FIC: Dear Manservant
Title: Dear Manservant
Summary: In Season 8 we learned Xander and Dracula "first hit it off when Dracula came to Sunnydale. Then they stayed in touch -- the occasional letter here and there...Dracula's fond of Xander. They have a unique relationship."
Warnings: Sexual innuendo
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 250
Author's Note: This ficlet was originally prompted by discussion on Buffy Forums. I've since fleshed it out. Heh.
Dear Manservant,
You have not written in many moons. Are you too busy committing yourself to the vile mission of one Buffy Summers, my most hateful enemy? Do you lick the pointed toe of her boot with the same enthusiasm you once reserved for my own superior foot?
Your silence will not be accepted.
Your Glorious and Most Beloved Master,
Lord Dracula
Xander wanted to throw away the letter like all the others. Problem being, there were other letters. A lot of other letters.
Weekly letters. And some poetry - erotic poetry - which he’ll never admit he read and promptly burned in his bedroom’s trashcan. His excuse for the resulting impromptu fire drill had amounted to saying Slayers needed to be prepared for any and all threats. Buffy hadn’t been able to resist teasing, “Fire pretty, Xan?” And that blush on his cheeks? From the fire. Definitely from the fire ‘cause… it was hot. Yeah.
Point being, this had to stop. And since ignoring it was doing jack squat, he decided it was time to try the direct approach.
Dear Mas-
No. Wrong. Very wrong.
Dear... No.
Xander shook himself and channeled all his righteous (and freaked out) indignation into the pen in his hand.
Hey Jerkwad,
Stop writing!
No more manservant for you. No more buttmonkey. No more ordering me around and making me think bugs are tasty and full of fiber.
No more!
With the Fiery Devotion of a Thousand Suns,
Your Humble Manservant
Ah, crap.
***