"I've Been Chasing Dreams (didn't mean to leave you behind)
Title : I've Been Chasing Dreams (Didn't mean to leave you behind)
Characters : Jongin x OC
Genre : Bittersweet angst
Length : Drabble
Summary : Jongin is unable to express what he really feels. Part one of Alexithymia (Words We're Not Saying) series.
-x-
Jongin looks at her. This isn't the same girl he left behind two years ago to go chase his dreams. The difference is imperceptible but he knows.
When it comes to her he always knows.
She turns around and catches his eyes.
Why do you look so sad?
She is caught by surprise but schools her expressions. She greets him with a smile. "Hi" he says awkwardly. "Didn't know you were back in town" she speaks up. "I missed home" he half lies.
I missed you.
"How is everyone at home?" she asks continuing the conversation. "They're good. Everyone is happy I am back" he tells her.
I think they still hate me for leaving.
"Auntie missed you a lot. She must be very happy" she says to no one in particular.
Did you miss me too?
"How is Jongdae hyung?" he asks instead. The ground is suddenly more interesting than anything in this world.
How have you been?
"He's good. He stays in Jeju now. He moved out with Joonmyun oppa two months ago" she tells him.
Is that why you look so lonely?
"He promised to come visit soon. Maybe you'll catch him if you stay for a while" she tells him, kicking a pebble across the road.
"What are your new parents like?" Jongin asks. He treads carefully knowing this is still a sensitive issue for her. "It's been a year. I am adjusted now" she replies, toying woth her hair instead of looking at him.
A year. He remembers the funeral service as if it was yesterday. The pain of loss and separation is still fresh in his heart. As if it was just two days ago that he left her.
Has it really been that long?
Looking back on it, Jongin has always cursed himself. He left her when she needed him the most. A heartless, selfish move. Sacrifices are necessary to achieve dreams. But has he given away more than he bargained for?
"I should be getting back" she says, standing up abruptly. "It's late" she notes looking at her watch. "I'll walk you home" he offers quickly.
I am here now.
She shakes her head. "I'll be okay" she assures him. He nods. He feels the weight of the invisible wall between them acutely. He feels guilty. He is at fault for it. He hopes it is not too late to make amends.
"Will I see you again?" he asks, not intending to word the question that way. She smiles at him before leaving.
I still love you.
Golden-brown leaves gently fall in her wake. Jongin draws a deep breathe. The air is chilly and night turns cooler every passing minute. He sits outside, thinking about anything and everything till his mother calls him. She chastises him for not taking better care of himself now that he is an idol and he zones out, looking for stars in the sky beyond his reach now.
-x-
Characters : Jongin x OC
Genre : Bittersweet angst
Length : Drabble
Summary : Jongin is unable to express what he really feels. Part one of Alexithymia (Words We're Not Saying) series.
-x-
Jongin looks at her. This isn't the same girl he left behind two years ago to go chase his dreams. The difference is imperceptible but he knows.
When it comes to her he always knows.
She turns around and catches his eyes.
Why do you look so sad?
She is caught by surprise but schools her expressions. She greets him with a smile. "Hi" he says awkwardly. "Didn't know you were back in town" she speaks up. "I missed home" he half lies.
I missed you.
"How is everyone at home?" she asks continuing the conversation. "They're good. Everyone is happy I am back" he tells her.
I think they still hate me for leaving.
"Auntie missed you a lot. She must be very happy" she says to no one in particular.
Did you miss me too?
"How is Jongdae hyung?" he asks instead. The ground is suddenly more interesting than anything in this world.
How have you been?
"He's good. He stays in Jeju now. He moved out with Joonmyun oppa two months ago" she tells him.
Is that why you look so lonely?
"He promised to come visit soon. Maybe you'll catch him if you stay for a while" she tells him, kicking a pebble across the road.
"What are your new parents like?" Jongin asks. He treads carefully knowing this is still a sensitive issue for her. "It's been a year. I am adjusted now" she replies, toying woth her hair instead of looking at him.
A year. He remembers the funeral service as if it was yesterday. The pain of loss and separation is still fresh in his heart. As if it was just two days ago that he left her.
Has it really been that long?
Looking back on it, Jongin has always cursed himself. He left her when she needed him the most. A heartless, selfish move. Sacrifices are necessary to achieve dreams. But has he given away more than he bargained for?
"I should be getting back" she says, standing up abruptly. "It's late" she notes looking at her watch. "I'll walk you home" he offers quickly.
I am here now.
She shakes her head. "I'll be okay" she assures him. He nods. He feels the weight of the invisible wall between them acutely. He feels guilty. He is at fault for it. He hopes it is not too late to make amends.
"Will I see you again?" he asks, not intending to word the question that way. She smiles at him before leaving.
I still love you.
Golden-brown leaves gently fall in her wake. Jongin draws a deep breathe. The air is chilly and night turns cooler every passing minute. He sits outside, thinking about anything and everything till his mother calls him. She chastises him for not taking better care of himself now that he is an idol and he zones out, looking for stars in the sky beyond his reach now.
-x-