(no subject)
I have nothing of my own doing to offer you tonight. Please except this transcript I transcripted of what is quite possibly the best conversation captured on tape.
Recorded sometime around 1993.
JM = Jeff Mangum RS= Robert Schneider
JM: But we fucked up that remedial English class because we were smoking pot and...
RS: Not in college.
JM: Right.
RS: We can't move on to college, can we?
JM: So like...
RS: Now we are not in college, are we?
JM: So like how do you move on to that new place to shop if you haven't taken that remedial English class and you've got all these pieces of the puzzle that won't fit to together and your parents are like eating blood wafers?
RS: Grow sideburns.
JM: Sideburns.
RS: They really help.
JM: Really?
RS: They give you that distinctive look. They do.
JM: Like standing out in the crowd.
RS: They really do. They really do and I...that's why I don't think I fit in.
JM: Because you don't have any sideburns.
RS: I can't grow 'em.
JM: Why not?
RS: They just don't look right, I always cut 'em off.
(long pause)
JM: That's terrible.
RS: See the problem is you can't find the puzzle...with the guy watching the Price is Right
JM: I want...
RS:....eating blood wafers.
JM: No, I wanted...
RS: See...
JM:...the puzzle...
RS: …they have one, they have one with your family. You just haven't been to the right place. You haven't seen the ones...it makes it easier to put together when it’s your family members face right there in front of you in puzzle pieces. It’s just that you don't know the fat man but when its your family...you realize what's it all about.
JM: No, but see I bought the puzzle with the rat on a treadmill on the farm and the uh, the uh, decapitated goats.
RS: That's the problem! You have to get the ones with the wafers and the bloody trousers and your family.
JM: But I've already got all these puzzle pieces stuck together that like are a part of me now that like you can't say that...once you become part of the puzzle piece you can't really separate yourself from it anymore.
RS: So that makes you an artist.
JM: I know but I've got to get some more puzzle pieces!
RS: You're an artist. You make your own pieces. Use wafer. Use pieces of wafer. Use thumbtacks.
JM: But what am I going to do with all these weird puzzle pieces that weren't even supposed to be a part of me in the first place? I mean I try to keep my eyes open, I mean I tired to, like, I tired to be very aware of what puzzle I was buying and when I opened that box, I tried to be very aware of like the pieces and making such all the pieces were what was on the box!
RS: Could I...
JM: But then I shoved the pieces together and it was too late! It was like all these disjointed like body figures and stuff and I tried to convince myself that it was a flower, but it was not a flower, man! And it was not a flower and
RS: You know why right?! I'm telling you I know the answer and it's this! (pause) You, do you remember when you were talking about putting the thumb, the pushpin and then
JM: Yes and the blood.
Right. Doesn't it all make sense now?
JM: Nooo!
RS: Did you, did you find...the sideburns? In the puzzle?
JM: Nooo!
RS: There in the bottom! They're taped to the bottom!
JM: I've got these...
RS: Can I use them, can I please staple them on, that is the key!
JM: You can do whatever you want!
(click) Ugh!
JM: But what you don't understand is that...
(click) Ohh!
JM: (sighs) What you don't understand is that I thought it was a flower. But it wasn't.
RS: Okay, it was part of the rat on the treadmill and it was this dude's leg watching the Price is Right, okay? And it was part of the blender. And I convinced myself for so long that it was a flower, I mean I spent years and years and years convincing myself that these puzzle pieces added up to a flower I mean it wasn't at all and then once I woke up I realized...how do I trust other pieces? How do I take new pieces and put them together with the as much, you know, vigor I once did? because what if...what if there not a flower either what if they're just like...
RS: They've gotta be animal pieces, they might be animal pieces. Pieces of goats.
JM: But that what I was trying for, that was like a rat and a goat and the whole thing and the goats didn't have any hands.
RS: And you bought this at Wal-Mart?
JM: And that's what I wanted, that's all I wanted, I mean I all I want...since I was a kid. Since I was a kid! I-i-it just seem I-I-I was just so amazed.
RS: Have you never got a puzzle together?
JM: (ashamed) No.
RS: Ever?
