A Welcomed Distraction
Title: A Welcomed Distraction
Author: angel_kink
Recipient: followthesp1der
Pairing: Dean/Cas
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Profanity. Claustrophobic situations (obviously). Extremly terribly romantic dialogue. Blow-job, Hand-job.
Spoilers: Takes place during Season 6, but nothing specific
Word Count: ~3800
Notes: This was written for followthesp1der 's Everlasting Birthday Challenge.
A/N: Hope you like porn for your birthday. Yay porn!
Prompt: Dean and Castiel get trapped in a very small space for several hours. Dean, having been left with a huge case of claustrophobia after digging himself out of his grave, is completely losing it. Castiel finds creative methods of distraction/comfort until they are freed. ^_~ (Canon setting and Castiel's possible level of humanitis are up to the author.)
Summary: Somebody has sprung a trap for Cas and Dean finds himself stuck with him in a tiny shed in Bobby’s junkyard. Dean’s inability to cope with his claustrophobia becomes a problem and Castiel does all he can to ease his mind.
Dean needed more bullets. This unfortunately meant he had to go out to the teeny tiny supply shed that he’d been avoiding for over three years. Usually Sam would go get them, but both he and Bobby were deeply engrossed in research. They’d been studying all they could about the Mother for days and days and Dean just needed to do something else. Filling hallow bullets with rock salt seemed both useful and distracting, but they were low on supplies in the house.
Of course, Dean didn’t want to tell Sam that. Sam had known about his problem for several months and in typical Sam fashion he was way more concerned about it than Dean was. The cat was let out of the bag when they were forced to take a miserably long elevator ride in order to interview a witness. Dean had a nervous breakdown around floor 40. Since then, Sam had been over accommodating to the point of being obnoxious. In typical Dean fashion, he was now determined to prove that it didn’t matter. He could get over it.
“I’m going for a walk,” is what he told them. “I’ll be back later.”
The shed was at the very edge of Bobby’s property hidden behind a couple stacks of cars. It was where Bobby stored most of their excess supplies since his house was overflowing to the brim with books and weapons already. The shed was the most secure room on the lot outside the panic room and it served its purpose well. However, when the shelves were full of supplies it felt agonizingly small.
This time Dean kept the door open, hoping it’d help ease the problem, but it took only five seconds for him to feel his heart begin to race. He paused in the middle of the room and shut his eyes, willing himself to move beyond his problem. ‘I can do this,’ he told himself. It wasn’t helping though.
At some point over the past few months Dean had took up regular prayer. He wasn’t exactly sure why he did it, but when he realized Cas was listening it just seemed like the natural thing to do. Since Castiel was busy with that whole angel war thing, these usually ended up being one way conversations. Whenever he felt overwhelmed, words just spilled out and he was surprisingly happy to just let them. It was like lifting a weight off his shoulders.
“Cas, I hope you’re doing better than I am right now…”
“What’s wrong?” Dean jumped a little. He hadn’t actually expected the angel to respond and there he was standing just a few inches in front of him.
“Shit, Cas. Didn’t expect you to actually show up.”
“You sounded… unwell.”
“No, I’m fine. Get back to your-“ Before Dean could finish his sentence the door slammed shut, cutting him off completely from the outside world. “What the…” Dean jiggled the door handle and took a peak through a tiny crack between the metal panels. There were flames just a few inches away from the walls.
Cas moved to take a look through the same space Dean had been looking through. “Holy fire. I think this is a trap.”
Dean wanted to say ‘obviously,’ but instead he shouted “can you get me out?” It sounded so horribly selfish, but it made since logistically too. He hoped the angel would take it as a strategic move instead of prying for the real reason he sounded so desperate.
“No. I’m powerless in here. I’m disconnected from Heaven entirely within these walls.” He could still detect Dean’s discomfort at the situation though, and he made a guess at what was troubling him. He hated to see Dean in such terrible shape. “This trap probably won’t be checked for days. I believe Sam or Bobby would begin searching for you before then.”
Fucking great. No way to call for help. No way to get out. And he gave Sam and Bobby an open ended excuse and who knows how long it’d take for them to go looking for him. They were both completely screwed. Dean shut his eyes again, took some deep breaths, and tried his best to hold it together. Think about something else. Just think about something else.
Around the three minute mark Dean started to pace. He could only take about three steps before turning around and crossing the room again. Clearly pacing was a bad thing to do to take your mind off of the extraordinarily small space you are trapped inside as all he could think about the fact that he didn’t have enough room to adequately pace. But what else could he do really? It just seemed like a natural reaction and he couldn’t stop himself.
“Dean?”
