I went to a baby shower today. Oddly, I think the shower wasn't so much for the guest of honor as it was for her mother and aunts. She also had a bridal shower that seemed similar
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Of course, where I am there is no such thing really as a bridal or baby shower although the influence of US TV is coming in and there will be the occasional one. There seems from my perspective of purely reading about them to be something rather nice about the idea of women marking 'rites of passage' in a life.
For some, it's probably out of the tradition of "showering" the new couple/new mom with all the things she'll need in her new life. And, I admit, I really like showers because (a) they're joyful, and perhaps more importantly, *hopeful* occasions you know? And they remind me of my shower(s), which were really special to me. I especially like baby showers because I like the baby things, which are cute, and also, you can pretty sure that the new mom doesn't have lots and lots of baby stuff. I try to give things that have, IME, been really useful to me.
I certainly have heard there are some women for whom it's also a chance to "get back" what they've given to the daughters of their women friends, though I've not seen that attitude personally.
Would the "proper etiquette" say that close relatives shouldn't be hosting a shower anyway?
I certainly have heard there are some women for whom it's also a chance to "get back" what they've given to the daughters of their women friends, though I've not seen that attitude personally.
I don't think that's what was going on here at ALL! If that's what you thought I meant, I wrote badly. :)
I meant something much more warm and cozy. As a parent, or an aunt, or even a friend of a parent, you take on a nurturing role. Weddings and the birth of a baby both mark the introduction of a woman into the "adult" world. The woman whom you formerly nurtured is now (more) your equal. The wedding shower or baby shower is kinda a last chance to do your nurturing. Or maybe it's one of the only chances to do so once the nuturee gets to adulthood.
This is one of those things where I think that what the "proper etiquette" is and what is commonly done, at least in my neck of the woods, don't overlap. :-) I can think of only one shower I have EVER gone to (my own bridal shower :-)) that wasn't thrown by a mom or a sister.
Miss Manners would indeed say that hosting a shower for a close relative is definitely a very big no-no. It's hard to explain that to my aunts and grandma and so on, though. They're used to showers as events to get together the female side of the family and eat a lot. I tried to go into it back when a bridal shower was proposed, and I just ended up feeling like a spoilsport. The truth is, I think, my family members enjoy one another enough that they're always siezing upon excuses to get together
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My mom will tell you... A shower is where the relatives get you set up. My mom does it for all of her sisters/friends' kids, and they do it for her kids. Helping out/giving to a shower recipient is a way of paying back friends/relatives' for helping your kids get set in life.
Ditto for graduation parties, etc.
(My mom has 8 siblings, so we do a lot of parties in this family.)
I know that theory, but I don't think that's what's happening here. I think the recipient, though not ungrateful, would have been happier with a shower that included no gifts or with a shower that was "bring your favorite fast recipe" or other free or low-cost theme. That's what got me thinking.
I personally did not have or want a shower of any kind. I don't like being the center of attention that way. However, I have thrown my share of showers and I LOVE doing so. I love being able to make a special day for someone; I love throwing a party. It's fun to have something like that to look forward to. And, you know, as we get older there are fewer opportunities to throw someone a party and do something special like that.
When someone I love comes to me and asks, almost meekly, "Would it be okay if we threw a little shower for you?" I just so do not want to say "no."
Also, I like being at the party and seeing all these people I love. I'd prefer it were a party for some other person, where there wasn't a whole part where everyone was staring at me, and I'm going to enjoy it more when it's someone else's turn to be "honoree," but it was sweet and generous and loving of them to want to throw the party, and I'm not going to reject that kind of gift.
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I certainly have heard there are some women for whom it's also a chance to "get back" what they've given to the daughters of their women friends, though I've not seen that attitude personally.
Would the "proper etiquette" say that close relatives shouldn't be hosting a shower anyway?
Reply
I don't think that's what was going on here at ALL! If that's what you thought I meant, I wrote badly. :)
I meant something much more warm and cozy. As a parent, or an aunt, or even a friend of a parent, you take on a nurturing role. Weddings and the birth of a baby both mark the introduction of a woman into the "adult" world. The woman whom you formerly nurtured is now (more) your equal. The wedding shower or baby shower is kinda a last chance to do your nurturing. Or maybe it's one of the only chances to do so once the nuturee gets to adulthood.
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A shower is where the relatives get you set up. My mom does it for all of her sisters/friends' kids, and they do it for her kids. Helping out/giving to a shower recipient is a way of paying back friends/relatives' for helping your kids get set in life.
Ditto for graduation parties, etc.
(My mom has 8 siblings, so we do a lot of parties in this family.)
Reply
I know that theory, but I don't think that's what's happening here. I think the recipient, though not ungrateful, would have been happier with a shower that included no gifts or with a shower that was "bring your favorite fast recipe" or other free or low-cost theme. That's what got me thinking.
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I personally did not have or want a shower of any kind. I don't like being the center of attention that way. However, I have thrown my share of showers and I LOVE doing so. I love being able to make a special day for someone; I love throwing a party. It's fun to have something like that to look forward to. And, you know, as we get older there are fewer opportunities to throw someone a party and do something special like that.
Reply
When someone I love comes to me and asks, almost meekly, "Would it be okay if we threw a little shower for you?" I just so do not want to say "no."
Also, I like being at the party and seeing all these people I love. I'd prefer it were a party for some other person, where there wasn't a whole part where everyone was staring at me, and I'm going to enjoy it more when it's someone else's turn to be "honoree," but it was sweet and generous and loving of them to want to throw the party, and I'm not going to reject that kind of gift.
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