And then just because I felt like it....
Heh, Writing is a passion of mine. I am more comfortable with written communication than verbal. When I talk I get all confused and jumbled and just...nervous. But with writing I can type and type and then go back and edit and make sure I'm completely conveying what I want.
I am living in Portland and I'm quite happy here. PA was an adventure, but I don't know that I'd say it was a good place for me. I suppose it was a piece of my life that was necessary to get me to where I am. But goodness...sometimes I hate that every flower has to grow through dirt. Dirt sometimes tastes and smells all to similar to shit.
Someone recently told me "I just want to encourage people to make healthy choices, which goes along with what God wants, so people will not suffer the heartache of spontaneous, selfish decisions that bring heartache for years to come."
I think being in my 20's means that I get to struggle through a lot of my own spontaneously selfish decisions and their consequences. Although really it could just be a human thing too, because I think everyone falls victim to the selfish decision pitfall.
I am currently working at a group home for male adults with developmental disabilities and a history of sexual misconduct. As dark as a place like that might sound, I really love it. More often than not I see these men as broken and in need of someone to love them for who they are and not for what they have done or the misconceptions they may have. I definitely think I am gifted in that, so it works quite well. I fell into working with adults with disabilities when I was in PA. It was actually my favorite job thus far and I was heartbroken to have to leave all of the people I worked with there. But man, I was so glad to leave PA. Too bad jobs don't travel with you when you leave.
The sad part about what I want in a career is that every day I know less and less it seems. I had this vague idealistic idea of what I wanted to do when I took off to college. To help people in need of help as best as I could. And then I learned how big the world of social services is, and I got lost in 'what exactly am I interested in doing?' And then I moved to PA thinking that I wanted to work with angry teenagers. Well, both times I attempted that it did NOT go so well. (long stories). And so thus working with adults with Developmental Disabilities. But as I have been doing that, I have continually lost a lot of respect for adults with out disabilities. Um, how to explain that. The people I work with aren't excused from any of their negative behaviors...but there are *explanations* for it - they may not have the logical skills due to brain development or what not. But then there are completely apparently functional adults making awful awful decisions that impact other peoples lives...and...not to sound jaded, but most recently I've been trying to come to terms with the fact that mean people exist and do sucky things to other people. In the past year I've had a couple of whammies hit me where other people's decisions have completely caused my life to alter. Oh, I do NOT handle that well though.
I think before I knew that mean people did sucky things to people...and had had things like that happen to me in the past. But I'd gotten over it, or forgiven and moved past it and chosen to live my life in a way that kept me protected from giving people outside of my circle of trust such power. So, to have two things happen like that after I'd altered my behavior doesn't set well with me. It makes me curious as to how, exactly, I am to continue living out my life. I don't like that people I don't trust or consider friends/family have power to alter my existence.
Oh, as for further schooling, I VERY much want to go to grad school at the University of British Columbia. They have a master's in Learning Theory, Culture, and Human Behavior that just...I want to know more about that! I have been seriously looking into what it takes to get a student visa and move up there. it's not quite as expensive as I thought but one does need proof that he or she will be able to pay for room and board. So I have seriously started saving money in hopes that in about 5 years I will be able to have applied and been accepted and move up north. I love Vancouver, BC something fierce.
I am also learning to live in the NOW as opposed to in the future. (haha, I know, i JUST typed all that stuff about BC and NOW I'm saying this.) But go with me here, it's a learning process and having a goal is different from learning to live in the present. I have a dear friend who seems to be completely moment to moment. In a great way that lets you know that he's REALLY experiencing what he's doing when he's doing it. No matter how big or small the event is. And I notice that I tend to rush from one thing to the next. I'm always looking to what are we going to do next? What do I have to do now? What is going to happen next weekend? Busy busy busy. Always going. Always getting to the next thing. And so I have decided that I do not actually want to be that person. I want to be someone who doesn't get to a big event and not enjoy it because I'm so busy looking forward. I want to relax and feel an event to the best of my ability.
