Guilt
He sat at the child’s bedside as he slept on. He himself couldn’t sleep, no matter that he had been run ragged both physically and emotionally during this case. Visiting Providence Park and almost having his last breath taken by the Ghost Maker made for a not so good day, in Ianto’s opinion.
But the worst part to him had to be the end, when he was only able to save the breath of one person, this child. If he had been faster, swifter, stronger, maybe he could have saved them all. And now he had doomed this child to the life of an orphan, having lost his whole family in one terrible day.
Ianto sat for hours. He knew it was near the close of visiting hours of the hospital, but he also knew that his Torchwood credentials would keep the nurses off of his back about it as long as he wasn’t causing any trouble.
He had just closed his eyes to think about where he was going to place the young boy when he jumped at a sudden hand on his shoulder.
“Come on Ianto, it’s time to go home.” It was Jack, always looking out for him. For all that he had dragged Owen and Gwen to the Electro, Jack was the only one who would realize the true impact the day’s events had had on the young Welshman.
He thought about arguing, about refusing to leave the boy’s bedside, but stopped. He was just so tired and right now he just wanted some comfort from the man who had saved him from his downward spiral and thus also stolen his heart.
They both walked through the corridors of the hospital, leaving through the automatic doors and heading towards the Torchwood SUV.
Jack jumped into the driver’s side while Ianto quietly went to the passenger’s door and let himself in. He buckled himself up, never could be too careful with Jack driving, and leaned his head on the window, looking out into the Cardiff night.
As they headed towards Ianto’s flat, the younger man kept drifting into thoughts of the day and becoming more and more depressed.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
Ianto didn’t want to have this conversation, but he had expected it. Typical hypocritical Jack, always willing to blame himself for anything that happens but refusing to let Ianto do the same.
“Yes it was.”
“How?”
“I let the other breaths go.”
“You couldn’t have saved the others.”
“If I had been faster-”
“You couldn’t have. I know you, you always do your absolute best and there was no way you could have gone any faster than you did.”
They had arrived at the flat and were currently sitting in the SUV, arguing with each other.
“That little boy is going to be an orphan because of me.”
“Wrong. That little boy is going to be an orphan because of the Ghost Maker; he is going to live because of you.”
“But the rest are dead! His family is dead! I was only able to save…one, Jack…one…”
By now tears were pooled in his eyes, his body shaking with not quite silent sobs.
“Oh, Ianto…” Jack kissed him, a soft chaste thing that was more of a brush of their lips against each other. He cupped the younger man’s face in his hands and wiped away the falling tears with his thumbs. “Come on, let’s get you inside. Then we are going to eat a nice hot meal, watch some inane romantic comedy, take a shower and then curl up in your bed under the duvet together. Let me take care of you for a change.”
Ianto’s sobs had stopped and his tears had slowed. He leaned forward and gave his Captain a returning kiss and softly smiled at him. “Oh sir, you take care of me so much more than you know.”
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