A Bit Pissed Off, A Bit Annoyed.
I haven't read over this...so it probably extremely nonsensical. But I just wanted to get some shit off my chest, it was weighting me down more than it should. Wait...why am I explaining this? This is for me not you.
What the hell is up with me always getting left behind for shit? Seriously. It's like oh look Nancy doesn't exist so lets ignore her presence completely. Let's got to parties without her, lets got to movies without her, lets go to dinner without her. I'm just getting fed up with everyone's bullshit.
So this weekend I've decided to give myself my much desired alone time... which basically means that I'm going to lock myself in my room with the blinds shut and actually get some shit done. I need to read. I need to read online shit, I need to write. I need to watch certain movies.
It's amazing how many ways people can be taken advantage of. Well I suppose that being taken advantage of isn't the right phrase... how about Taken for Granted. Yes that's the right one. I feel, on certain occasions, that my friendship is taken for granted. No one seems to take my opinion seriously, and when I do speak it seems as if it need to be shot down as though my OPINION is wrong or that there is so much superior (which it's not). I'm just tired of it all. I try to keep on good terms with people that piss me off to no end, but it doesn't seem to work. I'm on a short fuse here. I'm going to blow in my suitemate and neighbors face if push comes to shove, along with a few others. Why do people feel the need to push me? Why am I not taken seriously? Just because I'm your fucking friend doesn't mean that I'm going to be here forever, you have to fucking put in yours too! Not that it matters much right? What's really friendship, what is it really? What does it really mean? I won't be ignored. This is bullshit. I firmly believe that I deserve better, perhaps some people don't believe that, perhaps some people wish I wasn't here. Well fuck you then, because I am here. I'm taking up this space and I don't plan on giving it up anytime soon. Fuck I'm ranting. But it's been bottling up for so fucking long that I can't stand it anymore. Wallow in my self pity. Why not? I enjoy it, it's my present state of masochism. I've given up, I've learned to except it. Not that it pisses me off any less.
People assume that they know me, people that I don't even talk to often assume that they know me. That they know exactly how my life should be and what I should be doing about it. Well my life isn't a stereotype, it never was and I guarantee that it never fucking will be. I mean what's the fun in that right? What's the fun in living up to the standards that everyone expects of you? Why not do something different? Something they won't expect. I don't give reasoning for they way I act, I don't feel that I really need to. Why? Why should I have to explain myself to people? What will that accomplish? So one person will know why and a hundred more won't. I don't want to spend my entire life explaining myself to those around me so that they can better "understand" they way that I do what I do. I'll just fucking do it. I would say it's because I don't care what people think of me, but we all know that's a damned lie. I think that we all really do care what people think of us, deep down. Well all seek approval. I know I do. I'll be the first to admit that I like to be approved of what I do. I like feedback. But it's hard taking the good with the bad. No one likes doing that. Listening to the bad things about themselves. I know I don't. I hate 'speaking of my feelings' I mean how do you describe an emotion? Do it for me. right now. Describe exactly how you're feeling to someone else. Can you do it? Can you do it precisely? Sure you can give them the general idea but they will never be able to slip into your shoes. Does anyone even spare the time to do that with me? I doubt it. Do I really expect them to. Well no, not really. I don't find myself significant enough. I have acquaintances and friends, for the lack of a better word I suppose. I don't mean to be rude but it's true. What line is the difference between friend and acquaintance? When does one become the other? Who is truly a friend? Who is using you or being nice to you for personal gain or even just because it's easier to be nice that not. I don't know these things. I'm honest if people ask me. I believe I am. Well there I am lying again. If I didn't like you I probably wouldn't let you know. It's easier that way. Fuck I'm tired of writing. I'm alone in the suit...perhaps I'll watch some X-men.
Oh btw. Don't see DaVinci Code if you haven't read the books...it's bored and corny as hell.
DAMN I just remembered a topic I wanted to address. Body Image. Why the hell does body image bare so much weight in our damned society? Why is it if youre thin and pretty you get it so much easier? You get so much more slack then others. It's stupid. Why should everything be based off of something so ... physical (for the lack of a better word) ??? Why does it fucking matter if some girl is prettier than the other. Shouldn't it matter if that person feels pretty herself? With all the damned talk about it I'm just getter more and more pissed off. WHO FUCKING CARES!!! I have being pinned down with stuff instead of my roommie because shes so damned "cute" and is the "most attractive girl in the suite" I mean in the real world does it really matter who is prettier? Does it help you get a job? Well, honestly, it probably does. Isn't that crap? GRRRR.
oh and do people not know how to use a fucking phone anymore? god fucking damnit.
