Mission 1: Your Dream, Our Nightmare
My first PPC mission ever. Yay! Follow agents Singsong Jacobs and Joyce Odelia Reesin through a really stupid badfic with a really annoying Sue. It's in two parts because, well...I like to write long things. Also, I think I've finally gotten the formatting fixed, but do let me know if I messed something up...
The PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia. Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. Singsong, Joyce, Brenden, and Anjilly are mine. Skittles belong to the Mars snack food company. The fic Following a dream, Living a nightmare and Mei Dearle belong to demon thing-not that I want either, of course.
Singsong Jacobs was doing her absolute best to not root through the stash of candy she kept in the cabinet. As it was, she was sitting on the couch in her RC, trying to ignore the cabinet’s existence, and glancing longingly at it every once in a while. Normally, she would’ve been sugar-high ages ago, but she’d promised Anjilly that she’d lay off the sugar just this once so she didn’t scare her new partner. This was a pity, because without the sugar, she tended to think more clearly than she wanted to. With the sugar, she managed to maintain her normal, blissfully clueless mindset.
“Seriously, Sing, just don’t have any sugar in your system when you meet her. I don’t want her getting scared, okay?”
“…Huh?”
Anjilly heaved a longsuffering sigh. “Don’t have any sugar from now on until after you two have gone on your first mission together. Alright?”
“…Why?”
“Because Anj doesn’t want you scaring your new partner off,” Anjilly’s partner, Brenden, snorted. “Though I think it’s stupid, because it’ll just give the poor girl false hope…”
“Shut up, Brenden,” Singsong scowled at him. If Brenden Sanderson didn’t like the idea, that was reason enough for her to do it. “Fine Anj, I won’t have sugar.”
Anjilly looked relieved. “Thanks.”
“So…what’s this girl like? You know her, right?”
“Yeah…we recruited her from this fic, you see…”
“She’s an ex-Mary-Sue,” Brenden said bluntly, smirking. Singsong froze.
“A what?”
“You know, State Alchemist, Ishbal Massacre, had an angsty romance with Roy Mustang, Ed and Al’s older half-sister…”
“I’m being partnered with a Sue?!?”
“Yep.”
“Why?!?”
“Oh, you know, because your old partner sort of went off the deep end and had to retire…”
“Brenden,” Anjilly scowled, “you aren’t helping.”
There was a timid knock at the door, interrupting Singsong’s flashback sequence. Shaking her head to clear it-not that there was much to be cleared away; there was no sugar to cloud her mind-she hopped up to open the door, and found herself staring at her new partner.
“Um, hi,” the other girl said. “RC #71734? Singsong Jacobs?”
“Yeah,” Singsong said.
“I’m Joyce Reesin,” the other answered. “Your new partner, I guess.”
“Nice to meet you,” Singsong said, looking Joyce over. There was little doubt that she was related to the Elrics. She had long hair that fell in a flaxen waterfall down her back, and eyes the color of molten gold-
“Oops,” said Joyce before Singsong’s mental description could go any farther. “Sorry about that. I forget to control it sometimes.” “Ouch,” Singsong groaned, rubbing her forehead.
“Sorry,” said Joyce. She watched as Singsong continued to rub her forehead. “I’m getting the hang of it, though, so that sort of thing shouldn’t happen much. I hope.” Singsong was still massaging her brow. “Um…are you okay?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine.”
“You’re still rubbing your head.”
“Oh.” She stopped. It occurred to her that she should probably invite Joyce into the response center, so she moved out of the doorway and motioned the new girl in.
“Nice place,” Joyce said politely. Singsong gave her the grand tour.
“That’s your bed,” she said, pointing. “That’s mine. There’s the weapons’ cabinet, and the other one’s mine.”
“What’s that thing over there?”
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]
“The console,” Singsong answered, heading towards it. Joyce followed, and read over her shoulder.
“basically a girl gets taken to the one place she has always wanted to be, but a slip of the toungue puts her in a nightmare worse than where she came from. EdxOC,” she read aloud, and grimaced. “Great. Sounds fun.”
“So,” said Singsong, moving to pack up her knapsack, “what kind of weapons do you use?”
“I have a pistol. Oh, and I can use alchemy.”
“Really?” Singsong asked. “Lucky. I have problems understanding chemistry. Alchemy’s way out of my league.” She eyed the ex-Sue carefully. “You can’t do it without a circle, can you?”
“No,” Joyce said quickly. “No, I can’t.” Pause. “Well, I was going to be able to, but Anj and Brenden got me out before it came to that…”
“Good,” Singsong nodded, throwing a notepad, pencil, and bleeprin into her bag.
“Do you have another one of those?” Joyce asked, gesturing at the knapsack. Singsong frowned.
“Nope, sorry. I’d give you Dazey’s, but she sort of filled it with salt after she snapped in our last mission and threw it into the Floating Hyacinth’s tank, and it got confiscated…”
Joyce quirked an eyebrow. “She tried to kill the Floating Hyacinth?”
