Sync- Ch 13: Bloodlet
Title: Sync
Genre: Flashforward
Pairing: Bryce/Nicole
A/N: Damn. Apologies all around for taking so long to post this one. Chapter was delayed for beach jaunt, some revision & a massive imposition of RL. It's summer & I'm shooting for a chapter every 7-12 days because I'm finding that I want to be everywhere doing everything except sitting still on my laptop & I want these last chapters of Sync to come together just right so I can't just dash them off. Not that you, dear reader, care about any of that bit. You've come for the story, so let's get on! This chap, it's all about grievances, misunderstandings and flashbacks. For all the things that were ever said just beneath the surface that were never heard. It's like they don't even speak the same language sometimes. *facepalm* Italics are flashback only. Besos! xoxo
Nicole finally breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped into the shower. The only solace was that as bizarre as her day had been, so had everyone else's if the news or people's general demeanor were any indication. The State of Emergency in effect had pretty much stranded her at the hospital for hours. She couldn't get home and she couldn't get away from Bryce. She'd been able to call home and Judy assured her that everything was fine and not to worry. Her mother was more calm than usual and Judy was able to stay with her until Nicole could make it home. As the day wore on, it became clear that most likely wouldn't be until the next day.
It was late afternoon when Bryce finally succeeded in cornering her and got her to stand still long enough to tell her that Quinn wanted to talk to her and handed over his phone. Nicole thanked him without looking at him and was thrilled to find out that Quinn was in LA and lucky enough to be given a driver from RPR and would pick her up if Nicole wanted to leave the hospital. It was all Nicole had wanted all day and she readily accepted. A slight glance over at Bryce was all the reminder she needed that some time with her BFF was what she needed most and upon Quinn's arrival, she practically sprinted for the exit.
It turned out that she still couldn't get home due to road closures and other issues related to the State of Emergency that Quinn's RPR status couldn't circumvent but for Nicole, crashing at Quinn's was more than a mercy. Quinn wasn't a fan of the flashes the first time, so Nicole was pretty sure she wouldn't have to go through the new postmortem everyone engaged in all day, where it wasn't just What did you see? anymore. Now it was also When did you see? More often than not people didn't know when and that was disconcerting on a whole other level.
The last six months had been people attempting to work toward or away from their flashforwards. But now, for so many there was no designated date to work toward or away from. Just another glimpse into the future. According to the news, so far, there were dates being reported that were as early as four months away and as far away as 2013. Who knew how far into the future this was all going to go was anyone's guess. Added to that was that flashes were in large part not matching up. Sure, before people had seen other people in flashes that they hadn't yet known but now it was turning out that if no two individuals flashed to the same moment in time, someone could see someone else in a flash and the other person would be completely unaware of that interaction at all. It was the ultimate randomizer and people were wondering what to do with the information they had. How to make something happen or not when you didn't know the when made things a lot more precarious. And the possibility of someone else reacting to you based on something they saw you do in their flash but you having no knowledge of it, was even worse. Even though this time around Nicole had a "good" flash, she found this event a lot more scary than the first time around. She'd thought before that if by some miracle she survived the night, she wouldn't have to think about the flashforwards ever again. It would be over. But now she realized that this was the new normal. A world of people focused on disparate times in a possible future. The last twenty-four hours had proven to Nicole that whether the foreseen was good or bad, it could only lead to chaos. And Nicole had no interest at all in that or any thing else that amounted to complete physical or mental upheaval.
~~~~~~~~
Nicole sat at her desk put the finishing touches on her Ethics paper and started pulling her Organic Chemistry books. She still had a few things to get done for her other classes but was putting them off in favor of Bryce helping her with the OChem.
"I'm almost done with this. I promise." she said as she started a final proofread her paper.
"Take your time. There's no hurry." Bryce assured her, taking note of the pictures, books and other collected randomness on her bookshelves as he waited. "Wow. You've travelled a lot."
"My Dad was a Foreign Service Officer." Nicole told him.
"That explains it then."
"What?" Cringing inside, she wondered if "it" was good or bad.
"Your trio of passports in different colors. I was thinking maybe real life Sydney Bristow." he teased.
Nicole laughed. "So not a spy girl. I'm nowhere near that glamorous. Just another diplobrat bouncing around."
"You've definitely got an affinity for languages. Just how many do you speak?" He asked glancing over her books, many of which were in other languages.
"In addition to English and Japanese, better than decent Greek and Macedonian and a decent amount of the more popular Romance Languages."
"My little polyglot." Bryce chided surprised and equally intrigued. "Macedonian?"
She nodded with a slight smile and shrugged self-consciously. "It makes me a great ringer in Trivial Pursuit team play. Like lots of things, it's just an artifact turned anecdote of having lived in many different places."
"I'd call it more than that." Bryce said with a nod, taking in the rest of her room. It seemed like her, carefully ordered and mixed with seemingly disparate but ultimately complimentary accents. Straight forward but full of surprises.
"This is really... weird." Nicole glanced up at Bryce, now perusing the bookshelf above her as she still tapped away at her laptop.
"What is?" He asked and smiled noticing a picture of Nicole dressed as Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas with Charlie Benford from Halloween.
"You. Here. In my bedroom."
"You've been in my bedroom."
"Yeah, I know. It's just that this feels really..."
"Intimate?" He offered before picking up her chemistry text and sitting on her bed.
"That's a good description." She agreed and kept her focus on the screen before her and hoped her blushing would go unnoticed even if her vulnerability didn't. "All things considered between us, that sounds ridiculous, I know. It's just... my whole life is chronicled here. You know, all the places I've been, all the ways they changed me. It's sort of all the pieces that make me. Because I've lived in so many places, I was always starting over and on some days I didn't really know who I was supposed to be or even who I wanted to be, but I always had my room. And I could look around and be reminded of where I came from and dream about where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be. People and relationships were always in flux. But my room always came along with me. No matter the country, I could recreate this space. Sort of my constant in the chaos. So having you here is like baring my soul... and that's... not something I do with just anyone."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bryce finally had a chance to catch a couple hours of sleep or try to. Angeles was deep in patients and still short on staff so everyone in, was staying. It was just as well to Bryce, he couldn't get home anyway and even if he could he wasn't really in any hurry to sit alone and replay the last 24 hours in his mind. He could do that just as easily at work where he could at least count on being interrupted. And that's exactly what he'd been doing all day anyway.
He was still trying to figure out how his last conversation with Nicole had ended with her breaking up with him. Even considering how things had gone the night before and that he'd understood that she was upset about how things had played out, he'd thought that after he explained and apologized, everything would have been okay. Or if not okay, certainly not over. But she wouldn't let him explain and she didn't seem to want his apology. It hadn't mattered what he'd tried to say, none of it had come out right and pushed him further away from his goal. Mentioning the flashes seemed like it made things far worse and before he knew it she'd called it done between them and spent the rest of the day ignoring or attempting to avoid him. He didn't even want to begin thinking about how he'd told her about the suicide thing. By the time Quinn arrived and Nicole left without even a backward glance in his direction, he was pretty sure that unlike the things he'd said to her the day before, she'd meant exactly what she'd last said to him. It was all messed up because he'd had so much to tell her.
~~~~~~~~
April 29, 10:02 PM PDT
It was a surreal moment. A bit like deja vu but stronger.
And even though he knew that he'd said the same words to her in his flash, there seemed nothing better to say to Keiko as she'd stood there than "You're really here."
The awe of the culmination of the moment glimpsed was almost dreamlike. A memory of it having already happened though it hadn't, while moving forward through the moment in reality and realizing that the present experience was not exactly as that remembered.
To be sure he was glad, euphoric even, at having found Keiko and know that she was okay but the whole thing had Nicole running as an undercurrent.
