(no subject)
Bel stares at the ceiling. Her couch has once again been the designated resting place while Freddie lulls in and out of sleep, only waking to pick up a pen and jot down some note that she's nearly (oh who's she kidding, she's not nearly anything when it comes to Freddie) positive has something to do with Ruth.
For a second, she gets irrationally angry that he's still working on it even though she's told him to stop. It's not the first time she's felt this particular feeling, and the feeling has never lasted very long, but she knows in the bottom of her heart that Freddie doesn't respect her. (Of course, it's Freddie, and she shouldn't think too hard on it because Freddie doesn't respect anyone.)
"I think I should have been born a man," Bel says, lips not quite pulling into a frown so it's more a pout. "Perhaps then people would listen to me."
Freddie makes a noncommittal sound in the back of his throat. "If your reasoning behind wanting to be a man, Moneypenny, is so that people would respect you more I think you'll find that it wouldn't matter either way."
Bel stares at him, long enough that he perks up and swings around to look at her, before sighing. "Bel, you know that's not what I meant. I just meant that people should respect you either way."
She harrumphs. "The operative word is 'should'." Bel sighs, and looks back up to the ceiling. "You think it'll ever change? Do you think, one day, I won't be told I have a 'maternal' instinct and instead someone will say 'you have a keen eye, Ms. Rowley.'"
"I have no doubt," Freddie says, and as usual he sounds so sure that it's all Bel can do to find the courage to pretend like there is the smallest possibility that her wish might happen. "The world changes everyday. It has to, or we would be out of a job."
Bel laughs, though it's more bitter than she intended. "A new world," Bel says, wistfully. "We'll fit right in."
Freddie makes another sound in the back of his throat, and falls asleep against her shoulder.
"Oh," Camille says, and she smiles, grins really. Freddie raises an eyebrow. "You're in love with this woman."
"Love?" Freddie scoffs, because it was once love but it's evolved into something else. "It's not love. Love is trivial, and weak. No, I hate her."
Camille tilts her head, and smiles even more. "Yes, that makes more sense. Hate is the strongest of all the emotions. You seem like you hate her."
Freddie smiles curiously at her. "You understand."
"Of course I do," Camille says, and she sounds nearly offended.
(So, Freddie hates Bel, because that's one stage past love and just out of reach, but Camille, who understands, he loves her because Bel is always on the other side with 'Freddie you're pathetic' and 'Freddie come back to the real world', and Camille says 'fuck the real world live for a better one'.)
I saw some great tags on tumblr today, on someone's blog, and it kinda hit home because they were really true. It was about Bel, and how I stumbled upon this persons blog was because whoever it was answered an ask in the tag and the anon was saying that they weren't being very nice towards Bel, and they really weren't tbh, but I really loved it. The gifset in question was when Bel said that Freddie hated some things and hadn't read them, and Freddie calmly responded that yes, he had, and it was kinda a slap in the face because of course. Of course Bel has Freddie back and she thinks that absoultely nothing has changed, like it's been only a few weeks instead of months. It's not a flaw, I would think that too. She thinks well Freddie's back, and it was scary having him away, so let's pick up where we left off and maybe go somewhere else with it.
Except.
Except that Freddie's moved on. He's lived his life in those months; gone and traveled to Paris and America and who knows where else. And I think that's really great - that right there, and as much as I adore Freddie/Bel, I really hope they don't try to force it together because that ship has unfortunately sailed and Bel's been left behind, and Freddie's found someone who he clashes with, who challenges him, who's French and wants the world he wants. (Except, that Camille's used to the world being different, and England is going to clash and I hope that it turns out okay for them.
This was random meta whoops.