The Five Times Nathan Said ‘I Love You’ and the One Time He Wished He Had
Title: The Five Times Nathan Said ‘I Love You’ and the One Time He Wished He Had
Author: angeldylan628, Christina
Character(s)/Pairing: Nathan Petrelli (with Peter and Claire and others...)
Rating: PG
Summary: A series of snapshots involving Nathan and the ones he loves.
I.
Nathan is only five years old, but he’s already learned that his family is different than other families. He’s not talking about the fact that he gets dragged to parties where you always dress to the nines or the fact his family eats prepared in a kitchen he’s never seen or even the fact that he’s got two nannies (one for day and one for night). No, he’s talking about something entirely different all together.
Nathan’s mother hates it when his father says I love you. Even at his young age, he knows there’s something wrong with that. She rolls her eyes behind his father’s back, and sometimes she frowns. Nathan doesn’t get it, because loving someone is supposed to make them feel happy.
Nathan is a curious child, and when he doesn’t understand something, he’s always determined to get to the bottom of it, by any means necessary.
“Mommy, why don’t you love daddy?” he asks. His mother is reading in her study before bed, and upon hearing the question, her eyes shoot up and bulge slightly. Nathan thinks he’s upset her and feels the tears begin to gather in his eyes.
“Why do you think that, sweetie?” she responds. Nathan edges his way further into the room.
“Whenever he says he loves you, you get mad.”
“I don’t get mad because he loves me,” she sighs, placing her book on the table. “Sometimes, people who love each other think saying those words will fix everything.”
Nathan just furrows his eyebrows. “I don’t get it.”
“I love your father, Nathan, and I’m sure he loves me, but love is bigger than just saying the words. Sometimes people who say it don’t really mean it or-”
“But I love you, mommy,” Nathan insists, “I really do!”
“Listen to me, Nathan.” She bends down so that she’s eye level with him and places her hands on his shoulders, “I know you love me, but you have to learn that those words mean nothing by themselves.”
“But, I-”
“If you want to tell someone you love them, show them instead.” She squeezes his shoulders one more time before standing up and offering him her hand. He stares at it for a moment before he takes it. She drags him upstairs for bedtime. It’s one of the few times in his life that she tucks him instead of the nanny.
He doesn’t get what she means but he promises himself he’ll figure it out. In the meantime, he won’t tell his mother ‘I love you’ anymore unless he’s absolutely sure she’ll approve.
Thirty years later and he still can’t bring himself to say those words without flinching.
II.
The bathroom’s covered in blood. So much blood it seeps into the knees of Nathan’s sweatpants as he crouches down next to the figure huddled by the bathtub. He should be traumatized. Most sixteen year olds would be at the sight. Children were not meant to see their fathers in this state, but Nathan never wanted to be a child. They had always treated him like an adult.
That’s why when his mother runs off to call the paramedics, he refuses to leave his father alone, despite her protests. Nathan reassures her, like the good adult he is. He tells her to go check on Peter.
His father’s head slips onto Nathan’s shoulder. It’s cold, very cold, and Nathan knows that his father is losing too much blood, too fast, and he can’t bring himself to inspect exactly where the blood is pouring from. The thought of the gashes somewhere on his arms is enough to make him tremble. Part of him wants to hurl. Another part wants to cry, but he’s strong enough to suppress both urges and just keep reassuring his father that everything’s going to be okay.
His father’s breathing shallows out as he slips into unconsciousness, and Nathan feels the stinging of tears. He’s seen his father at his best, polished shoes and tailored suit and he’s seen him at his worst, covered in his own blood, smelling of alcohol and death, and oddly enough it’s the latter that makes Arthur Petrelli more alive and real to Nathan.
You shouldn’t admire someone who’s attempted suicide more times then you’ve seen them smile. You shouldn’t admire the man who makes your six year old brother cry on a regular basis. Most importantly, you shouldn’t admire a father who’s ensured that you will never be normal.
But Nathan Petrelli doesn’t want to be normal. Nathan Petrelli wants to save the world, starting with his father.
“I love you, dad,” he whispers and the only sound he’s met with is the shallow breathing of the man beside him.