When he confirmed Keiko's tattoo by simply saying the word "Believe" the word felt strange on his tongue. His thoughts went right back to Nicole. She'd been the one to finish the symbol in his sketchbook and tell him its meaning all those months ago. It had been the first in a long list of times that she picked up where he left off. She was now an inextricable interwoven component in his life. The pieces had come together to make the picture of his flash but it was incomplete. And he knew that the feeling he'd had since he'd left her standing in his driveway, the one that stayed just below his anger as it burned away, was that of missing her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nicole could hear that Quinn had music blasting as she got dressed. She couldn't believe she'd been here only a week and a half earlier but she was glad that she'd left some things behind. She fumbled through the clothes she'd left and stopped at Bryce's Blue Devils hoodie. He'd lent it to her when they were in Monterey and she'd kind of held onto it since. He hadn't minded, she recalled with a slight smile. He'd said it looked best on her. But she didn't want to think about that now. She tossed it aside momentarily, in favor of a black tee shirt, but picked it up again. Plenty pissed she may have been, but it was seriously comfy and it smelled like him. And though this wasn't the kind of day she'd admit it, that was a good thing. She pulled it on over her head and complimented it with a pair of pink pajama bottoms. She skipped taking stock of herself in the mirror. She didn't care what she looked like. She'd survived the night, dealt with Bryce and spent the entire ride to Quinn's explaining about Chelsea and being saved by Ed. Now, she was either all cried out or dehydrated, she couldn't tell.
She came out to the living room and was greeted with a dancing Quinn, wine glasses and open bottle in hand. She noticed Kai, the teddy Quinn had been traveling the globe with since they were little, perched on the sofa. She smiled at his jaunty resewn ear and recalled how he'd come to be so damaged.
"Let the high holy Bitchfest of Bastardus Boyfriendus begin."
Quinn greeted as she handed Nicole a glass and poured.
Nicole sipped and laughed. It was the first time she'd had a genuine laugh all day and it felt overdue.
"Thanks for this." she said and picked up the teddy. "Kai's come to lend an ear."
"My poor bear. Do you remember that day?" Quinn asked and grabbed a slice of pizza.
"Of course. It's like the only real fight we've ever had."
"I was so mad at you for leaving, not that you had a choice and I wanted you to feel bad, so there was no way I was letting you play with Kai that day."
"Which may have been fine, but you snatched him away from me and I couldn't believe you weren't playing fair. So I had to snatch him back. Unfortunately for Kai, you wouldn't let go." Nicole recalled.
"Yeah. And then the rip. I still remember that sound and then we both just stopped and completely broke down and bawled." Quinn laughed at the absurdity of their childhood confrontation.
"Oh my god, we howled. Jamie thought something was wrong, like for real. Then when he realized it was a fight over the bear, he called us both stupid and told us to shut up. But he did reattach the ear." Nicole recounted, laughing.
"Yeah, he did and like any good big brother he threatened me into owning up to why I was being mean. And what was it he said... um, your friends are just like your family, no matter where they are..."
"You never lose them or they you because we all carry each other in our hearts wherever we go." Nicole chimed in and they finished in unison.
"He was right." Nicole smiled with a nod.
"Well, he's always been the more well adjusted between us but he got that little quip from my Mom."
"Did she have any sage words for the pieces of your heart that have been trampled on and thrown away by someone you thought was a friend?" Nicole asked as thoughts of Bryce resurfaced again.
Quinn regarded her with sympathy.
"I know this sucks and hurts like hell. Tonight is all about you. You have free license to rant, cry, complain, hate or whatever else over your relationship with He Who Shall Not Be Named. We can totally walk all the way back to Angeles and key his car if that's what you want. Whatever you need. Welcome to the Sisterhood of the Temporarily Bitter."
"Temporarily? What? No hating him forever?" Nicole scoffed.
Recalling her own flash Quinn was sure that now wasn't even remotely the time to bring that up. Nicole wasn't anywhere near the right headspace to go into all that right now. And while Quinn wasn't a fan of these little slices of future being imposed on everyone, she had to admit that she'd been surprised that hers had in fact happened without any personal exertion on her part to make it happen or not. She'd indeed wound up at a party in a house she didn't recognize when Zero Hour rolled around. Even when she'd traveled to Canada the week before for RPR she hadn't realized that the she was on track to meet up with her flash as foreseen. And knowing that Nicole's had happened, even though previously misread, Quinn was more than convinced that what she'd most recently seen was really going to happen. She also knew that she couldn't have misread what she saw. But that didn't matter right now, it wasn't what Nicole needed or wanted to hear, so she'd have to wait until she was ready.
"Do you really see yourself hating him forever?" she asked instead and took note of Nicole's choice of attire.
"I'm willing to give it a serious try." Nicole declared and took another sip of wine.
"Spoken like a properly pissed off woman." Quinn laughed. "Okay first things first. Because you're the Queen. The Goddess. The Most Awesome Chica Ever. Your tiara and boa."
She handed Nicole a pale pink boa and rhinestone tiara as Nicole took another sip of wine. With a laugh she secured her crown atop her head then looped the cloud of pink around her neck. It reminded her of how they used to play dress up when they were younger.
"Oh but that's not all." Quinn explained and walked over to the kitchen as Nicole followed. "We've got the four traditional foods of this most necessary bitchfest: pizza, ice cream, chocolate and wine. Calories don't exist and neither do hangovers. But there is one rule. No phones. Luckily you don't have yours and I'm going to put mine someplace safe, because friends don't let friends drunk dial."
Quinn took off to hide her phone someplace out of reach or alcohol drenched recall and Nicole grabbed a spoon and went straight for a carton of chocolate ice cream and can of whipped cream before settling herself on the sofa.
"Okay, so where do you want to start?" Quinn asked when she came back.
Nicole's reply didn't come in words. The sound of her spraying whipped cream directly from the can into her mouth told Quinn all she needed to know.
~~~~~~~~
The departmental Clerical Assistant Level 2 posting caught Nicole's eye as she looked over the bulletin board.
"Just apply for it already." Bryce whispered in her ear.
"How do you even know what I'm looking at?" She smirked back.
"Well, you've already been to Sanctuary, so unless you're looking to be a driving companion to Vegas with the AARP set, adopt a puppy or you've suddenly become fascinated with what's going to be featured in the cafeteria, I'd say the job posting is my best bet."
"You think you know me so well. For your information, I like to keep up on what's new on the LA hospital cafeteria scene. That's where all the new trends in haute cuisine come from." she quipped in mock exasperation.
"Of course, that's definitely where all the cutting edge in fusion cooking is happening. I'll have to remember that for our next date. I stand corrected."
"Thank you."
"No problem. But just so you know, when you're done with the menu, you should apply for that position because it's exactly what you already do for free, everyone loves you and you'd totally get it. I'm just saying."
"Yeah and that kinda defeats the purpose of the volunteering. It's not a good deed when you get paid. Throws off the altruism angle."
"A minor detail. Besides, you said you volunteered because you wanted to do something good and you have. For months. I still can't believe there's anything that you'd need to make up for that's so bad you should pass this or anything else up. If it's not you, someone else will get it. Why them and not you?"
"I'll think about it. Maybe."
"Thinking is good. Action is better." he said and handed her an application.
"Why are you making this such a big deal?" she asked.
"Why aren't you? You're like... a perpetually loaded Pez dispenser of hope and encouragement."
"You think of me as a giant Pez dispenser?" She asked with mock earnestness but unable to suppress a giggle.
Bryce laughed as well. "Wow. Yeah, I don't know where that came from. Obviously my similes need as much work as your metaphors. My point is that, you're always handing out hope and good will to everyone else, and I don't think you keep enough for yourself. So, I want to give you some of mine. You deserve great things too. And not only is it okay to want them, it's good to go after them."
"Okay." She took the paper & smiled at him thinking that he was a pretty great thing.
"Good. So I'll pick you up at eight thirty?"
"I'll be ready." She smiled in anticipation of their date as he gave her a quick kiss.
