Sugar, We're Going Down (Ally Talks About Sex)
I have recently had five male friends discuss with me, casually and I suppose without provocation; the appeal for men of oral sex. Or in certain cases their desire for it, the lack of it, and the wish that more women knew about it.
Now, I vaguely imagine that my readership is mostly female (all ye who read eh, the great masses of my fanbase? /sarcasm) and since I have an opinion on this, I thought I might share.
I am a die-hard fan of Oral Sex on Guys. In fact, given the choice between "sex" and "oral sex" I would almost ALWAYS choose oral sex... I want to be able to say always always, but thats putting an absolute on something I shouldn't put an absolute on.
So, now that we've established my position on the subject (no pun intended) lets talk about the things I hear my guy friends say;
"How often do you meet a girl who LIKES BJ's? They are a special breed."
The answer to guy #1's question is quite sad; not often. I have actually found in my friend group that opinions on Oral range from awkward, to disgusted, or somewhere in between. This personally confuses me, as I can't see a relationship without it.
Stimulation, for a guy, as any man will tell you, is all about the attitude and the act. And remember all those books that tell guys that most women don't "enjoy" intercourse (reading intercourse as a synonym for vaginal penetration)? What is hot about doing something that gets you off but your partner feels indifferent toward? If they are constantly wondering if you are enjoying it, then they aren't spending the quality time on their Orgasm that the act deserves. But Oral play, has a completely different game set, they can watch you perform completely, and the fact that you are in control is not only another level of hot for them, but also empowering for you. If I didn't think that most of my friends do not Google as much as I do, I wouldn't be so worried about re-enforcing this aspect of the act, but I'm a realist;
Girls, you gotta like it, and trust me, once you open yourself up to enjoying the power and control and mental aspect of it, you will never want to stop! For those of us that already enjoy it, we meet guys whose girlfriends baffle us with the abhorrent attitude towards sucking him off... and for a normal human male, that just brings up all kinds of insecurities.
So whats stopping you? Are you afraid of smell? Dirtiness? It's called a shower! And nothing gets a guy to keep himself clean and trim like the promise of good head after a wash down.
"I just want a blow job, is that so much to ask?"
Apparently yes. Although currently I'm more apt to agree to a casual encounter than most girls I know, the average woman still has the same desires as any guy; they want a good sexual experience for their partner. But women have grown up in a society that tells them that sex is all about the guy, and that it will be nearly impossible to please themselves. While it is somewhat scientifically documented that vaginal Orgasms are limited, and difficult, the truth is that guys are just as frustrated as us! Women have decided that getting a man off is "easy" and that any thing you do down there will get a reaction and result.
And while that may be accurate, it is not necessarily truth. Guys want an amazing experience just like us, they want to be toyed with, teased and driven crazy with desire and passion before finally feeling that release, but for most, they are lucky to get a good whack off, if anything.
Regular old sex is great and awesome and cool, I am sure. But cake is nice in many different flavors, and you wouldn't just bake the same plain cake over and over again for someone just because they liked it the first time. Keeping things light and fun and unpredictable is what relationships are all about. So talk to your guy, ask him what makes him hot... and then do it! Chances are you'll enjoy the power you have over him down there and he'll enjoy the spontaneous slightly deviant side of you!
"If a girl goes down on me, she is instantly 5x hotter"
Need a self esteem boost? Nothing creates a feeling of confidence like the words of a man after the best BJ he's gotten in ages. Your diligence pays of plenty with that memory. There is nothing quite like knowing that when he is looking at you he is remember how amazing you were with your mouth and how much he wants that... again!
Looks are a big thing for guys and gals these days, but a hot chick who wont go down on a guy is about as attractive and useful as the posters on his wall. You want to feel sexy? Want to feel like the only woman your man thinks about? Be confident first and foremost, and take control of his sexual fantasies. Be the thing that gets him off without putting him to work for it, your sex life and your relationship will thank you!
"What I love is a girl who knows how to suck my cock, and isn't afraid to do it."
Apparently there is this big market of the race for the best mate that women are just not confronting. Maybe this is good for those of us in the know; but at the same time it seems like we don't advertise ourselves very well. While is shocks me to find that most girls ignore the cries for Oral from guys, It hits closer to home that guys don't want a woman who is too afraid of her sexuality to be open with him about it, and they wont date a girl who can't go that extra mile.
Forget about technique for a minute because if Google has taught me anything while pondering this quandary, its that the only thing that will make you good at this is experience and communication.
We the women who would enjoy the male sex organ should make it our priority to show him that desire. Men respond to a horny woman the same way we respond to sexy pillow talk and passionate foreplay. It's all in the confidence and attitude and achieving a male's attention is as easy as that; taking your fears or concerns or misgivings and throwing them out the window! If you like something, let him know, otherwise he'll just as likely assume that if you aren't giving it, you wont; and he'll look elsewhere for it, or fester that contempt until it ruins a good relationship. While I am not saying Oral sex can end a great love, it can be one of the straws that tears a relationship apart.
And if you don't know what you are doing down there, at least act like you do, and asking him what he wants! there are a MILLION places to learn the basics, but only the guy you are with can tell you what his body WANTS and LIKES. It's a crazy world and not everything works on the same guy. So don't be afraid to ask for advice, trust me, the more provocatively you play up the game the more likely he is willing to play!
"Thats what gets me down, that she wants me down there, but wont do the same."
This sentiment is the most confusing to me; only partially because I have no interest in receiving it. It's mostly because of the hypocrisy being committed here...
Statistically, men have a much larger playing field than the ladies. We are more numerous and therefore the competition for his heart is steep. What keeps you from being his ex? Your willingness to provide for him what he needs out of the relationship. That doesn't have to be sexual, but remember that sex does play a part in it.
I've been in relationships of several different types, and even those strange guys that "don't like sex" or don't want to be intimate are more inviting of Oral than not. It's a very responsive playing field. It doesn't take much from the guy to enjoy himself and all the work and control is in the hands of his gal pal. It's a great role reversal that he will be sure to thank you for, and it not only strengthens the communication between you and your lover but also boosts your confidence and your sexuality!
I'm not really sure why I felt like sharing that, but it seemed important. Over the past two weeks I've heard a surprising number of my guy friends pining over this sexual act, and I just needed to get my $.02 off my chest.
If you have a different opinion or a similar one, let me know in the comments!