Sync- Ch 9: Hemorrhage
Title: Sync
Fandom: FlashForward
Pairing: Bryce/Nicole (Nyce)
A/N: Totally don't own. Bryce/Nicole are my choice of action figures. This chapter took some time because I found the actuality of Bryce's reaction & the attendant consequences of ditching Nicole to be extreme to say the least. Like, I couldn't even see where he was coming from & frankly, I didn't want to explore it. Hopefully I've been able to eek out some semblance of understanding where his outrage stems from in this fic... I'll leave the show to others so inclined. This time italics are a letter. (Not so)Happy April 29! Besos! xoxo
"I can't even believe you. How could you do that?!" Bryce looked at her and couldn't believe that she'd lied to him.
"I'm sorry." Nicole pled, crying.
"Sorry doesn't cover this, Nicole!"
"I know. I should've just told you when I found out but you said our flashes didn't matter and I wanted to believe it so badly, I just... I didn't say anything."
"That's maybe good for that moment, but it's not like you told me the truth after."
"I... just wanted you. So much. And it just took me a few days to work it out to tell you. And I'm sorry. I just don't want you to hate me, cause that'd be worse than anything..."
"Work it out? You lied and you kept up the lie. Because you didn't trust me enough to be honest with me. What else have you lied about?"
"Nothing."
"What you told me about your flash, was that true?"
"Yes, of course. You think I'd lie about that?"
"How could I possibly know? You've been lying about Keiko and I couldn't tell."
"You know me." The desperation she felt bled though as it became clear that the balance of their relationship up to this point had been cancelled out in his mind.
"Really? I never knew that you were this person who'd lie, scheme and manipulate to get what you want. You didn't come clean today because it was the right thing to do or because you trust me and our relationship. Not even our friendship. You told me because you wanted to absolve your guilt! So no, I don't know who you are, but you're obviously not who you've pretended to be."
He'd trusted her and this was the result. She'd left Keiko in Immigration detention and played it cool with him the entire time. She'd been unchanged all along and he'd no reason to think anything had gone amiss. Amiss was an understatement. That he'd been so wrong about their relationship was more than infuriating. She'd played him, it was as simple as that.
She couldn't find words anymore to give voice to. There wasn't anything more to say, she could tell by the way he was looking at her. Like she'd suddenly transformed into something he didn't recognize as they stood in the driveway. He wasn't going to hear anything that she could offer to explain her reasons. None of it mattered. Not now.
Bryce climbed into the car.
"Where are you going?" Nicole asked, wiping away tears.
"I thought maybe one of us should try and see if there's anything that can be done for Keiko."
He couldn't look at her. Though furious, there was a part of his heart that seeing her cry tore at and he just couldn't deal with it. He told himself that he couldn't know if this was just another card she was playing and he resolved not to be her pawn anymore. He told himself that all of this was the way it was supposed to be. That this was the moment that was putting him back on course to meet Keiko. He hadn't logically worked out the feelings part of his flash but maybe that wasn't what was most important. He had to go and see it through.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As she watched him drive away she felt like she'd lived this moment before. So many different scenarios had run through her mind in the last week but they had all ended the same way. With him walking away. So that was it. They were over. And the really messed up thing was that she knew it would happen. She'd known that there was no way in this universe that she'd be able to actually sustain a relationship with Bryce. She'd never have lived up to his flash. She'd accepted it. Despite his declarations and words of assurance that he wanted her all along the way, she tried to tell herself that this was just a temporary thing. But the problem was that she didn't want to be temporary. Not really. Not at all. And while she fully participated in her moment with Bryce, the truth was that she'd really just wanted her moment to last longer. Like infinitely.
She regretted having slept with him now, because there was always a penalty, a cost to be paid for your sins & she was pretty sure this was it. That she'd ultimately been the architect of sabotage made it hurt no less and her tears fell freely as she sobbed.