III.
At eighteen, there are many things Nathan doesn’t understand in life, like why colleges make you take SATs or why girls always assume you’re not listening just because you happen to be watching TV while they’re telling you something. But probably the thing he doesn’t understand most is his eight year old brother Peter.
Peter is…well, special. He spends most of his time outside staring up at the sky and then drawing the shapes he spots in the clouds. He’s full of energy, and runs through rooms like a tornado, so fast that you hardly recognize him when he passes through. He loves to draw and has no real preference where his artwork will be displayed. Nathan’s learned to lock his essays for in his bottom drawer to ensure they don’t sport a large elephant made from purple crayon in the bottom corner.
Peter wears a cape and demands that Nathan call him Captain Amazing. He declares on multiple occasions that he is a superhero and he’s going to save the world, and Nathan has to try hard not to chuckle when minutes later, Peter passes out in his lap from sheer exhaustion.
Nathan remembers what it was like to be eight, and he knows for a fact he was nothing like his younger brother. When Nathan was that age, he liked to read books. He hardly ever spoke unless he was being spoken too. When he played outside, he played sports with other kids, and he hated drawing. His crayons were still all pointed and in the back of his closet somewhere. Most importantly, Nathan never wore a cape.
But it doesn’t matter if Peter acts differently than what Nathan expects because at the end of the day, he’s still Nathan’s little brother. Nathan’s going to look after him and protect him for as long as possible.
Unfortunately, he can’t take Peter with him when he goes off the college.
Breaking the news to Peter is the hardest thing Nathan’s ever had to do, and it doesn’t help that he postpones telling him until the weekend before he leaves. Peter cries and yells and basically throws a tantrum before stomping up to his room and slamming his door. His parents try to tell Nathan to let him be, that Peter will come around. Nathan doesn’t though because Nathan never backs down from a challenge and he cannot stand to have Peter mad at him.
However, before Nathan even moves to go upstairs, Peter’s climbing back down the stairs. He hugs Nathan around the waist, but doesn’t say anything. Nathan promises to make the weekend the best he can. He takes Peter to the zoo and to the park. They order in pizza and he even plays the villain to Peter’s superhero, and tries to ignore how easy it is to play the bad guy.
Finally they watch a movie and Nathan watches as Peter’s eyes start to droop.
“You’re not leaving forever, are you Nathan?” Peter whispers as he settles his head on Nathan’s shoulder.
Nathan throws an arm around his brother and pulls him close. “No, Pete.”
“You promise?” The worry in his brother’s voice makes Nathan’s stomach turn.
“Hey,” he says, the sound catching his little brother’s attention. His voice is firm and takes on the disciplinary tone their father often uses, but Peter doesn’t flinch. “I’m not leaving you. I promise I will always be here for you, okay?”
Peter nods as enthusiastically as he can despite the fact he’s still falling asleep.
“Okay,” Nathan says softly.
“I love you, Nathan,” Peter yawns.
“I love you too.”
Nathan knows he’s not the best big brother. He will let Peter down. He also knows it doesn’t matter to Peter because Peter trusts him to always make things right.
Maybe that’s what makes it all so much more tragic.
IV.
“I love you.”
She doesn’t say anything, but the smile slides off her gentle face. He wonders if he did something wrong. He’s said the words to other girls before but this is the first time he actually means it. It’s not just a ruse to get past second base, cause God knows they’ve been there, done that and then some.
Meredith wasn’t like other girls. She was funny and tough and she didn’t take his shit. She dreamt big, wanted to travel the world. She had hopes and a drive to do what ever it took to get ahead. Deep down, Nathan sometimes would wonder if Meredith just saw him as a ticket out of Kermit, Texas, but then he remembers she hasn’t asked him for a dime and she never talks about their future, and somehow that makes him love her even more.
“What?” Nathan frowns, watching her avert her eyes, playing with her piece of cake. They’re having their usual lunch just outside the base. Nathan loves his routines, and Meredith has come to deal with them as well. She wishes he had some sense of spontaneity deep inside, but she’ll take him for what he’s worth.
“You don’t mean that.”
“Yes I do.”