“What?” He didn’t break his stride and couldn’t even be bothered to give Cas eye contact. He was too preoccupied looking at the floor as he walked back and forth.
“Dean, what are you doing?”
“I’m thinking.”
“Something is troubling you.”
“Yeah, you’re trapped here because of me and there’s no way out. So hell yeah, I’m troubled.”
“No, it’s something more than that. I’ve seen you in far more stressful situations without having an elevated heart rate as you do now.”
Of course Castiel was keeping track of his vital signs. He had no problem popping into his dreams, so why not? Dean just wanted the conversation to end so he gave Cas the most unconvincing smile he’d ever given in his life and annunciated each word carefully. “I’m perfectly fine.”
“Dean.” Cas wasn’t buying it.
Dean wanted to just keep the burden on himself, but Castiel was giving him ‘that look’. And when he was on the receiving end of ‘that look’ he found it incredibly hard to say no to the guy. It was the same look he’d been given when he asked to borrow his amulet and Dean wouldn’t have handed that over to God himself at that moment. Though if God were around at the time he’d probably have ripped the thing off anyway since it’d be burning a nice hole in his chest, but that wasn’t the point.
“Cas, I’ve… I’ve got a problem with being in small spaces, ok?”
“What kind of ‘problem’?”
“They make me, I don’t know, kind of freak out. I just need to get the fuck out of here, ok?” Castiel just tilted his head in confusion and Dean rolled his eyes. “What, angels don’t get taught about human psychology? Maybe that explains why you guys suck at people skills so much.”
“I am aware of the concept of psychology, but I’m afraid it is not something I have studied a great deal.”
“That explains so much,” Dean joked. When Castiel merely nodded in agreement he realized there wasn’t even much of a joke to be had. It was incredibly true.
“Most of my understanding of the human condition comes from you, Dean.”
“And let me tell you, I’m far from a shining example of mental health.” The conversation had actually distracted him enough that his heart rate had returned to normal. He almost forgot that he was trapped, but when silence fell between them he remembered where he was and began to panic again.
Castiel rested his hand against Dean’s arm and caught his attention again. “Explain this particular flaw in your mental health, then.”
Neither of them were going anywhere, so Dean didn’t see any reason to pass up the little lesson. “Well, it’s actually called ‘claustrophobia’. I call it ‘that thing I have’. But yeah… it basically means I fucking hate small spaces.”
“And why do you ‘fucking hate small spaces’?”
Dean laughed when he heard Cas curse, but when he realized what was asked he paused and tried to provide a real answer. “I don’t know really. It just,” he stopped himself, afraid to tell the truth but not exactly wanting to lie. He hoped Castiel would stop digging after this explanation. “It brings back bad memories.”
“What bad memories?”
Of course he didn’t. “Cas, I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why? Does discussing it make it worse?” The guy was too curious for his own good.
Dean thought about it for a moment and no, it actually didn’t make it worse. It had the opposite effect. Talking about it was distracting enough that he could be relatively calm despite the extreme situation. Instead he was afraid of how Castiel would react. “No, it’s not that…”
“Then why do you wish to avoid the subject?”
Dean sighed and averted his eyes again. He didn’t want to do this. He really didn’t. “Because the memories are something recent and I don’t want you to blame yourself.”
“Blame myself?” When Dean looked back at Cas he realized how worried the angel was all of a sudden. This is exactly what Dean was trying to avoid. “Dean, you have to tell me.” Now he felt like shit because Cas looked like he felt like shit and the situation wasn’t improving at all and… “Dean.”
“Because the memories… they involve having to dig myself out of my own grave, Cas.” The angel’s eyes grew wide and Dean wished he could lie to him. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Dean, I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”
“Cas, I know,” he said as he put his hands on the angel’s shoulders. “Cas, how could you have known?”
“I should have waited and helped…”
“And burn my eyeballs out in the process? No thank you. Cas, stop blaming yourself.”
“Dean…” Cas was looking beyond him now, lost in thought about the situation.
“Cas!” Dean cupped his cheek with one hand and forced him to make eye contact. “That was a long time ago.”
“But you are still affected by it today.”
“Yeah, but… but look, you were a very different person back then. You didn’t know shit about humans. You do now and you clearly want to learn more. So just stop with the guilt thing. You didn’t know.” Castiel had stopped responding, but he was still clearly damaged by the revelation. He had to try a different tactic. “Cas, I forgive you.”
Castiel’s face softened at that. Maybe that was the right thing to say. The bible talked a lot about forgiveness right? And he really genuinely forgave the angel for it. His actions since then had more than redeemed him and he had no desire to hold that one mistake against him forever.