As he walked off, she looked down at the application and knew she'd fill it out & turn it in. Bryce was right, it was okay to go after the what you wanted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things at the hospital had finally calmed to a level of controlled chaos and Bryce was grateful as he took the opportunity to grab a bottle of water from the vending machine. He glanced up at the television more out of habit than anything else. He'd long stopped paying much attention to the news, such that it was, being reported. It was so much repetition of questions that still had no answers and more speculation than anything else. The State of Emergency was still in effect and there wasn't any word on when it would be lifted. The fire at the FBI Building was out though hot spots were still a concern, but a five mile radius had been cordoned off while the Feds investigated. The news was still running the images they had before a media blackout of that area was imposed. There'd been similar explosions at intelligence agencies involved in investigating the original blackout the world over. Even if it wasn't yet clear what all this meant, Bryce was sure the consequence of the second blackout was precipitously worse than the first time around.
"Dr. Varley?"
"Yes?" Bryce turned at the sound of his name.
"Hi. Ed Walsh. I found your girlfriend's phone."
"Right, and saved her life. Hey." Bryce said as his smile instantly faded and tone tensed. He shook hands with him out of obligation only.
"Right place, right time." Ed said easily and handed Nicole's phone over.
"Thank you. For taking care of her and dropping her phone off so soon. She'll be glad to get this back." Bryce said sincerely, though every word felt leaden.
"Sure. No problem at all. How is she?"
"She's good." Bryce said, not bothering to veil his impatience. "Are we done? Because I'm pretty busy."
Ed wasn't sure if Bryce was responding to him as an officious asshole doctor or officious asshole boyfriend but he decided that it didn't really matter. He'd dealt with enough of the former to know that giving it back was a lost cause. And if it was really the latter then the guy had enough problems without Ed piling on.
"Absolutely. I didn't mean to impose. Just... please tell Nicole that I'm glad she's okay."
Bryce only nodded in response before turning and walking away. He knew he should feel bad or at least embarrassed about the way he'd treated Ed but he didn't. Having a conversation with the embodied cosmic response to his own mistakes and failures was too much. He was grateful that Ed had saved her but on the other hand he was beyond jealous and currently didn't care if that made him petty. More than anything, he just wanted to go back to when Nicole thought well of him.
~~~~~~
Monterey, CA
The main of the beach bonfire for the wedding party was finished but the revelry was still going strong and showed no signs of wrapping up anytime soon. A not so subtle Quinn, with the assistance of the Bride-to-Be and Maid of Honor, suggested Nicole and Bryce take a walk along the beach and practically pushed them along on their way. After a good laugh at the sheer blatancy of their ousting they settled into their usual pattern of winding conversation.
"After the blackout, I hid out for about a month. I seriously freaked out and cloistered myself inside." Nicole said as she finished recounting how she'd perceived her flash.
She wasn't sure if it was the safety of sitting in the dimness of moonlight surrounded by the sound of crashing waves that gave her the nerve to share the details of one of her deepest fears, but she'd kept talking just the same.
"Considering what you'd seen, that's understandable." Bryce told her, remembering having had that kind of reaction to bad news himself.
"That was part of it but what scared me most was how I felt in my flash. It was like waking up and finding out that I didn't know who I was. And I couldn't understand why I didn't care that I was going to die. Let alone make sense of what could've happened that was so bad, that I couldn't see any other alternative. No other way out or resolution but death. I was suffocating and I welcomed it. It just... it'd never occurred to me that I was that person. Or could be."
Bryce listened and understood what she described feeling during her flash. He'd felt just that way when his doctor had given him his prognosis and the feeling remained until the day of the blackout. He knew what it meant to feel there was no other way out and no more reason to fight. Where the only option left was the finality of death and feeling a certain contentment in that resolution. He'd never have thought himself that person before either and even now it was difficult to take himself back to that place. Mostly he thought of things in terms of before and after the blackout in an effort to distance himself from it.
"Well, extreme circumstances sometimes compel people to do things they couldn't ordinarily fathom. So, I don't think that the way you felt in your flash is the defining moment of who you really are. That the possibility concerned you that much is probably a good sign. Not that anything bad is going to happen, but you've already confronted it beforehand. And I think that is more indicative of the kind of person you are."
"Thank you." She said, suddenly struck by the possible absurdity of angsting over her potential mortality with someone dealing with his own mortality in the present.
"For what?"
"For listening and for letting me prattle on about some unknown peril and still trying to make me feel better. You've actually dealt with being told the worst thing ever and you've handled it."
"Well, some days have been better than others in the handling department." he admitted.
"But you fight. For real. Even when it sucks more than usual, you admit it but you press on and you don't get all mired down. It's like you don't do despair. So you know what, from here on out, I'm going to take a page from your playbook."
She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for the empathy. I guess I just needed your brand of awesome to bring me around."
But he knew it wasn't empathy at all, it was simple recognition. If he hadn't known better, he'd have believed that she'd read his mind and knew everything. If there had been a checklist of parallels between them they would've balanced out in the end. That she'd thought him so brave and deeply empathetic bothered him. But not so much that he was going to tell her the truth. Not that he knew how to do that just yet.
They settled into silence and for that, Bryce was grateful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I think we've completely established that he's an asshole." Quinn nodded and used Kai as a pillow for her head as she laid on the floor.
"The Asshole King." Nicole slurred slightly as she sat cross legged on the sofa flipping through channels on the muted television. "That could be the title of a show."
Quinn giggled. "The Asshole King. Totally unrivaled in his reign over his kingdom of asshole minions. I think there should be a moat."
"A moat and a great big fire pit."
"To pitch the King into?" Quinn asked, trying to understand why the moat wasn't enough.
"No. Just extra insurance to keep him inside. I wouldn't want the King to die." Nicole explained quietly. No matter what, she couldn't joke about Bryce dying.
"What color is this nail polish?" Quinn asked holding her hand up to inspect her newly acquired manicure.
Quinn's question broke Nicole out of her reverie.
"It's purple-something." Nicole answered. She could never remember all those cutsie names those polishes came in.
"It looks black."
"We did mine in black and yours in purple." Nicole said, checking her nails while crawling across the sofa to show Quinn. "See?"
"This is the same color. They're both black. So where's the purple?"
"I've no idea. Does this throw off the Cosmo thing?" Nicole asked.
"I don't think so." Quinn began and retrieved the magazine and flipped the pages to see what they were up to on the prescribed list of what to do after a break up. "Were back to venting. So what do you want to rant or complain about next? The sex?"
"No... that was good. Really good." she said regretfully and a little begrudgingly as she recalled the day before.
"Well, you can still hate on him for that, because he messed up and you'll miss it. Or you can go with every woman's prerogative in these instances and lie."
"Never should've slept with him. It was a bad idea for a million reasons not the least of which being that our relationship obviously had some major problems."
"Honestly, if all of humanity waited for relationships to reach some level of perfection before having sex, the species would've died out a long time ago. And been a lot crankier." Quinn offered.
Nicole chuckled.
"I know, I just can't believe I did this. You were right about what you said before about me being good at casual but not so much with the whole in love thing. And I wanted to be casual with him like I had with everybody else but I couldn't do it. Because he's not like everybody else. And the way I felt with him, I never felt that exactly with anyone else. It was scary and exhilarating and I loved it. The casual stuff was easy. I could kiss anybody and walk away without a second thought. The makeout hook up, same thing. It didn't take any effort to walk away because my feelings weren't all wrapped up in it in the first place. But, this was never that. Before he even kissed me, I knew. I tried to deny it, but I knew. I even tried one day to avoid him because I thought if I could just stay away from him, I could get a handle on how I felt."
"I'm guessing that little plan didn't come off."
"Nope, not at all. He tracked me down. I've found over time that he has a particular knack for that. Anyway, from the first time we kissed, I just never wanted to stop. And when we kissed again, I knew even then that I'd wind up in bed with him. I tried to avoid it but when it finally happened, I didn't care about anything else. It felt right. It was just one more way we clicked. And after, I just couldn't bring myself to tell him what I knew."