“Nathan.”
“Meredith.”
She drops his hand.
“We’re from two different worlds, Nathan,” Meredith says plainly, “And it’ll always be that way.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” He’s flustered now, and Meredith can see that the future lawyer in him will not just drop this.
“You don’t love me. You love the idea of me.”
“Oh come on…”
“It’s true. I’m the girl you’re screwing to piss of your parents. You have to get the rebellion out of your system before you start playing politician or whatever it is that your daddy wants you to do,” She says it so casually that Nathan almost misses the hurt flash briefly in her eyes before it’s buried beneath a lucid smile.
“I’m here because I want to be here with you, and I’d stay here forever, but for the record, I’ll admit the fact that our relationship pisses off my parents is an added bonus.” The last part is said as a charming grin slides across his face, but Meredith doesn’t see it. She’s caught up in her own doubts.
“I don’t believe you,” she shrugs.
“Well, it doesn’t matter because I still love you,” Nathan mutters, ignoring the accusations she’s made.
“You just hate it when people try and prove you wrong,” Meredith laughs and grabs his hand back. She studies his eyes for a long time, and he wonders what she’s possibly looking for.
“I love you too.”
He darts across the table and steals a kiss from her, a grin ever present on his face. “I knew you’d see it my way.”
Meredith rolls her eyes and finishes her cake. She doesn’t say another word all day, but looking back, Nathan doesn’t mind. The next day she’d tell him she’s pregnant and those two words would spell the end of their relationship.
V.
There’s never time anymore. Life just keeps piling up. There’s no longer time for routines, because work runs all hours of the day interrupting any sense of normalcy he could have attained. Nathan can’t remember the last time he’s gotten a full night’s sleep. But there are benefits.
A few months ago, he met a girl at his office. He literally ran into her actually. He was so busy running over the details of his next case that he didn’t even see her step off the elevator. And not to sound cliché, but he could have sworn the world stop turning the minute she looked up at him. Her eyes…they had to be the prettiest shade of blue he’d ever seen. He was so lost in them that he didn’t even hear her when she asked if he was okay. She must have found him endearing because she asked him out for coffee that afternoon.
Her name was Heidi, and she worked in the building across the street. She graduated from Brown, and she was a legal consultant for some small business whose name Nathan didn’t catch. Her family was loaded, though during that first meeting, she didn’t say it. Nathan just happened to notice the pricy watch on her wrist and the designer heels. More importantly, she had the courage to ask him out first, and for that, he admired her most.
Five months later, and he’s still dating her; a new record, Peter informs him.
He can hear Meredith’s voice in his head telling him she’s the perfect trophy wife and it doesn’t help that his parents adore her. At first, he doesn’t know if he’s dating her to make his parents happy or to piss the voice in his head off because he still hasn’t properly grieved Meredith. He still hasn’t grieved the child, his daughter. Heidi’s not the first girl he’s gone out with since the whole Meredith fiasco, but she’s the first that’s stuck.
She makes him smile. And he’s missed being able to smile. She gets his schedule and the life he’s building for himself. She doesn’t mind the fact that he cancels dates and calls at weird hours. She lives the same life herself.
He knows he’s getting close to her, maybe too close. He’s falling for her. So he does what he’s good at. He works more and more.
“How was your day?” she asks, during one of their daily phone calls. It’s eleven o’clock and Nathan’s still at the office. He doesn’t question how Heidi knew he’d be here. If anything it makes him smile.
“It was okay,” he says, and he doesn’t add anything more. Instead, he starts shuffling through his papers. He notices a file’s gone missing, “Hold on a sec.”
He finds it not long after under his desk calendar, but before he can open his mouth to say anything, he hears the dial tone click. He stares at the phone, thoroughly confused before calling her back.
“Hello.”
“Did you hang up on me?”
“Do you know how to say hello?”
“I have no time for small talk or sequiturs.”
“Right, well because of that, I’ve learned that if you stop talking for more than thirty seconds, I should hang up.”
“I was still on the line.”
“Many times, you’ve hung up with me while I’m still on the line.”
He feels bad, but he’s Nathan Petrelli and that guilt washes away quickly and turns into the need to prove he’s right.
