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[anightingale]

so many things happen around me at once. so many sounds. so much noise. i pretend i can shut it out, think clearly this way, but i cant. but there are moments when i hear the nothing that's always there. and when i hear it i feel warm. the kind of warm you can only feel in winter when you're forced to try. and it makes you wish things. if its cold

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[plumsplumsplums]

last night i said, "when i am happy i become more anxious than any other time. i become afraid of death, afraid i'll die because i've acheived it, afraid something bad will happen. i can't calm down."

and he said,
"so being happy keeps you sad?"

and i said,
"yes."