“Well, she wasn’t really in her right mind, and I don’t blame her. It was a nasty fic. There was Izumi’s estranged angel-chimera State Alchemist daughter-who could transmute clapping her hands, of course-Ed wouldn’t stop angsting, Al was practically nonexistent, Winry was in league with Dante, there were ten Homunculi… Alright, ready to go?” she asked, completely oblivious to her partner’s horrified expression as she shouldered her pack.
“Yeah…sure,” Joyce said.
“Great.” Singsong picked up the remote activator and opened a portal. “After you.”
The first thing Joyce noticed when she and her newfound partner stepped through the portal was the author’s note. It was kind of hard not to.
Okay i've completely redone all chapters and this story will be finished as soon as i can get it all uploaded there eleven chapters and if i get enough reveiws a sequel (or if i feel like it) i've cut bits out, added bits in, rewritten bits and merged a few chapters so it's shorter and you get longer chapters, i spent a whole day editing and finishing the last chapter so please enjoy it and reveiw.
“That’s one heck of a run-on sentence,” Singsong scowled as the fic opened in a nondescript room.
“Is the grammar going to be that bad all the way through?” Joyce asked.
Mei sighed at the screaming that was going on above her head, it was always like this either her parents or one of her parents at her siblings or just everyone at everyone else for nothing but how late they were out last night or curfew times that had recently been changed.
“I think that answers your question,” Singsong answered, pulling out her trusty notepad and pencil. “Let’s see, we can get her for grammar abuses. Especially seeing as she’s claimed to have edited it.” She started writing down charges as the Sue angsted.
"Screw the pact." she muttered
“She’s leaving,” Joyce announced as the Sue “emerged from her basement bedroom”. Singsong nodded absentmindedly, and they followed Mei to the next nondescript room in time to see the Sue start shouting at her nameless father and two older brothers.
"WILL YOU JUST STOP!!" there were tears in her eyes as she continued, "You're all just as bad as each other you always criticize just leave it for one day." as the tears fell to the ground she ran out of the house her customized combat boots banging loudly though out the house as the only sound left, grabbing her backpack on her way out.
Singsong frowned as she wrote more on her notepad. “Excessive angst. I hate excessive angst.”
“Should we kill the bit characters?” Joyce asked.
“What bit characters? They’re basically cardboard cutouts. But yeah, sure, let’s do that.” Singsong’s hand reached toward an empty knife sheath. She did a double-take, and then groaned. “Aw, dang it…”
“What’s wrong?”
“Left my knife in the RC. I have my pistol, though I don’t feel like wasting three bullets…”
“Here,” said Joyce, pulling a piece of chalk out of her pocket. She started drawing a circle on the Generic Floor. Singsong eyed her.
“Alchemy?”
“Yeah,” Joyce answered, sounding slightly nervous as she finished the circle. Laying her hands on it, she transmuted a knife and handed it to Singsong, who took a moment to contemplate it.
“What’s with the flowers?” There were little carved roses gracing the knife’s handle. Joyce blushed.
“That’d be my signature style.”
“What were you, the Floral Blossom Alchemist?”
“Rosebud Alchemist,” Joyce replied, wincing at the title. Singsong rolled her eyes, but went to take care of the bit characters. “What do we do with the bodies?”
“Don’t bother; this place’ll disappear into a plothole once the Sue gets to Amestris,” Singsong replied, slipping Joyce’s knife into her empty sheath. “Hope you don’t mind if I keep this.”
“That’s fine.”
The two agents went after the Sue. They found the black haired dark eyed female at the children’s playground.
"You're an idiot Mei!" she whispered "Why'd you screw the pact, no getting into others' fights remember, heh,"
“But…didn’t she just say ‘screw the pact’ a minute ago?” Joyce wondered.
“Yeah, but she’s being a hypocrite for the sake of angst.”
"Get up and walk!" she said to the night as it began to rain heavily "tomorrow's just another day, no fear remember, He's been through worse." she was referring to her favorite character ever Edward Elric, it's what she always did when she decided her life couldn't get worse and she should just give up just incase, that maybe if she died things would get better for everyone else.
Singsong scowled. “What a great choice of role model.” She paused. “Not that I disrespect what Ed’s been through at all, of course…but that’s just stupid. There’re plenty of real people to choose as role models.”
“Can being stupid be a charge?”
“Yes. Yes it can.”
WVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVW
Joyce yelped with surprise as she was jolted to the floor. “What the heck was that?!?”
“Scene change, I think,” Singsong grimaced as she stood up off the floor. “And stay quiet. She’ll hear us.”
Mei awoke to voices outside of a door, trying to piece together what had happened at the park, why she was inside and why those voices seemed all too familiar but weren't her families, she had no Friends to take care of her.
“Um…where are we?” Joyce asked nervously. “Why is she randomly capitalizing words?”
“No idea, on both counts,” the other agent answered.
"Will she be okay, Auntie?" asked a female voice she sounded worried, and young.
“Never mind. I think I do know.” It took a moment for the words to process through Singsong’s brain after they left her mouth. “Wait…how…?”