“Name one.”
“How about every time? I never know when you’re going to hang up,” Heidi complains, “You still haven’t learned how to say goodbye.”
“I’ll have to work on that,” Nathan grins, admiring the fact that she doesn’t back down.
“Hmm,” she says dismissively.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she chuckles, “I should get to bed. I’m meeting with a client early tomorrow.”
“Well, don’t let me keep you.”
“Goodnight, Nathan.”
“Love you.”
He hangs up the phone without another thought. It’s not until he’s sitting in his apartment, buried in paperwork that he realizes what he said. It’s the point of no return in the relationship, and he finds it odd that instead of anxiety, all he feels is relief.
From that point on, every conversation between them ends the same.
VI.
In Nathan’s spare time, he enjoys flying over the Atlantic Ocean and free falling just to catch himself. He’s always had public speaking down and he can slice through crowds like it’s nothing. He’s held a 10 foot boa constrictor around his arm and has been known to squish spiders between his index finger and thumb without a second glance, and to top it all off, he’d never once slept with a night light. To put it shortly, Nathan Petrelli fears nothing.
Nothing except the pint sized teenage daughter who showed up in his life not too long ago. He knows everything about her. He can guess every thought that passes through that blonde little head of hers. He knows the meaning behind every glance, every sad smile and quirk of an eyebrow. He knows it all, and that scares him because he can count on one hand the number of times he’s actually seen her face to face.
He had always been good at reading people, but this…this is different.
This is instinct.
“Thanks for having me,” Claire says, though Nathan notices her eyes are resting on Peter despite the fact that Nathan was the one who had invited her out to New York and given her a place to stay. He understands it though. Most of her time had been spent with Peter. Nathan was a busy man, and while he had hoped to spend some time with her, his schedule just wouldn’t allow it. In his absence, Peter had been the one to show her around New York. As a result, he had a feeling Claire had assumed he didn’t want her here and that Peter had forced the whole invitation.
She was wrong if she thought that, but he didn’t know how to tell her it. Nathan still wasn’t any good at communication, especially when it came to people he actually gave a damn about.
“It was a pleasure really,” Peter says before Nathan can open his mouth, only furthering Claire’s suspicions. “I had fun.”
“I did too,” Claire smiles and Nathan notices it looks just like Meredith’s smile, all warmth and candor and nothing dishonest about it. She turns her blue-green eyes to him and the smile doesn’t evaporate like he expects it to. “I wish we had had more time together.”
“I do too,” he says, hoping it doesn’t sound forced or fake, because for once it’s not an act. Everything is genuine and he’s pretty sure she doesn’t think he has a genuine bone in his body. “I should have cleared my schedule.”
“There’s always next time,” she says. Their eyes meet, and he gives her the best smile he can. Then, she does something unexpected. She wraps her tiny arms around him and buries her head on his shoulder.
He’s a little worried. Mainly because the last time she hugged him, she threw herself out a ten story building, but he doesn’t spot any windows. It’s then that he chuckles internally about how fucked up this family is.
When she pulls back, they both hesitate as words unspoken hang between them, but they’re both unable to pull at them. So they exchange another smile before Claire turns to Peter and squeezes his hand, thanking him again for showing her around New York. Then she slides her messenger back over her shoulder and pulls the hat on her head lower to hide her eyes. She takes two steps towards her destination before turning on a dime to face him again.
“Don’t be a stranger, Nathan.”
It’s the closest either of them get to an “I love you.”
He watches her head to her gate, her blonde hair bouncing over her shoulder with each step she takes. He just smiles when Peter claps him on the arm and tells him she’ll be back at Christmas, but he can’t help but feel like he should have told her; given her a reason to want to come back. If she just knew…
“She knows,” Peter says, looking away, obviously guilty about picking up on the stray thought passing through Nathan’s head.
“It doesn’t matter.” Nathan quickly pulls his sunglasses over his eyes and Peter can barely keep up with the pace he sets as they trudge out of the airport.
He doesn’t glance over his shoulder for one last glimpse of her. Partly because it was hard enough letting go, but mostly because he knows she won’t be looking back for him.
