(no subject)
I'm a perfectly sane and normal person on a daily basis. And like normal sane people, I don't adapt to change very well. On a typical day, I am a single and young, supremely outgoing, twentysomething who enjoys her life and all the strings attached to it. Then someone throws a wrench into that perfect little picture and I go bird-brained. Shit falls out of my mouth and and I never know what to say. I get goofy. I flip my hair, and twirl the split ends. I tap my foot a lot..and if I don't, I tend to squirm uncomfortably in my sit quite a bit.
My wrench was a male.
Why does the presence of a male make me feel like I'm supposed to be with said male. Like I'm incomplete and abnormal because there is no male in my life? I didn't think like this before. I was fine. I had a dog. I had a t.v. I had books. I have a fridge with food in it. I have friends. I was pretty good with life.
Then all of a sudden, I get asked out and I'm a complete wreck. Like a, not supposed to look but I can't help myself, type of wreck. And I make prophecies that things won't work out...everything is wrong with me...he is just humoring me...this can't end well... And because of my behavior, they don't.
As you can tell, tonight's date didn't work out very well. It's not all my fault, as I can see now. Not compatible. Maybe as friends, but nothing more. He says he wants to come over and just hang out and listen to music. Just that. He shook my hand like a buddy at the end of it. He shook my hand. I was waiting for the slap on the back and see ya later.
We were supposed to go have dinner and coffee. We went to get coffee and he ate there. We met up at eight. The date ws over by nine. Lovely. He made plans to meet up his friends right after hanging out with me, while he was hanging out with me. Um, yeah. I don't think I can make this up.
After a temporary moment of self pity, where I felt absolutely unloved and unworthy. I went over to Sarah's place for a good friend to lean on. She bought me a diet coke, quieted the Nicotine nazi when I had a cigarette or two or three or four, gave me a very compassionate ear to bitch and moan to. Our conversation lasted longer than the date.
I went home, feeling not so bad at all. In fact, a lot better than I started out the day with.
And then I'm back to normal. Pre-guy. Because, the normal nine to five girl has friends, a dog, a fridge full of food, a t.v., and books. Mostly the friends.
-the end-
My wrench was a male.
Why does the presence of a male make me feel like I'm supposed to be with said male. Like I'm incomplete and abnormal because there is no male in my life? I didn't think like this before. I was fine. I had a dog. I had a t.v. I had books. I have a fridge with food in it. I have friends. I was pretty good with life.
Then all of a sudden, I get asked out and I'm a complete wreck. Like a, not supposed to look but I can't help myself, type of wreck. And I make prophecies that things won't work out...everything is wrong with me...he is just humoring me...this can't end well... And because of my behavior, they don't.
As you can tell, tonight's date didn't work out very well. It's not all my fault, as I can see now. Not compatible. Maybe as friends, but nothing more. He says he wants to come over and just hang out and listen to music. Just that. He shook my hand like a buddy at the end of it. He shook my hand. I was waiting for the slap on the back and see ya later.
We were supposed to go have dinner and coffee. We went to get coffee and he ate there. We met up at eight. The date ws over by nine. Lovely. He made plans to meet up his friends right after hanging out with me, while he was hanging out with me. Um, yeah. I don't think I can make this up.
After a temporary moment of self pity, where I felt absolutely unloved and unworthy. I went over to Sarah's place for a good friend to lean on. She bought me a diet coke, quieted the Nicotine nazi when I had a cigarette or two or three or four, gave me a very compassionate ear to bitch and moan to. Our conversation lasted longer than the date.
I went home, feeling not so bad at all. In fact, a lot better than I started out the day with.
And then I'm back to normal. Pre-guy. Because, the normal nine to five girl has friends, a dog, a fridge full of food, a t.v., and books. Mostly the friends.
-the end-