And put the fucking toilet seat down!
[/rant]
What the hell is up with me always getting left behind for shit? Seriously. It's like oh look Nancy doesn't exist so lets ignore her presence completely. Let's got to parties without her, lets got to movies without her, lets go to dinner without her. I'm just getting fed up with everyone's bullshit.
So this weekend I've decided to give myself my much desired alone time... which basically means that I'm going to lock myself in my room with the blinds shut and actually get some shit done. I need to read. I need to read online shit, I need to write. I need to watch certain movies.
It's amazing how many ways people can be taken advantage of. Well I suppose that being taken advantage of isn't the right phrase... how about Taken for Granted. Yes that's the right one. I feel, on certain occasions, that my friendship is taken for granted. No one seems to take my opinion seriously, and when I do speak it seems as if it need to be shot down as though my OPINION is wrong or that there is so much superior (which it's not). I'm just tired of it all. I try to keep on good terms with people that piss me off to no end, but it doesn't seem to work. I'm on a short fuse here. I'm going to blow in my suitemate and neighbors face if push comes to shove, along with a few others. Why do people feel the need to push me? Why am I not taken seriously? Just because I'm your fucking friend doesn't mean that I'm going to be here forever, you have to fucking put in yours too! Not that it matters much right? What's really friendship, what is it really? What does it really mean? I won't be ignored. This is bullshit. I firmly believe that I deserve better, perhaps some people don't believe that, perhaps some people wish I wasn't here. Well fuck you then, because I am here. I'm taking up this space and I don't plan on giving it up anytime soon. Fuck I'm ranting. But it's been bottling up for so fucking long that I can't stand it anymore. Wallow in my self pity. Why not? I enjoy it, it's my present state of masochism. I've given up, I've learned to except it. Not that it pisses me off any less.
People assume that they know me, people that I don't even talk to often assume that they know me. That they know exactly how my life should be and what I should be doing about it. Well my life isn't a stereotype, it never was and I guarantee that it never fucking will be. I mean what's the fun in that right? What's the fun in living up to the standards that everyone expects of you? Why not do something different? Something they won't expect. I don't give reasoning for they way I act, I don't feel that I really need to. Why? Why should I have to explain myself to people? What will that accomplish? So one person will know why and a hundred more won't. I don't want to spend my entire life explaining myself to those around me so that they can better "understand" they way that I do what I do. I'll just fucking do it. I would say it's because I don't care what people think of me, but we all know that's a damned lie. I think that we all really do care what people think of us, deep down. Well all seek approval. I know I do. I'll be the first to admit that I like to be approved of what I do. I like feedback. But it's hard taking the good with the bad. No one likes doing that. Listening to the bad things about themselves. I know I don't. I hate 'speaking of my feelings' I mean how do you describe an emotion? Do it for me. right now. Describe exactly how you're feeling to someone else. Can you do it? Can you do it precisely? Sure you can give them the general idea but they will never be able to slip into your shoes. Does anyone even spare the time to do that with me? I doubt it. Do I really expect them to. Well no, not really. I don't find myself significant enough. I have acquaintances and friends, for the lack of a better word I suppose. I don't mean to be rude but it's true. What line is the difference between friend and acquaintance? When does one become the other? Who is truly a friend? Who is using you or being nice to you for personal gain or even just because it's easier to be nice that not. I don't know these things. I'm honest if people ask me. I believe I am. Well there I am lying again. If I didn't like you I probably wouldn't let you know. It's easier that way. Fuck I'm tired of writing. I'm alone in the suit...perhaps I'll watch some X-men.
Oh btw. Don't see DaVinci Code if you haven't read the books...it's bored and corny as hell.
DAMN I just remembered a topic I wanted to address. Body Image. Why the hell does body image bare so much weight in our damned society? Why is it if youre thin and pretty you get it so much easier? You get so much more slack then others. It's stupid. Why should everything be based off of something so ... physical (for the lack of a better word) ??? Why does it fucking matter if some girl is prettier than the other. Shouldn't it matter if that person feels pretty herself? With all the damned talk about it I'm just getter more and more pissed off. WHO FUCKING CARES!!! I have being pinned down with stuff instead of my roommie because shes so damned "cute" and is the "most attractive girl in the suite" I mean in the real world does it really matter who is prettier? Does it help you get a job? Well, honestly, it probably does. Isn't that crap? GRRRR.
oh and do people not know how to use a fucking phone anymore? god fucking damnit.
And put the fucking toilet seat down!
[/rant]