"That's understandable. We are none of us perfect or forever altruistic. Besides, discussion of other women is not on the post coital topics of conversation list."
"I know, but I'd told myself before that if I could have him just a little longer, then I'd be able to let him go. But I didn't. I mean, I finally told him the truth but not because of some high-minded reason. He was right, I told him because I felt guilty not because it was the right thing to do. It's funny, I was afraid of falling for him to begin with, because I knew it'd be terrible when it was over. Then I was afraid of losing him and having him hate me. It's all happened and I didn't need a flash to tell me."
"He doesn't hate you."
"Yeah right. He had a flash that made it all better. Like seriously, he actually went into this whole thing about what he saw. Like nothing had happened. Not the driveway thing. Not his leaving knowing that something terrible could've happened to me. Not the fact that he thought what I'd done was unforgivable. Honestly, I think the fact that I didn't drown made him think that everything was just cool now and we were just going to go back and pick up from 4:30 yesterday afternoon. I mean, what the hell is that?"
"A mistake. Huge. Unless..."
"Unless what?" Nicole asked, daring a half decent exception as explanation.
"Well, unless he was telling you what he saw just so you knew he'd seen something he thought was good out of sheer excitement and then he was going to work back around to you two working out the other stuff." Quinn suggested.
"No. This wasn't that. He really was over all the stuff he said and I really didn't need to hear any more. This is like, how he is post flash. All emotion and while I found it romantic the first time around, it's just damned annoying now. And then he had the nerve to want to know what I saw! All things considered, I almost wanted to haul off and slap him to see if it'd bring him back down to the reality of the moment."
"What did you see?"
"Not what he saw but even if I told him what I saw, it just would've made things worse because he'd have thought it meant something. When really it doesn't matter at all. Just like everything else between us."
Quinn listened as Nicole continued and she was pretty sure that whatever Nicole had seen Bryce figured into it heavily. Considering the date in her flash, Quinn thought that it could very well take Nicole and Bryce just that long to work things out. Until then she'd listen, help when she could and try not to visibly cringe at Nikki's Mega-Emo Playlist loop in the background, which she was sure was going to be in heavy rotation until the Bryce situation was resolved.
~~~~~~~
Nicole checked the time and couldn't believe almost three hours had already passed. Sliding her books off her lap she headed off to check on Bryce. She wasn't sure whether to think his being so quiet for so long was a good thing or not.
She opened his bedroom door and peeked in to make sure he was okay. The room was half golden afternoon glow and half dark grey shadow and she could hear birds chirping through an open window. But the important thing to Nicole was the figure in the red tee shirt and black sweatpants curled up on the bed. The bottle of water she'd left him was empty and she took that as a good sign as he seemed now to be resting. Hoping that he'd gotten through the worst part she was reluctant to disturb him. She hesitated in the doorway a moment longer before turning to close the door.
"I'm not asleep." he said just as she was about to close the door.
"I didn't wake you did I?" she cringed still standing in the doorway, hoping she hadn't.
"No. I woke up a little while ago. Just laying here."
"How do you feel? Can I get you anything?"
"Blank. And no. But thanks." he said with a sigh and shifted slightly.
"Okay. Just call me if you do." she said and began to close the door.
"Wait. Don't go." he began and rolled over.
Nicole came over to the side of the bed and knelt down.
"I owe you an apology."
"No, you don't."
"Yeah, I do. Yesterday after my chemo, I was just in a bad mood and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You didn't deserve that."
"Like you said, cancer sucks."
"It definitely does but that doesn't make it okay to treat the people you love who love you back, badly. So, I'm sorry."
"I accept and you're forgiven. Always." Nicole said with a smile.
"I know I spend a lot of time acting like I don't need anyone around but I don't think... I know, I don't I spend enough time telling you that I'm glad you're here. And that I appreciate you."
"I wouldn't be anywhere else."
"Yeah, I know that about you. I guess I suspected that when I told you I was sick. Do you remember when you heard me on the phone with my Mom and my sister and you asked me why I lied to them?"
"Yeah. That was kinda intrusive of me, huh?" she asked recalling that Bryce made it clear at the time that he didn't want to talk about it.
"Not in a bad way. And I never really answered you. The reason I lie to them is because they can't do this. Whatever it is you have that makes you able to do this, they don't have that. So there's no point in putting them in that position in the first place. It'd just make everyone involved feel worse."
"But they're your family, Bryce. They love you." She ventured, though she knew exactly what he meant. Paige didn't have whatever "it" was either and there wasn't a day that went by that Nicole wasn't reminded of that.
"This isn't about how much they love me. I know my Mom loved my Dad but from his initial diagnosis she just kinda shut herself off from him. And when it was clear that he wasn't going to get better she couldn't deal with it. She wrapped herself in work and my sister did the same thing with her family. It was like they knew time was running out but they just couldn't engage in the moment. It wasn't that they didn't care or that it didn't hurt them, but they just couldn't get to place where they could separate how they felt from what he needed. And they couldn't admit it. Any of it."
"And I've found that I'm not like my Dad. He was never mad at them for that. Even when I was. He would say that he regretted that his being sick was causing them pain and that the only thing worse than that was that he knew his death would do the same thing. And more than anything, he didn't want any of us to suffer. I still admire that, even though I fall well short of it. I could say it's okay and say I let them off the hook. But it'd be a lie. I want to be that person. I thought I was, but I'm not. I've tried to be. Just the thought that they would do the denial thing after I bore my soul, when I needed them most is more than I want to think about. Because unlike my Dad, there's no me to pick up where they leave off. So, it's just better to do all this alone. It's not that I don't already know how they are. It's the confirmation of it all that I just... at least if I never tell them, they can't..."
"They can't disappoint you. They can't let you down." She finished, holding his hand.
"Exactly. So... I guess that's my round about way of saying that, even as bad as I feel, you make it better. And I'm glad you're you and chose to spend your time with me." he explained. "And I'm really sorry about earlier. I really didn't mean to... on you."
"No problem, on all of the above. My shirt's in the dryer with the other stuff now. Nothing that wasn't fixable. But you really should rest now."
"Stay. Please. I'm done the vomiting thing, I promise." He said with a wan smile.
"Sure." She agreed and climbed into the bed alongside.
She wrapped her arms around him and kissed the back of his neck as she rested her head on the pillow. Holding her hand in his, he smiled. Close in body and mind both were content in the moment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The living room of Quinn's apartment was scattered with the remains of the evening. Plates, bowls, empty ice cream cartons and foil chocolate wrappers along with boxes of tissues bore testament to the evening retrospective on what had been and become of Nicole and Bryce. Through it all Quinn had listened and given pitch perfect counterpoint to whatever tangent Nicole had taken off on. She'd put aside her own feelings of being trapped between her own foreknowledge, having encouraged Nicole in the first place and Nicole's feelings about the current state of her relationship with Bryce. It was and was going to continue to be one hell of a tightrope to navigate.
"She flew all the way across the Pacific for him." Nicole explained from her side of the sofa, holding up her glass for a refill.
Quinn rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew this part would come given enough time.
"And now we've the entered the apologist phase. Seriously?"
She reached behind her for the bottle on the table and poured. They'd long passed the point where it mattered if they were drinking white or red.
"You're giving her mad credit for booking a flight? That makes them epic? Nikki, what the hell?! Call me when she undertakes cancer recon, chemo ward & vomit duty. None of that shit is pretty but it's real and it counts. To me, that's epic. And this isn't even about her, it's about him."
"Well, he flew there to find her too." Nicole said with tears in her eyes.
"Oh, big fucking deal. I mean yes, on one hand that's sweet and kinda cool, but in some ways way lame and actually really sad. Drop everything and tear off on a fools errand. He came back with nothing but her name and he still couldn't find her. Like, did he not know Mosaic existed since it was so damned important? And she wound up all caught up with Immigration without even that. That's worth more than what you had with him? Whatever."
