Losing the will

[angel_x_x]

it's that time of year again
christmas has come round once more and people are running around trying to get all their shopping done on time

personally...i sometimes hate the season

today is one of those days
i'm just not in the mood for putting up decorations, singing christmas songs, talking about christmas

well, its not that really
this time of year just brings back horrible memories
and i seem to relive them year after year

i'm in a state of denial at the moment
i don't want to accept the fact that i'm growing up and so i won't
i refuse to
time won't ravage my body
i won't grow older

i suppose i can make that happen
there is always that last option isn't there?
well...not really
not for me
there shouldn't be for anyone i think

we shouldn't have to die
people shouldn't have to move on and carry on with whatever else needs doing

i love too much to do that

i'm sort of feeling like everything is fading away
it's just not important or interesting enough any more
if it doesn't entertain whats the point of it?
nothing exists for the sake of existing
there's always something much more useful around the corner

can someone find something to give me joy?

i'm sick of the carols
i'm sick of the songs
i'm sick of the endless concerts
i'm sick of the unnecessary rush

i want things back to the way they were
when christmas was christmas and not the midwinter festival of giving and receiving

think of those who will neither give nor receive
think of those whom just have

i'd be one of those for the day

but only if i could go back the next

that makes me selfish right?