I found a funny review...oh and a Sue
I found this review on the amazon.com page for Song in the Silence where the reviewer gave name to the vaious pains. For some reason, I found her 'syndromes' hilarious.
And then there are the Unfortunate Diseases it suffers from:
TLAFSS (True Love at First Sight Syndrome): There are people who don't fall in love at first sight. I find them much more realistic than Lanen and Akhor. Yes, she has a grand destiny, we know that. Does she _have_ to have a true love in a few days? While I enjoyed the unusual aspect of an interspecies romance, it didn't last all that long, and was severely undercut by the TLAFSS part.
UFS (Unfortunate Feminist Syndrome): It's yet another spunky heroine! See her prove she's just as good as the boys! See her get underestimated. See her have a perfect love affair with a male who just adores her.
I probably wouldn't mind this story if I hadn't seen it a hundred other times, and if it wasn't for the genre. It's _fantasy_. Authors can create their own gender-equal (or gender-free- even more fun) societies if they want to, and move past the tired old tropes. Getting banged over the head with a message is getting tiresome.
UDS (Unfortunate Demon Syndrome): Why do there have to be demons? Why? Make up something new! Please! This author has proven she can describe dragons breathintakingly; make up a new race and describe them breathtakingly.
CJS (Character-Jumping Syndrome): It was insane. It's the reason I quit reading Robert Jordan. The story might have gotten three stars if not for that.
I don't know if she made these up on the spot or got them from somewhere, but I thought it was great. What other 'syndromses' can we come up with? I tried, but it's the wee hours of the morning here and I couldn't think of anythig.
Oh, and then I found a Sue, for your viewing pleasure.
Title: the renegade
Author: Bountyhunter360
Name: Aisha
Species: Zeelan
Hair: Brown
Eyes: ‘burning red’ and then ‘sparkling blue’
Canon Connections: Meets the Animorphs after they stop her (for some odd reason) from killing Visser Three. Oh, and Visser Three is after her.
Special Abilities: How are you special? Let me count the ways. Let’s see…she’s super strong, can make clones, use ‘shadow balls’ (whatever those are), can spit fire balls, and can summon (or possible turn into) a wall of sand. And her hair and eyes change when she’s fighting and when she’s calm. Oh, and “When angered or in a near death situation we [Zeelans] can call upon abilities we never really had.” Can also be annoying cheerful a split-second after a near-killing fight and blots out natural paranoia, making the Animorphs instantly trust her. Oh, and she’s got those super-special morphing glove/weapons. Okay, I think that’s it.
Origin: “I don’t know my family or where I came from all I know is a name: Aisha. I’ve grown to respect that name and I’ve used it as my own.”
Notes: The dialogue in this is terrible, the description non-existent.
Excerpts:
A… a girl ran out of the cave and confronted Visser Three. She didn’t seem to have any money as she looked as if she had worn the same blue track pants, t-shirt, and boots for weeks. That, and she was in a cave. Which seems to point to more than just a lack of money, eh? GO TO A SHELTER, YOU! “I won’t let you harm them! You can’t hurt innocent creatures!” How does she know that the random wolves outside her cave are innocent? Why can’t, just once, we have a confused Sue who tries to rescue the poor, overpowered alien from the rampaging bear?
‘My what a thoughtful little girl you are, too bad you have to die.’
“NO ONE KILLS THE RENEGADE!” She pointed her fist at him at the word renegade. The metal fist became a large sword and then she struck. She punched him in the face with the remaining fist. He doubled over and stuck with his tail blade only to be blocked her fist. “Too easy…” The Visser sneered at her. What? Don’t sneer; you’re loosing. She struck again bringing her sword strait to his neck, in one quick move her fist turned into a gun and a bullet went right through his tail. I saw Ax visibly flinch out of the corner of my eye. She pushed her sword further into his neck until black blood started to pour out. Is Andalite blood really black? I thought it was blue. Or is this the Visser’s ‘evil-ness’ manifesting itself again?
‘STOP! PLEASE! MERSEY!’ I first read this as ‘misery,’ which makes about as much sense, really.
“Mersey? To scum like you? I don’t think so.” She pushed the sword further into his neck. Wouldn’t he be dead by this point? You can only push a sword through a neck so far before it cuts something important. Like your head off.
‘STOP!’ I yelled. She turned her head to look me in the eye, her eyes a burning red. He’s had enough, you can let him go. LET HIM GO? Why? She’s about to kill your arch-nemesis! Let her do it! She moved her sword away, the Visser fell to the ground.
‘Thank-you’ Oh, like he’d really say that. The Visser is a mean, rotten bully who would use the moment to try slicing with his tail again. Or run away without saying anything at all. Or tell his goons to shoot you. Hey, where are his goons? What good is a maniacal, world-domination-bent villain without goons?