She waited for him for a while but then accepted that he wasn't coming back and if he did, she most likely wouldn't be who he'd want to see. She regained her composure and tried to call Quinn but phone lines were sketchy and she couldn't get her. Messages that satellites were on overload or signals missing altogether were all she could get back. Mobile service had fallen casualty to the global Flashforward party.
"Dear Bryce,
I tried to call you but couldn't get through. It's just as well. I know you're mad at me and don't want to talk to me right now and I understand that. But I just wanted to tell you a couple things... in case I can't after tonight. So here goes... I want you to know that I'm really glad I got to know you and that these last six months have been really great. Excepting the obvious, I wouldn't change a thing. And I know that what I did was wrong and selfish, but I was just so in love with you... and so afraid to loose you. But I did anyway or... maybe you were never mine. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend and wish that I hadn't let my insecurities get in the way. Anyway, I didn't do what I did to hurt you... either of you. I wasn't trying to ruin your life, so I really do hope things turn out like you want. Keiko's really lucky and I know you're going to have a spectacular life, because you should. I hope you'll be able to forgive me someday and maybe remember some of the good times we had. Because everything I said to you was real. Everything I felt for you, was real. And if you can remember those moments maybe you'll be able to see, that you did know me.
Always, Nicole"
She rested the pencil atop the page and thought about what she'd written. It seemed like she should say so much more but any words she came up with felt woefully inadequate. She decided to leave it as it was. There was no fixing what she'd done, certainly not by anything she could say. The nervous feeling she'd had in her stomach all day had changed into an ache. She'd hoped the nervous feeling would have gotten better after she divulged the truth but this wasn't better. It was as if her guilt had settled there and was gnawing at her. The truth was supposed to unburden and uplift but Nicole wasn't feeling anything close to either.
She gathered her jacket and handbag and left. She just wanted to go home, crawl into bed and pull the covers over her head. She tried not to think of the fact that she would more likely wind up with water pooling overhead before night's end. She still had no idea how that was supposed to happen but she was clear on why she felt the way she had in her flash and that realization brought on a dull headache.
Fandom: FlashForward
Pairing: Bryce/Nicole (Nyce)
A/N: Totally don't own. Bryce/Nicole are my choice of action figures. This chapter took some time because I found the actuality of Bryce's reaction & the attendant consequences of ditching Nicole to be extreme to say the least. Like, I couldn't even see where he was coming from & frankly, I didn't want to explore it. Hopefully I've been able to eek out some semblance of understanding where his outrage stems from in this fic... I'll leave the show to others so inclined. This time italics are a letter. (Not so)Happy April 29! Besos! xoxo
"I can't even believe you. How could you do that?!" Bryce looked at her and couldn't believe that she'd lied to him.
"I'm sorry." Nicole pled, crying.
"Sorry doesn't cover this, Nicole!"
"I know. I should've just told you when I found out but you said our flashes didn't matter and I wanted to believe it so badly, I just... I didn't say anything."
"That's maybe good for that moment, but it's not like you told me the truth after."
"I... just wanted you. So much. And it just took me a few days to work it out to tell you. And I'm sorry. I just don't want you to hate me, cause that'd be worse than anything..."
"Work it out? You lied and you kept up the lie. Because you didn't trust me enough to be honest with me. What else have you lied about?"
"Nothing."
"What you told me about your flash, was that true?"
"Yes, of course. You think I'd lie about that?"
"How could I possibly know? You've been lying about Keiko and I couldn't tell."
"You know me." The desperation she felt bled though as it became clear that the balance of their relationship up to this point had been cancelled out in his mind.
"Really? I never knew that you were this person who'd lie, scheme and manipulate to get what you want. You didn't come clean today because it was the right thing to do or because you trust me and our relationship. Not even our friendship. You told me because you wanted to absolve your guilt! So no, I don't know who you are, but you're obviously not who you've pretended to be."
