Essay 1
I thought I'd share my first essay from my online English class. I haven't updated in a while and I really have nothing else to share, so I hope you enjoy it.
I’ve always been a shy person. As a child, I hid behind my mom whenever we were around people I didn’t know. As a pre-teen, I tried hiding myself in my clothes and at the back of a classroom. In high school, I was even worse because I couldn’t even give eye contact. So, why was I standing on a stage in front of a room full of people with a microphone in front of my face?
Since 4th grade, I had been a part of a choir. I loved music dearly from the first moment I heard it. I sang whenever I heard a song I even vaguely knew, but I never sang loud enough for others to hear. I was deathly afraid of the attention and of what people might think of me. I was even more afraid that someone would say I sang terribly and that my love for music would disappear when I heard their opinion on my singing. The fear of losing my love for music continued on into high school until one fateful day in my freshman year when I heard about the first annual solo concert.
Mr. Flannery, our music teacher, made the announcement to us one class morning in the early spring about an “end of the year” performance for anyone who wanted to do it. I had to try out. I can’t tell you what made me make the decision to sing in front of a large group of strangers because I don’t know. Maybe a part of me had grown up a little and knew singing alone in front of an audience wouldn’t kill me. A larger part of me screamed, “You will fail!”
I took the whole rest of the day to decide if I truly wanted to take that step into the unknown. After 6th period, I slowly made my way to the music room and successfully tried out for my very first solo. I spent the next two weeks trying to come up with a song to sing. Fortunately, my musical tastes had changed drastically in my years of junior high. I went from listening to strictly R&B and Pop songs to Classic Rock, Oldies, and Alternative music. Immediately, I thought of The Carpenters and the song, “Close to You”. I knew since I shared some of the same vocal range as Karen Carpenter, I could sing one of her songs without difficulty and without the embarrassment I constantly feared.
I bought the cassette album of “Close to You” and practiced constantly. I sang it in my bedroom, in the shower, and in my mom’s car. My mom told me to breathe and reassured me the night would go well. I wasn’t feeling as positive as my mom. The night of the solo concert was getting closer and the butterflies in my stomach kept multiplying. I was starting to second guess myself. The concert was going to bring about the end of the world! I felt the fear and anxiety in every bone in my body. Singing was going to be a huge mistake!
As much as I tried to stop or slow down time, the night had finally arrived. I was bouncing all over the house before we left and in the car on the way to the school. I was jabbering like a crazy person. I had never felt so nervous before in my life.
The seniors sang at the start of the concert and the rest of us were mixed in for the rest of the show. As my turn got closer, I began to feel numb and thinking that this was just a dream. Being numb was good because if my mind hadn’t rejected the current scenario of singing in front of people, I would have quit the moment I stepped foot into the theater. Mr. Flannery called my name and announced the song that I would be singing. I begrudgingly walked towards the stage, my heart beating like a hummingbird’s. In a way, heading up to the stage was like walking the green mile, the death march in a prison.
I felt time slow down as I took the steps up to the stage and slowly turned to face the crowd. I faced the microphone and I saw nothing in front of me! Nothing but a bright white light! The lights of the theater blinded my view of the audience. My fear almost melted away in their heat. I looked back to Mr. Flannery, gave him a wavering smile, and he began to play. The words flowed out of my mouth like water over stones in a brook. If someone looked close enough, he or she could tell I was tense and nervous by my hands held in a death grip, but I held steady. When it came to the last chorus, I forgot that the words were switched from the first chorus. I messed up! Fortunately, I had learned a trick in my choir class: “If you ever make a mistake, just keep singing and no one will notice.”
Growing up I trusted no one more than my mom. At that point in my life of uncertainty, Mr. Flannery was the one other person who had my complete and unwavering trust. That night on the stage, he held the strings above me with his piano to keep me from falling. I was a success! I may not have won anything, but I was a success to myself and to especially to my mom. Singing in front of an audience was one of the greatest moments of my life when I realized that taking steps into the unknown wasn’t as dark as I thought. The light of that same unknown, of my music teacher, and of the music itself was what showed me how singing alone in front of an audience was truly nothing to fear.