"She should be, not for a while though and i may be wrong, this is something i have never seen like before." replied an old voice, 'are they talking about me?' thought Mei as she drifted off into a deep state of unconsciousness.
Since Singsong was still trying to wrap her mind around the idea that they were now quite randomly in Amestris, Joyce to the opportunity to relieve her partner of the charge list and added Making Pinako sound stupid.
“I don’t get it,” Singsong murmured. “Normally there’s some dramatic Going-Through-The-Gate scene…”
"How are you old Hag!" shouted a male voice wakening Mei once again.
“And enter the lust object,” Singsong sighed, coming out of her reverie. Beside her, Joyce froze.
“Lust object?” she repeated. “Oh no. Don’t tell me it’s-”
'Ed!' thought Mei sitting up and ignoring the intense pain shooting through her body, she got up off of what looked like an infirmary bed 'probably for auto mail patients' and she walked out of the door stumbling slightly but leaning against the wall for support, the door swinging closed made everyone turn and stare at her. She smiled and scratched the back of her neck with her free hand, Winry immediately tried to help her.
“I hate run-on sentences,” Joyce grumbled as the Sue continued to rape the English language. “I do, I really do.”
“Get used to it,” Singsong said, watching with distaste as Winry fussed over the Sue’s condition. “I’d think you’d be alright with it, as an ex-Sue.”
“I came from a fic with good grammar,” Joyce growled. She glared at the Sue, who was taking a moment to ogle a half-naked Ed before being led back to bed. Joyce’s eyes widened. “Don’t you dare go peeping at my little brother, you wench!”
“Brother?” Singsong repeated, incredulous. “He isn’t your brother!”
Joyce wilted a bit. “Um…sorry…I can’t help it! Even though it’s not canonical, I can’t help but feel protective!”
Singsong sighed, listening with half an ear as the canons pondered over who Mei might be. She scowled when Winry mentioned no wounds other than scratches, and added to the charge list. Al popped out of a plothole to say, "Maybe she's a traveler who got attacked and walked to the nearest house!"
A look of surprise and understanding came over her pale features as she remembered the night before what had happened, the door she had been through the door and seen what Ed liked to call 'truth' those little black hands that's what scratched her maybe that's why she hurts so much, none of her body was missing as far as she could tell, so what was the Equivalent Exchange? she thought, maybe her life as a scared little girl hiding in the corner, at the nearest sign of danger, her family if that's what she would call it.
“Wait, what?” Singsong asked. “How in heck is that equivalent exchange? She gave up her sucky life? At least, I think that’s what she’s trying to say…can’t really tell…” She added some more to the charge list as the Sue got out of bed again and went outside to see Ed and Al.
"Hello." said Alphonse a little nervously
“Nervous?” Joyce asked. “Al wouldn’t get nervous over a random harmless girl! He’d be friendly!”
“I’m taking it you have a soft spot for the Elric brothers,” Singsong observed.
“No duh.”
Mei looked at the suit of armor blankly for a second then smiling she said to him
"Hi" and an evil idea came into her head "you must be the Full metal Alchemist, Edward Elric, Right?" Ed's face darkened as Al corrected her
"Umn, no I'm Alphonse Elric." Mei fought hard to keep a straight face as she interrupted
"So then the little guy must be . . ."
"I'M NOT SHORT!!" shouted Ed almost knocking Mei off of her feet, as she began to laugh hysterically
“Intentionally pretending to mix up Ed and Al just to taunt Ed about his height,” Joyce growled out, snatching the list from Singsong to write a charge.
"Doesn't it hurt at all?" asked all referring to the scratches all over her body
“Um, Singsong?”
Singsong was a bit busy gagging as the Sue said some drivel about how she was good at standing pain, on the outside anyway.
“Singsong?”
“…Yeah?”
“What is that?”
Singsong looked. There was a funny little animal staring back at them. It was definitely part cat, and part armadillo, but there were some other unidentifiable animals mixed in as well.
“Um…I think that’s a mini-chimera.”
“All?” Joyce asked, glancing at the Words. “Yeah. That’d explain the cat parts.” She wrote another charge down while Singsong knelt and patted the ground before her invitingly.
“Here boy,” she said. “Here All. C’mon.” The mini eagerly came forward, meowing. “Awww, aren’t you sweet!”
“What do we do with it?” Joyce asked. Singsong frowned.
“Well, the Alchemists’ Fanfiction Academy hasn’t been open for nearly a year…”
Joyce looked at the chimera before shoving the charge list and pencil into her pocket and picking the mini up. “He’s cute.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Maybe we can keep him?”
“We’ll see,” said Singsong, looking back to the Sue in time to hear her wantonly talk about Al’s body.
"Well, it's better than being dead, right?" she said brightly and they both looked at her "Well if he's there, even without his body it's of some hope to get his body rather than if you had left him." they both looked at her in complete surprise for a second before Alphonse asked
"How do you know about my body?" Mei blinked before muttering under her breath
"Shit! Um well i can tell by looking at you, it's not so hard to notice." she said trying to cover up her tracks and she let out and inward sigh when they bought her excuses.