The longer the silence went on, the more Dean’s thoughts drifted back to his predicament. He was still trapped in a teeny tiny shed and he wanted the fuck out right now. The first sign that he was going to have another panic attack was his erratic breathing, which was followed quickly by the urge to start pacing the room again. He could practically hear his heart pounding in his ears and…
“Dean.”
“What?” Dean began to look around the room, watching the light from the holy fire seep through the cracks in the shed and cast strange shadows on the walls. The dim lighting made the room feel even smaller than it already was and Dean felt like clawing at the walls until he could get out.
“Teach me something else.”
“Like what?” He looked back at Castiel. “I don’t exactly have a lesson plan here, Cas.”
“Then tell me why your hand is still on my cheek.”
Dean snapped out of his panic attack and realized that his hand was, in fact, still on Cas’ cheek. His other hand was buried in the trench coat pulling the angel closer to him. It felt like a perfectly natural position and suddenly he felt worried for an entirely different set of reasons. Why did this feel so comforting?
He snapped his hand back from Cas’ cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“There is no need to seek my forgiveness for this, Dean. I just want to understand your concept of personal space. I think I’m misunderstanding what is acceptable.”
“Well I don’t even know if I understand it anymore, so it’s probably useless trying to explain it to you.” Suddenly Cas’ hand was in Dean’s cheek and the hunter froze. “Cas?”
The angel ran his fingers gently over his stubble and along his jawline. Dean was completely hypnotized by the wonder in Castiel’s eyes and his breath hitched when Cas’ thumb ran over his bottom lip. “I think I understand.”
“You do?” His voice sounded weaker than he meant it to, but still wasn’t sure he had the ability to breathe at the moment.
“Yes. This feels… closer. I like being close to you, Dean.”
“Yeah, I noticed,” Dean joked, but it came out more like a confession than anything.
“Does it bother you?”
Cas was beginning to withdraw his hand, but Dean caught it before he could pull away completely. “No no no, Cas. It doesn’t bother me. Not now.” Cas looked doubtful. He’d been warned so many times about personal space he thought for sure this would be crossing a line. “Really, it doesn’t.”
He released Cas’ hand and it hesitantly returned to Dean’s face. Dean closed his eyes and let Castiel’s fingers experimentally roam across his cheek again. His fingers found themselves in a similar position spread out gracefully along Dean’s jawline while his thumb ran softly across his bottom lip again.
Then Castiel’s lips were on his and he was sure his ability to breathe like a normal person was gone for good. The kiss was so innocent and experimental. It was so unlike the prior kiss that Cas had with Meg. Perhaps that one had merely been inspired by bad porn, but this one? It was something else entirely. Castiel teased his tongue out along Dean's bottom lip. It was a timid gesture, which Dean found remarkably endearing and beautiful. Dean parted his lips, encouraging Castiel to go on, and was rewarded with an even more bold exploration of his mouth.
Meanwhile Dean’s hands found themselves roaming under Cas’ coat and jacket. He let his hands travel to Cas’ back and he pulled their bodies firmly together. Castiel’s own hands were now both tenderly resting on Dean’s face and he realized he’d never been handled so delicately by a potential lover before. Most of his sexual encounters had been driven by lust. Even the more meaningful experiences were still a completely different category than this. They were usually hard and fast and aggressive. It was a first not only in its tenderness, but Dean had also never been with a man. Even though he was sure angels didn’t have gender, the body he was in was entirely male.
When Cas’ was backed into the wall Dean decided to finally break the kiss and get a grasp on the situation. “Cas?”
The angel’s eyes were darker than he’d ever seen them before and for a few moments he looked lost in the sensations. Then he blinked a few times and appeared to get enough control of himself to respond. “Yes, Dean?” God, he sounded so far gone already.
“You sure you want to do this?”
Castiel nodded. That was all the confirmation Dean needed before he resumed their kiss. Dean was completely sure that it was what he wanted. He’d wanted it for a long time, but he was never too sure what Cas would think of it. He always seemed so confused about sexuality. The angel was either completely terrified of it or mimicking what he’d seen others do. This was entirely organic and real and natural and comfortable.
When Dean broke the kiss again he ran his fingers over Castiel’s forehead, brushing aside a few strands of hair that were already beginning to stick to his forehead. Whether the sweat was from being aroused or from the increasing heat of the room he exactly sure. But either way, angels didn’t usually sweat so Cas must have been intentionally tuning into his vessel’s physical needs. It was a conscious decision on the angel’s part and so very human.
Castiel was glad that this was happening, but he was still nervous. Dean was an eager teacher and Cas was more than willing to learn. And if Dean was distracted by the lesson, then Cas was even happier about it all. And Dean was entirely distracted. His heart was racing with passion instead of panic and Dean’s mind was racing with the thoughts of what he wanted to do to him.