I’ve always been a shy person. As a child, I hid behind my mom whenever we were around people I didn’t know. As a pre-teen, I tried hiding myself in my clothes and at the back of a classroom. In high school, I was even worse because I couldn’t even give eye contact. So, why was I standing on a stage in front of a room full of people with a microphone in front of my face?
Since 4th grade, I had been a part of a choir. I loved music dearly from the first moment I heard it. I sang whenever I heard a song I even vaguely knew, but I never sang loud enough for others to hear. I was deathly afraid of the attention and of what people might think of me. I was even more afraid that someone would say I sang terribly and that my love for music would disappear when I heard their opinion on my singing. The fear of losing my love for music continued on into high school until one fateful day in my freshman year when I heard about the first annual solo concert.
Mr. Flannery, our music teacher, made the announcement to us one class morning in the early spring about an “end of the year” performance for anyone who wanted to do it. I had to try out. I can’t tell you what made me make the decision to sing in front of a large group of strangers because I don’t know. Maybe a part of me had grown up a little and knew singing alone in front of an audience wouldn’t kill me. A larger part of me screamed, “You will fail!”
I took the whole rest of the day to decide if I truly wanted to take that step into the unknown. After 6th period, I slowly made my way to the music room and successfully tried out for my very first solo. I spent the next two weeks trying to come up with a song to sing. Fortunately, my musical tastes had changed drastically in my years of junior high. I went from listening to strictly R&B and Pop songs to Classic Rock, Oldies, and Alternative music. Immediately, I thought of The Carpenters and the song, “Close to You”. I knew since I shared some of the same vocal range as Karen Carpenter, I could sing one of her songs without difficulty and without the embarrassment I constantly feared.
I bought the cassette album of “Close to You” and practiced constantly. I sang it in my bedroom, in the shower, and in my mom’s car. My mom told me to breathe and reassured me the night would go well. I wasn’t feeling as positive as my mom. The night of the solo concert was getting closer and the butterflies in my stomach kept multiplying. I was starting to second guess myself. The concert was going to bring about the end of the world! I felt the fear and anxiety in every bone in my body. Singing was going to be a huge mistake!
As much as I tried to stop or slow down time, the night had finally arrived. I was bouncing all over the house before we left and in the car on the way to the school. I was jabbering like a crazy person. I had never felt so nervous before in my life.
The seniors sang at the start of the concert and the rest of us were mixed in for the rest of the show. As my turn got closer, I began to feel numb and thinking that this was just a dream. Being numb was good because if my mind hadn’t rejected the current scenario of singing in front of people, I would have quit the moment I stepped foot into the theater. Mr. Flannery called my name and announced the song that I would be singing. I begrudgingly walked towards the stage, my heart beating like a hummingbird’s. In a way, heading up to the stage was like walking the green mile, the death march in a prison.
I felt time slow down as I took the steps up to the stage and slowly turned to face the crowd. I faced the microphone and I saw nothing in front of me! Nothing but a bright white light! The lights of the theater blinded my view of the audience. My fear almost melted away in their heat. I looked back to Mr. Flannery, gave him a wavering smile, and he began to play. The words flowed out of my mouth like water over stones in a brook. If someone looked close enough, he or she could tell I was tense and nervous by my hands held in a death grip, but I held steady. When it came to the last chorus, I forgot that the words were switched from the first chorus. I messed up! Fortunately, I had learned a trick in my choir class: “If you ever make a mistake, just keep singing and no one will notice.”
Growing up I trusted no one more than my mom. At that point in my life of uncertainty, Mr. Flannery was the one other person who had my complete and unwavering trust. That night on the stage, he held the strings above me with his piano to keep me from falling. I was a success! I may not have won anything, but I was a success to myself and to especially to my mom. Singing in front of an audience was one of the greatest moments of my life when I realized that taking steps into the unknown wasn’t as dark as I thought. The light of that same unknown, of my music teacher, and of the music itself was what showed me how singing alone in front of an audience was truly nothing to fear.