Quinn tried to temper her annoyance. She wasn't so good with the part where all the allowances and reasons why the ex went stupid were made. It was always hard to watch a friend do that, especially because it reminded her of what she'd sounded like the times she'd done the same thing.
"I don't know... it was important to him." Nicole was annoyed that given recent developments, she still cared at all about what was now or had been important to him. She made a mental note to stop doing that.
"Important is fine, more important than you after all you've shared... not cool. Not epic. Just bullshit." Quinn told her matter-of-factly.
"She saved his life." Nicole said, more repeating from memory than actually arguing the case. She tried to remember how many glasses of wine she'd had as she continued to drink her current one.
"No. The blackout saved his life. Possibly even the flashforward pulled him back from the brink of desperation. They hadn't actually met, so she hadn't done anything. Even if we're going all existential here... no. That's just theory and crap he built up in his mind."
"Yeah. And he still dumped me to take off and find her. She didn't have to know anything about him, or show him how much she loves him because I guess the flash was enough."
"Their flash, whatever it was beyond the moment they saw it, when they woke up, could only be infatuation. From his point of view, I guess it makes sense, he was facing death and needed a lifeline. I don't know what was going on in her life, but she must have been going through something equally perilous. I mean, she couldn't have just been some chick bored with her job, ya know?"
"Yeah, I know. You're probably right."
"But Nikki, none of that has anything to do with the validity of you or your relationship with him. And yeah, he really shouldn't have done what he did and you absolutely have every right and reason to be pissed, but don't go thinking that everything that happened between you was all for naught. You two were happy. For real."
"But what did it matter in the end? It still turned into all about her to the exclusion of everything else. All day I just kept wondering what he'd do if I told him and if he was still planning and pining to find her. Apparently he was all along."
"Okay, I'll give you some leeway because you're all upset but I'm going to have to pull you back on the logic track here and not because I'm trying to help his case at all but because I don't want you feeling any worse than you have to. He wasn't thinking about her until that moment you decided to give up the intel. If he had been, he'd have booked another flight to Tokyo on FlashForward Day, because that's still where he thought she and the restaurant were to be found. Though it's creepy trippy that they met at a place you were originally taking him to, where he first kissed you and where he planned for you to meet up. That's some cosmic fuckery right there."
"I just kept hoping that when he found out about Keiko, he'd remember us and it'd be okay. He was so mad when I told him. Then I tried to explain but he wouldn't even look at me. And then he left. And I mean, I knew... I knew this was how it was going to end up. But I convinced myself that everything would be okay and I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe everything he said. But I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things. I hurt him, he hurt me and now it's just a mess."
"Is it a mess you want to try and clean up?" Quinn asked with a yawn.
"I don't want to think about it right now. I'm just so mad at him. One moment I can't stand to be around him and the next it's all I can think about. And it's pissing me off. But the worst thing, is that I still can't hate him. I want to and it'd be so much easier if I could."
"That's what friends are for. I'll hold down the hate and you just feel everything else you need to." Quinn assured her in a slow, easy tone.
Nicole could tell Quinn had slipped off to sleep. She laid her head on her pillow and watched the images on the television. It would just figure that Adult Swim was running a night of Bleach. It reminded her of times spent with him. She looked around for the remote but couldn't find it. She sighed, finished her glass of wine and closed her eyes. She wasn't sure if it was all the crying, ranting, junk food or drinking, but she was feeling better. She could hear Quinn softly snoring from the other side of the sofa and decided it was because of her. When the realization that the boyfriend wasn't your best friend afterall and may have been the best disguised enemy ever, dawned on you, it was good to know that the BFF that had been with you since baby teeth and teddy bears still had your back. And even though she'd not admit it aloud, it didn't hurt being carried off into slumber swathed in Bryce's hoodie. It reminded her of being content in his arms. It was a place that even now she longed to be.
~~~~~~~
Thursday April 29 1:15 PM PDT
Nicole sighed and stretched, her body moulded against his. Her arm across him and her leg in a full body hug. Bryce was loathe to move and disturb her. No matter how many times he awoke to being enveloped by her, he marveled at how she was actually able to sleep that way. But she could and her face was all contentment and calm. He still wasn't sure if it was her expression or the fact that even in her sleep she could maintain a decent grip on him that made him smile most. He thought both were pretty sexy.
She opened her eyes and looked up at him, "Hey you."
"Hey." he smiled, a little sad that she'd released her hold on him.
"What time is it?" She looked over her shoulder to check the time. "You got me roses?"
She grinned and sat up to check out the blooms in her favorite colors.
"Don't sound so surprised. It's not the first time."
"No, I know. It's just, sweet and thoughtful. When did you do this?"
"They were delivered when you were asleep. The original plan was for you to answer the door but you were asleep so this isn't a bad plan B."
"Thank you. I love them. But you didn't have to. I think it's pretty clear that I'm your sure thing." she added the last part flippantly.
"Why do you do that?" he asked a little annoyed.
"Do what?"
"Act like it's a surprise that I would do nice things for you or want to. Or that I wouldn't think you're worth it. I love you."
"That's what you say." Nicole said with a nonchalance that she didn't feel.
""That's what I mean." Bryce admittedly didn't understand this aspect of her personality. He could never figure out if she thought he was lying or she really didn't see herself as she really was or at least as he saw her.
"Of course you do. Who wouldn't love the girl you can get into bed in less than an hour of her arriving at your house?" She heard herself say it but couldn't for the life of her fathom why she'd said it. She was sabotaging what should have been a perfectly lovely moment and she couldn't stop herself.
"You know that you and me is not about that. It's... an awesome addition but not the make or break. Seriously. Don't do that."
She paused before she spoke again and looked over her shoulder at her roses.
"I just keep thinking that this is some sort of dream and I'll wake up and it'll be over or I'll find out that it was never real."
"Well, you're awake and we're here, so you can cross the first part off your list of worries. And I'm pretty sure that our whole relationship has been real. So I'd say that you don't have to worry about that either. It's been months."
"Yeah. You're right, of course."
"You don't seem convinced. What's it going to take to make you a believer?" he asked wondering if this was just a consequence of her flash preoccupying her thoughts.
"Ask me tomorrow."
He nodded in agreement with a smile and kissed her.
Genre: Flashforward
Pairing: Bryce/Nicole
A/N: Damn. Apologies all around for taking so long to post this one. Chapter was delayed for beach jaunt, some revision & a massive imposition of RL. It's summer & I'm shooting for a chapter every 7-12 days because I'm finding that I want to be everywhere doing everything except sitting still on my laptop & I want these last chapters of Sync to come together just right so I can't just dash them off. Not that you, dear reader, care about any of that bit. You've come for the story, so let's get on! This chap, it's all about grievances, misunderstandings and flashbacks. For all the things that were ever said just beneath the surface that were never heard. It's like they don't even speak the same language sometimes. *facepalm* Italics are flashback only. Besos! xoxo
Nicole finally breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped into the shower. The only solace was that as bizarre as her day had been, so had everyone else's if the news or people's general demeanor were any indication. The State of Emergency in effect had pretty much stranded her at the hospital for hours. She couldn't get home and she couldn't get away from Bryce. She'd been able to call home and Judy assured her that everything was fine and not to worry. Her mother was more calm than usual and Judy was able to stay with her until Nicole could make it home. As the day wore on, it became clear that most likely wouldn't be until the next day.
It was late afternoon when Bryce finally succeeded in cornering her and got her to stand still long enough to tell her that Quinn wanted to talk to her and handed over his phone. Nicole thanked him without looking at him and was thrilled to find out that Quinn was in LA and lucky enough to be given a driver from RPR and would pick her up if Nicole wanted to leave the hospital. It was all Nicole had wanted all day and she readily accepted. A slight glance over at Bryce was all the reminder she needed that some time with her BFF was what she needed most and upon Quinn's arrival, she practically sprinted for the exit.