“You got lucky I wasn’t in a killing mood. Now get out of here before I change my mind!” Visser three ran off as fast as he could. It hurt me to watch him go, exspialy since he was almost on his deathbed a few minutes ago. But with the Visser gone would this girl turn on us? Newsflash! He’s still gone. If you’d let her continue he’d be gone in a way that couldn’t come back. Oh, where is my beloved Jake and who is this fool?
She turned to look us in the eyes. All at once? Or is Jake taking that ‘Prince’ bit a little too literally now? Her short brown hair grew longer, and her cold red eyes turned into a sparkling blue. “Hi! My name is Aisha.”
“I’ll let you go first.” Aisha stood and half mocked. Her hair grew shorter and her eyes turned red. Rachel shot forward her fist in front of her; Aisha grabbed her fist in mid air. “Shadow clone.” Suddenly more people came in they all looked the same. “This is a defense move. Now for an offence!” Aisha took a breath in then a huge fireball shot out of her mouth, Rachel dodged narrowly. Now, this happens in Sue-fics all the time and it really bugs me. Since when does Rachel fight without morphing first? Never! None of them do! Although, with training, I think any of the Animorphs would be good at hand-to-hand. Most of it is experience and reflexes, and what fighting they have done would give them that at least. But back to the point, it still doesn’t happen!
“Good moves, my turn.” Rachel focused her mind, and then thick brown fur started sprouting from her skin. She grew bigger and stronger with every second. Aisha only watched no emotion in her face as Rachel became a full grown grizzly bear. And the Sue just watches her do this, a process which is routinely described as taking several minutes? This bugs me, too. Strike at your enemy’s weak point! I don’t care if it’s a pointless showing-off practice fight; Rachel’s fault for not morphing before you said ‘go.’
“Are you even human?” Jake asked.
“Now that you mention it, No I’m not. I’m a Zeelan.” Because this is such an easy thing to forget. Their jaws all dropped (Hard to imagine Tobias doing that.) “Zeelans resemble humans, as you can plainly see, yet we have supernatural abilities. Our planet is much like yours only the animals there are supernatural and preostoric creatures.” They all seemed mildly interested by now. “When angered or in a near death situation we can call upon abilities we never really had.” Bweh?
“We could use a new member to our team.” Cassie had a sad look in her eye. I smell the stench of a New Animorph.
“What team would that be?” Aisha looked puzzled
“The Animorphs. We’re the Yeerk protection.” Marco stated proudly. So…you protect the Yeerks?
Kill it. Please make it dead.
And then there are the Unfortunate Diseases it suffers from:
TLAFSS (True Love at First Sight Syndrome): There are people who don't fall in love at first sight. I find them much more realistic than Lanen and Akhor. Yes, she has a grand destiny, we know that. Does she _have_ to have a true love in a few days? While I enjoyed the unusual aspect of an interspecies romance, it didn't last all that long, and was severely undercut by the TLAFSS part.
UFS (Unfortunate Feminist Syndrome): It's yet another spunky heroine! See her prove she's just as good as the boys! See her get underestimated. See her have a perfect love affair with a male who just adores her.
I probably wouldn't mind this story if I hadn't seen it a hundred other times, and if it wasn't for the genre. It's _fantasy_. Authors can create their own gender-equal (or gender-free- even more fun) societies if they want to, and move past the tired old tropes. Getting banged over the head with a message is getting tiresome.
UDS (Unfortunate Demon Syndrome): Why do there have to be demons? Why? Make up something new! Please! This author has proven she can describe dragons breathintakingly; make up a new race and describe them breathtakingly.
CJS (Character-Jumping Syndrome): It was insane. It's the reason I quit reading Robert Jordan. The story might have gotten three stars if not for that.
I don't know if she made these up on the spot or got them from somewhere, but I thought it was great. What other 'syndromses' can we come up with? I tried, but it's the wee hours of the morning here and I couldn't think of anythig.
Oh, and then I found a Sue, for your viewing pleasure.
Title: the renegade
Author: Bountyhunter360
Name: Aisha
Species: Zeelan
Hair: Brown
Eyes: ‘burning red’ and then ‘sparkling blue’
Canon Connections: Meets the Animorphs after they stop her (for some odd reason) from killing Visser Three. Oh, and Visser Three is after her.
Special Abilities: How are you special? Let me count the ways. Let’s see…she’s super strong, can make clones, use ‘shadow balls’ (whatever those are), can spit fire balls, and can summon (or possible turn into) a wall of sand. And her hair and eyes change when she’s fighting and when she’s calm. Oh, and “When angered or in a near death situation we [Zeelans] can call upon abilities we never really had.” Can also be annoying cheerful a split-second after a near-killing fight and blots out natural paranoia, making the Animorphs instantly trust her. Oh, and she’s got those super-special morphing glove/weapons. Okay, I think that’s it.