JM: Never. There all just disjointed pieces I convinced myself to be flowers.
(sad silence)
RS: You have a serious problem, young man.
JM: I know I do. But I don't think I'm much different from anybody else. I bet everybody else has got a bunch of like pseudo-flowers in their pockets that are really just like pieces of this weird puzzle that aren't supposed to fit together.
RS: No.
JM: I mean, I hope I'm not alone in this thing, you know.
RS: You are.
JM: Well, it sure feels that way you know when I go through the newsstands and stuff and read the magazines and everybody seems to have their flower so perfectly put together, you know? Because, see what they do is, is like they can take you into a studio and take your photograph and make it look like you've got your pieces puzzled together really well, you know, and they do anything these days! The way you package it...
It's all computers! They've got their shit together!
JM: Right, they can make it look like you've got your flower together but they really don't! But it makes the people that don't have their flowers together feel really small and insignificant.
RS: You are. But that's what makes all the difference, you're an artist.
JM: But I'm not insignificant. Because my flower isn't anymore pressed together than anyone else’s flower. I mean and I guess if I had a record company or something, they could like take my photo and make it look like my flower was together and I'd be okay but I’m not...I don't wanna do that because then all these people with no flowers pressed together would be coming to me like...treating me like I was someone who had my flower put together and I don't and it would be a big lie. And then I'd been going Swansen's T.V. dinner ads when I was fifty and be a real smuck and commit suicide on the Brooklyn Bridge. There wouldn't be much a point in that, would it?
RS: No. You're an artist! I've told you a hundred times! You see, what you...that part you don't understand...( long pause)...what is there to not understand? I-I-I...it's so hard for me to explain it to you because see, I see that that you...you're a bit off, exactly.
JM: I'm very off. I didn't realize how off I was until I pulled my pieces of puzzle out of my pocket and saw it for what it really was.
RS: Did you try tape?
JM: It was stuck together, it's, I wish I could pull 'em apart. If I could pull them apart, I'd be okay but I can't, they're stuck together.
(pause)
RS: I see.
JM: And then I came home and showed my folks really proud of my flower and that's when I realized...
RS: You should be in college.
JM: I should be in college.
Recorded sometime around 1993.
JM = Jeff Mangum RS= Robert Schneider
JM: But we fucked up that remedial English class because we were smoking pot and...
RS: Not in college.
JM: Right.
RS: We can't move on to college, can we?
JM: So like...
RS: Now we are not in college, are we?
JM: So like how do you move on to that new place to shop if you haven't taken that remedial English class and you've got all these pieces of the puzzle that won't fit to together and your parents are like eating blood wafers?
RS: Grow sideburns.
JM: Sideburns.
RS: They really help.
JM: Really?
RS: They give you that distinctive look. They do.
JM: Like standing out in the crowd.
RS: They really do. They really do and I...that's why I don't think I fit in.
JM: Because you don't have any sideburns.
RS: I can't grow 'em.
JM: Why not?
RS: They just don't look right, I always cut 'em off.
(long pause)
JM: That's terrible.
RS: See the problem is you can't find the puzzle...with the guy watching the Price is Right
JM: I want...
RS:....eating blood wafers.
JM: No, I wanted...
RS: See...
JM:...the puzzle...
RS: …they have one, they have one with your family. You just haven't been to the right place. You haven't seen the ones...it makes it easier to put together when it’s your family members face right there in front of you in puzzle pieces. It’s just that you don't know the fat man but when its your family...you realize what's it all about.
JM: No, but see I bought the puzzle with the rat on a treadmill on the farm and the uh, the uh, decapitated goats.
RS: That's the problem! You have to get the ones with the wafers and the bloody trousers and your family.
JM: But I've already got all these puzzle pieces stuck together that like are a part of me now that like you can't say that...once you become part of the puzzle piece you can't really separate yourself from it anymore.
RS: So that makes you an artist.
JM: I know but I've got to get some more puzzle pieces!
RS: You're an artist. You make your own pieces. Use wafer. Use pieces of wafer. Use thumbtacks.