Dean slipped his fingers into the rim of Cas’ pants and quickly untucked his shirt. Then he skimmed his fingers over the angel’s soft skin causing Cas to moan softly into the kiss. He worked his fingers to the buttons in the front of his shirt and began to pop them one by one.
Cas’ own hands were clutched into Dean’s jacket, unsure of exactly what they should be doing. Dean picked up on Cas’ timid behavior and guided his hands to the rim of his jeans. Castiel then began to mimic Dean’s motions, running his fingers under the hunter’s shirt across his stomach and up towards his chest. Cas was aware that nipples were sensitive, but he was still surprised when Dean moaned in response to the touch.
Castiel paused. “Was that correct?”
Dean laughed at that and kissed Cas gently on the lips. “Yeah, Cas. Moaning generally means a person is having a good time.”
“Ok.”
They continued letting their hands roam over each other until they’d both stripped each other down to their bare chests. Cas once again let his fingers glide over the sensitive skin on Dean’s chest and flushed when he got the pleasured moan he’d been after. He was beginning to understand and get confidence in what he was doing.
Dean leaned in and kissed Cas neck as he did this. He nibbled slightly, hoping to leave at least a faint mark in return for all the marks Cas had given him. Then Dean began to undo Cas’ belt buckle, not exactly sure ‘how far’ this was going to go, but more than willing to test the boundaries. If there were any boundaries. They were already shirtless, so pushing a little further seemed like a decently safe bet. When Cas began to return the favor to Dean’s own buckle he knew this was safe territory.
When Dean first made contact with Castiel’s cock the angel slammed his head back against the wall and cried out. Dean laughed at such an unfiltered expression coming from the usually controlled and rigid creature. He stroked up and down, reveling in the little noises Cas made with each movement. Dean was the only being in the world he was willing to show that kind of vulnerability to. The angel was clutching onto is arms so tightly Dean thought that he might have bruises in the morning.
It was over in just a few minutes for the inexperienced angel. Castiel shuddered as the orgasm echoed through his body. He’d often wondered why Dean seemed so particularly enamored by sex. He just didn’t quite get the appeal based on the videos he’d seen. But now he felt the pleasure course through him and he understood.
When Castiel gained control of himself again he realized he’d left Dean partway through the act. He hadn’t meant to neglect him, but he just got too distracted by what the hunter was doing to him. He wasn’t exactly sure if he should return the act exactly or try something different. With Dean he was sure that he was free to experiment, but he wasn’t sure if had the confidence to just charge in head first without getting permission.
“Dean, may I try something?” Dean quirked an eyebrow and Castiel felt the need to elaborate. “From a video I watched.”
“Something you saw in a Porno?” Dean was both excited and a little worried at the prospect. But mostly excited. “Yeah, sure.”
When Castiel got down on his knees Dean made a small startled sound. He wasn’t going to… was he? He couldn’t be. Then he did. Castiel released Dean’s cock from his pants and took him into his mouth in one smooth motion.
“Oh God…”
Castiel released him and looked up. “Dean,” he chastised.
“What? Oh, shit, I’m sorry… I-“ Castiel was taking him into his mouth again and he had to choke back the urge to cry out to God again. Instead he put one hand against the wall to keep himself steady and bit the knuckle of his other hand to hold in his involuntary noises.
Castiel was a novice obviously, but it still felt incredible. Cas ran his tongue along the underside of Dean’s cock, trying to draw a reaction from the hunter. Each whimper that escaped Dean’s mouth was reassurance that he was doing it right. When Dean ran his fingers through his hair Cas was absolutely certain about it.
“Cas…” Dean gasped, hardly able to contain himself. He couldn’t believe what was happening. It had to be a dream. It had to be. When Dean came he cried out Cas’ full name. To his surprise the angel was still holding him in his mouth throughout the orgasm. Holy shit, the angel was swallowing. That was something Dean never thought he’d experience ever.
Cas let him go when he’d finished and climbed back to his feet. Dean claimed his mouth instantly and he could still taste himself there. He was at a complete loss for words. He still wasn’t entirely sure it was real, but he wanted it to be.
Cas pulled back. “Why do you keep thinking this is a dream, Dean?”
“What’d I tell you about poking around in my head,” he whispered, still lost in the post orgasmic bliss.
“I just want to know why.”
And again, Dean couldn’t lie. He just couldn’t. Not to Cas. “Because I’ve had dreams like this before. And I always wake up.”
But this time there was nothing to wake up from. It had actually happened. And if that damn trap hadn’t been sprung on them they’d probably have gone on forever without pushing those boundaries. And now Dean found that he was quite fond of small spaces. They brought back memories. Good ones.
