(no subject)
I am John Kerry.
I was against the first Iraq war, I am against the second Iraq war, but
I voted for it. Now I'm against it but I was for it. I support the UN. I'm
against terrorism and against the Iraq war. But I voted for the Iraq war.
So, I voted against the first war and supported the second war, wait...
I'm against gay marriage but for gay unions. I support gays but think
the San Francisco mayor is wrong. I support gay marriages. No, wait, gay
unions.
I'm Catholic. Wait, I'm Jewish. My dad was Jewish. But I was raised
Catholic. What am I? I don't want to confuse people.
I am for abortions, but wait, I'm Catholic, and Catholics are pro-life.
But I might consider putting pro-life judges in office, but I'm not sure. I
do know I voted for a pro-life judge, but I stated that it was a mistake.
I went to Vietnam. But I was against Vietnam. I testified against fellow
US troops in Vietnam, threw my medals away and led others to do the same.
But I am a war hero. Against the war.
I stated I threw my medals away then I threw my ribbons away. I then
revealed that I threw my ribbons away but not my medals, then lately I stated
that
I threw someone else's medals away and never threw anything of
mine away.
I believe Ribbons and medals aren't the same thing. Medals come with
ribbons, so now I believe that ribbons and medals are the same thing besides
the fact that ribbons are cloth and medals are medal.
I wrote a book that pictured the US flag upside-down on its cover. But
now I fly and campaign in a plane with a large flag right-side up on it. But
sometimes, we fly upside-down for fun.
Yasser Arafat is a hero and a statesman. The Israelis shouldn't kill
Palestinian terrorists, but they should stop terrorism. Yasser Arafat is a
terrorist supporter. I support Mideast peace.
I am for the common man, unlike Bush. I am against the rich. But my
family is worth 700 million dollars has a jet and many SUVs. I am the common
man.
I am against sending jobs overseas. My wife is a Heinz heir. Heinz has
most factories offshore. I am against rewarding companies for exporting jobs
as long as it is not Heinz.
I own $1 million in Wal-Mart stock. I believe Wal-Mart is evil by
driving small business owners out of town. I am a capitalist and I own part
of Wal-Mart but I am a good guy for small corporate America.
I own SUVs when I talk to my followers in Detroit, MI. Teresa owns SUVs,
I don't, when I talk to tree hugging followers. I have a campaign jet that
gets 1/3 mpg, which is great fuel efficiency.
I am against making military service an issue in presidential elections.
I defended a draft dodger Clinton and stated that all serve in their own
capacity whether they draft dodge or not. Did I mention, I served in Vietnam
and am a hero? Are you questioning my patriotism? I served in Vietnam. My
opponent didn't. I have three purple hearts! I am a hero. I am qualified to
run this country since I served.
I spent Christmas of 1968 in Cambodia, being shot at by the drunken
South Vietnamese and the Khmer Rouge, while president Nixon was lying to the
country and saying that there were no troops in Cambodia. What's that you
say, Nixon wasn't president in 1968, well it must have been some other
president then. Who was that president with the a phony silver star, it was
probably him.
Are you sure the Khmer Rouge were not active until 1970, well I guess I
must not have been there then. That's right I was actually in my basecamp in
Vietnam at least 55 miles from the Cambodian border and I spent the evening
writing in my journal about being in Cambodia. I got confused after I said
it so many times between 1968 and 1986.
I am a real hero though, just spend three minutes with the people who
served with me and they will tell you. No, not those 200 plus veterans who
served with me and say I lied, and not all those veterans that signed
affadavits that say I am a phony, I mean just these 8 people that travel
around with me (my band of brothers).
I am John Kerry. I want to be your President.