It turned out that she still couldn't get home due to road closures and other issues related to the State of Emergency that Quinn's RPR status couldn't circumvent but for Nicole, crashing at Quinn's was more than a mercy. Quinn wasn't a fan of the flashes the first time, so Nicole was pretty sure she wouldn't have to go through the new postmortem everyone engaged in all day, where it wasn't just What did you see? anymore. Now it was also When did you see? More often than not people didn't know when and that was disconcerting on a whole other level.
The last six months had been people attempting to work toward or away from their flashforwards. But now, for so many there was no designated date to work toward or away from. Just another glimpse into the future. According to the news, so far, there were dates being reported that were as early as four months away and as far away as 2013. Who knew how far into the future this was all going to go was anyone's guess. Added to that was that flashes were in large part not matching up. Sure, before people had seen other people in flashes that they hadn't yet known but now it was turning out that if no two individuals flashed to the same moment in time, someone could see someone else in a flash and the other person would be completely unaware of that interaction at all. It was the ultimate randomizer and people were wondering what to do with the information they had. How to make something happen or not when you didn't know the when made things a lot more precarious. And the possibility of someone else reacting to you based on something they saw you do in their flash but you having no knowledge of it, was even worse. Even though this time around Nicole had a "good" flash, she found this event a lot more scary than the first time around. She'd thought before that if by some miracle she survived the night, she wouldn't have to think about the flashforwards ever again. It would be over. But now she realized that this was the new normal. A world of people focused on disparate times in a possible future. The last twenty-four hours had proven to Nicole that whether the foreseen was good or bad, it could only lead to chaos. And Nicole had no interest at all in that or any thing else that amounted to complete physical or mental upheaval.
~~~~~~~~
Nicole sat at her desk put the finishing touches on her Ethics paper and started pulling her Organic Chemistry books. She still had a few things to get done for her other classes but was putting them off in favor of Bryce helping her with the OChem.
"I'm almost done with this. I promise." she said as she started a final proofread her paper.
"Take your time. There's no hurry." Bryce assured her, taking note of the pictures, books and other collected randomness on her bookshelves as he waited. "Wow. You've travelled a lot."
"My Dad was a Foreign Service Officer." Nicole told him.
"That explains it then."
"What?" Cringing inside, she wondered if "it" was good or bad.
"Your trio of passports in different colors. I was thinking maybe real life Sydney Bristow." he teased.
Nicole laughed. "So not a spy girl. I'm nowhere near that glamorous. Just another diplobrat bouncing around."
"You've definitely got an affinity for languages. Just how many do you speak?" He asked glancing over her books, many of which were in other languages.
"In addition to English and Japanese, better than decent Greek and Macedonian and a decent amount of the more popular Romance Languages."
"My little polyglot." Bryce chided surprised and equally intrigued. "Macedonian?"
She nodded with a slight smile and shrugged self-consciously. "It makes me a great ringer in Trivial Pursuit team play. Like lots of things, it's just an artifact turned anecdote of having lived in many different places."
"I'd call it more than that." Bryce said with a nod, taking in the rest of her room. It seemed like her, carefully ordered and mixed with seemingly disparate but ultimately complimentary accents. Straight forward but full of surprises.
"This is really... weird." Nicole glanced up at Bryce, now perusing the bookshelf above her as she still tapped away at her laptop.
"What is?" He asked and smiled noticing a picture of Nicole dressed as Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas with Charlie Benford from Halloween.
"You. Here. In my bedroom."
"You've been in my bedroom."
"Yeah, I know. It's just that this feels really..."
"Intimate?" He offered before picking up her chemistry text and sitting on her bed.
"That's a good description." She agreed and kept her focus on the screen before her and hoped her blushing would go unnoticed even if her vulnerability didn't. "All things considered between us, that sounds ridiculous, I know. It's just... my whole life is chronicled here. You know, all the places I've been, all the ways they changed me. It's sort of all the pieces that make me. Because I've lived in so many places, I was always starting over and on some days I didn't really know who I was supposed to be or even who I wanted to be, but I always had my room. And I could look around and be reminded of where I came from and dream about where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be. People and relationships were always in flux. But my room always came along with me. No matter the country, I could recreate this space. Sort of my constant in the chaos. So having you here is like baring my soul... and that's... not something I do with just anyone."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bryce finally had a chance to catch a couple hours of sleep or try to. Angeles was deep in patients and still short on staff so everyone in, was staying. It was just as well to Bryce, he couldn't get home anyway and even if he could he wasn't really in any hurry to sit alone and replay the last 24 hours in his mind. He could do that just as easily at work where he could at least count on being interrupted. And that's exactly what he'd been doing all day anyway.
He was still trying to figure out how his last conversation with Nicole had ended with her breaking up with him. Even considering how things had gone the night before and that he'd understood that she was upset about how things had played out, he'd thought that after he explained and apologized, everything would have been okay. Or if not okay, certainly not over. But she wouldn't let him explain and she didn't seem to want his apology. It hadn't mattered what he'd tried to say, none of it had come out right and pushed him further away from his goal. Mentioning the flashes seemed like it made things far worse and before he knew it she'd called it done between them and spent the rest of the day ignoring or attempting to avoid him. He didn't even want to begin thinking about how he'd told her about the suicide thing. By the time Quinn arrived and Nicole left without even a backward glance in his direction, he was pretty sure that unlike the things he'd said to her the day before, she'd meant exactly what she'd last said to him. It was all messed up because he'd had so much to tell her.
~~~~~~~~
April 29, 10:02 PM PDT
It was a surreal moment. A bit like deja vu but stronger.
And even though he knew that he'd said the same words to her in his flash, there seemed nothing better to say to Keiko as she'd stood there than "You're really here."
The awe of the culmination of the moment glimpsed was almost dreamlike. A memory of it having already happened though it hadn't, while moving forward through the moment in reality and realizing that the present experience was not exactly as that remembered.
To be sure he was glad, euphoric even, at having found Keiko and know that she was okay but the whole thing had Nicole running as an undercurrent.
When he confirmed Keiko's tattoo by simply saying the word "Believe" the word felt strange on his tongue. His thoughts went right back to Nicole. She'd been the one to finish the symbol in his sketchbook and tell him its meaning all those months ago. It had been the first in a long list of times that she picked up where he left off. She was now an inextricable interwoven component in his life. The pieces had come together to make the picture of his flash but it was incomplete. And he knew that the feeling he'd had since he'd left her standing in his driveway, the one that stayed just below his anger as it burned away, was that of missing her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nicole could hear that Quinn had music blasting as she got dressed. She couldn't believe she'd been here only a week and a half earlier but she was glad that she'd left some things behind. She fumbled through the clothes she'd left and stopped at Bryce's Blue Devils hoodie. He'd lent it to her when they were in Monterey and she'd kind of held onto it since. He hadn't minded, she recalled with a slight smile. He'd said it looked best on her. But she didn't want to think about that now. She tossed it aside momentarily, in favor of a black tee shirt, but picked it up again. Plenty pissed she may have been, but it was seriously comfy and it smelled like him. And though this wasn't the kind of day she'd admit it, that was a good thing. She pulled it on over her head and complimented it with a pair of pink pajama bottoms. She skipped taking stock of herself in the mirror. She didn't care what she looked like. She'd survived the night, dealt with Bryce and spent the entire ride to Quinn's explaining about Chelsea and being saved by Ed. Now, she was either all cried out or dehydrated, she couldn't tell.
She came out to the living room and was greeted with a dancing Quinn, wine glasses and open bottle in hand. She noticed Kai, the teddy Quinn had been traveling the globe with since they were little, perched on the sofa. She smiled at his jaunty resewn ear and recalled how he'd come to be so damaged.