Author: angel_kink
Recipient: followthesp1der
Pairing: Dean/Cas
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Profanity. Claustrophobic situations (obviously). Extremly terribly romantic dialogue. Blow-job, Hand-job.
Spoilers: Takes place during Season 6, but nothing specific
Word Count: ~3800
Notes: This was written for followthesp1der 's Everlasting Birthday Challenge.
A/N: Hope you like porn for your birthday. Yay porn!
Prompt: Dean and Castiel get trapped in a very small space for several hours. Dean, having been left with a huge case of claustrophobia after digging himself out of his grave, is completely losing it. Castiel finds creative methods of distraction/comfort until they are freed. ^_~ (Canon setting and Castiel's possible level of humanitis are up to the author.)
Summary: Somebody has sprung a trap for Cas and Dean finds himself stuck with him in a tiny shed in Bobby’s junkyard. Dean’s inability to cope with his claustrophobia becomes a problem and Castiel does all he can to ease his mind.
Dean needed more bullets. This unfortunately meant he had to go out to the teeny tiny supply shed that he’d been avoiding for over three years. Usually Sam would go get them, but both he and Bobby were deeply engrossed in research. They’d been studying all they could about the Mother for days and days and Dean just needed to do something else. Filling hallow bullets with rock salt seemed both useful and distracting, but they were low on supplies in the house.
Of course, Dean didn’t want to tell Sam that. Sam had known about his problem for several months and in typical Sam fashion he was way more concerned about it than Dean was. The cat was let out of the bag when they were forced to take a miserably long elevator ride in order to interview a witness. Dean had a nervous breakdown around floor 40. Since then, Sam had been over accommodating to the point of being obnoxious. In typical Dean fashion, he was now determined to prove that it didn’t matter. He could get over it.
“I’m going for a walk,” is what he told them. “I’ll be back later.”
The shed was at the very edge of Bobby’s property hidden behind a couple stacks of cars. It was where Bobby stored most of their excess supplies since his house was overflowing to the brim with books and weapons already. The shed was the most secure room on the lot outside the panic room and it served its purpose well. However, when the shelves were full of supplies it felt agonizingly small.
This time Dean kept the door open, hoping it’d help ease the problem, but it took only five seconds for him to feel his heart begin to race. He paused in the middle of the room and shut his eyes, willing himself to move beyond his problem. ‘I can do this,’ he told himself. It wasn’t helping though.
At some point over the past few months Dean had took up regular prayer. He wasn’t exactly sure why he did it, but when he realized Cas was listening it just seemed like the natural thing to do. Since Castiel was busy with that whole angel war thing, these usually ended up being one way conversations. Whenever he felt overwhelmed, words just spilled out and he was surprisingly happy to just let them. It was like lifting a weight off his shoulders.
“Cas, I hope you’re doing better than I am right now…”
“What’s wrong?” Dean jumped a little. He hadn’t actually expected the angel to respond and there he was standing just a few inches in front of him.
“Shit, Cas. Didn’t expect you to actually show up.”
“You sounded… unwell.”
“No, I’m fine. Get back to your-“ Before Dean could finish his sentence the door slammed shut, cutting him off completely from the outside world. “What the…” Dean jiggled the door handle and took a peak through a tiny crack between the metal panels. There were flames just a few inches away from the walls.
Cas moved to take a look through the same space Dean had been looking through. “Holy fire. I think this is a trap.”
Dean wanted to say ‘obviously,’ but instead he shouted “can you get me out?” It sounded so horribly selfish, but it made since logistically too. He hoped the angel would take it as a strategic move instead of prying for the real reason he sounded so desperate.
“No. I’m powerless in here. I’m disconnected from Heaven entirely within these walls.” He could still detect Dean’s discomfort at the situation though, and he made a guess at what was troubling him. He hated to see Dean in such terrible shape. “This trap probably won’t be checked for days. I believe Sam or Bobby would begin searching for you before then.”
Fucking great. No way to call for help. No way to get out. And he gave Sam and Bobby an open ended excuse and who knows how long it’d take for them to go looking for him. They were both completely screwed. Dean shut his eyes again, took some deep breaths, and tried his best to hold it together. Think about something else. Just think about something else.
Around the three minute mark Dean started to pace. He could only take about three steps before turning around and crossing the room again. Clearly pacing was a bad thing to do to take your mind off of the extraordinarily small space you are trapped inside as all he could think about the fact that he didn’t have enough room to adequately pace. But what else could he do really? It just seemed like a natural reaction and he couldn’t stop himself.
“Dean?”
“What?” He didn’t break his stride and couldn’t even be bothered to give Cas eye contact. He was too preoccupied looking at the floor as he walked back and forth.
