Short story

[androktone]

I decided to start writing more short stories with a view to trying to do something else I think is good enough to submit. I am 37 years old godammit I should be able to conjour up something good enough to go in a science fiction magazine.

Here's the first attempt. Comments are welcome! Particularly any errors or inconsistencies.

Comments

[flavius_m]

This is good, you have something here :) the false happy ending is quite good -might need a little more work on it as one kind of knows the end as soon as Dr Franks begins to speak but I think it is good as it is. I like it a lot.

[androktone]

You didn't know until all the way down there? :) That's better than I hoped (I wondered if people would guess at the beginning when it mentions twins)
Thank you for reading it!
I will have another think about the ending to see if I can delay the punch a bit longer x

[naturalbornkaos]

I didn't see it coming either for what it's worth. It felt obvious at the end but then that's the best kind of twist - one where you think "DUH! WHY didn't I see that?" although I think the answer here is because it's particularly crazy/weird! I googled Craniopagus parasiticus to see if it was a real thing and was horrified/impressed to see that it was! There weren't any obvious problems or errors. I think if I were editing it myself I'd maybe just trim it down a little overall - there are just a few sentences that, while they add emphasis on the misdirection, maybe don't need to be there as they cover things that are already covered elsewhere (like the opening scenes with Kevin and the console are great but then you call back to that later - I can see why you do but I wouldn't personally go into it again in such detail

[androktone]

Thank you for taking the time to read it, I think you;re right about over-labouring Kevin!

I would like to read your twin story :)

Do you have many of your short stories published? I would like to try but I am not sure where to start.

[naturalbornkaos]

And now you have read it. :)

I've had a few published in anthologies and magazines but not at all recently (I say "recently", I mean for years). The print industry is getting smaller and smaller and I'm not really interested in e-publishing at this stage so it's harder to find viable markets. :(

I used to check Ralan.com all the time for open markets but have kind of given up if I'm honest. Entering that competition is an anomaly for me!

(PS : It's here if you want to have a crack at entering...)

[androktone]

Thank you - I'd need to write something much shorter..

[picosgemeos]

Really enjoyed this B! I'd saved it for a rainy day and it finally came here in Brasil, with the whole fam asleep after lunch and me on my own. Have you edited it since posting? Sent it anywhere?

[androktone]

Oh Thankyou, I forgot that I had written this! I think I sent it to one magazine, I need to try harder! How are your literary adventures going? X