(no subject)
Happy Birthday Britney!!!
And now, onto my normal rambling...It's just a way to let out what you feel and make yourself feel...I don't know, calmed or relaxed. It's like a cheap form of therapy I guess. *shrugs*
I think my big brother hates me. I mean, he barely talks to me anymore, and I mean like something of substance. It always sounds like he would rather be doing something else...anything else but talking to me. I actually am half thinking about getting drunk or something again just to get yelled at by him, because then, it felt like he actually cared about me. He seems to not even care if he can't come down on Saturday, or that he missed Thanksgiving. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Maybe he is just ashamed of me or something. When I first got here he was so...so nice, happy. Like he wanted to be around me, or wanted me around...but now, it's just like "who cares?". I miss the old Nick, the one that enjoyed being around his family, the one that was fun to hang out with, that wanted to hang out with me...*sighs* I guess it's my fault. I guess I fucked up pretty bad...so bad that he never wants me around. I wish I could take it back, take back whatever I did to make him feel like this towards me. I wish I wasn't such a fuck up in his eyes.
And now, onto my normal rambling...It's just a way to let out what you feel and make yourself feel...I don't know, calmed or relaxed. It's like a cheap form of therapy I guess. *shrugs*
I think my big brother hates me. I mean, he barely talks to me anymore, and I mean like something of substance. It always sounds like he would rather be doing something else...anything else but talking to me. I actually am half thinking about getting drunk or something again just to get yelled at by him, because then, it felt like he actually cared about me. He seems to not even care if he can't come down on Saturday, or that he missed Thanksgiving. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Maybe he is just ashamed of me or something. When I first got here he was so...so nice, happy. Like he wanted to be around me, or wanted me around...but now, it's just like "who cares?". I miss the old Nick, the one that enjoyed being around his family, the one that was fun to hang out with, that wanted to hang out with me...*sighs* I guess it's my fault. I guess I fucked up pretty bad...so bad that he never wants me around. I wish I could take it back, take back whatever I did to make him feel like this towards me. I wish I wasn't such a fuck up in his eyes.