The Angst of Growing Up. Congrats Grads!
Today started off like any other. I slept in two hours until Chari called me and I bolted out of bed. I didn't have time to go to NJ anymore to get the camcorder and digital camera from my mom, but thank goodness Louis came to the rescue. I used his metro card he'd lent me the night before to take the lexington bus downtown in 12 minutes. I saw Stef with balloons and waved as I crossed to the yellow deli for yellow roses. Too aged. I ran into brad in my rush on the way to the GW and he lent me his desk key to get myself a new metro card.
Passing the gards with a smile and wave to Ray at the elevators I took the steps springboards and slipped into the office. With the new card I took the elevator to Louis' new room on the eigth floor graciously returned his metrocard and recieved the use of his camera. After a failed attempt to figure out how to get his World of Warcraft login to work with the GW's internet and a few laughs I was back in the elevator and bolting out the door to catch the 102 or '3 uptown on second ave.
I barely cought the 103 after it made a false start away and then openned the doors for me to hop on. The driver was friendly enough as I dug out my new card and headed towards the back after letting it go for a dip. And there they were. The brightest most beautiful yellow golden roses I had seen in my life. I hopped out the back door less than 3 blocks from where I had hopped on and tripped my way into the flower stand outsider the little grocer. I got a perfect small plastic bag for the camera and three dozen of the sun's own roses and stumbled back out to the street to wait for the next bus, which didn't take too too long.
Safe and home and exhausted I crashed for 20 minutes longer than I had ment to. I raced out of bed and my clothing to the showers and got dry and dressed just in the nick of time to get Greg's call.
The M50 was caught up in more traffic than I would have expected from a month of monday mornings. So I, wearing for the first time a shirt that very well displayed the clevage from my only wired bra one size too small, powerwalked the 9 blocks to met Greg just in time to find seats and settle before the show began.
The procession began and when Silas Rhodes (the founder) fell on his way in everyone gasped in unison, and applauded and cheared like the winning touchdown of the superbowl when he stood back up.
Chari gave her speech, uplifting and humorus, getting across the goal of the human spirit without politics and it went the opposite from there. The last speaker, a writer from the New York Times reminded us of our purpose to be socially aware with the horros of darfur and when we were all substantially ashamed of ourselves and our privilege he wished the senior class good partying for the night to come.
Now began the procession. MFA after MFA and then the BFAs. I whooped and hollered for some friends in Animation/Film and Photography and Fine Art, but it was Illustration and Cartooning when I almost lost my voice. No one did anything spectacular. On kid was dressed as a wizard and another had no shoes. Phil had his hat and a lot of girls I'd never seen in dresses were killer in them. Afterwards, Greg had to pee for the millionth time and then we found the stairs and started the search for the Grads. It seemed easy at first. We ran into Tom and Jon and then the three musketeers of the faculty (Keith, Matt and Jess). It took a bit after that to find Hilary, who commented that my top was sassy witha gapping mouth before she disappeared. We waited at the top of the stairs where student had to go down to get diplomas and I ran into Heather from Res Life and a few others. Just as we were about to give up Erin Kenealy came by and we chatted for a moment as I unknoted her flower and white ad on from the bouquet and I gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before we reminded each other about meeting up on the 16th and saying see you laters.
Greg and I turned around and there she was, the queen of the day, Chari, and her family, we said hello and I gave her her rose and meet her family before we continued on our quest for graduates. From there it was random luck of who we ran into, not that it wasn't that on the inside. I caught Jearemy and another one or two before we went around to the main entrance where we ran into Phil and his family, which explained a lot about the boy. I ran into a few more people like Jenette and Abbi, but not specifically the people I was looking for like Margo and Laura, Chelsea and Misha. We met up with Gregs gf, whom I feel horrible about forgetting her name though I remember it was cute and unique, and hung out until no one was left.
As the crowd dispersed outside I made one last deperate run to find anyone I could. No luck. I still had part of a dozen and a bouquet. I spotted Erin as one of the last families left and rushed over to use my charasmatic gift and offer the bouquet to her saying all my other friends had disappeared and I could think of no one else who deserved them more. A bashful smile and a missed opportunity to wink later I was back with Chari and her family. Greg, gf, Chari's jewish friends, and I walked to the kosher deli on Broadway and 38th, which was west of where I thought it to be when I believed it to be east. I ducked in and out of conversations with both groups as we made our way.