“Dean, what are you doing?”
“I’m thinking.”
“Something is troubling you.”
“Yeah, you’re trapped here because of me and there’s no way out. So hell yeah, I’m troubled.”
“No, it’s something more than that. I’ve seen you in far more stressful situations without having an elevated heart rate as you do now.”
Of course Castiel was keeping track of his vital signs. He had no problem popping into his dreams, so why not? Dean just wanted the conversation to end so he gave Cas the most unconvincing smile he’d ever given in his life and annunciated each word carefully. “I’m perfectly fine.”
“Dean.” Cas wasn’t buying it.
Dean wanted to just keep the burden on himself, but Castiel was giving him ‘that look’. And when he was on the receiving end of ‘that look’ he found it incredibly hard to say no to the guy. It was the same look he’d been given when he asked to borrow his amulet and Dean wouldn’t have handed that over to God himself at that moment. Though if God were around at the time he’d probably have ripped the thing off anyway since it’d be burning a nice hole in his chest, but that wasn’t the point.
“Cas, I’ve… I’ve got a problem with being in small spaces, ok?”
“What kind of ‘problem’?”
“They make me, I don’t know, kind of freak out. I just need to get the fuck out of here, ok?” Castiel just tilted his head in confusion and Dean rolled his eyes. “What, angels don’t get taught about human psychology? Maybe that explains why you guys suck at people skills so much.”
“I am aware of the concept of psychology, but I’m afraid it is not something I have studied a great deal.”
“That explains so much,” Dean joked. When Castiel merely nodded in agreement he realized there wasn’t even much of a joke to be had. It was incredibly true.
“Most of my understanding of the human condition comes from you, Dean.”
“And let me tell you, I’m far from a shining example of mental health.” The conversation had actually distracted him enough that his heart rate had returned to normal. He almost forgot that he was trapped, but when silence fell between them he remembered where he was and began to panic again.
Castiel rested his hand against Dean’s arm and caught his attention again. “Explain this particular flaw in your mental health, then.”
Neither of them were going anywhere, so Dean didn’t see any reason to pass up the little lesson. “Well, it’s actually called ‘claustrophobia’. I call it ‘that thing I have’. But yeah… it basically means I fucking hate small spaces.”
“And why do you ‘fucking hate small spaces’?”
Dean laughed when he heard Cas curse, but when he realized what was asked he paused and tried to provide a real answer. “I don’t know really. It just,” he stopped himself, afraid to tell the truth but not exactly wanting to lie. He hoped Castiel would stop digging after this explanation. “It brings back bad memories.”
“What bad memories?”
Of course he didn’t. “Cas, I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why? Does discussing it make it worse?” The guy was too curious for his own good.
Dean thought about it for a moment and no, it actually didn’t make it worse. It had the opposite effect. Talking about it was distracting enough that he could be relatively calm despite the extreme situation. Instead he was afraid of how Castiel would react. “No, it’s not that…”
“Then why do you wish to avoid the subject?”
Dean sighed and averted his eyes again. He didn’t want to do this. He really didn’t. “Because the memories are something recent and I don’t want you to blame yourself.”
“Blame myself?” When Dean looked back at Cas he realized how worried the angel was all of a sudden. This is exactly what Dean was trying to avoid. “Dean, you have to tell me.” Now he felt like shit because Cas looked like he felt like shit and the situation wasn’t improving at all and… “Dean.”
“Because the memories… they involve having to dig myself out of my own grave, Cas.” The angel’s eyes grew wide and Dean wished he could lie to him. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Dean, I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”
“Cas, I know,” he said as he put his hands on the angel’s shoulders. “Cas, how could you have known?”
“I should have waited and helped…”
“And burn my eyeballs out in the process? No thank you. Cas, stop blaming yourself.”
“Dean…” Cas was looking beyond him now, lost in thought about the situation.
“Cas!” Dean cupped his cheek with one hand and forced him to make eye contact. “That was a long time ago.”
“But you are still affected by it today.”
“Yeah, but… but look, you were a very different person back then. You didn’t know shit about humans. You do now and you clearly want to learn more. So just stop with the guilt thing. You didn’t know.” Castiel had stopped responding, but he was still clearly damaged by the revelation. He had to try a different tactic. “Cas, I forgive you.”
Castiel’s face softened at that. Maybe that was the right thing to say. The bible talked a lot about forgiveness right? And he really genuinely forgave the angel for it. His actions since then had more than redeemed him and he had no desire to hold that one mistake against him forever.
