Temporary Loss Of Reality
Title: Temporary Loss Of Reality
Pairing: EunHae
Genre: Psychological
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Don't own them. Never did. But one day will. /bricked
Summary: As I meet him after months of distance... Something doesn't seem right.
A majestic night. That’s what I thought it will turn out to be. I have met you after a long time, ever since you shifted cities in order to be closer to your work place. I miss you. Mere words will not be able to convey the emptiness I felt when you weren’t with me. I used to think, how can one actually feel empty? How can you actually be moved by just watching something happening to someone and somehow relate it to yourself and what you would do had you been in their place? I cannot. I am unable to associate. Nevertheless, the joy I feel when I saw you waiting for at the airport, that big gummy smile in place, hands reaching out to hug me, this couldn’t possible get any better. You hurriedly take my bag off of my shoulder and pull me in for the warm hug that you always provide me with. I feel bliss as your arms become tighter around me. You lean back and give me a peck on my lips. That is not enough, and it is evident in the way I frown. You laugh aloud and swoop in for the kind of kiss that makes me melt in your arms and hold onto you for fear of falling apart if you were to let go. As we come apart, you kiss my jaw, all the while murmuring about this beautiful beach you just have to take me to. About the ride into the open road and the wind that always calms me down, yet excites me at the same time. Satisfied, I grin.
We frolic around on the beach like two teenagers drunk on the inevitable wonders of love. You treat me with the subtle care that I adore, not being cheesy in any sense but casually in love. As we bicker regarding the money for lunch, you finally give up and agree to let me pay half. I grin in satisfaction, making you yet again, refer to ‘the little things’ that make happy. Although I sometimes beg to differ. It not just little things, it’s you. You have always had a way with words, actions and everything ever required to make a girl feel happy in love. But then again, my friends don’t understand that. They don’t see what could be so romantic about, say, splitting a bill. But to me, that’s not just it. You haven’t only agreed to split it with me. You have agreed to listen to me, to what I feel and allowed me to behave with you as I would with them. With you, comfort is never an issue. You always seem to get when I’m upset. And you have innumerable ways of cheering me up. Not every guy would tell a girl she sounds cute over the phone when she’s bawling her eyes out and sniffing uncontrollably. Not every guy. But you do, and that just makes me so happy. With you, I’m me. Not someone I’d want to be to merely please you. Just me. And I’m happy.
It’s about time to leave now. Today is my last day here and by tomorrow morning, I’ll be on my way back home where the burden of daily life always takes its toll on me. I do not want to go back, I would much rather settle down here with you and I’m sure you would like that too. After all, you are the one that planted that seed in my head in the first place. But we can’t always act upon our desires. If only we had the liberty to. As I finish packing my luggage, you beckon me towards you with a smile. I smile back and approach you. You take my hand and lead me down the path towards the beach once again. The stars look beautiful tonight, don’t they? It’s a full moon tonight, you tell me. I look up and smile. It is indeed, and a pretty one at that. I always loved to lie down on the ground and watch the night sky with you. Remember how you used to tell me about meteors and constellations and what not? I miss that, I tell you. You turn your head towards me and make a sad face. I miss that too. Would you like me to compensate for all the time together we lost?
I grin. Of course you would do something that is just so heart-warming on the eve of my leave. We settle down on the sand and stare up. You pull me close and hold my hand tight. I don’t want you to go. Who knows when I will see you again? You seem sad as you say this. I know how you feel. It was thanks to my boss that I was actually able to come here for research instead of my colleague. When I came to know of this fieldwork, I just had to come. I know... I wish we didn’t have to live so far away from each other. Phone calls are just not enough.
You look at me and smile sadly. The same smile you gave when you first left for here. Although we live so far away from each other now, yet I’m not worried. I’m not scared that you might start to forget me or that you might just start seeing someone else. I trust you as much as you trust me, which is, quite frankly, a lot. I look back at the stars. It’s ok. It’s not like we’re poles apart. And in a few months I’ll be back near here for more information for our research. We’ll be together again. You smile, and nod. We watch the stars twinkle in the dark sky and gently talk over the rushing sound of the ocean. It is so peaceful that I almost fall asleep. Until you jerk my hand roughly.
