Me and My
My lover and I, we don't see each other too often anymore. He tells me that it's normal for someone to only want to see their girlfriend every two weeks. He tells me I should be grateful he even sees me that often. He tells me that he is happy where he is and that there is no reason to go all the way out to see me when he could be just as happy at home. He tells me it's because I yell at him too much.
My lover and I, we don't get along so well anymore. I tell him it's because we don't see each other too often anymore. I tell him it's because he doesn't value me as a person. He tells me it's because I'm ungrateful for what he gives me. He tells me that it's because I purposefully do things to anger him, such as ask him when is he coming over, and then question him as to what went into his decision making process. He tells me that I am the one trying to get something out of him, and that if I want it, I shouldn't do things that make him unhappy.
My lover and I, we used to love each other. We used to yearn to see each other. We used to hold hands. He used to kiss me out of the blue. He used to call me just to say hi. He used to come to my house the eve of my days off and stay until the mornings I had to work. He used to be patient and caring. He used to say it was a mistake to leave me, that he was wrong for treating me bad. He used to promise he would never leave me. He used to make me feel loved.
My lover, he doesn't love me too much anymore. He tells me what my place should be, I reject that place below him, he tells me I should go. He tells me he loves me, and then treats me like dirt. He tells me he cares, then hangs up on me. I love him with all my heart. There won't be anyone after him. He's like the family dog that dies in such a tragic way that for the rest of your life you wince when you see a similar dog. I'm done with love.
Me, I used to have a lover, but not anymore.
thanks marybeans. READ THIS.
So here I am..updating for the first time in over a month. Or a month. I don't even know. I had the night off at Burlington, so I figured I'd come by my Madre's house to steal some food.
I've been crazzzzzzy busy with two jobs, but it's okay, cuz I'm loving it. I'm doing great at the bank, and Burlington is just some good extra cash. These paychecks make me a happy girl. =)
There's been some ups and downs with things here and there along the way, but I'm getting by.
It's funny when you start to really live your OWN life...everything falls into place. Things that weren't clear before, are starting to focus in day after day. And I'm loving it.
I'm sad I don't get to hang out with people as much anymore. And I'm mad at myself for not keeping in touch with people, but I've learned communication is a two-way street. And I can be mad at myself for letting my priorities slip out of reach, but I can't feel guilty for not speaking to someone if they don't make an effort...
I feel like I'm on a permanent high. Life is good. And independence is a release.