“Yeesh,” said Joyce, freeing a hand to pull the charge list back out. All took the opportunity to climb onto her shoulder. “What an idiot. Not only does she randomly let them know she knows their secret, she then comes up with a stupid excuse that basically undermines the entire fact that Al’s been kept a secret for years! And they actually believe her!”
“Get ready,” Singsong warned, looking at the Words. “Chapter two is coming up.” She watched as Mei and Ed sort of fell over each other for no good reason.
Joyce’s eyes widened. “Wait-that was only chapter one?!?” Chapter Two
They both froze Mei with her head on Ed's chest and just with the embaressment of having a girl laying on top of him, especially in front of his little brother, Alphonse stood up not quite sure what to do until they heard a voice Edward certainly did not want around at this time
"Edward Elric! I'm glad to see you finally taking interest in the opposite gender." and then appeared a figure sparkles and all taking on what was meant to be an impressive pose
"Major!" exclaimed Al, Mei sat up so she was unintentionally stradelling Ed's hips
Joyce’s face was becoming quite red, and she was trying her best to remember the part in her training about not drawing attention to oneself. “If she doesn’t get off him soon…I swear…” On her shoulder, All meowed in agreement. As Ed and the Sue went through the obligatory exclamations of “We weren’t doing anything!” and “She’s not my girlfriend!”, Singsong pulled out her Canon Analysis Device and aimed it at Armstrong.
[Alex Louis Armstrong. Canon. Human male. Out of character 23.87%]
“Thought so,” Singsong grumbled. “He wouldn’t say anything about Ed taking an interest in the opposite sex.” She pointed the CAD at Edward.
[Edward Elric. Canon. Human male. Out of character 36.54%]
“It isn’t so much that they’re terribly out of character than that they just have no character, I think,” Joyce observed. Singsong pocketed the CAD, nodding in annoyed consent.
There was a brief explanation for Armstrong’s appearance. He was there for protection from a murderer, under orders from Mustang.
“Is that all he ever does?” Singsong scowled. “That’s all anyone gives him credit for! Really! Suethors just use him as a plot device!”
“Changing Armstrong’s commanding officer,” Joyce muttered. “Using Armstrong as a wanton plot device.”
“Murderers seem to be an overused plot device, too,” Singsong scowled. “Where is this murderer, exactly? Central? Risembool? ‘Cause if this murderer’s in Central and isn’t after Ed in particular, there’s no point worrying about it if Ed’s in Risembool, even if Ed’s in the ‘category’ for his victims.”
“What category would that be?” Joyce asked.
“I’m assuming blond and shor-charge for making this killer be worse than Scar,” Singsong interrupted herself as Armstrong said just that. “This guy isn’t ever mentioned again. What’s the point of creating a random killer who’s worse than Scar who might try to kill Ed if he’s never going to be mentioned again?”
“So the Sue can act all unfazed?” Joyce suggested.
There was a loud yawn from Mei as they turned and saw her laying on her back with her eyes closed and her hands behind her head.
"You find this boring?" they asked in unision she opened one eye.
"No. . . i'm tired, genius." she replied sarcastically "besides, this doesn't concern me anyway." she added.
“Charge for not being even a little scared about a killer who’s worse than Scar. Also, she got ‘lay’ and ‘lie’ mixed up, but that can go under grammar abuses.”
“Got it,” said Joyce, writing some more. At this point, the Sue and her companions were called inside for dinner, and the agents followed them.
“Great-she’s trying to sound philosophical,” Singsong sighed as the Sue had a conversation about beliefs with the Elrics.
“How do you ‘crod’ your arms?” Joyce wondered.
“I think she means cross. There’s a scene change coming up-do you want to just portal ahead to when they’re at the train station?”
“Sure.”
Singsong brandished the remote activator, and she, Joyce, and All went through the resulting portal, coming out at the Risembool train station. Ed was buying tickets, and everyone else was all hudled around talking in hushed voices on the platform, and as soon as one of them spotted him they seperated and pretended that nothing was going on, he frowned,
"What's up?" he asked, Al fidgeted so Ed fixed his glare onto the suit of armor who gave in after about five seconds
"Um, Niisan, I'm want to stay in Risembul for while to help Auntie and Winry in the shop." he said nervously still fidgeting.
“Ugh,” Singsong scowled. “I hate fangirl Japanese.”
Joyce was aghast. “No way. There is no way the Elrics would ever want to split up over something so trivial. No frickin’ way.” From his perch on her shoulder, All looked indignant. “Why would she want to separate the-”
"Sure, but now i have an extra ticket." he waved the guilty peices of thin paper, Mei's ears pricked up as she got all excited
"I'll come!!" she anounced rather loudly with one of her arms raised in the air as if volentering for something in class, when she saw Ed looked a little surprised she half pouted and made puppy dog eyes "Please, please please please, i'll be good." she pleaded with him until he agreed
"Fine, what harm can it do?" Ed shrugged
Joyce looked downright murderous as she wrote down the charge. “Separating…the…Elric…brothers…just…so…you…can…fulfill…your…fantasies…” “You’re really protective of Ed and Al, aren’t you?”
