[Commentlog]

[angha_firebird]

[Aara stares in horror at the Kanan pumpkin, face pale as she tumbles to the ground. Back. Away from the angry and hurtful words being screamed at her.]

'You are not a part of us. You abandoned your Clan. You shirk responsibilities and spit in my face! You are never welcomed here! You mean nothing to me. I should have let you die. You are no

Comments

[stillseecracks]

[The screaming. Always, always the screaming. It's probably just a pumpkin, but as Xanth can't make out the words, he runs to investigate the sounds.

Oh, Aara.

Grimacing, Xanth hurries to her side.]

A-Aara, hey, hey...

[He goes to take her hand.]

[angha_firebird]

[The harsh and scathing words rip through Aara still as she stares at the pumpkin in a huddled pile on the ground. It takes her a moment to realize Xanth was there--longer still for her horrified and lost stare to turn in his direction and process who he was. She stares for a moment longer, eyes glassy as he takes her hand in his. Something like relief, and warmth, tore through her, and Aara had to remind herself she had friends here. That all was not lost, despite the empty ache in her chest.

Giving his hand a light squeeze, Aara feels her throat close up. A whimper escapes, and Aara ducks her head at the anguish she knows she cannot hide from her face. First she had been angry and upset at the dance practice--and now this. Xanth must really get tired of seeing her in such pathetic states. Kanan certainly would have never permitted her emotional turmoil in his presence. She trembled, huddling her shoulders in on herself protectively. Her hand in Xanth's held firmer to his, however, despite the rest her her body language.]The pumpkin

[stillseecracks]

[Xanth shakes his head. She doesn't need to apologize, not for this, not for what the Keep has done. Were she stronger, Xanth might expect more of her, but she is so fragile.]

It-- i-it's not him. T-Trust me, it's, i-it's a-- a trick.

[He takes a step back and tugs on Aara's hand. They need to leave here.]

[angha_firebird]

[At that tug, Aara hesitates only a moment before gaining her feet. Her limbs feel heavy, though, and Aara's gaze automatically seeks that of the pumpkin as he begins cursing her anew. She flinches.

Trust Xanth. Trust him? Looking back at him, her eyes sweep over his form--the expression on his face. She did trust him. She had no reason not to. One small acquiescent nod was Xanth's answer. Her body was cold--his hand felt warm compared to hers. With a small shiver, Aara nodded her head once more, taking that first step away from the Kanan pumpkin.]

I trust you, Xanth.

[stillseecracks]

[Xanth's frown softens into a smile.]

G-- Good.

[Then, he leads Aara away from the pumpkin, taking her so far that the curses and scolding is a only a distant murmur. Satisfied, Xanth squeezes her hand. His frown has returned.]

C-Can you-- stay here, f-for just a-- j-just a minute?

[angha_firebird]

[Having been led away a decent bit, Aara is finally able to breathe easier. At his question Aara feels cold all over, and she wraps her free hand around herself in a protective and reassuring manner.]

...Yes.

[She wanted to say no--that she didn't want to be alone--but it sounded as though Xanth planned on returning. Aara gathered what was left of her shredded pieces of bravery and confidence and clutched at them with everything she had.]

I...I will wait.

[stillseecracks]

D-Don't worry, [he adds, turning to go but still looking at her,] I'll-- b-be right back.

[Then he turns and jogs down the hallway, retracing his steps. He comes face-to-face with Kanan's pumpkin, looking it in its orange eyes. His presence earns a few venomous words.

He takes a deep breath and lays hands on either sides of the pumpkin. Then, he pulls it from the stake, and tosses it aside.

Kanan's dying screams tear through the air, audible even to Aara, then slowly fade.]

[angha_firebird]

Okay.

[She watches after him as he goes, then wraps both arms around herself, tucking her chin to her chest. It wasn't real. None of it was real. Certainly it couldn't all have been true. Then Kanan's vicious words start up again, and Aara squeezes her eyes tightly shut against the sound. His screams and dying cries a moment later have her gasping, eyes opening wide as she stares at her feet in shock and disbelief. She never thought she'd hear such sounds coming from Kanan. Not from such a strong and rigidly in-control clan leader.