"Let the high holy Bitchfest of Bastardus Boyfriendus begin."
Quinn greeted as she handed Nicole a glass and poured.
Nicole sipped and laughed. It was the first time she'd had a genuine laugh all day and it felt overdue.
"Thanks for this." she said and picked up the teddy. "Kai's come to lend an ear."
"My poor bear. Do you remember that day?" Quinn asked and grabbed a slice of pizza.
"Of course. It's like the only real fight we've ever had."
"I was so mad at you for leaving, not that you had a choice and I wanted you to feel bad, so there was no way I was letting you play with Kai that day."
"Which may have been fine, but you snatched him away from me and I couldn't believe you weren't playing fair. So I had to snatch him back. Unfortunately for Kai, you wouldn't let go." Nicole recalled.
"Yeah. And then the rip. I still remember that sound and then we both just stopped and completely broke down and bawled." Quinn laughed at the absurdity of their childhood confrontation.
"Oh my god, we howled. Jamie thought something was wrong, like for real. Then when he realized it was a fight over the bear, he called us both stupid and told us to shut up. But he did reattach the ear." Nicole recounted, laughing.
"Yeah, he did and like any good big brother he threatened me into owning up to why I was being mean. And what was it he said... um, your friends are just like your family, no matter where they are..."
"You never lose them or they you because we all carry each other in our hearts wherever we go." Nicole chimed in and they finished in unison.
"He was right." Nicole smiled with a nod.
"Well, he's always been the more well adjusted between us but he got that little quip from my Mom."
"Did she have any sage words for the pieces of your heart that have been trampled on and thrown away by someone you thought was a friend?" Nicole asked as thoughts of Bryce resurfaced again.
Quinn regarded her with sympathy.
"I know this sucks and hurts like hell. Tonight is all about you. You have free license to rant, cry, complain, hate or whatever else over your relationship with He Who Shall Not Be Named. We can totally walk all the way back to Angeles and key his car if that's what you want. Whatever you need. Welcome to the Sisterhood of the Temporarily Bitter."
"Temporarily? What? No hating him forever?" Nicole scoffed.
Recalling her own flash Quinn was sure that now wasn't even remotely the time to bring that up. Nicole wasn't anywhere near the right headspace to go into all that right now. And while Quinn wasn't a fan of these little slices of future being imposed on everyone, she had to admit that she'd been surprised that hers had in fact happened without any personal exertion on her part to make it happen or not. She'd indeed wound up at a party in a house she didn't recognize when Zero Hour rolled around. Even when she'd traveled to Canada the week before for RPR she hadn't realized that the she was on track to meet up with her flash as foreseen. And knowing that Nicole's had happened, even though previously misread, Quinn was more than convinced that what she'd most recently seen was really going to happen. She also knew that she couldn't have misread what she saw. But that didn't matter right now, it wasn't what Nicole needed or wanted to hear, so she'd have to wait until she was ready.
"Do you really see yourself hating him forever?" she asked instead and took note of Nicole's choice of attire.
"I'm willing to give it a serious try." Nicole declared and took another sip of wine.
"Spoken like a properly pissed off woman." Quinn laughed. "Okay first things first. Because you're the Queen. The Goddess. The Most Awesome Chica Ever. Your tiara and boa."
She handed Nicole a pale pink boa and rhinestone tiara as Nicole took another sip of wine. With a laugh she secured her crown atop her head then looped the cloud of pink around her neck. It reminded her of how they used to play dress up when they were younger.
"Oh but that's not all." Quinn explained and walked over to the kitchen as Nicole followed. "We've got the four traditional foods of this most necessary bitchfest: pizza, ice cream, chocolate and wine. Calories don't exist and neither do hangovers. But there is one rule. No phones. Luckily you don't have yours and I'm going to put mine someplace safe, because friends don't let friends drunk dial."
Quinn took off to hide her phone someplace out of reach or alcohol drenched recall and Nicole grabbed a spoon and went straight for a carton of chocolate ice cream and can of whipped cream before settling herself on the sofa.
"Okay, so where do you want to start?" Quinn asked when she came back.
Nicole's reply didn't come in words. The sound of her spraying whipped cream directly from the can into her mouth told Quinn all she needed to know.
~~~~~~~~
The departmental Clerical Assistant Level 2 posting caught Nicole's eye as she looked over the bulletin board.
"Just apply for it already." Bryce whispered in her ear.
"How do you even know what I'm looking at?" She smirked back.
"Well, you've already been to Sanctuary, so unless you're looking to be a driving companion to Vegas with the AARP set, adopt a puppy or you've suddenly become fascinated with what's going to be featured in the cafeteria, I'd say the job posting is my best bet."
"You think you know me so well. For your information, I like to keep up on what's new on the LA hospital cafeteria scene. That's where all the new trends in haute cuisine come from." she quipped in mock exasperation.
"Of course, that's definitely where all the cutting edge in fusion cooking is happening. I'll have to remember that for our next date. I stand corrected."
"Thank you."
"No problem. But just so you know, when you're done with the menu, you should apply for that position because it's exactly what you already do for free, everyone loves you and you'd totally get it. I'm just saying."
"Yeah and that kinda defeats the purpose of the volunteering. It's not a good deed when you get paid. Throws off the altruism angle."
"A minor detail. Besides, you said you volunteered because you wanted to do something good and you have. For months. I still can't believe there's anything that you'd need to make up for that's so bad you should pass this or anything else up. If it's not you, someone else will get it. Why them and not you?"
"I'll think about it. Maybe."
"Thinking is good. Action is better." he said and handed her an application.
"Why are you making this such a big deal?" she asked.
"Why aren't you? You're like... a perpetually loaded Pez dispenser of hope and encouragement."
"You think of me as a giant Pez dispenser?" She asked with mock earnestness but unable to suppress a giggle.
Bryce laughed as well. "Wow. Yeah, I don't know where that came from. Obviously my similes need as much work as your metaphors. My point is that, you're always handing out hope and good will to everyone else, and I don't think you keep enough for yourself. So, I want to give you some of mine. You deserve great things too. And not only is it okay to want them, it's good to go after them."
"Okay." She took the paper & smiled at him thinking that he was a pretty great thing.
"Good. So I'll pick you up at eight thirty?"
"I'll be ready." She smiled in anticipation of their date as he gave her a quick kiss.
As he walked off, she looked down at the application and knew she'd fill it out & turn it in. Bryce was right, it was okay to go after the what you wanted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things at the hospital had finally calmed to a level of controlled chaos and Bryce was grateful as he took the opportunity to grab a bottle of water from the vending machine. He glanced up at the television more out of habit than anything else. He'd long stopped paying much attention to the news, such that it was, being reported. It was so much repetition of questions that still had no answers and more speculation than anything else. The State of Emergency was still in effect and there wasn't any word on when it would be lifted. The fire at the FBI Building was out though hot spots were still a concern, but a five mile radius had been cordoned off while the Feds investigated. The news was still running the images they had before a media blackout of that area was imposed. There'd been similar explosions at intelligence agencies involved in investigating the original blackout the world over. Even if it wasn't yet clear what all this meant, Bryce was sure the consequence of the second blackout was precipitously worse than the first time around.
"Dr. Varley?"
"Yes?" Bryce turned at the sound of his name.
"Hi. Ed Walsh. I found your girlfriend's phone."
"Right, and saved her life. Hey." Bryce said as his smile instantly faded and tone tensed. He shook hands with him out of obligation only.
"Right place, right time." Ed said easily and handed Nicole's phone over.
"Thank you. For taking care of her and dropping her phone off so soon. She'll be glad to get this back." Bryce said sincerely, though every word felt leaden.
"Sure. No problem at all. How is she?"
"She's good." Bryce said, not bothering to veil his impatience. "Are we done? Because I'm pretty busy."