“It’s instinct.”
Please go on to the next post for Part 2.
The PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia. Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. Singsong, Joyce, Brenden, and Anjilly are mine. Skittles belong to the Mars snack food company. The fic Following a dream, Living a nightmare and Mei Dearle belong to demon thing-not that I want either, of course.
Singsong Jacobs was doing her absolute best to not root through the stash of candy she kept in the cabinet. As it was, she was sitting on the couch in her RC, trying to ignore the cabinet’s existence, and glancing longingly at it every once in a while. Normally, she would’ve been sugar-high ages ago, but she’d promised Anjilly that she’d lay off the sugar just this once so she didn’t scare her new partner. This was a pity, because without the sugar, she tended to think more clearly than she wanted to. With the sugar, she managed to maintain her normal, blissfully clueless mindset.
“Seriously, Sing, just don’t have any sugar in your system when you meet her. I don’t want her getting scared, okay?”
“…Huh?”
Anjilly heaved a longsuffering sigh. “Don’t have any sugar from now on until after you two have gone on your first mission together. Alright?”
“…Why?”
“Because Anj doesn’t want you scaring your new partner off,” Anjilly’s partner, Brenden, snorted. “Though I think it’s stupid, because it’ll just give the poor girl false hope…”
“Shut up, Brenden,” Singsong scowled at him. If Brenden Sanderson didn’t like the idea, that was reason enough for her to do it. “Fine Anj, I won’t have sugar.”
Anjilly looked relieved. “Thanks.”
“So…what’s this girl like? You know her, right?”
“Yeah…we recruited her from this fic, you see…”
“She’s an ex-Mary-Sue,” Brenden said bluntly, smirking. Singsong froze.
“A what?”
“You know, State Alchemist, Ishbal Massacre, had an angsty romance with Roy Mustang, Ed and Al’s older half-sister…”
“I’m being partnered with a Sue?!?”
“Yep.”
“Why?!?”
“Oh, you know, because your old partner sort of went off the deep end and had to retire…”
“Brenden,” Anjilly scowled, “you aren’t helping.”
There was a timid knock at the door, interrupting Singsong’s flashback sequence. Shaking her head to clear it-not that there was much to be cleared away; there was no sugar to cloud her mind-she hopped up to open the door, and found herself staring at her new partner.
“Um, hi,” the other girl said. “RC #71734? Singsong Jacobs?”
“Yeah,” Singsong said.
“I’m Joyce Reesin,” the other answered. “Your new partner, I guess.”
“Nice to meet you,” Singsong said, looking Joyce over. There was little doubt that she was related to the Elrics. She had long hair that fell in a flaxen waterfall down her back, and eyes the color of molten gold-
“Oops,” said Joyce before Singsong’s mental description could go any farther. “Sorry about that. I forget to control it sometimes.” “Ouch,” Singsong groaned, rubbing her forehead.
“Sorry,” said Joyce. She watched as Singsong continued to rub her forehead. “I’m getting the hang of it, though, so that sort of thing shouldn’t happen much. I hope.” Singsong was still massaging her brow. “Um…are you okay?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine.”
“You’re still rubbing your head.”
“Oh.” She stopped. It occurred to her that she should probably invite Joyce into the response center, so she moved out of the doorway and motioned the new girl in.
“Nice place,” Joyce said politely. Singsong gave her the grand tour.
“That’s your bed,” she said, pointing. “That’s mine. There’s the weapons’ cabinet, and the other one’s mine.”
“What’s that thing over there?”
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]
“The console,” Singsong answered, heading towards it. Joyce followed, and read over her shoulder.
“basically a girl gets taken to the one place she has always wanted to be, but a slip of the toungue puts her in a nightmare worse than where she came from. EdxOC,” she read aloud, and grimaced. “Great. Sounds fun.”
“So,” said Singsong, moving to pack up her knapsack, “what kind of weapons do you use?”
“I have a pistol. Oh, and I can use alchemy.”
“Really?” Singsong asked. “Lucky. I have problems understanding chemistry. Alchemy’s way out of my league.” She eyed the ex-Sue carefully. “You can’t do it without a circle, can you?”
“No,” Joyce said quickly. “No, I can’t.” Pause. “Well, I was going to be able to, but Anj and Brenden got me out before it came to that…”
“Good,” Singsong nodded, throwing a notepad, pencil, and bleeprin into her bag.
“Do you have another one of those?” Joyce asked, gesturing at the knapsack. Singsong frowned.
“Nope, sorry. I’d give you Dazey’s, but she sort of filled it with salt after she snapped in our last mission and threw it into the Floating Hyacinth’s tank, and it got confiscated…”
Joyce quirked an eyebrow. “She tried to kill the Floating Hyacinth?”
“Well, she wasn’t really in her right mind, and I don’t blame her. It was a nasty fic. There was Izumi’s estranged angel-chimera State Alchemist daughter-who could transmute clapping her hands, of course-Ed wouldn’t stop angsting, Al was practically nonexistent, Winry was in league with Dante, there were ten Homunculi… Alright, ready to go?” she asked, completely oblivious to her partner’s horrified expression as she shouldered her pack.