The longer the silence went on, the more Dean’s thoughts drifted back to his predicament. He was still trapped in a teeny tiny shed and he wanted the fuck out right now. The first sign that he was going to have another panic attack was his erratic breathing, which was followed quickly by the urge to start pacing the room again. He could practically hear his heart pounding in his ears and…
“Dean.”
“What?” Dean began to look around the room, watching the light from the holy fire seep through the cracks in the shed and cast strange shadows on the walls. The dim lighting made the room feel even smaller than it already was and Dean felt like clawing at the walls until he could get out.
“Teach me something else.”
“Like what?” He looked back at Castiel. “I don’t exactly have a lesson plan here, Cas.”
“Then tell me why your hand is still on my cheek.”
Dean snapped out of his panic attack and realized that his hand was, in fact, still on Cas’ cheek. His other hand was buried in the trench coat pulling the angel closer to him. It felt like a perfectly natural position and suddenly he felt worried for an entirely different set of reasons. Why did this feel so comforting?
He snapped his hand back from Cas’ cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“There is no need to seek my forgiveness for this, Dean. I just want to understand your concept of personal space. I think I’m misunderstanding what is acceptable.”
“Well I don’t even know if I understand it anymore, so it’s probably useless trying to explain it to you.” Suddenly Cas’ hand was in Dean’s cheek and the hunter froze. “Cas?”
The angel ran his fingers gently over his stubble and along his jawline. Dean was completely hypnotized by the wonder in Castiel’s eyes and his breath hitched when Cas’ thumb ran over his bottom lip. “I think I understand.”
“You do?” His voice sounded weaker than he meant it to, but still wasn’t sure he had the ability to breathe at the moment.
“Yes. This feels… closer. I like being close to you, Dean.”
“Yeah, I noticed,” Dean joked, but it came out more like a confession than anything.
“Does it bother you?”
Cas was beginning to withdraw his hand, but Dean caught it before he could pull away completely. “No no no, Cas. It doesn’t bother me. Not now.” Cas looked doubtful. He’d been warned so many times about personal space he thought for sure this would be crossing a line. “Really, it doesn’t.”
He released Cas’ hand and it hesitantly returned to Dean’s face. Dean closed his eyes and let Castiel’s fingers experimentally roam across his cheek again. His fingers found themselves in a similar position spread out gracefully along Dean’s jawline while his thumb ran softly across his bottom lip again.
Then Castiel’s lips were on his and he was sure his ability to breathe like a normal person was gone for good. The kiss was so innocent and experimental. It was so unlike the prior kiss that Cas had with Meg. Perhaps that one had merely been inspired by bad porn, but this one? It was something else entirely. Castiel teased his tongue out along Dean's bottom lip. It was a timid gesture, which Dean found remarkably endearing and beautiful. Dean parted his lips, encouraging Castiel to go on, and was rewarded with an even more bold exploration of his mouth.
Meanwhile Dean’s hands found themselves roaming under Cas’ coat and jacket. He let his hands travel to Cas’ back and he pulled their bodies firmly together. Castiel’s own hands were now both tenderly resting on Dean’s face and he realized he’d never been handled so delicately by a potential lover before. Most of his sexual encounters had been driven by lust. Even the more meaningful experiences were still a completely different category than this. They were usually hard and fast and aggressive. It was a first not only in its tenderness, but Dean had also never been with a man. Even though he was sure angels didn’t have gender, the body he was in was entirely male.
When Cas’ was backed into the wall Dean decided to finally break the kiss and get a grasp on the situation. “Cas?”
The angel’s eyes were darker than he’d ever seen them before and for a few moments he looked lost in the sensations. Then he blinked a few times and appeared to get enough control of himself to respond. “Yes, Dean?” God, he sounded so far gone already.
“You sure you want to do this?”
Castiel nodded. That was all the confirmation Dean needed before he resumed their kiss. Dean was completely sure that it was what he wanted. He’d wanted it for a long time, but he was never too sure what Cas would think of it. He always seemed so confused about sexuality. The angel was either completely terrified of it or mimicking what he’d seen others do. This was entirely organic and real and natural and comfortable.
When Dean broke the kiss again he ran his fingers over Castiel’s forehead, brushing aside a few strands of hair that were already beginning to stick to his forehead. Whether the sweat was from being aroused or from the increasing heat of the room he exactly sure. But either way, angels didn’t usually sweat so Cas must have been intentionally tuning into his vessel’s physical needs. It was a conscious decision on the angel’s part and so very human.
Castiel was glad that this was happening, but he was still nervous. Dean was an eager teacher and Cas was more than willing to learn. And if Dean was distracted by the lesson, then Cas was even happier about it all. And Dean was entirely distracted. His heart was racing with passion instead of panic and Dean’s mind was racing with the thoughts of what he wanted to do to him.