I open my eyes with a start and look at you. But... you are not you. You are not Donghae anymore. Who are you? Why are you here? Where’s Donghae?! I scream as I jerk my hand back from your grip and scramble away from you. Where did you go Donghae? Why did you leave me alone with strangers? Why was he holding my hand? Questions start to flood my mind but nothing comes out. I stutter and stumble as I get up and back away even more.
What are you saying, sunshine? I am Donghae. You mumble slowly as you try to reach for my hand, a glint in your eyes and your lips stretched into a menacing smile. I look around in fright, hoping against hope I wouldn’t find you lying bloody somewhere. But then, I see shadows. They seem to be getting darker until 4 more men stand surrounding me and all smiling that same menacing smile. What is going on?! Where is Donghae? Where the fuck is he?!!! I begin to scream. I’m terrified. I somehow manage to duck one of their outstretched hands and make a run for it, all the while screaming out your name. Where did you go?
As I get away from them, I hear footsteps running towards my direction. Heavy footsteps and heavy pants. They follow me as I run zig zag in order to lose them. But it’s not working. They are still behind me, still talking to me, asking me to relax and come with them. They say they are friends of yours. They say you asked them to take care of me for a while. They say they won’t hurt me. They won’t take advantage of me. I run faster as they all break out into loud laughter.
I stumble upon a brightly lit metro station. I rush inside hoping it would be crowded so that I could lose them and call your number. As I enter the station, I pale. There is not a person in sight. Not one. What the fuck is going on??!!!! I yell out in fright and anger. Where is everybody? This is a metro station for god’s sake. This is one place that is supposed to be full all the time. I start to cry and yell even louder than I thought possible. But no one comes in sight. I’m all alone. As I pause to look around, I hear footsteps echoing across the entire ground. Not just one. It sounds like there are tens of people. All making their way to me. I look around in fright and I see. I see them. So many men. All of them carrying a large bloody butcher’s knife. All of them smiling menacingly. All of them, looking at me.
I break out into a run again when suddenly, the lights go out. Still I run. Blindly, quietly. That does not really help though. They can still hear my footsteps. They can still hear my ragged breath. They can still feel my fear. As I run in any way that I can, I see a bright light ahead. The exit! I rejoice in my mind. Although why it is that the entire station was out of electricity except the exit failed to bother me. I ran. As I finally escaped from the dark station and the murderous men inside I start to scream again, yelling for people, yelling for you. Where could you be? Why were you not with me when we were on the beach? Where could you have gone so softly and yet so fast? Had I closed my eyes for longer than a few moments? But I could not even make out when some other person came and laid himself in the same position that you were in. I would have noticed. I would have. With these thoughts in head I ran as fast as I could. But the street seems empty. It’s barely 9:30 in the night and the streets are dead. Where are the people? Surely, someone must be out. Someone must have heard my screams. Someone must be startled. Isn’t there anyone at all? I scream out louder in the hope of attracting someone’s attention. Anyone.
A door. Suddenly, a door opens across the sidewalk. Bright light from inside the house streams out onto the porch. I sigh in relief and leap over the fence. I couldn’t care less about whose house it was. All I want is to be somewhere safe and somewhere with a phone so that I could try to contact you. As I run inside the house and swiftly slam the door I turn to whoever it was that opened it for me. I see no one.
I look around. Who was it? Who opened the door for me? There must be someone inside the house. A door wouldn’t just open of its own accord. I look around, fear beginning to itch me again. Am I safe? Or is this another situation that I need to run from? As I look around, the lights go out. Not again, I whisper, scared out of my mind. I try to feel my way around the house, stumbling on the furniture and almost falling face forward as I trip over something soft. As I gather myself and try to search in the dark for my glasses, I chance upon something soft. Something a little pointed. As I move my hand across its surface, I come upon hair. It’s wet. Sticky. I still as I realise. This is a person. Just lying here, maybe in a pool of blood. I scream before I can think twice. The front door bursts open. And I see them again. Their silhouette. How is it that they know exactly the point where I am? Why is it that they can see me? I’m squatting in the dark here with most probably a dead person, with blood in my hands and all I can care about at that specific moment is how they can make out where I am.