JM: But what am I going to do with all these weird puzzle pieces that weren't even supposed to be a part of me in the first place? I mean I try to keep my eyes open, I mean I tired to, like, I tired to be very aware of what puzzle I was buying and when I opened that box, I tried to be very aware of like the pieces and making such all the pieces were what was on the box!
RS: Could I...
JM: But then I shoved the pieces together and it was too late! It was like all these disjointed like body figures and stuff and I tried to convince myself that it was a flower, but it was not a flower, man! And it was not a flower and
RS: You know why right?! I'm telling you I know the answer and it's this! (pause) You, do you remember when you were talking about putting the thumb, the pushpin and then
JM: Yes and the blood.
Right. Doesn't it all make sense now?
JM: Nooo!
RS: Did you, did you find...the sideburns? In the puzzle?
JM: Nooo!
RS: There in the bottom! They're taped to the bottom!
JM: I've got these...
RS: Can I use them, can I please staple them on, that is the key!
JM: You can do whatever you want!
(click) Ugh!
JM: But what you don't understand is that...
(click) Ohh!
JM: (sighs) What you don't understand is that I thought it was a flower. But it wasn't.
RS: Okay, it was part of the rat on the treadmill and it was this dude's leg watching the Price is Right, okay? And it was part of the blender. And I convinced myself for so long that it was a flower, I mean I spent years and years and years convincing myself that these puzzle pieces added up to a flower I mean it wasn't at all and then once I woke up I realized...how do I trust other pieces? How do I take new pieces and put them together with the as much, you know, vigor I once did? because what if...what if there not a flower either what if they're just like...
RS: They've gotta be animal pieces, they might be animal pieces. Pieces of goats.
JM: But that what I was trying for, that was like a rat and a goat and the whole thing and the goats didn't have any hands.
RS: And you bought this at Wal-Mart?
JM: And that's what I wanted, that's all I wanted, I mean I all I want...since I was a kid. Since I was a kid! I-i-it just seem I-I-I was just so amazed.
RS: Have you never got a puzzle together?
JM: (ashamed) No.
RS: Ever?
JM: Never. There all just disjointed pieces I convinced myself to be flowers.
(sad silence)
RS: You have a serious problem, young man.
JM: I know I do. But I don't think I'm much different from anybody else. I bet everybody else has got a bunch of like pseudo-flowers in their pockets that are really just like pieces of this weird puzzle that aren't supposed to fit together.
RS: No.
JM: I mean, I hope I'm not alone in this thing, you know.
RS: You are.
JM: Well, it sure feels that way you know when I go through the newsstands and stuff and read the magazines and everybody seems to have their flower so perfectly put together, you know? Because, see what they do is, is like they can take you into a studio and take your photograph and make it look like you've got your pieces puzzled together really well, you know, and they do anything these days! The way you package it...
It's all computers! They've got their shit together!
JM: Right, they can make it look like you've got your flower together but they really don't! But it makes the people that don't have their flowers together feel really small and insignificant.
RS: You are. But that's what makes all the difference, you're an artist.
JM: But I'm not insignificant. Because my flower isn't anymore pressed together than anyone else’s flower. I mean and I guess if I had a record company or something, they could like take my photo and make it look like my flower was together and I'd be okay but I’m not...I don't wanna do that because then all these people with no flowers pressed together would be coming to me like...treating me like I was someone who had my flower put together and I don't and it would be a big lie. And then I'd been going Swansen's T.V. dinner ads when I was fifty and be a real smuck and commit suicide on the Brooklyn Bridge. There wouldn't be much a point in that, would it?
RS: No. You're an artist! I've told you a hundred times! You see, what you...that part you don't understand...( long pause)...what is there to not understand? I-I-I...it's so hard for me to explain it to you because see, I see that that you...you're a bit off, exactly.
JM: I'm very off. I didn't realize how off I was until I pulled my pieces of puzzle out of my pocket and saw it for what it really was.
RS: Did you try tape?
JM: It was stuck together, it's, I wish I could pull 'em apart. If I could pull them apart, I'd be okay but I can't, they're stuck together.
(pause)
RS: I see.
JM: And then I came home and showed my folks really proud of my flower and that's when I realized...
RS: You should be in college.
JM: I should be in college.