FIC: Who Would Want a Big Cock? (slash_me_twice prompt: 88 magazine)
Title: Who Would Want a Big Cock?
Author: Redrum
Rating: PG13
Summary: Harry learns some unneeded facts about sex.
Slash_me_twice prompt: 88 magazine
Magazine - n. a periodic publication containing pictures and stories and articles of interest to those who purchase it or subscribe to it
“Did you know that the average length of a cock is four to six inches? The longest recorded erection was thirteen and a half inches long - holy shit! Who would even want that?”
“A size queen,” Severus muttered, not looking up from his cauldron as he carefully dropped various ingredients into his potion.
“But still, I don't think there's anyone who could actually suck that size of a cock all the way to the root. Not to mention how uncomfortable it would be to have that up your ass.” Harry laughed. “If he wore a fuzzy condom he could really clean you out.”
Severus' lips curled in disgust. “What a vile thought.”
“It be better than an enema.”
“I do not wish to know what that is,” Severus replied, shuddering even as he stirred the sweet smelling potion.
“It's something Muggles use. Thankfully we've got spells that do the same thing, but without the mess. And the spells don't destroy our insides like enemas do.”
“That's enough information,” Severus interrupted.
Harry smiled and went back to reading the magazine. A rhythmic knocking sounded as his heels went back to kicking the table he was sitting on.
“Huh. The average amount of semen that gets ejaculated is only a teaspoon. You always seem to come a lot, maybe we should measure it next time.”
“That would be hard to do as my cock is up your ass,” Severus muttered.
“But you could pull out and I could hold a cup --”
“You can stop that train of thought right now. You are not measuring my cum.”
“But you could be producing more than the average man, wouldn't you want to know that?”
“No.”
“Oh,” Harry pouted.
Severus twitched when the kicking resumed against the table leg.
“Wow, this is really sad. 85% of men come within three minutes after penetration.”
Severus looked up, one brow cocked. “Where on earth do they get their statistics?”
“Maybe it's just Muggles that this happens to. I kinda feel sorry for the one being fucked though. I'd get pretty frustrated if you came so soon.”
Severus went back to ignoring him while readying the potion to be poured into the lined up vials.
“Ha!”
Severus sighed as some potion dribbled down the side of the vial he was ladling into. Putting the ladle back into the cauldron, he murmured a stasis spell over his cauldron.
“What is it now?”
“You're a 'Grower'!”
Severus frowned. What on earth was the boy talking about now?
“There are two types of penises, or is that peni?” Harry shook his head. “Anyway, there's two types, the Growers and the Showers. The Showers don't get much bigger when they're erect, but the Growers expand in length and girth considerably. You're a Grower,” Harry looked up with a wicked smile. “You always get bigger when you're erect.” He licked his lips.
“What on earth are you reading?” Severus finally said after taking a moment to adjust himself. He walked around the large stone table, making his way towards Harry, who was perched on top of the table holding various size cauldrons.
“Women's Health,” Harry replied.
“Why are you reading a woman's magazine?”
Harry shrugged, handing the magazine over. “The sex articles are interesting.”
Severus brow rose as he looked down at the article Harry had been reading. A picture of a woman peering down an athletic man's pants was displayed off to the side of the text. He eyes the man's rippled stomach before looking up to meet Harry's gaze, tossing the magazine to the floor.
“You have no need for this information. And if you were really interested in learning more about sex, there are plenty of wizarding books about the subject.”
“Do they have pictures?” Harry asked, all but bouncing.
Severus rolled his eyes. “Yes they have pictures, they move as well.”
“Mmm...” Harry's bright green eyes narrowing to slits.
With a smirk, Severus grabbed Harry's hand, helping him down from the tall table. He patted some of the dust off the boy's arse. “If you truly wish to learn more, you can read my collection of novels.”
Harry smiled as he followed Severus out of the workshop. “You own erotica?”
“And more.” A smirk curved Severus' thin lips as he walked backwards toward their shared bedroom, pulling Harry along by their joined hands.
