Is it just me?
Have you ever had that feeling where you just don't know whats happening any more?
I noticed something today.
And really, I was like...how does that work?
So I was in college today right? And okay, so this isn't the first time I've had this feeling it's just the first time I've truely noticed it. And I'm getting to the point where I'm too lazy to use proper punctuation and so here it goes. It's leaving us now =]
so yeah, this feeling i had. it was like, okay it's hard to describe. a classmate pointed it out today. my general studies teacher told us about his university interview and how he was asked about what he thought literature was, and how he sat there and didn't have a clue. trust me, there's a point here. so he opened his mouth and told us that he thought shakespeare was literature.
now, i'm not denying that it is, i'm just saying that its not the only kind of literature out there. so it got me thinking. more about that later.
as it were, we were talking about art and paintings. this one was a paulo uccello one, not too sure on the name so i'll call it george and the dragon. in all fairness it's about george, the dragon and the pretty maiden he was meant to save. still, that wasn't the point.
lets cut to the chase. the point is that i have what some may see as an unhealthy relationship with my teachers. now my lord it's nothing like THAT. it's one of those things where the whole class resolves down to the teacher and myself talking. no-one else seems to care. maybe it's because i have a point to prove to either myself or the rest of the college. i really don't know. lets go with examples yeah?
so lets take today, with the uccello painting and the symbolism in it. there was also a poem by a very nice lady [i'm assuming] but i can't remember her name. it was U A Something...i think. either way, it was called not my best side and was of a three stanza length, each verse telling the tale of each of the three characters, in their own opinion that is. i'm still avoiding the point here i think...
seriously now, we had to discuss the painting and the poem and the relationship between the two. and here it comes. the lessons boiled down to the teach questioning and me answering, with the occasional input from a very nice girl who sits in front of me week after week, yet i still don't know her name...
a second example. i used to study classical civilisation. several of my friends study it now. i managed to get into a conversation with their teacher about the sophocles play antigone, which, by the way, is horrendous to see in the original greek setting, obviously in english or else i wouldn't understand it...
i cam out relatively unscathed. i just got teased for talking to the teacher. but the same thing happens after my general re class. i spend an hour talking to the teacher whilst my friend mocks me for being a teachers pet. it's hard really...i don't need to suck up to get the grades yet people assume that of me.
what is it? is it because i'm a science student? does the fact that i've done two maths alevels reduce me to being as dull as ditchwater and having no interest beyond that of solving the chinese postman algorithm? okay admittedly that does intrigue me but what gets my attention more on a friday night is free drinks at the bar. i love those.
maybe its just that my interests are not what people expect of me. i enjoy literature. generally its more pretentious than most people like to admit but i like it like that. thats the way i chose it to be. because then people don't box me in. people don't judge me.
maybe i am just trying to prove a point to everyone else. or maybe what i'm really doing is setting the standard for the next person. a challenge of sorts. maybe all i'm trying to say is, hey world look at me. except don't it frightens me. but i'm going to stay here and take a stand, to be upfront and honest about my achievements, and to show the world what i want it to see, not what it chooses to rip away from me.
or maybe i really just want to get on the staffs good side, so that if i ever feel the need to suddenly crawl into bed, i can skip their class and they'll still mark me present.
being a goody two shoes monday to friday sucks ass really