She is after all her father’s daughter.
And he loves her for that.
Author: angeldylan628, Christina
Character(s)/Pairing: Nathan Petrelli (with Peter and Claire and others...)
Rating: PG
Summary: A series of snapshots involving Nathan and the ones he loves.
I.
Nathan is only five years old, but he’s already learned that his family is different than other families. He’s not talking about the fact that he gets dragged to parties where you always dress to the nines or the fact his family eats prepared in a kitchen he’s never seen or even the fact that he’s got two nannies (one for day and one for night). No, he’s talking about something entirely different all together.
Nathan’s mother hates it when his father says I love you. Even at his young age, he knows there’s something wrong with that. She rolls her eyes behind his father’s back, and sometimes she frowns. Nathan doesn’t get it, because loving someone is supposed to make them feel happy.
Nathan is a curious child, and when he doesn’t understand something, he’s always determined to get to the bottom of it, by any means necessary.
“Mommy, why don’t you love daddy?” he asks. His mother is reading in her study before bed, and upon hearing the question, her eyes shoot up and bulge slightly. Nathan thinks he’s upset her and feels the tears begin to gather in his eyes.
“Why do you think that, sweetie?” she responds. Nathan edges his way further into the room.
“Whenever he says he loves you, you get mad.”
“I don’t get mad because he loves me,” she sighs, placing her book on the table. “Sometimes, people who love each other think saying those words will fix everything.”
Nathan just furrows his eyebrows. “I don’t get it.”
“I love your father, Nathan, and I’m sure he loves me, but love is bigger than just saying the words. Sometimes people who say it don’t really mean it or-”
“But I love you, mommy,” Nathan insists, “I really do!”
“Listen to me, Nathan.” She bends down so that she’s eye level with him and places her hands on his shoulders, “I know you love me, but you have to learn that those words mean nothing by themselves.”
“But, I-”
“If you want to tell someone you love them, show them instead.” She squeezes his shoulders one more time before standing up and offering him her hand. He stares at it for a moment before he takes it. She drags him upstairs for bedtime. It’s one of the few times in his life that she tucks him instead of the nanny.
He doesn’t get what she means but he promises himself he’ll figure it out. In the meantime, he won’t tell his mother ‘I love you’ anymore unless he’s absolutely sure she’ll approve.
Thirty years later and he still can’t bring himself to say those words without flinching.
II.
The bathroom’s covered in blood. So much blood it seeps into the knees of Nathan’s sweatpants as he crouches down next to the figure huddled by the bathtub. He should be traumatized. Most sixteen year olds would be at the sight. Children were not meant to see their fathers in this state, but Nathan never wanted to be a child. They had always treated him like an adult.
That’s why when his mother runs off to call the paramedics, he refuses to leave his father alone, despite her protests. Nathan reassures her, like the good adult he is. He tells her to go check on Peter.
His father’s head slips onto Nathan’s shoulder. It’s cold, very cold, and Nathan knows that his father is losing too much blood, too fast, and he can’t bring himself to inspect exactly where the blood is pouring from. The thought of the gashes somewhere on his arms is enough to make him tremble. Part of him wants to hurl. Another part wants to cry, but he’s strong enough to suppress both urges and just keep reassuring his father that everything’s going to be okay.
His father’s breathing shallows out as he slips into unconsciousness, and Nathan feels the stinging of tears. He’s seen his father at his best, polished shoes and tailored suit and he’s seen him at his worst, covered in his own blood, smelling of alcohol and death, and oddly enough it’s the latter that makes Arthur Petrelli more alive and real to Nathan.
You shouldn’t admire someone who’s attempted suicide more times then you’ve seen them smile. You shouldn’t admire the man who makes your six year old brother cry on a regular basis. Most importantly, you shouldn’t admire a father who’s ensured that you will never be normal.
But Nathan Petrelli doesn’t want to be normal. Nathan Petrelli wants to save the world, starting with his father.
“I love you, dad,” he whispers and the only sound he’s met with is the shallow breathing of the man beside him.
III.