So...that's a pretty accurate of what life right now looks like for me. Busy with work - I am quickly becoming an Overtime junkie - and busy figuring out how to live life from day to day.
I am living in Portland and I'm quite happy here. PA was an adventure, but I don't know that I'd say it was a good place for me. I suppose it was a piece of my life that was necessary to get me to where I am. But goodness...sometimes I hate that every flower has to grow through dirt. Dirt sometimes tastes and smells all to similar to shit.
Someone recently told me "I just want to encourage people to make healthy choices, which goes along with what God wants, so people will not suffer the heartache of spontaneous, selfish decisions that bring heartache for years to come."
I think being in my 20's means that I get to struggle through a lot of my own spontaneously selfish decisions and their consequences. Although really it could just be a human thing too, because I think everyone falls victim to the selfish decision pitfall.
I am currently working at a group home for male adults with developmental disabilities and a history of sexual misconduct. As dark as a place like that might sound, I really love it. More often than not I see these men as broken and in need of someone to love them for who they are and not for what they have done or the misconceptions they may have. I definitely think I am gifted in that, so it works quite well. I fell into working with adults with disabilities when I was in PA. It was actually my favorite job thus far and I was heartbroken to have to leave all of the people I worked with there. But man, I was so glad to leave PA. Too bad jobs don't travel with you when you leave.
The sad part about what I want in a career is that every day I know less and less it seems. I had this vague idealistic idea of what I wanted to do when I took off to college. To help people in need of help as best as I could. And then I learned how big the world of social services is, and I got lost in 'what exactly am I interested in doing?' And then I moved to PA thinking that I wanted to work with angry teenagers. Well, both times I attempted that it did NOT go so well. (long stories). And so thus working with adults with Developmental Disabilities. But as I have been doing that, I have continually lost a lot of respect for adults with out disabilities. Um, how to explain that. The people I work with aren't excused from any of their negative behaviors...but there are *explanations* for it - they may not have the logical skills due to brain development or what not. But then there are completely apparently functional adults making awful awful decisions that impact other peoples lives...and...not to sound jaded, but most recently I've been trying to come to terms with the fact that mean people exist and do sucky things to other people. In the past year I've had a couple of whammies hit me where other people's decisions have completely caused my life to alter. Oh, I do NOT handle that well though.
I think before I knew that mean people did sucky things to people...and had had things like that happen to me in the past. But I'd gotten over it, or forgiven and moved past it and chosen to live my life in a way that kept me protected from giving people outside of my circle of trust such power. So, to have two things happen like that after I'd altered my behavior doesn't set well with me. It makes me curious as to how, exactly, I am to continue living out my life. I don't like that people I don't trust or consider friends/family have power to alter my existence.
Oh, as for further schooling, I VERY much want to go to grad school at the University of British Columbia. They have a master's in Learning Theory, Culture, and Human Behavior that just...I want to know more about that! I have been seriously looking into what it takes to get a student visa and move up there. it's not quite as expensive as I thought but one does need proof that he or she will be able to pay for room and board. So I have seriously started saving money in hopes that in about 5 years I will be able to have applied and been accepted and move up north. I love Vancouver, BC something fierce.
I am also learning to live in the NOW as opposed to in the future. (haha, I know, i JUST typed all that stuff about BC and NOW I'm saying this.) But go with me here, it's a learning process and having a goal is different from learning to live in the present. I have a dear friend who seems to be completely moment to moment. In a great way that lets you know that he's REALLY experiencing what he's doing when he's doing it. No matter how big or small the event is. And I notice that I tend to rush from one thing to the next. I'm always looking to what are we going to do next? What do I have to do now? What is going to happen next weekend? Busy busy busy. Always going. Always getting to the next thing. And so I have decided that I do not actually want to be that person. I want to be someone who doesn't get to a big event and not enjoy it because I'm so busy looking forward. I want to relax and feel an event to the best of my ability.
So...that's a pretty accurate of what life right now looks like for me. Busy with work - I am quickly becoming an Overtime junkie - and busy figuring out how to live life from day to day.