I scramble up and by the light of the front porch; manage to jump to the stairs. I know they are behind me. I know they are chasing me and going upstairs is not exactly the best solution for that. But none of that crosses my mind. All I know is that I need to get away from them as fast as possible. As I make it to upstairs, I stumble upon a bedroom. I can see the shadow of the bed from the faint moonlight coming through the tiny window. Before I can make any decision as to if I could make it through that small window, I hear them. Their footsteps thundering up the stairs. And I make the most stupid decision I have ever made. I hide underneath the bed.
I know they will find me here. There is no other place that they will look at. But before I can make any other rational thoughts, I feel a movement beside me. I still. I’m not alone. Who is it? I whisper. Silence, except for the loud voices making their way towards me. I look to my right and am suddenly distracted by a watch. A watch with a radium dial. I look at that watch which seems so very familiar to me. I had seen it before. I had given it to someone... Then it hit me. Sungmin?
They caught you too huh? Too bad. But don’t worry. They won’t find us here. They never do. He says in a lifeless voice, like he has been through this situation time and again. How did you even get here? Are you a captive? He slowly inches towards me, grabs a hold of my neck and whispers in my ears, we are all just prisoners here, of our own device. He bursts out laughing. Remember how you used to listen to that song on repeat? It was so annoying! Now look where it’s gotten you. I stare at him in pure horror. This is not him. Cackling so crazily, singing at a time like this, this is not Sungmin. But before I can say another word, I feel a hand grab me. As I try to make it let go of me, it merely strengthens its hold on me and begins pulling me out of the bed. No no no no! I scream. I struggle. Nothing works. They are still picking me up from the floor and no amount of kicking or screaming helps me. As I call to Sungmin for help, I hear a faint giggle from underneath the bed. Is he in it with them?
They throw me on the bed. I gasp at the sudden force and am barely able to recover myself when one of them jumps up onto the bed to straddle me. One of them takes both my hands and ties it to one of the poles of the headboard. I thrash around screaming, hoping I could make him fall, hoping someone would hear me, hoping, for anything really. Until that man grabs a hold of my chin and makes me look at him in the eye. I quiet down. I still. It’s Donghae. But words get stuck in my throat. This isn’t the Donghae I fell in love with. This isn’t how he is supposed to be. He isn’t supposed to have that crazy glint in his eye, that knife in his hand, that smirk on his lips. And most of all, he is not supposed to be placing it on my neck, cackling.
Donghae! Donghae stop it! No please no... Please! Donghae... baby... no... Please no..., you do not seem to have heard me. You merely lick your lips and smirk at me. The rest of them... where did they go? I clearly remember the catcalls when you were pulling me out from underneath the bed. Did they leave? Did they trust you with this? With killing me?
Donghae, why are you doing this? Baby please, it’s not funny... do- I stutter as I see you begin to swipe the knife across my neck. I stare at you, not believing it really is you, as the pain suddenly hits me and I am rendered incoherent. I gasp out loud, my eyes moving from one point of the room to another, frantically trying to make you get off while praying this is just a dream. Yet the pain, so real, so scorching that I know if this were to be a dream, I would have been up by now. That maniacal glint in your eyes does not cease to be. They shine as you laugh. They shine as I panic. I can feel the blade sweeping through my neck. I can feel the blood starting to flow out of my body. And all the while, all I can think of is why. Why are you hurting me? What happened so suddenly? Why is all of this insane reality happening to me? Why?
As your knife swipes through my neck and comes to my shoulder, you sit up. And look at me. You untie my hand and slowly reach down to peck my cheek. All of a sudden, the night seems so calm. Like nothing out of the ordinary just happened. I can sense all of this in my mind... but the pain is unendurable. I bring down my hands, sobbing, cursing, and I feel my neck while staring into your eyes. My eyes must be conveying betrayal and confusion but the pain cannot distract me from my feelings. It hurts Donghae. It hurts so fucking much. As I tenderly place my hand on the deep cut that you have marked me with however, I feel nothing. Nothing except some sticky liquid which I assume is my blood. I stare at you in horror, as I repeatedly touch my neck and stare at my hands. What is this? You just cut my neck and now there is no evidence of it. I felt you cut me open. I felt the knife go through me slowly and steadily. I felt my blood sputter out and then start to gush. I fucking felt it all and now there’s nothing there. It’s all blood. Just blood. How can this be? It happened for real, I felt it and now there’s absolutely noth-
A/N: It s dream. I repeat, Its a DREAM.
Not necessarily EunHae dream... but a dream nevertheless. Hmph.