At eighteen, there are many things Nathan doesn’t understand in life, like why colleges make you take SATs or why girls always assume you’re not listening just because you happen to be watching TV while they’re telling you something. But probably the thing he doesn’t understand most is his eight year old brother Peter.
Peter is…well, special. He spends most of his time outside staring up at the sky and then drawing the shapes he spots in the clouds. He’s full of energy, and runs through rooms like a tornado, so fast that you hardly recognize him when he passes through. He loves to draw and has no real preference where his artwork will be displayed. Nathan’s learned to lock his essays for in his bottom drawer to ensure they don’t sport a large elephant made from purple crayon in the bottom corner.
Peter wears a cape and demands that Nathan call him Captain Amazing. He declares on multiple occasions that he is a superhero and he’s going to save the world, and Nathan has to try hard not to chuckle when minutes later, Peter passes out in his lap from sheer exhaustion.
Nathan remembers what it was like to be eight, and he knows for a fact he was nothing like his younger brother. When Nathan was that age, he liked to read books. He hardly ever spoke unless he was being spoken too. When he played outside, he played sports with other kids, and he hated drawing. His crayons were still all pointed and in the back of his closet somewhere. Most importantly, Nathan never wore a cape.
But it doesn’t matter if Peter acts differently than what Nathan expects because at the end of the day, he’s still Nathan’s little brother. Nathan’s going to look after him and protect him for as long as possible.
Unfortunately, he can’t take Peter with him when he goes off the college.
Breaking the news to Peter is the hardest thing Nathan’s ever had to do, and it doesn’t help that he postpones telling him until the weekend before he leaves. Peter cries and yells and basically throws a tantrum before stomping up to his room and slamming his door. His parents try to tell Nathan to let him be, that Peter will come around. Nathan doesn’t though because Nathan never backs down from a challenge and he cannot stand to have Peter mad at him.
However, before Nathan even moves to go upstairs, Peter’s climbing back down the stairs. He hugs Nathan around the waist, but doesn’t say anything. Nathan promises to make the weekend the best he can. He takes Peter to the zoo and to the park. They order in pizza and he even plays the villain to Peter’s superhero, and tries to ignore how easy it is to play the bad guy.
Finally they watch a movie and Nathan watches as Peter’s eyes start to droop.
“You’re not leaving forever, are you Nathan?” Peter whispers as he settles his head on Nathan’s shoulder.
Nathan throws an arm around his brother and pulls him close. “No, Pete.”
“You promise?” The worry in his brother’s voice makes Nathan’s stomach turn.
“Hey,” he says, the sound catching his little brother’s attention. His voice is firm and takes on the disciplinary tone their father often uses, but Peter doesn’t flinch. “I’m not leaving you. I promise I will always be here for you, okay?”
Peter nods as enthusiastically as he can despite the fact he’s still falling asleep.
“Okay,” Nathan says softly.
“I love you, Nathan,” Peter yawns.
“I love you too.”
Nathan knows he’s not the best big brother. He will let Peter down. He also knows it doesn’t matter to Peter because Peter trusts him to always make things right.
Maybe that’s what makes it all so much more tragic.
IV.
“I love you.”
She doesn’t say anything, but the smile slides off her gentle face. He wonders if he did something wrong. He’s said the words to other girls before but this is the first time he actually means it. It’s not just a ruse to get past second base, cause God knows they’ve been there, done that and then some.
Meredith wasn’t like other girls. She was funny and tough and she didn’t take his shit. She dreamt big, wanted to travel the world. She had hopes and a drive to do what ever it took to get ahead. Deep down, Nathan sometimes would wonder if Meredith just saw him as a ticket out of Kermit, Texas, but then he remembers she hasn’t asked him for a dime and she never talks about their future, and somehow that makes him love her even more.
“What?” Nathan frowns, watching her avert her eyes, playing with her piece of cake. They’re having their usual lunch just outside the base. Nathan loves his routines, and Meredith has come to deal with them as well. She wishes he had some sense of spontaneity deep inside, but she’ll take him for what he’s worth.
“You don’t mean that.”
“Yes I do.”
“Nathan.”
“Meredith.”
She drops his hand.