“Yeah…sure,” Joyce said.
“Great.” Singsong picked up the remote activator and opened a portal. “After you.”
The first thing Joyce noticed when she and her newfound partner stepped through the portal was the author’s note. It was kind of hard not to.
Okay i've completely redone all chapters and this story will be finished as soon as i can get it all uploaded there eleven chapters and if i get enough reveiws a sequel (or if i feel like it) i've cut bits out, added bits in, rewritten bits and merged a few chapters so it's shorter and you get longer chapters, i spent a whole day editing and finishing the last chapter so please enjoy it and reveiw.
“That’s one heck of a run-on sentence,” Singsong scowled as the fic opened in a nondescript room.
“Is the grammar going to be that bad all the way through?” Joyce asked.
Mei sighed at the screaming that was going on above her head, it was always like this either her parents or one of her parents at her siblings or just everyone at everyone else for nothing but how late they were out last night or curfew times that had recently been changed.
“I think that answers your question,” Singsong answered, pulling out her trusty notepad and pencil. “Let’s see, we can get her for grammar abuses. Especially seeing as she’s claimed to have edited it.” She started writing down charges as the Sue angsted.
"Screw the pact." she muttered
“She’s leaving,” Joyce announced as the Sue “emerged from her basement bedroom”. Singsong nodded absentmindedly, and they followed Mei to the next nondescript room in time to see the Sue start shouting at her nameless father and two older brothers.
"WILL YOU JUST STOP!!" there were tears in her eyes as she continued, "You're all just as bad as each other you always criticize just leave it for one day." as the tears fell to the ground she ran out of the house her customized combat boots banging loudly though out the house as the only sound left, grabbing her backpack on her way out.
Singsong frowned as she wrote more on her notepad. “Excessive angst. I hate excessive angst.”
“Should we kill the bit characters?” Joyce asked.
“What bit characters? They’re basically cardboard cutouts. But yeah, sure, let’s do that.” Singsong’s hand reached toward an empty knife sheath. She did a double-take, and then groaned. “Aw, dang it…”
“What’s wrong?”
“Left my knife in the RC. I have my pistol, though I don’t feel like wasting three bullets…”
“Here,” said Joyce, pulling a piece of chalk out of her pocket. She started drawing a circle on the Generic Floor. Singsong eyed her.
“Alchemy?”
“Yeah,” Joyce answered, sounding slightly nervous as she finished the circle. Laying her hands on it, she transmuted a knife and handed it to Singsong, who took a moment to contemplate it.
“What’s with the flowers?” There were little carved roses gracing the knife’s handle. Joyce blushed.
“That’d be my signature style.”
“What were you, the Floral Blossom Alchemist?”
“Rosebud Alchemist,” Joyce replied, wincing at the title. Singsong rolled her eyes, but went to take care of the bit characters. “What do we do with the bodies?”
“Don’t bother; this place’ll disappear into a plothole once the Sue gets to Amestris,” Singsong replied, slipping Joyce’s knife into her empty sheath. “Hope you don’t mind if I keep this.”
“That’s fine.”
The two agents went after the Sue. They found the black haired dark eyed female at the children’s playground.
"You're an idiot Mei!" she whispered "Why'd you screw the pact, no getting into others' fights remember, heh,"
“But…didn’t she just say ‘screw the pact’ a minute ago?” Joyce wondered.
“Yeah, but she’s being a hypocrite for the sake of angst.”
"Get up and walk!" she said to the night as it began to rain heavily "tomorrow's just another day, no fear remember, He's been through worse." she was referring to her favorite character ever Edward Elric, it's what she always did when she decided her life couldn't get worse and she should just give up just incase, that maybe if she died things would get better for everyone else.
Singsong scowled. “What a great choice of role model.” She paused. “Not that I disrespect what Ed’s been through at all, of course…but that’s just stupid. There’re plenty of real people to choose as role models.”
“Can being stupid be a charge?”
“Yes. Yes it can.”
WVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVW
Joyce yelped with surprise as she was jolted to the floor. “What the heck was that?!?”
“Scene change, I think,” Singsong grimaced as she stood up off the floor. “And stay quiet. She’ll hear us.”
Mei awoke to voices outside of a door, trying to piece together what had happened at the park, why she was inside and why those voices seemed all too familiar but weren't her families, she had no Friends to take care of her.
“Um…where are we?” Joyce asked nervously. “Why is she randomly capitalizing words?”
“No idea, on both counts,” the other agent answered.
"Will she be okay, Auntie?" asked a female voice she sounded worried, and young.
“Never mind. I think I do know.” It took a moment for the words to process through Singsong’s brain after they left her mouth. “Wait…how…?”
"She should be, not for a while though and i may be wrong, this is something i have never seen like before." replied an old voice, 'are they talking about me?' thought Mei as she drifted off into a deep state of unconsciousness.
