Comments | angelpdx: If you pass for heterosexual...

angelpdx

If you pass for heterosexual...

Jun 07, 2006 17:33

Alright, so this may sound a little condescending, I hope you don't take it that way. I just get the impression that many of my straight, or passing as straight, friends have no idea how to deal with homophobia. Many think they do, but their responses are... let's just say, they aren't what I would do ( Read more... )

Comments 12

dorjejaguar June 8 2006, 02:14:37 UTC

Usually politely disagree, engage in conversation, or let slip how I'm not so straight and most certainly LOTS of my friends aren't.
One way or another I let em know that I'm not gonna support their weirdness.
That often results in being asked questions about their personal sex life or about gender orientation or slight kinks down the line. It has anyway.
People are damn curious about sex stuff they don't understand and if they come across someone who is neither judgemental or afraid around the subject they can end up talking at length.
What I don't do is directly attack. I wanta keep the lines of communication open. I may question their assumptions though. I often do.
Depends on the severity of the wierdness what I say.

What would you rather your friends do?

angelpdx June 8 2006, 07:57:43 UTC

It depends really... often homophobia is of the type that I faced at the Alibi last week, when nobody said a word about my sexuality, but I was the clear winner of their competition according to more than ten people in the audience, and I didn't make it into their top six of thirteen. Nobody said anything about the goddamn dyke in their midst, they just pretended I didn't exist... which unfortunately cost me a shot at the $1000 prize. What do you do under those circumstances? It isn't a shouting down of something someone said, but a standing up when it is more subtle that is required then ( ... )

dorjejaguar June 8 2006, 09:39:41 UTC

That's a situation I've never dealt with. Who were the judges? How was the decision made ( ... )

angelpdx June 9 2006, 03:05:02 UTC

You wrote:The situation you came up against was more complex. Are you wishing you had said something? That someone had said something ( ... )

dorjejaguar June 8 2006, 02:16:54 UTC

You know though, I've had people assume I was lesbian cause I call my boo my partner.
Sometimes they think thats a word just for homosexys.
It's funny to see them get all confused when they figure out Tammus is a boy.

(The comment has been removed)

In 1992... angelpdx June 8 2006, 07:49:49 UTC

I was on a Greyhound bus with a handful of skinheads coming through Utah, and when they started harassing me I told the driver. The driver told me I could deal with it myself, or he would be happy to put me off the bus... in the middle of the desert... with nothing in sight but sand. I appreciate that as a driver you took appropriate action.

I wasn't trying to get you to feel guilty. I was pointing out to those who simply don't get it, that they don't... get it, and offering them the opportunity to ask for the information. Charlie, I've never considered you to be one of those that don't get it, and I agree, it's rarely black and white...

patrickandraste July 6 2006, 22:41:40 UTC

I have to agree with you. It is very contextual, but on the otherhand I have a nasty habit of sticking my nose in to other people's business when I think people are getting picked on unwarranted. It does not really make a difference whether they are of a different color of skin, sexual orientation or whatever. I think Homophobia is akin to racism.

Besides I am ugly and mean enough looking that a lot of people would rather shut up than have me discussing life with them.

satyridae June 8 2006, 04:49:50 UTC

When it's adults, I'm in agreement with what malixe says, above. Because of the way my life is arranged, the homophobia I see is mostly from the hordes of kids who wander through the house on the heels of my son. And since it's kids, I tend to come down on them like a ton of bricks at first, to get their attention. Then we talk about what they actually understand about being gay. 98% of the time, they are merely saying what they hear from other kids, and have no clue that anyone could get their feelings hurt (or worse!) from that kind of talk. The most effective gambit for me so far has been to compare their unthinking hate speech with the racial hate speech they have all been trained to avoid. That's a comparison they seem to understand pretty readily ( ... )

As a parent... angelpdx June 8 2006, 08:00:10 UTC

you've done a fabulous job. I hope I tell you that often enough. I think you're a great parent, and I think That Boy is a truly wonderful person. I'm often impressed and proud of him. I'm honored that he considers me his friend and that is important to him.

j5nn5r June 8 2006, 22:10:19 UTC

"So how do you as an apparent heterosexual, passing in the world and not subjected to direct homophobia, deal with it happening in your presence? I'm curious."

I simply say, "hey, stop it. That isn't right."

Simple and straightforward as that.

I think that, the more apparently straight folks who say that, the better of we will all be.

I'm not black, but I still think racism against people of color isn't right.

angelpdx June 9 2006, 02:50:59 UTC

I agree. It's the straight folks doing it, so they aren't going to listen to the gay folks. Only the straight passing folks can make a difference. It's like the fact that rape will only be stamped out if men take up against it. Women alone will never stop it.