That chapter was short. Let's go onto the next
Last time, they done sex.
Counts:
Double edged serrated knives: 4
Pump-action shotguns: 1
Bitch slaps: 1
Shags: 5
And I actually had no clue what a double-edged serrated knife was, so I googled it.
This is what it is:
I got that from knifecenter.com. The fact that knifecenter.com even exists amuses me to NO FUCKING END.
Hooker and Leo are still flying. Hooker is scared. Leo reassures her. Shockingly, this is not a euphemism.
They find a satellite to land on. I am bored. *yawn* Needs more soft pussy and violence.
In the meantime, clouds scud again. I looked that up on dictionary.com. Apparently, it is a word. It is however, being used wrongly here. See, the two definitions that apply to clouds:
~clouds, spray, or mist driven by the wind; a driving shower or gust of wind.
~low-drifting clouds appearing beneath a cloud from which precipitation is falling.
This can't happen in space. There is no wind OR rain in space. Fail, Paulie. I still love you though. You are my favoritest fail.
There's a pointless bit where Hooker reveals that she knows who Magellan was. Just so we all know that Leo only shags the smart ones.
They then land on a barren, sand covered satellite.
The sand proceeds to make them mate, then sucks the life out of them, and kills them. Oh wait, wrong episode. They're still alive. Damnit.
When landing on the planet, Leo realizes that he was SUPPOSED to make it here, and only here. The thing was preprogrammed. The Hooker has like quadruple dog crossed him with a spoon on top. I can't even count how many times this has happened. I've never read a novel where twists are boring simply because they happen every few paragraphs. Also, apparently Paulie has more trust issues than Avon.
Waiting on the plane for them are a bunch of Fed troops, and the Martian who is NOT DEAD. Hooker is smug.
It turns out that Hooker has led him here so that she and Martian can get the glory of deliveering the Feds the biggest rebel from the wars of Uranus, all so Martian can gain further power and influence over Uranus and Saturn.
When Hooker's not paying attention though, Leo karate chops the gun that she's holding on him out of her hand. Yes, it really says that. Then he turns the spaceships engines on, and burns the Federation troops into little Federation Corn Dogs.
Then Leo snaps Hooker's throat.
Leo rushes out of the space ship, under cover of a sand storm that his space ship's engines have whipped up. Leo rushes blindly over a hill, finds more Fed troops with some helicopter shit things that he think he can escape with.
Leo start shooting at them with a pump-action shot gun (2!).
Leo steals a helicopter plane spaceship thing, and takes off. Then he blows the Martian up with his fucking heliplane space guns. The Martian goes splat. The story basically says that. I'm imagining lots of nasty chunks.
Leo blows some more shit up for fun. He blows up more heliplanes. He blows up the ship he rode in on. He blows up feds. He blows up anything and everything. He probably would shag someone at the same time and proceed to blow up their vagina, but hey, he killed the only woman on the planet. Tough luck. Leo still escapes with his life and badassness.
*sigh* I love you, Leo. Shag me in a car park.