Since Singsong was still trying to wrap her mind around the idea that they were now quite randomly in Amestris, Joyce to the opportunity to relieve her partner of the charge list and added Making Pinako sound stupid.
“I don’t get it,” Singsong murmured. “Normally there’s some dramatic Going-Through-The-Gate scene…”
"How are you old Hag!" shouted a male voice wakening Mei once again.
“And enter the lust object,” Singsong sighed, coming out of her reverie. Beside her, Joyce froze.
“Lust object?” she repeated. “Oh no. Don’t tell me it’s-”
'Ed!' thought Mei sitting up and ignoring the intense pain shooting through her body, she got up off of what looked like an infirmary bed 'probably for auto mail patients' and she walked out of the door stumbling slightly but leaning against the wall for support, the door swinging closed made everyone turn and stare at her. She smiled and scratched the back of her neck with her free hand, Winry immediately tried to help her.
“I hate run-on sentences,” Joyce grumbled as the Sue continued to rape the English language. “I do, I really do.”
“Get used to it,” Singsong said, watching with distaste as Winry fussed over the Sue’s condition. “I’d think you’d be alright with it, as an ex-Sue.”
“I came from a fic with good grammar,” Joyce growled. She glared at the Sue, who was taking a moment to ogle a half-naked Ed before being led back to bed. Joyce’s eyes widened. “Don’t you dare go peeping at my little brother, you wench!”
“Brother?” Singsong repeated, incredulous. “He isn’t your brother!”
Joyce wilted a bit. “Um…sorry…I can’t help it! Even though it’s not canonical, I can’t help but feel protective!”
Singsong sighed, listening with half an ear as the canons pondered over who Mei might be. She scowled when Winry mentioned no wounds other than scratches, and added to the charge list. Al popped out of a plothole to say, "Maybe she's a traveler who got attacked and walked to the nearest house!"
A look of surprise and understanding came over her pale features as she remembered the night before what had happened, the door she had been through the door and seen what Ed liked to call 'truth' those little black hands that's what scratched her maybe that's why she hurts so much, none of her body was missing as far as she could tell, so what was the Equivalent Exchange? she thought, maybe her life as a scared little girl hiding in the corner, at the nearest sign of danger, her family if that's what she would call it.
“Wait, what?” Singsong asked. “How in heck is that equivalent exchange? She gave up her sucky life? At least, I think that’s what she’s trying to say…can’t really tell…” She added some more to the charge list as the Sue got out of bed again and went outside to see Ed and Al.
"Hello." said Alphonse a little nervously
“Nervous?” Joyce asked. “Al wouldn’t get nervous over a random harmless girl! He’d be friendly!”
“I’m taking it you have a soft spot for the Elric brothers,” Singsong observed.
“No duh.”
Mei looked at the suit of armor blankly for a second then smiling she said to him
"Hi" and an evil idea came into her head "you must be the Full metal Alchemist, Edward Elric, Right?" Ed's face darkened as Al corrected her
"Umn, no I'm Alphonse Elric." Mei fought hard to keep a straight face as she interrupted
"So then the little guy must be . . ."
"I'M NOT SHORT!!" shouted Ed almost knocking Mei off of her feet, as she began to laugh hysterically
“Intentionally pretending to mix up Ed and Al just to taunt Ed about his height,” Joyce growled out, snatching the list from Singsong to write a charge.
"Doesn't it hurt at all?" asked all referring to the scratches all over her body
“Um, Singsong?”
Singsong was a bit busy gagging as the Sue said some drivel about how she was good at standing pain, on the outside anyway.
“Singsong?”
“…Yeah?”
“What is that?”
Singsong looked. There was a funny little animal staring back at them. It was definitely part cat, and part armadillo, but there were some other unidentifiable animals mixed in as well.
“Um…I think that’s a mini-chimera.”
“All?” Joyce asked, glancing at the Words. “Yeah. That’d explain the cat parts.” She wrote another charge down while Singsong knelt and patted the ground before her invitingly.
“Here boy,” she said. “Here All. C’mon.” The mini eagerly came forward, meowing. “Awww, aren’t you sweet!”
“What do we do with it?” Joyce asked. Singsong frowned.
“Well, the Alchemists’ Fanfiction Academy hasn’t been open for nearly a year…”
Joyce looked at the chimera before shoving the charge list and pencil into her pocket and picking the mini up. “He’s cute.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Maybe we can keep him?”
“We’ll see,” said Singsong, looking back to the Sue in time to hear her wantonly talk about Al’s body.
"Well, it's better than being dead, right?" she said brightly and they both looked at her "Well if he's there, even without his body it's of some hope to get his body rather than if you had left him." they both looked at her in complete surprise for a second before Alphonse asked
"How do you know about my body?" Mei blinked before muttering under her breath
"Shit! Um well i can tell by looking at you, it's not so hard to notice." she said trying to cover up her tracks and she let out and inward sigh when they bought her excuses.
