Looking Back, an examination
I almost feel like I shouldn't talk about the last post, but then I suppose I also like the idea of looking back on it.
To those of you who saw it as a 'what if?', the turning point was getting a job at Kulture Shock, coming to Norwich, meeting Leigh and Martin, meeting drugs and dance clubs, meeting my friends, meeting life. Nice to meet you. I almost didn't get the job at Kulture Shock, David didn't want to offer it to me, but Richard decided to give me a try. I was given a way out of Thetford, I was given a way out, I was given a way.
Some people, I think, really did get Looking Back. And other people got other things from it, but felt it all the same; and so I question whether I should change that for them, but then I've let it out now, it's not under my control any more, and if your interpretation was different than my intention then who am I to correct you? Hold on to your meaning, that's what it was really about. But this here, this now, this is my take on it.
It wasn't about another life, it wasn't about a 'what if?'. God, that other me was an abhorration. It's other people's lives, not mine. People don't really think I could wish my life was like that, do they? That's my point, that life you glimpsed is nothing I could desire or live through now, not with my knowledge, my insight, my understanding. I see some of the web beneath us all, I feel its tremors
It was an exploration of ignorance, an exploration of happiness to a certain extent, and an examination of bliss.
These are questions there can be no answer to, only an understanding, and never a complete one.
'What if?'s are foolish dreams born of regret and wishful thinking. That other me would never have asked 'what if?', not about his own life. I could never, like that, have conceived of this me, sitting here, typing this. This me has no big, life-altering 'what if?'s to ask, I'm living them right now - this is real, I am real, both are more than enough.
I might continue to write parallel's though, it's interesting to use the format of possible divergency for something other than wish-fulfillment. And then I might produce an Ultimate Xero, told in chapters through the meetings with Ultimate versions of all my friends. I don't actually remember how or when I first met most people. So yes, I will be retconning my life. I like that I ended this post on geekish frippery.
To those of you who saw it as a 'what if?', the turning point was getting a job at Kulture Shock, coming to Norwich, meeting Leigh and Martin, meeting drugs and dance clubs, meeting my friends, meeting life. Nice to meet you. I almost didn't get the job at Kulture Shock, David didn't want to offer it to me, but Richard decided to give me a try. I was given a way out of Thetford, I was given a way out, I was given a way.
Some people, I think, really did get Looking Back. And other people got other things from it, but felt it all the same; and so I question whether I should change that for them, but then I've let it out now, it's not under my control any more, and if your interpretation was different than my intention then who am I to correct you? Hold on to your meaning, that's what it was really about. But this here, this now, this is my take on it.
It wasn't about another life, it wasn't about a 'what if?'. God, that other me was an abhorration. It's other people's lives, not mine. People don't really think I could wish my life was like that, do they? That's my point, that life you glimpsed is nothing I could desire or live through now, not with my knowledge, my insight, my understanding. I see some of the web beneath us all, I feel its tremors
It was an exploration of ignorance, an exploration of happiness to a certain extent, and an examination of bliss.
These are questions there can be no answer to, only an understanding, and never a complete one.
'What if?'s are foolish dreams born of regret and wishful thinking. That other me would never have asked 'what if?', not about his own life. I could never, like that, have conceived of this me, sitting here, typing this. This me has no big, life-altering 'what if?'s to ask, I'm living them right now - this is real, I am real, both are more than enough.
I might continue to write parallel's though, it's interesting to use the format of possible divergency for something other than wish-fulfillment. And then I might produce an Ultimate Xero, told in chapters through the meetings with Ultimate versions of all my friends. I don't actually remember how or when I first met most people. So yes, I will be retconning my life. I like that I ended this post on geekish frippery.