Origin: “I don’t know my family or where I came from all I know is a name: Aisha. I’ve grown to respect that name and I’ve used it as my own.”
Notes: The dialogue in this is terrible, the description non-existent.
Excerpts:
A… a girl ran out of the cave and confronted Visser Three. She didn’t seem to have any money as she looked as if she had worn the same blue track pants, t-shirt, and boots for weeks. That, and she was in a cave. Which seems to point to more than just a lack of money, eh? GO TO A SHELTER, YOU! “I won’t let you harm them! You can’t hurt innocent creatures!” How does she know that the random wolves outside her cave are innocent? Why can’t, just once, we have a confused Sue who tries to rescue the poor, overpowered alien from the rampaging bear?
‘My what a thoughtful little girl you are, too bad you have to die.’
“NO ONE KILLS THE RENEGADE!” She pointed her fist at him at the word renegade. The metal fist became a large sword and then she struck. She punched him in the face with the remaining fist. He doubled over and stuck with his tail blade only to be blocked her fist. “Too easy…” The Visser sneered at her. What? Don’t sneer; you’re loosing. She struck again bringing her sword strait to his neck, in one quick move her fist turned into a gun and a bullet went right through his tail. I saw Ax visibly flinch out of the corner of my eye. She pushed her sword further into his neck until black blood started to pour out. Is Andalite blood really black? I thought it was blue. Or is this the Visser’s ‘evil-ness’ manifesting itself again?
‘STOP! PLEASE! MERSEY!’ I first read this as ‘misery,’ which makes about as much sense, really.
“Mersey? To scum like you? I don’t think so.” She pushed the sword further into his neck. Wouldn’t he be dead by this point? You can only push a sword through a neck so far before it cuts something important. Like your head off.
‘STOP!’ I yelled. She turned her head to look me in the eye, her eyes a burning red. He’s had enough, you can let him go. LET HIM GO? Why? She’s about to kill your arch-nemesis! Let her do it! She moved her sword away, the Visser fell to the ground.
‘Thank-you’ Oh, like he’d really say that. The Visser is a mean, rotten bully who would use the moment to try slicing with his tail again. Or run away without saying anything at all. Or tell his goons to shoot you. Hey, where are his goons? What good is a maniacal, world-domination-bent villain without goons?
“You got lucky I wasn’t in a killing mood. Now get out of here before I change my mind!” Visser three ran off as fast as he could. It hurt me to watch him go, exspialy since he was almost on his deathbed a few minutes ago. But with the Visser gone would this girl turn on us? Newsflash! He’s still gone. If you’d let her continue he’d be gone in a way that couldn’t come back. Oh, where is my beloved Jake and who is this fool?
She turned to look us in the eyes. All at once? Or is Jake taking that ‘Prince’ bit a little too literally now? Her short brown hair grew longer, and her cold red eyes turned into a sparkling blue. “Hi! My name is Aisha.”
“I’ll let you go first.” Aisha stood and half mocked. Her hair grew shorter and her eyes turned red. Rachel shot forward her fist in front of her; Aisha grabbed her fist in mid air. “Shadow clone.” Suddenly more people came in they all looked the same. “This is a defense move. Now for an offence!” Aisha took a breath in then a huge fireball shot out of her mouth, Rachel dodged narrowly. Now, this happens in Sue-fics all the time and it really bugs me. Since when does Rachel fight without morphing first? Never! None of them do! Although, with training, I think any of the Animorphs would be good at hand-to-hand. Most of it is experience and reflexes, and what fighting they have done would give them that at least. But back to the point, it still doesn’t happen!
“Good moves, my turn.” Rachel focused her mind, and then thick brown fur started sprouting from her skin. She grew bigger and stronger with every second. Aisha only watched no emotion in her face as Rachel became a full grown grizzly bear. And the Sue just watches her do this, a process which is routinely described as taking several minutes? This bugs me, too. Strike at your enemy’s weak point! I don’t care if it’s a pointless showing-off practice fight; Rachel’s fault for not morphing before you said ‘go.’
“Are you even human?” Jake asked.
“Now that you mention it, No I’m not. I’m a Zeelan.” Because this is such an easy thing to forget. Their jaws all dropped (Hard to imagine Tobias doing that.) “Zeelans resemble humans, as you can plainly see, yet we have supernatural abilities. Our planet is much like yours only the animals there are supernatural and preostoric creatures.” They all seemed mildly interested by now. “When angered or in a near death situation we can call upon abilities we never really had.” Bweh?
“We could use a new member to our team.” Cassie had a sad look in her eye. I smell the stench of a New Animorph.
“What team would that be?” Aisha looked puzzled
“The Animorphs. We’re the Yeerk protection.” Marco stated proudly. So…you protect the Yeerks?
Kill it. Please make it dead.