“Yeesh,” said Joyce, freeing a hand to pull the charge list back out. All took the opportunity to climb onto her shoulder. “What an idiot. Not only does she randomly let them know she knows their secret, she then comes up with a stupid excuse that basically undermines the entire fact that Al’s been kept a secret for years! And they actually believe her!”
“Get ready,” Singsong warned, looking at the Words. “Chapter two is coming up.” She watched as Mei and Ed sort of fell over each other for no good reason.
Joyce’s eyes widened. “Wait-that was only chapter one?!?” Chapter Two
They both froze Mei with her head on Ed's chest and just with the embaressment of having a girl laying on top of him, especially in front of his little brother, Alphonse stood up not quite sure what to do until they heard a voice Edward certainly did not want around at this time
"Edward Elric! I'm glad to see you finally taking interest in the opposite gender." and then appeared a figure sparkles and all taking on what was meant to be an impressive pose
"Major!" exclaimed Al, Mei sat up so she was unintentionally stradelling Ed's hips
Joyce’s face was becoming quite red, and she was trying her best to remember the part in her training about not drawing attention to oneself. “If she doesn’t get off him soon…I swear…” On her shoulder, All meowed in agreement. As Ed and the Sue went through the obligatory exclamations of “We weren’t doing anything!” and “She’s not my girlfriend!”, Singsong pulled out her Canon Analysis Device and aimed it at Armstrong.
[Alex Louis Armstrong. Canon. Human male. Out of character 23.87%]
“Thought so,” Singsong grumbled. “He wouldn’t say anything about Ed taking an interest in the opposite sex.” She pointed the CAD at Edward.
[Edward Elric. Canon. Human male. Out of character 36.54%]
“It isn’t so much that they’re terribly out of character than that they just have no character, I think,” Joyce observed. Singsong pocketed the CAD, nodding in annoyed consent.
There was a brief explanation for Armstrong’s appearance. He was there for protection from a murderer, under orders from Mustang.
“Is that all he ever does?” Singsong scowled. “That’s all anyone gives him credit for! Really! Suethors just use him as a plot device!”
“Changing Armstrong’s commanding officer,” Joyce muttered. “Using Armstrong as a wanton plot device.”
“Murderers seem to be an overused plot device, too,” Singsong scowled. “Where is this murderer, exactly? Central? Risembool? ‘Cause if this murderer’s in Central and isn’t after Ed in particular, there’s no point worrying about it if Ed’s in Risembool, even if Ed’s in the ‘category’ for his victims.”
“What category would that be?” Joyce asked.
“I’m assuming blond and shor-charge for making this killer be worse than Scar,” Singsong interrupted herself as Armstrong said just that. “This guy isn’t ever mentioned again. What’s the point of creating a random killer who’s worse than Scar who might try to kill Ed if he’s never going to be mentioned again?”
“So the Sue can act all unfazed?” Joyce suggested.
There was a loud yawn from Mei as they turned and saw her laying on her back with her eyes closed and her hands behind her head.
"You find this boring?" they asked in unision she opened one eye.
"No. . . i'm tired, genius." she replied sarcastically "besides, this doesn't concern me anyway." she added.
“Charge for not being even a little scared about a killer who’s worse than Scar. Also, she got ‘lay’ and ‘lie’ mixed up, but that can go under grammar abuses.”
“Got it,” said Joyce, writing some more. At this point, the Sue and her companions were called inside for dinner, and the agents followed them.
“Great-she’s trying to sound philosophical,” Singsong sighed as the Sue had a conversation about beliefs with the Elrics.
“How do you ‘crod’ your arms?” Joyce wondered.
“I think she means cross. There’s a scene change coming up-do you want to just portal ahead to when they’re at the train station?”
“Sure.”
Singsong brandished the remote activator, and she, Joyce, and All went through the resulting portal, coming out at the Risembool train station. Ed was buying tickets, and everyone else was all hudled around talking in hushed voices on the platform, and as soon as one of them spotted him they seperated and pretended that nothing was going on, he frowned,
"What's up?" he asked, Al fidgeted so Ed fixed his glare onto the suit of armor who gave in after about five seconds
"Um, Niisan, I'm want to stay in Risembul for while to help Auntie and Winry in the shop." he said nervously still fidgeting.
“Ugh,” Singsong scowled. “I hate fangirl Japanese.”
Joyce was aghast. “No way. There is no way the Elrics would ever want to split up over something so trivial. No frickin’ way.” From his perch on her shoulder, All looked indignant. “Why would she want to separate the-”
"Sure, but now i have an extra ticket." he waved the guilty peices of thin paper, Mei's ears pricked up as she got all excited
"I'll come!!" she anounced rather loudly with one of her arms raised in the air as if volentering for something in class, when she saw Ed looked a little surprised she half pouted and made puppy dog eyes "Please, please please please, i'll be good." she pleaded with him until he agreed
"Fine, what harm can it do?" Ed shrugged
Joyce looked downright murderous as she wrote down the charge. “Separating…the…Elric…brothers…just…so…you…can…fulfill…your…fantasies…” “You’re really protective of Ed and Al, aren’t you?”
“It’s instinct.”
Please go on to the next post for Part 2.