As we went in the deli I knew I had lost my bet to beat the cab group there and helped pull more tables together. We ordered and ate well with lots of laughs and stories. Chari's flowers, which had grown from one to the rest of the dozen now sat in a vase feed of the cheerful reminicing and looked happier than ever. As we wound down Chari came next to me and we hugged like our lives depended on it, because I think they just about did. Outside I said goodbye to everyone and embraced Chari, the super hugger, one more time promising to see each other again soon.
Greg had left earlier with his gf and so the walk home was lonely, but I think it needed to be. I called Margo and finally reached her and arranged to give her the one rose I had stolen from Chari to thank her for the ticket and congratulate her. Alright with the day and confident anf giddy from my interactions with Erin i stupidly called my Mom, who pleasently enough conversed about the passports we were getting on Friday and the moving on saturday. It was when I mentioned that I had had the opportunity to give roses and a kiss to a girl I really liked and who I greatly suspected liked me back that my mom said, "Oh." The translation was easy enough, "Oh, a girl you like, not a boy. I had been hoping otherwise," and I hastily sad goodbye as polite as I could. I passes the lions in front of the library, the same ones I passed with an unerasable grin on my fast last summer at the Pride Parade. A million protesters and nameless faces couldn't make me feel an ounce of guilt about loving girls, had they of been there, but one "oh" from my mom riped my heart right out.
I came home and greated Alix and we talked about other things as we walked over to PKs and back. 15 minutes later Ting came home and we agreed to nap.
We napped for 2 hours (or that's what Ting said when she finally knocked on my door later). I meant to finish my cover letter, but I checked e-mail and IM first. I talked to Catherine and then later something possesed me to unblock casey and finally teardown the month-long wall I had built. We talked things throuhg for the most part and I thought we were ok now... Then casey mentioned how she didn't feel we were or really ever would be.
It's gonna nag at me and I'm going to fight it. I'm going to give it time, but by god I'm gonna fight it. Casey's one of those people I've connected with, ya know, bff material. No matter where life take us or how enthralled we become in our own lives I just have the unshakeable feeling that she'll be there and I wouldn't have it any other way (even if she is vegan now, haha).
36 of my friends grew up today. They've been tossed out of the nest and who knows if I'll find them when it's my turn to be booted out next year. I know I haven't lost all of them, but a few really good ones are gone forever now and I know that. I saw them for the last time as they crossed that stage. I think that's what makes it even more unbearable to think about losing the great friend I know in Casey.
Goodnight folks
Passing the gards with a smile and wave to Ray at the elevators I took the steps springboards and slipped into the office. With the new card I took the elevator to Louis' new room on the eigth floor graciously returned his metrocard and recieved the use of his camera. After a failed attempt to figure out how to get his World of Warcraft login to work with the GW's internet and a few laughs I was back in the elevator and bolting out the door to catch the 102 or '3 uptown on second ave.
I barely cought the 103 after it made a false start away and then openned the doors for me to hop on. The driver was friendly enough as I dug out my new card and headed towards the back after letting it go for a dip. And there they were. The brightest most beautiful yellow golden roses I had seen in my life. I hopped out the back door less than 3 blocks from where I had hopped on and tripped my way into the flower stand outsider the little grocer. I got a perfect small plastic bag for the camera and three dozen of the sun's own roses and stumbled back out to the street to wait for the next bus, which didn't take too too long.
Safe and home and exhausted I crashed for 20 minutes longer than I had ment to. I raced out of bed and my clothing to the showers and got dry and dressed just in the nick of time to get Greg's call.
The M50 was caught up in more traffic than I would have expected from a month of monday mornings. So I, wearing for the first time a shirt that very well displayed the clevage from my only wired bra one size too small, powerwalked the 9 blocks to met Greg just in time to find seats and settle before the show began.
The procession began and when Silas Rhodes (the founder) fell on his way in everyone gasped in unison, and applauded and cheared like the winning touchdown of the superbowl when he stood back up.
Chari gave her speech, uplifting and humorus, getting across the goal of the human spirit without politics and it went the opposite from there. The last speaker, a writer from the New York Times reminded us of our purpose to be socially aware with the horros of darfur and when we were all substantially ashamed of ourselves and our privilege he wished the senior class good partying for the night to come.