Dean slipped his fingers into the rim of Cas’ pants and quickly untucked his shirt. Then he skimmed his fingers over the angel’s soft skin causing Cas to moan softly into the kiss. He worked his fingers to the buttons in the front of his shirt and began to pop them one by one.
Cas’ own hands were clutched into Dean’s jacket, unsure of exactly what they should be doing. Dean picked up on Cas’ timid behavior and guided his hands to the rim of his jeans. Castiel then began to mimic Dean’s motions, running his fingers under the hunter’s shirt across his stomach and up towards his chest. Cas was aware that nipples were sensitive, but he was still surprised when Dean moaned in response to the touch.
Castiel paused. “Was that correct?”
Dean laughed at that and kissed Cas gently on the lips. “Yeah, Cas. Moaning generally means a person is having a good time.”
“Ok.”
They continued letting their hands roam over each other until they’d both stripped each other down to their bare chests. Cas once again let his fingers glide over the sensitive skin on Dean’s chest and flushed when he got the pleasured moan he’d been after. He was beginning to understand and get confidence in what he was doing.
Dean leaned in and kissed Cas neck as he did this. He nibbled slightly, hoping to leave at least a faint mark in return for all the marks Cas had given him. Then Dean began to undo Cas’ belt buckle, not exactly sure ‘how far’ this was going to go, but more than willing to test the boundaries. If there were any boundaries. They were already shirtless, so pushing a little further seemed like a decently safe bet. When Cas began to return the favor to Dean’s own buckle he knew this was safe territory.
When Dean first made contact with Castiel’s cock the angel slammed his head back against the wall and cried out. Dean laughed at such an unfiltered expression coming from the usually controlled and rigid creature. He stroked up and down, reveling in the little noises Cas made with each movement. Dean was the only being in the world he was willing to show that kind of vulnerability to. The angel was clutching onto is arms so tightly Dean thought that he might have bruises in the morning.
It was over in just a few minutes for the inexperienced angel. Castiel shuddered as the orgasm echoed through his body. He’d often wondered why Dean seemed so particularly enamored by sex. He just didn’t quite get the appeal based on the videos he’d seen. But now he felt the pleasure course through him and he understood.
When Castiel gained control of himself again he realized he’d left Dean partway through the act. He hadn’t meant to neglect him, but he just got too distracted by what the hunter was doing to him. He wasn’t exactly sure if he should return the act exactly or try something different. With Dean he was sure that he was free to experiment, but he wasn’t sure if had the confidence to just charge in head first without getting permission.
“Dean, may I try something?” Dean quirked an eyebrow and Castiel felt the need to elaborate. “From a video I watched.”
“Something you saw in a Porno?” Dean was both excited and a little worried at the prospect. But mostly excited. “Yeah, sure.”
When Castiel got down on his knees Dean made a small startled sound. He wasn’t going to… was he? He couldn’t be. Then he did. Castiel released Dean’s cock from his pants and took him into his mouth in one smooth motion.
“Oh God…”
Castiel released him and looked up. “Dean,” he chastised.
“What? Oh, shit, I’m sorry… I-“ Castiel was taking him into his mouth again and he had to choke back the urge to cry out to God again. Instead he put one hand against the wall to keep himself steady and bit the knuckle of his other hand to hold in his involuntary noises.
Castiel was a novice obviously, but it still felt incredible. Cas ran his tongue along the underside of Dean’s cock, trying to draw a reaction from the hunter. Each whimper that escaped Dean’s mouth was reassurance that he was doing it right. When Dean ran his fingers through his hair Cas was absolutely certain about it.
“Cas…” Dean gasped, hardly able to contain himself. He couldn’t believe what was happening. It had to be a dream. It had to be. When Dean came he cried out Cas’ full name. To his surprise the angel was still holding him in his mouth throughout the orgasm. Holy shit, the angel was swallowing. That was something Dean never thought he’d experience ever.
Cas let him go when he’d finished and climbed back to his feet. Dean claimed his mouth instantly and he could still taste himself there. He was at a complete loss for words. He still wasn’t entirely sure it was real, but he wanted it to be.
Cas pulled back. “Why do you keep thinking this is a dream, Dean?”
“What’d I tell you about poking around in my head,” he whispered, still lost in the post orgasmic bliss.
“I just want to know why.”
And again, Dean couldn’t lie. He just couldn’t. Not to Cas. “Because I’ve had dreams like this before. And I always wake up.”
But this time there was nothing to wake up from. It had actually happened. And if that damn trap hadn’t been sprung on them they’d probably have gone on forever without pushing those boundaries. And now Dean found that he was quite fond of small spaces. They brought back memories. Good ones.