- end-
Author: Redrum
Rating: PG13
Summary: Harry learns some unneeded facts about sex.
Slash_me_twice prompt: 88 magazine
Magazine - n. a periodic publication containing pictures and stories and articles of interest to those who purchase it or subscribe to it
“Did you know that the average length of a cock is four to six inches? The longest recorded erection was thirteen and a half inches long - holy shit! Who would even want that?”
“A size queen,” Severus muttered, not looking up from his cauldron as he carefully dropped various ingredients into his potion.
“But still, I don't think there's anyone who could actually suck that size of a cock all the way to the root. Not to mention how uncomfortable it would be to have that up your ass.” Harry laughed. “If he wore a fuzzy condom he could really clean you out.”
Severus' lips curled in disgust. “What a vile thought.”
“It be better than an enema.”
“I do not wish to know what that is,” Severus replied, shuddering even as he stirred the sweet smelling potion.
“It's something Muggles use. Thankfully we've got spells that do the same thing, but without the mess. And the spells don't destroy our insides like enemas do.”
“That's enough information,” Severus interrupted.
Harry smiled and went back to reading the magazine. A rhythmic knocking sounded as his heels went back to kicking the table he was sitting on.
“Huh. The average amount of semen that gets ejaculated is only a teaspoon. You always seem to come a lot, maybe we should measure it next time.”
“That would be hard to do as my cock is up your ass,” Severus muttered.
“But you could pull out and I could hold a cup --”
“You can stop that train of thought right now. You are not measuring my cum.”
“But you could be producing more than the average man, wouldn't you want to know that?”
“No.”
“Oh,” Harry pouted.
Severus twitched when the kicking resumed against the table leg.
“Wow, this is really sad. 85% of men come within three minutes after penetration.”
Severus looked up, one brow cocked. “Where on earth do they get their statistics?”
“Maybe it's just Muggles that this happens to. I kinda feel sorry for the one being fucked though. I'd get pretty frustrated if you came so soon.”
Severus went back to ignoring him while readying the potion to be poured into the lined up vials.
“Ha!”
Severus sighed as some potion dribbled down the side of the vial he was ladling into. Putting the ladle back into the cauldron, he murmured a stasis spell over his cauldron.
“What is it now?”
“You're a 'Grower'!”
Severus frowned. What on earth was the boy talking about now?
“There are two types of penises, or is that peni?” Harry shook his head. “Anyway, there's two types, the Growers and the Showers. The Showers don't get much bigger when they're erect, but the Growers expand in length and girth considerably. You're a Grower,” Harry looked up with a wicked smile. “You always get bigger when you're erect.” He licked his lips.
“What on earth are you reading?” Severus finally said after taking a moment to adjust himself. He walked around the large stone table, making his way towards Harry, who was perched on top of the table holding various size cauldrons.
“Women's Health,” Harry replied.
“Why are you reading a woman's magazine?”
Harry shrugged, handing the magazine over. “The sex articles are interesting.”
Severus brow rose as he looked down at the article Harry had been reading. A picture of a woman peering down an athletic man's pants was displayed off to the side of the text. He eyes the man's rippled stomach before looking up to meet Harry's gaze, tossing the magazine to the floor.
“You have no need for this information. And if you were really interested in learning more about sex, there are plenty of wizarding books about the subject.”
“Do they have pictures?” Harry asked, all but bouncing.
Severus rolled his eyes. “Yes they have pictures, they move as well.”
“Mmm...” Harry's bright green eyes narrowing to slits.
With a smirk, Severus grabbed Harry's hand, helping him down from the tall table. He patted some of the dust off the boy's arse. “If you truly wish to learn more, you can read my collection of novels.”
Harry smiled as he followed Severus out of the workshop. “You own erotica?”
“And more.” A smirk curved Severus' thin lips as he walked backwards toward their shared bedroom, pulling Harry along by their joined hands.
- end-