“We’re from two different worlds, Nathan,” Meredith says plainly, “And it’ll always be that way.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” He’s flustered now, and Meredith can see that the future lawyer in him will not just drop this.
“You don’t love me. You love the idea of me.”
“Oh come on…”
“It’s true. I’m the girl you’re screwing to piss of your parents. You have to get the rebellion out of your system before you start playing politician or whatever it is that your daddy wants you to do,” She says it so casually that Nathan almost misses the hurt flash briefly in her eyes before it’s buried beneath a lucid smile.
“I’m here because I want to be here with you, and I’d stay here forever, but for the record, I’ll admit the fact that our relationship pisses off my parents is an added bonus.” The last part is said as a charming grin slides across his face, but Meredith doesn’t see it. She’s caught up in her own doubts.
“I don’t believe you,” she shrugs.
“Well, it doesn’t matter because I still love you,” Nathan mutters, ignoring the accusations she’s made.
“You just hate it when people try and prove you wrong,” Meredith laughs and grabs his hand back. She studies his eyes for a long time, and he wonders what she’s possibly looking for.
“I love you too.”
He darts across the table and steals a kiss from her, a grin ever present on his face. “I knew you’d see it my way.”
Meredith rolls her eyes and finishes her cake. She doesn’t say another word all day, but looking back, Nathan doesn’t mind. The next day she’d tell him she’s pregnant and those two words would spell the end of their relationship.
V.
There’s never time anymore. Life just keeps piling up. There’s no longer time for routines, because work runs all hours of the day interrupting any sense of normalcy he could have attained. Nathan can’t remember the last time he’s gotten a full night’s sleep. But there are benefits.
A few months ago, he met a girl at his office. He literally ran into her actually. He was so busy running over the details of his next case that he didn’t even see her step off the elevator. And not to sound cliché, but he could have sworn the world stop turning the minute she looked up at him. Her eyes…they had to be the prettiest shade of blue he’d ever seen. He was so lost in them that he didn’t even hear her when she asked if he was okay. She must have found him endearing because she asked him out for coffee that afternoon.
Her name was Heidi, and she worked in the building across the street. She graduated from Brown, and she was a legal consultant for some small business whose name Nathan didn’t catch. Her family was loaded, though during that first meeting, she didn’t say it. Nathan just happened to notice the pricy watch on her wrist and the designer heels. More importantly, she had the courage to ask him out first, and for that, he admired her most.
Five months later, and he’s still dating her; a new record, Peter informs him.
He can hear Meredith’s voice in his head telling him she’s the perfect trophy wife and it doesn’t help that his parents adore her. At first, he doesn’t know if he’s dating her to make his parents happy or to piss the voice in his head off because he still hasn’t properly grieved Meredith. He still hasn’t grieved the child, his daughter. Heidi’s not the first girl he’s gone out with since the whole Meredith fiasco, but she’s the first that’s stuck.
She makes him smile. And he’s missed being able to smile. She gets his schedule and the life he’s building for himself. She doesn’t mind the fact that he cancels dates and calls at weird hours. She lives the same life herself.
He knows he’s getting close to her, maybe too close. He’s falling for her. So he does what he’s good at. He works more and more.
“How was your day?” she asks, during one of their daily phone calls. It’s eleven o’clock and Nathan’s still at the office. He doesn’t question how Heidi knew he’d be here. If anything it makes him smile.
“It was okay,” he says, and he doesn’t add anything more. Instead, he starts shuffling through his papers. He notices a file’s gone missing, “Hold on a sec.”
He finds it not long after under his desk calendar, but before he can open his mouth to say anything, he hears the dial tone click. He stares at the phone, thoroughly confused before calling her back.
“Hello.”
“Did you hang up on me?”
“Do you know how to say hello?”
“I have no time for small talk or sequiturs.”
“Right, well because of that, I’ve learned that if you stop talking for more than thirty seconds, I should hang up.”
“I was still on the line.”
“Many times, you’ve hung up with me while I’m still on the line.”
He feels bad, but he’s Nathan Petrelli and that guilt washes away quickly and turns into the need to prove he’s right.
“Name one.”