A whimper escapes, and Aara once again tightly shuts her eyes as she clutches her hands to her ears, desperately trying to stifle the sounds, the memory of his screams in her ears, both painful and terrifying.]

[stillseecracks]

[Less than a minute later, Xanth returns. This time, he doesn't run or even jog; he only walks.

When he stands before Aara, his eyes remaim trained on the floor.]

[angha_firebird]

[Silence. Aara first opens one eye, followed by the other as she inhales quick, shaky breaths of air. Eyes seeking Xanth, she heaves a sigh of relief when she sees him. His body language has her frowning, though, and suddenly Aara feels as though maybe he is the one who needs comfort here. In a quick move, the thought barely registering in her mind, Aara attempts to throw her arms around his neck in thanks and pained understanding.]

[stillseecracks]

[But Xanth holds up a hand and steps back. He takes a few moments, then looks up.]

Are-- a-are you-- o-okay?

[She's the one who Kanan's words would have hurt. To Xanth, he was just another pumpkin.]

[angha_firebird]

[Her arms stay frozen for a moment as her heart turns to shattered rock in her chest. Flushing crimson in shame, Aara slowly lowers her hands to tightly wrap them around herself once more, backing away a step in turn and ducking her head so he won't see her expression--the moisture gathering in her eyes. It took her a moment to control her breathing enough to trust her voice when she spoke.]

You heard that?

[Her voice sounded dull in her ears, and Aara wanted to turn tail and run. Never show her face to Xanth again. Now he would know she wasn't worthy of being his friend. She wanted to curl in on herself and cry, but cold shock helped contain her emotions for the moment. She smiled, head still bowed, but her wide eyes stared unblinkingly at the ground, and they did not match the lower half of her face.]

[stillseecracks]

[Xanth feels a stab of guilt. He may not see her expression, but he can see it in her stance, and hear it in her voice.]

N--Not everything, j-just... b-bits...

[He steps closer. He doesn't want to be touched, not right now, but he can put that aside for Aara, and so he moves to lay a hand on her shoulder.]

[angha_firebird]

[Her hands tighten around her arms at his touch, and she almost flinches away. Some part of her could tell he was reaching out for her benefit just then, despite his own wants, and it hurt her to see that. Nails digging into the flesh of her arms, Aara attempted a brave face, lifting her chin finally. She still couldn't meet his eyes, but her smile was wider now, if still slightly forced.]

It's okay.

[She repeated the mantra in her head, hoping she would soon believe it.]

It's okay. I am okay. Or will be.

[A calming breath.]

That pumpkin wasn't Kanan. And... and even if he felt such things... he would never say them aloud. At least, not to me.

[That inner part of her shattered all over again. Throat feeling tight, Aara inhaled another deep lungful of air.]

Maybe I did abandon my clan. When I left. I staged my own death, after all. Maybe it was a weakness of mine. It was not the honorable thing to do. I decided to let that part of my past go, though... even if it turned out to be harder than I planned

[stillseecracks]

[Xanth just stares at Aara, not moving closer, but not removing his hand, either. Honor? She's caught up in whether it was honorable?]

Who... wh-- who cares a-about honor, if it-- i-if it was so bad th-that you f-f-- faked your own death?

[angha_firebird]

[Wincing a bit at his words--they sounded different coming from someone else, rather than her--Aara released a shaky breath that almost held humor. Yes, the words sounded very different, coming from him.]

It...

[A sigh. rubbing her arms to get some form of heat into them, Aara finally found her mind and body were relaxing. Talking about it seemed to help. Or maybe this was defeat she was feeling?]

It was not as bad as all that. Faking my death had been easy, once I completed my transformation. I was expected to die. So I did. It was merely a day later than it should have been.

[A small, helpless laugh. She didn't know why this was funny. It really shouldn't have been.]

I would not have been allowed to leave the Clan in any other way. Even if I was not one of them.