Now began the procession. MFA after MFA and then the BFAs. I whooped and hollered for some friends in Animation/Film and Photography and Fine Art, but it was Illustration and Cartooning when I almost lost my voice. No one did anything spectacular. On kid was dressed as a wizard and another had no shoes. Phil had his hat and a lot of girls I'd never seen in dresses were killer in them. Afterwards, Greg had to pee for the millionth time and then we found the stairs and started the search for the Grads. It seemed easy at first. We ran into Tom and Jon and then the three musketeers of the faculty (Keith, Matt and Jess). It took a bit after that to find Hilary, who commented that my top was sassy witha gapping mouth before she disappeared. We waited at the top of the stairs where student had to go down to get diplomas and I ran into Heather from Res Life and a few others. Just as we were about to give up Erin Kenealy came by and we chatted for a moment as I unknoted her flower and white ad on from the bouquet and I gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before we reminded each other about meeting up on the 16th and saying see you laters.
Greg and I turned around and there she was, the queen of the day, Chari, and her family, we said hello and I gave her her rose and meet her family before we continued on our quest for graduates. From there it was random luck of who we ran into, not that it wasn't that on the inside. I caught Jearemy and another one or two before we went around to the main entrance where we ran into Phil and his family, which explained a lot about the boy. I ran into a few more people like Jenette and Abbi, but not specifically the people I was looking for like Margo and Laura, Chelsea and Misha. We met up with Gregs gf, whom I feel horrible about forgetting her name though I remember it was cute and unique, and hung out until no one was left.
As the crowd dispersed outside I made one last deperate run to find anyone I could. No luck. I still had part of a dozen and a bouquet. I spotted Erin as one of the last families left and rushed over to use my charasmatic gift and offer the bouquet to her saying all my other friends had disappeared and I could think of no one else who deserved them more. A bashful smile and a missed opportunity to wink later I was back with Chari and her family. Greg, gf, Chari's jewish friends, and I walked to the kosher deli on Broadway and 38th, which was west of where I thought it to be when I believed it to be east. I ducked in and out of conversations with both groups as we made our way.
As we went in the deli I knew I had lost my bet to beat the cab group there and helped pull more tables together. We ordered and ate well with lots of laughs and stories. Chari's flowers, which had grown from one to the rest of the dozen now sat in a vase feed of the cheerful reminicing and looked happier than ever. As we wound down Chari came next to me and we hugged like our lives depended on it, because I think they just about did. Outside I said goodbye to everyone and embraced Chari, the super hugger, one more time promising to see each other again soon.
Greg had left earlier with his gf and so the walk home was lonely, but I think it needed to be. I called Margo and finally reached her and arranged to give her the one rose I had stolen from Chari to thank her for the ticket and congratulate her. Alright with the day and confident anf giddy from my interactions with Erin i stupidly called my Mom, who pleasently enough conversed about the passports we were getting on Friday and the moving on saturday. It was when I mentioned that I had had the opportunity to give roses and a kiss to a girl I really liked and who I greatly suspected liked me back that my mom said, "Oh." The translation was easy enough, "Oh, a girl you like, not a boy. I had been hoping otherwise," and I hastily sad goodbye as polite as I could. I passes the lions in front of the library, the same ones I passed with an unerasable grin on my fast last summer at the Pride Parade. A million protesters and nameless faces couldn't make me feel an ounce of guilt about loving girls, had they of been there, but one "oh" from my mom riped my heart right out.
I came home and greated Alix and we talked about other things as we walked over to PKs and back. 15 minutes later Ting came home and we agreed to nap.
We napped for 2 hours (or that's what Ting said when she finally knocked on my door later). I meant to finish my cover letter, but I checked e-mail and IM first. I talked to Catherine and then later something possesed me to unblock casey and finally teardown the month-long wall I had built. We talked things throuhg for the most part and I thought we were ok now... Then casey mentioned how she didn't feel we were or really ever would be.
It's gonna nag at me and I'm going to fight it. I'm going to give it time, but by god I'm gonna fight it. Casey's one of those people I've connected with, ya know, bff material. No matter where life take us or how enthralled we become in our own lives I just have the unshakeable feeling that she'll be there and I wouldn't have it any other way (even if she is vegan now, haha).
36 of my friends grew up today. They've been tossed out of the nest and who knows if I'll find them when it's my turn to be booted out next year. I know I haven't lost all of them, but a few really good ones are gone forever now and I know that. I saw them for the last time as they crossed that stage. I think that's what makes it even more unbearable to think about losing the great friend I know in Casey.
Goodnight folks