When you name a kid Rogue, you're setting up certain expectations for him
A kid named Rogue can't just get a job working in a cubicle. No. He's got a certain expectation of bad-assitude to live up too. In the Prologue, Leo (you can't really expect me to call him Rogue with a straight face, can you?) lived up to these expectations by shagging women he barely knew, and by being SO FUCKING FERTILE that she could FEEL when he made her pregnant.
Thus, this part of the novel, entitled, "Rogue" will probably expound on Leo's general hardcore skillz.
The Empire was vast. There was no escape. But one man alone is not easily found in a galaxy.
Anyone else imaginging that said by the deep-voiced dramatic movie phone guy? No? Just me?
On the run from the Feds and their magical vampire lesbians, Leo does what we would all do in this situation: he goes to a brothel. That's thinking with your cock!
Before Leo can commence to sperminate, he asks a few questions to the hooker. Like how to catch a flight off planet. Because hookers KNOW these thing.
Then, a couple of guys burst into the room. They have machetes. But goddamnit, Leo has his trusty twin-bladed knife with serrated edges (TM). It's foregone conlusion how this is going to end.
Leo schools them, doing the traditional bad ass thing of leaving one guy alive to take back the dead guy so that he can tell others how badass Leo is.
Then Leo proceeds to slap that bitch up. Literally. He smacks the hooker and tells her to show her to the space pilot that can take him off this moon. I'm not sure why this hooker would know this, why Leo would know to go to this brothel to FIND this hooker, or anything, but whatever. Paulie's running the show, let's roll with it.
The guy the hooker takes Leo to has, "an open, honest face." I'm assuming he's Peter Davison. He also has a lisp. I'm assuming he's GAY Peter Davison.
Gay Peter Davison is going to take him to Gamma 15. Leo threatens him with death if any of this goes tits up, just to reassure that he is named Rogue, and GODDAMNIT he DESERVES THAT NAME.
On the trip there, Gay Peter Davison takes a nap. Leo doesn't sleep. This is important for GOD KNOWS WHY, but hey, isn't it nice to know our characters sleeping habits? Gay Peter Davison is unscrupulous, but tells Leo that he'll "die well". That's...comforting.
Gay Peter Davison, out of the kindness of his heart, gives Leo some papers, for no fucking reason, and against his character, to help Leo. Even Leo is all, "This is out of character." Gay Peter Davison is all, "Yeah, I don't know what the fuck, man. Paulie is seriously crazy. He's too busy describing rocks to consistently write characters."
Seriously, Leo totally questions his motives in the novel.
Anyway, within five minutes, Gay Peter Davison has become EPIC FRIENDS with Leo, and is sad to part with him. The following takes place:
Gilpin bade him farewell and it was clear that he regretted their parting. He smiled and said; “I’ll read about your death some time.”
“We all die, it’s just a question of when,” Avon replied.
That's Leo. Always being so philosophical and shit. Oh, it really brings a tear to your eye.
Anyway, after bribing Gay PD some more, Leo gets a name from him of someone who will help him to get to Saturn, where he's going. Leo will, "telegraph ahead" to get the message through to help Leo. That's right. We're probably like 5000 years in the future, and the highest tech we have is a fucking telegraph. Some imagination you've got there, Paulie.
Gay PD has caught the philosophy bug: If you walk and fight alone, you’re sure to die alone,” Gilpin said.
If they start talking about how many roads a man must walk down before he becomes a man, I am fucking out of here.
On Saturn, Leo befriends a Martian. Yeah, I know, right? The Martian knows that Leo used to be a Killer man, which is sort of like a mercenary I guess, but with Random Capitilization.
Martian Man is a FREEDOM FIGHTER. He doesn't like OPPRESSION. Leo is all, "W/e loser." Truly, he is Avon's father.
They have a really philosophical discussion so full of cheese, that I got out some crackers and wine just to make the whole thing more pleasurable. They say things like:
“Dreams can come true.”
“So can nightmares.”
And:
“I’m as good as dead. I’d like to choose the time and place, that’s all.”
“You’re a pessimist.”
“Which means I’m rarely disappointed.”
I really can't make fun of it, because it makes fun of itself.
Martian Man wants to pay Leo to kill someone. Leo is totally down with that, because his name is Rogue, and that's just the sort of badass thing that gives him his good name.
Martian Man says he wants Gay Peter Davison dead. Martian Man also says that he knows that Leo is really the dreaded intergalactic ass-kicker known as Rogue Avon. Then follows a hilarious paragraph, that just serves to show how much technology has changed:
Gilpin telegraphed me news of your arrival and gave your general description. I fed the relevant information into a personal computer. Remember, I’m a respected official of the military col-lege and have access to such things. I learned a lot.
YOU GUYS! HE HAS A PERSONAL COMPUTER! OOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Only special university professors have that sort of shit! And he did some sort of SEARCH on INFORMATION and FOUND OUT THINGS. This truly IS science FICTION.
Other than confirming that this novel was typed entirely on a typewriter, that paragraph does very little to further the story.
Leo, perturbed by the fact that someone has googled him and found out his secret, agrees to kill Gay PD.
Leo still thinks this whole thing might be a trap. His Admiral Ackbar senses are tingling. However, he has no choice but to go with the plan. Martian Man wants proof of death. He wants John the Baptist's head on a platter Gay Peter Davison's eyes. No really:
“I want his eyes. Bring me his green eyes.”
And that's how the chapter fucking ends. Bad to the ass, ya'll.