He'd trusted her and this was the result. She'd left Keiko in Immigration detention and played it cool with him the entire time. She'd been unchanged all along and he'd no reason to think anything had gone amiss. Amiss was an understatement. That he'd been so wrong about their relationship was more than infuriating. She'd played him, it was as simple as that.
She couldn't find words anymore to give voice to. There wasn't anything more to say, she could tell by the way he was looking at her. Like she'd suddenly transformed into something he didn't recognize as they stood in the driveway. He wasn't going to hear anything that she could offer to explain her reasons. None of it mattered. Not now.
Bryce climbed into the car.
"Where are you going?" Nicole asked, wiping away tears.
"I thought maybe one of us should try and see if there's anything that can be done for Keiko."
He couldn't look at her. Though furious, there was a part of his heart that seeing her cry tore at and he just couldn't deal with it. He told himself that he couldn't know if this was just another card she was playing and he resolved not to be her pawn anymore. He told himself that all of this was the way it was supposed to be. That this was the moment that was putting him back on course to meet Keiko. He hadn't logically worked out the feelings part of his flash but maybe that wasn't what was most important. He had to go and see it through.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As she watched him drive away she felt like she'd lived this moment before. So many different scenarios had run through her mind in the last week but they had all ended the same way. With him walking away. So that was it. They were over. And the really messed up thing was that she knew it would happen. She'd known that there was no way in this universe that she'd be able to actually sustain a relationship with Bryce. She'd never have lived up to his flash. She'd accepted it. Despite his declarations and words of assurance that he wanted her all along the way, she tried to tell herself that this was just a temporary thing. But the problem was that she didn't want to be temporary. Not really. Not at all. And while she fully participated in her moment with Bryce, the truth was that she'd really just wanted her moment to last longer. Like infinitely.
She regretted having slept with him now, because there was always a penalty, a cost to be paid for your sins & she was pretty sure this was it. That she'd ultimately been the architect of sabotage made it hurt no less and her tears fell freely as she sobbed.
She waited for him for a while but then accepted that he wasn't coming back and if he did, she most likely wouldn't be who he'd want to see. She regained her composure and tried to call Quinn but phone lines were sketchy and she couldn't get her. Messages that satellites were on overload or signals missing altogether were all she could get back. Mobile service had fallen casualty to the global Flashforward party.
"Dear Bryce,
I tried to call you but couldn't get through. It's just as well. I know you're mad at me and don't want to talk to me right now and I understand that. But I just wanted to tell you a couple things... in case I can't after tonight. So here goes... I want you to know that I'm really glad I got to know you and that these last six months have been really great. Excepting the obvious, I wouldn't change a thing. And I know that what I did was wrong and selfish, but I was just so in love with you... and so afraid to loose you. But I did anyway or... maybe you were never mine. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend and wish that I hadn't let my insecurities get in the way. Anyway, I didn't do what I did to hurt you... either of you. I wasn't trying to ruin your life, so I really do hope things turn out like you want. Keiko's really lucky and I know you're going to have a spectacular life, because you should. I hope you'll be able to forgive me someday and maybe remember some of the good times we had. Because everything I said to you was real. Everything I felt for you, was real. And if you can remember those moments maybe you'll be able to see, that you did know me.
Always, Nicole"
She rested the pencil atop the page and thought about what she'd written. It seemed like she should say so much more but any words she came up with felt woefully inadequate. She decided to leave it as it was. There was no fixing what she'd done, certainly not by anything she could say. The nervous feeling she'd had in her stomach all day had changed into an ache. She'd hoped the nervous feeling would have gotten better after she divulged the truth but this wasn't better. It was as if her guilt had settled there and was gnawing at her. The truth was supposed to unburden and uplift but Nicole wasn't feeling anything close to either.
She gathered her jacket and handbag and left. She just wanted to go home, crawl into bed and pull the covers over her head. She tried not to think of the fact that she would more likely wind up with water pooling overhead before night's end. She still had no idea how that was supposed to happen but she was clear on why she felt the way she had in her flash and that realization brought on a dull headache.