glancing up from the clipboard she still held in her hands, Lois land smiled triumphantly. "We got it all perfect, Martha! The guests should start arriving in a few minutes. Let me put away your coat."
"No, no, honey. Let Clark do that," Martha handed over her coat to her son who hung it up with his winter jacket over on the extra coat stands. Martha turned to regard the younger woman. "You need to get ready."
Lois sighed. "I meant to go upstairs to my apartment hours ago. Let me just go upstairs and get changed."
"Take your time," Martha insisted.
Lois laughed. "I don't want to miss the party! And farmboy?"
Clark looked up at her mocking call. "What?"
"The red shirt looks good on you. Just don't eat all the party food before I come back down!"
Martha laughed. "Don't worry. I won't let him."
Within a few minutes, the Senator's guests were crowding the entrance. A team of high school students showed up, first, to help man the coat check and the punch bowl. Other kids were putting on the evening's performance in the theatre where one local glee club group after another serenaded the guests with Christmas carols.
Clark was drinking his fruit punch and smiling as he stood back in a corner, watching his mom shine at the centre of the holiday cheer. So absorbed was he in watching the crowd that he didn't notice Lois until she elbowed him in the ribs. "Oof!"
"Happy holidays to you, too, Smallville!" Lois paused to look out over the crowds filling up the Talon. "Looks like a success, doesn't it?"
Clark nodded. "Good job, Lois," he said.
She smiled up at him. "You, too, though without me, this would have been hopeless!"
"Heard from Oliver?" Clark asked.
Her happy expression dimmed. "Yeah. He's stuck in Indonesia at least through the 27th. They've set up a clinic near the site to treat the less-seriously injured, but he wants to stay until they've nailed down the investigation into the causes and started reconstruction on the homes in the village that were affected."
Clark nodded thoughtfully. "It'll be okay, Lois."
She blinked her eyes and shook her head, clearly throwing off the sad mood that threatened her equilibrium. "Yeah, it'll be okay. But you still owe me, Clark, so come on. We have a lot of your mom's constituents to meet and greet!"
Clark began to protest and then shut his mouth. Some days, arguing with Lois Lane was pointless. He followed her from one group of partygoers to the next, watching as she smoothly chatted up the visitors, ensuring they were all having a good time and thinking about the Senator while they did so.
"You're good," he admitted, as they headed towards an open space at the centre of the room.
Lois grinned. "You betcha!"
From her left, an older couple stepped up. "Clark Kent? Lois Lane? Martha Kent told me we should congratulate you on the party. I'm Alma-May Henry and this is my husband, Roger."
Lois smiled as she leaned in to give the older woman a quick kiss on the cheek. "Those centerpieces your guild made for the party tables were just perfect, Alma-May. Thanks!"
The older woman blushed and waved her hand in dismissal. "Pshaw! It was nothing. Just trying to help."
Lois stepped back and looked around. "It all turned out beautifully, thanks to you."
The older woman glanced up and suddenly giggled. Everyone else lifted their eyes.
"Oh, no." Lois muttered.
"No way," Clark agreed.
"Mistletoe!" said Alma-May gleefully while her husband chuckled behind her.
Awkwardly, Clark bent down and left a kiss on Lois' cheek. "You'll have to do better than that, Clark," Mrs. Henry insisted.
Lois sighed deeply and turned to face Clark. "Come on, placeholder, let me help you out," she muttered in an undertone. Lois cupped Clark's cheeks with her hands and hauled his face down to hers. As their faces closed she hissed "You owe me."
Clark braced himself for the touch of her lips but Lois' mouth never met his. Instead, a scant measure away, hidden by her hands, her lips made an exaggerated kissing sound while she closed her eyes in mock passion. She may have held her lips away from his, but in her simulation of romance, Lois plastered her body up against his and Clark found himself distracted by her heady scent and warm length. He blinked, confusedly, as he was suddenly released and looked into her own, dazed eyes. That had been the sexiest not-kiss he'd ever experienced.
The Henrys stood, looking on fondly as Lois stepped to one side. "How sweet. Is Clark your boyfriend, Lois?"
Lois Lane's eyes widened and Clark braced himself for a scathing denial. "No," she finally managed. "My boyfriend couldn't be here for the party."
"That's too bad," the older woman said. "But it looks like you've got another hot prospect, here."
Lois and Clark laughed uncomfortably as the Henrys excused themselves. Fortunately, before the silence between them could continue, Clark was suddenly assailed.
"Clark!" Chloe Sullivan nearly shouted as she bounded up to him. Looking over his head, she grinned and gave him a sound kiss on the lips. "Move it!"
Clark smiled at his friend and obediently stepped backwards as she glanced over her shoulder towards the front door. "Jimmy? Over here!"
The Planet's junior photographer waved and made his way towards his date. Soon Chloe and Jimmy were locked in a close embrace underneath the mistletoe. Lois laughed. "Break it up, you two. We have a party to photograph!" Jimmy grabbed his camera and followed along in the wake of the chatting cousins.
Clark stood by himself for a minute, watching the hustle and bustle. It was certainly a different Christmas than in years past. Over near the refreshments, his mother chatted tirelessly with friends and neighbours. Lois and Chloe were laughing as they helped Jimmy line up some shots. Lois looked up, a smile on her face, and waved impatiently at Clark. Obediently he moved to join them.
She tucked her arm into his. "Don't you go ducking out on me, placeholder."
"Pinch-hitter!" Clark protested.
Chloe's eyebrows rose. "What's going on, you two?"
"Long story," Lois said. "I'll tell you about it later. You guys going to stick around for Christmas?"
Jimmy nodded. "Just as soon as we file my pictures and Chloe's story, we're free until after Christmas."
"Great!" Lois said. Pointing towards the ceiling. "Party, my place, tomorrow night? We're going to watch my favourite Christmas movie."
Chloe groaned. "Not again, Lois?"
Jimmy and Clark both looked perplexed. "What's Lois' favourite Christmas movie?" Jimmy asked.
"Miracle on 34th Street?" Clark suggested.
Lois screwed up her nose in disdain. "No way!"
Chloe giggled. "You'll never guess in a million years, guys."
The cousins exchanged glances. "We'd better tell them."
"Put them out of their misery," Chloe agreed.
"Die Hard", Lois confessed.
The boys grinned. This could be fun.
"My apartment, seven o'clock. Bring snacks! And Smallville?"
Clark raised his eyebrows expectantly. "Don't be a no-show. You're mine until Oliver returns and I plan to make good use of you. You get to fetch things off the top shelf, give me foot massages and refill the snack bowls. The works!"
Clark sighed, but more for form's sake than anything else. It was good to have some friends around to hang out with at Christmastime. And, he'd never admit it, but it was kind of fun to be Lois' placeholder boyfriend for the holidays. He just grinned in response to her triumphant expression. "Whatever you say, Lois, whatever you say."
Have a holly jolly Christmas,
and in case you didn't hear,
Oh by golly, have a holly,
jolly Christmas this year.