For Noa
I was writing a response to your post and I decided that this was too much for a response so I made you your very own post.
Does it ever really help when someone (or everyone)tells you they know exactly where they're coming from? Honestly I'm getting fed up with it. (No offense to anyone who has said it to me or is saying it now >>)
That being said I don't think I can offer too much in the ways of words of wisdom that will make you feel better. Not because I don't want to, hell far from it. I really want to make you feel better. Just because I sit around being an emo-basket case doesn't make it acceptable to sit around and see other people hurting. I want you to know that from the bottom of my heart, no matter how much I try and push away and no matter how much our personalities grate, I do love you, quite possibly, more than you will ever know.
If you need someone to talk to come to me. You can skip the phatic conversation and just get right to a healthy vent. Say whatever you need to say about anything and I will listen, first off, and try to help anyway that I can. Which may not be much honestly. I really, really want to be there for you but we both know how hard it is for us to see each other, not to mention hosting me isn't really on the list of things to do when your feeling down. Which is really unfortunate because that's the kind of person I always wanted to be. I always wanted to be seen as the one people could always come too and cuddle with, cry with, laugh with and just feel accepted and happy around. But I've failed. The one thing in my life I wanted to do for you and all my friends I've failed at. Now I'm the one people go to when they have nothing better to do. Someone you could possibly ask a favor of because I always say yes. That's it. I'm not a creative inspiration, a comforting ear, a gentle support. Nothing.
But you are everything and more. You have picked for yourself the hardest, THE HARDEST PATH ANYONE COULD EVER CHOOSE and you have made huge strides. You have succeeded more than I ever have. You have found love not once, but twice. You have become THE PERSON you wanted to be. You are WINing at life. Now, that's not to say that right now some of the smaller things in life aren't getting to you. Money is hard right now. But you'll live to be 100 and you're only 20. That's 5 more lifetimes for you to get back to school. You're suffering from the economy's downfall, it will get better. Whether you think Obama is inept or not, he's not Bush. It can only get better.
Noa. I have unfathomable amounts of respect, admiration, and a little bit of jealousy for you. I find you wondrous, inspiring, beautiful and ungoddly intelligent. You are amazing. And the fact that your mom is getting hit on and you live in a crappy city sucks, I will dare to say those are unimportant. Only because you need to focus on the spartan-logical issues of your life right now. You want to be in school. You can't, yet. It needs time. You will succeed at it. There's no doubt. Just give it time. Enjoy the brief respite from school.
Your mom can handle herself. She has lived long enough to make her own choices despite the seeming laps of judgment (unless she doesn't like it and then she needs to tell the guy off or no one can help how he acts. >>)
It tears my heart apart... to look back at us. At what we were, at what we lost. What little we gained and then lost again. I have heard choruses of people telling me that we clash too much. That your choices aren't something I should have to put up with. That I need to move on from a hopeless relationship but I can't. Not from you. Your choices have never been unsightly to me. I may have not understood them, may have even argued about the ones I didn't share but that wasn't an issue in our friendship. I can't put into words who you are to me. What you did for me. You game me self worth. You gave me creativity. You gave me hope and you gave me love and no matter how much life has done to you know that you have one person who owes their life to you. Even if you don't like them. My LIFE is owed to you.
Despite this I may not know all that's happening with you and can't and won't speak on what I don't know. But you are amazing and I miss you. You and Matty are amazing and it kills me when I do something stupid to you guys. I don't really know Vani but if you've chosen her I can only believe that she is really a great person. You guys will make it. You will succeed. Have faith in yourself and be patient. It will all come together.
Does it ever really help when someone (or everyone)tells you they know exactly where they're coming from? Honestly I'm getting fed up with it. (No offense to anyone who has said it to me or is saying it now >>)
That being said I don't think I can offer too much in the ways of words of wisdom that will make you feel better. Not because I don't want to, hell far from it. I really want to make you feel better. Just because I sit around being an emo-basket case doesn't make it acceptable to sit around and see other people hurting. I want you to know that from the bottom of my heart, no matter how much I try and push away and no matter how much our personalities grate, I do love you, quite possibly, more than you will ever know.
If you need someone to talk to come to me. You can skip the phatic conversation and just get right to a healthy vent. Say whatever you need to say about anything and I will listen, first off, and try to help anyway that I can. Which may not be much honestly. I really, really want to be there for you but we both know how hard it is for us to see each other, not to mention hosting me isn't really on the list of things to do when your feeling down. Which is really unfortunate because that's the kind of person I always wanted to be. I always wanted to be seen as the one people could always come too and cuddle with, cry with, laugh with and just feel accepted and happy around. But I've failed. The one thing in my life I wanted to do for you and all my friends I've failed at. Now I'm the one people go to when they have nothing better to do. Someone you could possibly ask a favor of because I always say yes. That's it. I'm not a creative inspiration, a comforting ear, a gentle support. Nothing.
But you are everything and more. You have picked for yourself the hardest, THE HARDEST PATH ANYONE COULD EVER CHOOSE and you have made huge strides. You have succeeded more than I ever have. You have found love not once, but twice. You have become THE PERSON you wanted to be. You are WINing at life. Now, that's not to say that right now some of the smaller things in life aren't getting to you. Money is hard right now. But you'll live to be 100 and you're only 20. That's 5 more lifetimes for you to get back to school. You're suffering from the economy's downfall, it will get better. Whether you think Obama is inept or not, he's not Bush. It can only get better.
Noa. I have unfathomable amounts of respect, admiration, and a little bit of jealousy for you. I find you wondrous, inspiring, beautiful and ungoddly intelligent. You are amazing. And the fact that your mom is getting hit on and you live in a crappy city sucks, I will dare to say those are unimportant. Only because you need to focus on the spartan-logical issues of your life right now. You want to be in school. You can't, yet. It needs time. You will succeed at it. There's no doubt. Just give it time. Enjoy the brief respite from school.
Your mom can handle herself. She has lived long enough to make her own choices despite the seeming laps of judgment (unless she doesn't like it and then she needs to tell the guy off or no one can help how he acts. >>)
It tears my heart apart... to look back at us. At what we were, at what we lost. What little we gained and then lost again. I have heard choruses of people telling me that we clash too much. That your choices aren't something I should have to put up with. That I need to move on from a hopeless relationship but I can't. Not from you. Your choices have never been unsightly to me. I may have not understood them, may have even argued about the ones I didn't share but that wasn't an issue in our friendship. I can't put into words who you are to me. What you did for me. You game me self worth. You gave me creativity. You gave me hope and you gave me love and no matter how much life has done to you know that you have one person who owes their life to you. Even if you don't like them. My LIFE is owed to you.
Despite this I may not know all that's happening with you and can't and won't speak on what I don't know. But you are amazing and I miss you. You and Matty are amazing and it kills me when I do something stupid to you guys. I don't really know Vani but if you've chosen her I can only believe that she is really a great person. You guys will make it. You will succeed. Have faith in yourself and be patient. It will all come together.