Mostly irrelevant au muse, really do ignore
... yeah. this is butter, even for me. So probably not actually going GC with this one, but ... damn.
"So is this why you're such a bitch in the mornings then?" Sirius inquired as he stepped quietly into the den. It was three AM, and only his desire to have something with more taste than water had driven him from his room.
He'd known, more or less, that Lily spent predawn hours in the den. He wondered if James knew.
"Can't sleep," she replied before she glanced slowly over to him. Emerald eyes tracked his progress, though she wasn't surprised when he settled beside her. She leaned against him when he wrapped his arm around her, and she closed her eyes slowly.
"So who is it?" Sirius inquired.
"Sorry?"
"The bloke you're seeing on the side."
"I'm not seeing anyone on the side," Lily murmured, though Sirius' choice of words brought back Sev's rejection with a bit of a vengeance.
"Huh. Thought that was about the only thing that would give you a guilty conscience." He'd been absolutely sure that had been the case. Though now that he thought about it, who would Lily be seeing, really? Snivellus? That was a lau--
-- or was it? "Right," he said after a quiet moment. "So who're you thinking about seeing on the side then?" He glanced over to her and waited out her silence.
"He won't have me, so it's ..." She shook her head. Why on earth would she admit any of this to Sirius? "Even if there were someone, I don't think I'd really ..."
"Yes you would, Lils. The best and worst thing about you is your heart. Your desire to do everything you can to make someone you love happy. You just don't want anyone getting hurt in the process."
"Of course I don't," she said. She felt vaguely ... ashamed? that Sirius could read her so well. But he'd been very, very close to them in the years after school and before they'd gone into hiding.
"I'll be there for him," Sirius said. "I'll catch him if he falls. If your heart leads you away from him..." he trailed off and wrapped his arms around her as she began to sob against his shoulder.
"I don't know what to do," she whispered.
Sirius rested his chin lightly on top of her head, rubbing her back gently as he held her close. "I don't have any answers for that," he said hoarsely, inhaling the scent of her hair. "No one but you can answer that, Lils. But whatever way you go, we'll be all right in time."
He wondered, really, if there was someone else. Who could put her in a position like that? Who else...?
"I'm not complaining, mate. But I don't ever want her holding a grudge like that against me."
There'd been laughter, then the voice of reason among them: "No worries, Black. She doesn't love you enough to let you get to her."
"What d'you mean by that?"
"I just mean ... it wouldn't have hurt her so much, if she didn't love him."
There'd been a beat of silence before James had scoffed. "She can't possibly love him. What is there about him to even like let alone love?"
But Remus had simply shrugged and turned his attention back to his essay. If they watched more, and talked less, they would have figured Lily out ages ago. At least as well as any man could have a woman figured out.
"Do you love him?" Sirius asked softly.
"...yes," Lily whispered back before she clutched at Sirius' nightshirt, pressing her face against his chest as she unleashed another barrage of tears, her entire body shaking with the force of it. "I just don't know how."
That took him a full minute to process before he caught on. "You should ... probably figure that bit out, yeah?"
That surprised a bark of laughter out of her, and he grinned when she slammed the heel of her hand against his chest. "I know," she whispered. "I know, I should I just ... can't."
"Can't? Or won't?"
To that, Lily had no response.
After clinging to him for a moment longer, she released him slowly and eased away. She wiped at her cheeks and gazed at him. "Not a word of this to James, Sirius."
"Not a word," he promised her.
Only when she turned away and the firelight glinted off the chain did he realize she was still wearing her pendant. His eyes widened in absolute horror as he watched her walk away.
"So is this why you're such a bitch in the mornings then?" Sirius inquired as he stepped quietly into the den. It was three AM, and only his desire to have something with more taste than water had driven him from his room.
He'd known, more or less, that Lily spent predawn hours in the den. He wondered if James knew.
"Can't sleep," she replied before she glanced slowly over to him. Emerald eyes tracked his progress, though she wasn't surprised when he settled beside her. She leaned against him when he wrapped his arm around her, and she closed her eyes slowly.
"So who is it?" Sirius inquired.
"Sorry?"
"The bloke you're seeing on the side."
"I'm not seeing anyone on the side," Lily murmured, though Sirius' choice of words brought back Sev's rejection with a bit of a vengeance.
"Huh. Thought that was about the only thing that would give you a guilty conscience." He'd been absolutely sure that had been the case. Though now that he thought about it, who would Lily be seeing, really? Snivellus? That was a lau--
-- or was it? "Right," he said after a quiet moment. "So who're you thinking about seeing on the side then?" He glanced over to her and waited out her silence.
"He won't have me, so it's ..." She shook her head. Why on earth would she admit any of this to Sirius? "Even if there were someone, I don't think I'd really ..."
"Yes you would, Lils. The best and worst thing about you is your heart. Your desire to do everything you can to make someone you love happy. You just don't want anyone getting hurt in the process."
"Of course I don't," she said. She felt vaguely ... ashamed? that Sirius could read her so well. But he'd been very, very close to them in the years after school and before they'd gone into hiding.
"I'll be there for him," Sirius said. "I'll catch him if he falls. If your heart leads you away from him..." he trailed off and wrapped his arms around her as she began to sob against his shoulder.
"I don't know what to do," she whispered.
Sirius rested his chin lightly on top of her head, rubbing her back gently as he held her close. "I don't have any answers for that," he said hoarsely, inhaling the scent of her hair. "No one but you can answer that, Lils. But whatever way you go, we'll be all right in time."
He wondered, really, if there was someone else. Who could put her in a position like that? Who else...?
"I'm not complaining, mate. But I don't ever want her holding a grudge like that against me."
There'd been laughter, then the voice of reason among them: "No worries, Black. She doesn't love you enough to let you get to her."
"What d'you mean by that?"
"I just mean ... it wouldn't have hurt her so much, if she didn't love him."
There'd been a beat of silence before James had scoffed. "She can't possibly love him. What is there about him to even like let alone love?"
But Remus had simply shrugged and turned his attention back to his essay. If they watched more, and talked less, they would have figured Lily out ages ago. At least as well as any man could have a woman figured out.
"Do you love him?" Sirius asked softly.
"...yes," Lily whispered back before she clutched at Sirius' nightshirt, pressing her face against his chest as she unleashed another barrage of tears, her entire body shaking with the force of it. "I just don't know how."
That took him a full minute to process before he caught on. "You should ... probably figure that bit out, yeah?"
That surprised a bark of laughter out of her, and he grinned when she slammed the heel of her hand against his chest. "I know," she whispered. "I know, I should I just ... can't."
"Can't? Or won't?"
To that, Lily had no response.
After clinging to him for a moment longer, she released him slowly and eased away. She wiped at her cheeks and gazed at him. "Not a word of this to James, Sirius."
"Not a word," he promised her.
Only when she turned away and the firelight glinted off the chain did he realize she was still wearing her pendant. His eyes widened in absolute horror as he watched her walk away.