“How about every time? I never know when you’re going to hang up,” Heidi complains, “You still haven’t learned how to say goodbye.”
“I’ll have to work on that,” Nathan grins, admiring the fact that she doesn’t back down.
“Hmm,” she says dismissively.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she chuckles, “I should get to bed. I’m meeting with a client early tomorrow.”
“Well, don’t let me keep you.”
“Goodnight, Nathan.”
“Love you.”
He hangs up the phone without another thought. It’s not until he’s sitting in his apartment, buried in paperwork that he realizes what he said. It’s the point of no return in the relationship, and he finds it odd that instead of anxiety, all he feels is relief.
From that point on, every conversation between them ends the same.
VI.
In Nathan’s spare time, he enjoys flying over the Atlantic Ocean and free falling just to catch himself. He’s always had public speaking down and he can slice through crowds like it’s nothing. He’s held a 10 foot boa constrictor around his arm and has been known to squish spiders between his index finger and thumb without a second glance, and to top it all off, he’d never once slept with a night light. To put it shortly, Nathan Petrelli fears nothing.
Nothing except the pint sized teenage daughter who showed up in his life not too long ago. He knows everything about her. He can guess every thought that passes through that blonde little head of hers. He knows the meaning behind every glance, every sad smile and quirk of an eyebrow. He knows it all, and that scares him because he can count on one hand the number of times he’s actually seen her face to face.
He had always been good at reading people, but this…this is different.
This is instinct.
“Thanks for having me,” Claire says, though Nathan notices her eyes are resting on Peter despite the fact that Nathan was the one who had invited her out to New York and given her a place to stay. He understands it though. Most of her time had been spent with Peter. Nathan was a busy man, and while he had hoped to spend some time with her, his schedule just wouldn’t allow it. In his absence, Peter had been the one to show her around New York. As a result, he had a feeling Claire had assumed he didn’t want her here and that Peter had forced the whole invitation.
She was wrong if she thought that, but he didn’t know how to tell her it. Nathan still wasn’t any good at communication, especially when it came to people he actually gave a damn about.
“It was a pleasure really,” Peter says before Nathan can open his mouth, only furthering Claire’s suspicions. “I had fun.”
“I did too,” Claire smiles and Nathan notices it looks just like Meredith’s smile, all warmth and candor and nothing dishonest about it. She turns her blue-green eyes to him and the smile doesn’t evaporate like he expects it to. “I wish we had had more time together.”
“I do too,” he says, hoping it doesn’t sound forced or fake, because for once it’s not an act. Everything is genuine and he’s pretty sure she doesn’t think he has a genuine bone in his body. “I should have cleared my schedule.”
“There’s always next time,” she says. Their eyes meet, and he gives her the best smile he can. Then, she does something unexpected. She wraps her tiny arms around him and buries her head on his shoulder.
He’s a little worried. Mainly because the last time she hugged him, she threw herself out a ten story building, but he doesn’t spot any windows. It’s then that he chuckles internally about how fucked up this family is.
When she pulls back, they both hesitate as words unspoken hang between them, but they’re both unable to pull at them. So they exchange another smile before Claire turns to Peter and squeezes his hand, thanking him again for showing her around New York. Then she slides her messenger back over her shoulder and pulls the hat on her head lower to hide her eyes. She takes two steps towards her destination before turning on a dime to face him again.
“Don’t be a stranger, Nathan.”
It’s the closest either of them get to an “I love you.”
He watches her head to her gate, her blonde hair bouncing over her shoulder with each step she takes. He just smiles when Peter claps him on the arm and tells him she’ll be back at Christmas, but he can’t help but feel like he should have told her; given her a reason to want to come back. If she just knew…
“She knows,” Peter says, looking away, obviously guilty about picking up on the stray thought passing through Nathan’s head.
“It doesn’t matter.” Nathan quickly pulls his sunglasses over his eyes and Peter can barely keep up with the pace he sets as they trudge out of the airport.
He doesn’t glance over his shoulder for one last glimpse of her. Partly because it was hard enough letting go, but mostly because he knows she won’t be looking back for him.
She is after all her father’s daughter.
And he loves her for that.