Spiritual healing, in my opinion, cannot be found in a church. It is something you come to through your own trials and victories. It comes from searching within yourself and around you and finding appreciation for the smallest joys. It is believing in yourself when nobody else does. Trusted friends and family and even strangers can help you on that journey; ultimately though it is all up to you to find that spiritual fulfillment that your soul longs for.
Sometimes I feel so broken and empty. I feel that like I'm walking alone lost in a barren strange place and I want so desperately to find something...anything...that will help.
I also feel like I just need to let go...stop trying to control it. I don't know if I know how though.:(
My soul needs something...I just don't know what that something is.
For as long as I can remember - even as a young child - I had always felt as if something or some part of me was missing. After my recovery, I battled some long held demons of various varieties and learned to let them go. That was the start of my process towards fulfillment. I became stronger as a woman and learned what it was I wanted out of life. Last summer I began to realize that John would never be able to fulfill the other things I needed in a partner. When I met Jose, I finally felt as if nothing was missing anymore. I know it is a bit corny and contrary to what I was saying; however, while I had found a way to feel as if my life were my own there was still a part of my soul that was missing and when we came together it was like the missing piece of the puzzle had been found.
I'll have to email you about some of this because I'd rather not comment on here for "public" viewing, ya know? So I'm off to write that email.
I also have the other journal set to Friends Only if you'd feel more comfortable in that one. Or I can set up and entry to have the comments screened:)
i am not TOOO religious either.....but, i am faithful.
amanda....you are a strong-willed person that can work her way through everything and anything you put your mind to.
i am no way a person that pushes a kind/type of religion to anyone, but ive learned a lot from the church that i attended very regularly because of my mom.
i grew up with this 'way of life' as one of my sunday school teachers put it. he preferred to call it that instead of a religion. he said their were too many boundaries in 'religion.' i dont know how to describe it.
i think, now that i am older, if/when i attend church, i let go completely and i cry because i know no one there judges me, i have a chance to pray for people who need help, and equally, they pray for me. it really is kind of amazing.
if youre interested, im willing to go to a service if you are. haha. no pressure. just an offer.
I don't know if you and I have ever really talked about church and faith and religion before:)
I grew up in the church, born and raised playing with the PKs.
I like going to church, I just get tired of it easily...unless I can remain anonymous and just fellowship and spend time with God. It's weird I guess. I don't have anything against churches, I just tend to have a hard time finding an accepting church.
I'd love to go to service with you Jo:) I think it'd be awesome to share worship with you:)
Well there lady..you know who i am..it's been an AWFULLY long time since i posted on your LJ...what a mess we all had, eh? So glad that's all over.
Anyways, church stuff, ect...
It's a difficult one. Life is tough. We are imperfect. And He calls us to a life of holiness, set apart as it were. You and i know it's not about rules and regulations. It's about heart. Sincerity. Relationship. It's just our actions speak of the condition of our hearts. Church...eh...it gets muddy...lets face it-it's full of people like you and me. HAHA!! Everyone is prone to judging and miscalculation..and unsolicited advise. (why people seem to think this ONLY happens in church is beyond me..kinda makes me giggle...it's like saying only BOYS fart or something)
Eh, i dunno. Anyway...here's MY unsolicited advice (ta hehe)...If you're not going to go to church, at least bury yourself in the Word. It has more healing and hope than any other source.
Love you and i hope this all came out right. Blaze (RM)
Yeah, I've taken to reading the Bible and praying fervently at night. I'm into the 12th chapter of Genesis right now:)
At this point I don't know that I, personally, can do anymore.
I think I've just had a run with churches that I don't get fed at. By either my own faults or others. I almost want to just start a home group...not a church...for all my friends. We can all get together and discuss the Bible, our faiths...all sorts of good stuff.
It came out fine hun:) I don't know if you'll read the reply...but it all came out fine:)
Comments 9
I know...I've been there.
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Sometimes I feel so broken and empty. I feel that like I'm walking alone lost in a barren strange place and I want so desperately to find something...anything...that will help.
I also feel like I just need to let go...stop trying to control it. I don't know if I know how though.:(
My soul needs something...I just don't know what that something is.
Reply
I'll have to email you about some of this because I'd rather not comment on here for "public" viewing, ya know? So I'm off to write that email.
Reply
I also have the other journal set to Friends Only if you'd feel more comfortable in that one. Or I can set up and entry to have the comments screened:)
C'mon!! I'm in suspense!
Reply
amanda....you are a strong-willed person that can work her way through everything and anything you put your mind to.
i am no way a person that pushes a kind/type of religion to anyone, but ive learned a lot from the church that i attended very regularly because of my mom.
i grew up with this 'way of life' as one of my sunday school teachers put it. he preferred to call it that instead of a religion. he said their were too many boundaries in 'religion.' i dont know how to describe it.
i think, now that i am older, if/when i attend church, i let go completely and i cry because i know no one there judges me, i have a chance to pray for people who need help, and equally, they pray for me. it really is kind of amazing.
if youre interested, im willing to go to a service if you are. haha. no pressure. just an offer.
love you, lady.
Reply
I grew up in the church, born and raised playing with the PKs.
I like going to church, I just get tired of it easily...unless I can remain anonymous and just fellowship and spend time with God. It's weird I guess. I don't have anything against churches, I just tend to have a hard time finding an accepting church.
I'd love to go to service with you Jo:) I think it'd be awesome to share worship with you:)
We'll work out timing:)
*big hug* love you too:)
Reply
Anyways, church stuff, ect...
It's a difficult one. Life is tough. We are imperfect. And He calls us to a life of holiness, set apart as it were. You and i know it's not about rules and regulations. It's about heart. Sincerity. Relationship. It's just our actions speak of the condition of our hearts. Church...eh...it gets muddy...lets face it-it's full of people like you and me. HAHA!! Everyone is prone to judging and miscalculation..and unsolicited advise. (why people seem to think this ONLY happens in church is beyond me..kinda makes me giggle...it's like saying only BOYS fart or something)
Eh, i dunno. Anyway...here's MY unsolicited advice (ta hehe)...If you're not going to go to church, at least bury yourself in the Word. It has more healing and hope than any other source.
Love you and i hope this all came out right.
Blaze (RM)
Reply
At this point I don't know that I, personally, can do anymore.
I think I've just had a run with churches that I don't get fed at. By either my own faults or others. I almost want to just start a home group...not a church...for all my friends. We can all get together and discuss the Bible, our faiths...all sorts of good stuff.
It came out fine hun:) I don't know if you'll read the reply...but it all came out fine:)
Love:)
Me
p.s. Rubios...Fish Tacos...OMG!
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