Ed wasn't sure if Bryce was responding to him as an officious asshole doctor or officious asshole boyfriend but he decided that it didn't really matter. He'd dealt with enough of the former to know that giving it back was a lost cause. And if it was really the latter then the guy had enough problems without Ed piling on.
"Absolutely. I didn't mean to impose. Just... please tell Nicole that I'm glad she's okay."
Bryce only nodded in response before turning and walking away. He knew he should feel bad or at least embarrassed about the way he'd treated Ed but he didn't. Having a conversation with the embodied cosmic response to his own mistakes and failures was too much. He was grateful that Ed had saved her but on the other hand he was beyond jealous and currently didn't care if that made him petty. More than anything, he just wanted to go back to when Nicole thought well of him.
~~~~~~
Monterey, CA
The main of the beach bonfire for the wedding party was finished but the revelry was still going strong and showed no signs of wrapping up anytime soon. A not so subtle Quinn, with the assistance of the Bride-to-Be and Maid of Honor, suggested Nicole and Bryce take a walk along the beach and practically pushed them along on their way. After a good laugh at the sheer blatancy of their ousting they settled into their usual pattern of winding conversation.
"After the blackout, I hid out for about a month. I seriously freaked out and cloistered myself inside." Nicole said as she finished recounting how she'd perceived her flash.
She wasn't sure if it was the safety of sitting in the dimness of moonlight surrounded by the sound of crashing waves that gave her the nerve to share the details of one of her deepest fears, but she'd kept talking just the same.
"Considering what you'd seen, that's understandable." Bryce told her, remembering having had that kind of reaction to bad news himself.
"That was part of it but what scared me most was how I felt in my flash. It was like waking up and finding out that I didn't know who I was. And I couldn't understand why I didn't care that I was going to die. Let alone make sense of what could've happened that was so bad, that I couldn't see any other alternative. No other way out or resolution but death. I was suffocating and I welcomed it. It just... it'd never occurred to me that I was that person. Or could be."
Bryce listened and understood what she described feeling during her flash. He'd felt just that way when his doctor had given him his prognosis and the feeling remained until the day of the blackout. He knew what it meant to feel there was no other way out and no more reason to fight. Where the only option left was the finality of death and feeling a certain contentment in that resolution. He'd never have thought himself that person before either and even now it was difficult to take himself back to that place. Mostly he thought of things in terms of before and after the blackout in an effort to distance himself from it.
"Well, extreme circumstances sometimes compel people to do things they couldn't ordinarily fathom. So, I don't think that the way you felt in your flash is the defining moment of who you really are. That the possibility concerned you that much is probably a good sign. Not that anything bad is going to happen, but you've already confronted it beforehand. And I think that is more indicative of the kind of person you are."
"Thank you." She said, suddenly struck by the possible absurdity of angsting over her potential mortality with someone dealing with his own mortality in the present.
"For what?"
"For listening and for letting me prattle on about some unknown peril and still trying to make me feel better. You've actually dealt with being told the worst thing ever and you've handled it."
"Well, some days have been better than others in the handling department." he admitted.
"But you fight. For real. Even when it sucks more than usual, you admit it but you press on and you don't get all mired down. It's like you don't do despair. So you know what, from here on out, I'm going to take a page from your playbook."
She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for the empathy. I guess I just needed your brand of awesome to bring me around."
But he knew it wasn't empathy at all, it was simple recognition. If he hadn't known better, he'd have believed that she'd read his mind and knew everything. If there had been a checklist of parallels between them they would've balanced out in the end. That she'd thought him so brave and deeply empathetic bothered him. But not so much that he was going to tell her the truth. Not that he knew how to do that just yet.
They settled into silence and for that, Bryce was grateful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I think we've completely established that he's an asshole." Quinn nodded and used Kai as a pillow for her head as she laid on the floor.
"The Asshole King." Nicole slurred slightly as she sat cross legged on the sofa flipping through channels on the muted television. "That could be the title of a show."
Quinn giggled. "The Asshole King. Totally unrivaled in his reign over his kingdom of asshole minions. I think there should be a moat."
"A moat and a great big fire pit."
"To pitch the King into?" Quinn asked, trying to understand why the moat wasn't enough.
"No. Just extra insurance to keep him inside. I wouldn't want the King to die." Nicole explained quietly. No matter what, she couldn't joke about Bryce dying.
"What color is this nail polish?" Quinn asked holding her hand up to inspect her newly acquired manicure.
Quinn's question broke Nicole out of her reverie.
"It's purple-something." Nicole answered. She could never remember all those cutsie names those polishes came in.
"It looks black."
"We did mine in black and yours in purple." Nicole said, checking her nails while crawling across the sofa to show Quinn. "See?"
"This is the same color. They're both black. So where's the purple?"
"I've no idea. Does this throw off the Cosmo thing?" Nicole asked.
"I don't think so." Quinn began and retrieved the magazine and flipped the pages to see what they were up to on the prescribed list of what to do after a break up. "Were back to venting. So what do you want to rant or complain about next? The sex?"
"No... that was good. Really good." she said regretfully and a little begrudgingly as she recalled the day before.
"Well, you can still hate on him for that, because he messed up and you'll miss it. Or you can go with every woman's prerogative in these instances and lie."
"Never should've slept with him. It was a bad idea for a million reasons not the least of which being that our relationship obviously had some major problems."
"Honestly, if all of humanity waited for relationships to reach some level of perfection before having sex, the species would've died out a long time ago. And been a lot crankier." Quinn offered.
Nicole chuckled.
"I know, I just can't believe I did this. You were right about what you said before about me being good at casual but not so much with the whole in love thing. And I wanted to be casual with him like I had with everybody else but I couldn't do it. Because he's not like everybody else. And the way I felt with him, I never felt that exactly with anyone else. It was scary and exhilarating and I loved it. The casual stuff was easy. I could kiss anybody and walk away without a second thought. The makeout hook up, same thing. It didn't take any effort to walk away because my feelings weren't all wrapped up in it in the first place. But, this was never that. Before he even kissed me, I knew. I tried to deny it, but I knew. I even tried one day to avoid him because I thought if I could just stay away from him, I could get a handle on how I felt."
"I'm guessing that little plan didn't come off."
"Nope, not at all. He tracked me down. I've found over time that he has a particular knack for that. Anyway, from the first time we kissed, I just never wanted to stop. And when we kissed again, I knew even then that I'd wind up in bed with him. I tried to avoid it but when it finally happened, I didn't care about anything else. It felt right. It was just one more way we clicked. And after, I just couldn't bring myself to tell him what I knew."
"That's understandable. We are none of us perfect or forever altruistic. Besides, discussion of other women is not on the post coital topics of conversation list."
"I know, but I'd told myself before that if I could have him just a little longer, then I'd be able to let him go. But I didn't. I mean, I finally told him the truth but not because of some high-minded reason. He was right, I told him because I felt guilty not because it was the right thing to do. It's funny, I was afraid of falling for him to begin with, because I knew it'd be terrible when it was over. Then I was afraid of losing him and having him hate me. It's all happened and I didn't need a flash to tell me."
"He doesn't hate you."
"Yeah right. He had a flash that made it all better. Like seriously, he actually went into this whole thing about what he saw. Like nothing had happened. Not the driveway thing. Not his leaving knowing that something terrible could've happened to me. Not the fact that he thought what I'd done was unforgivable. Honestly, I think the fact that I didn't drown made him think that everything was just cool now and we were just going to go back and pick up from 4:30 yesterday afternoon. I mean, what the hell is that?"
"A mistake. Huge. Unless..."
"Unless what?" Nicole asked, daring a half decent exception as explanation.
"Well, unless he was telling you what he saw just so you knew he'd seen something he thought was good out of sheer excitement and then he was going to work back around to you two working out the other stuff." Quinn suggested.
"No. This wasn't that. He really was over all the stuff he said and I really didn't need to hear any more. This is like, how he is post flash. All emotion and while I found it romantic the first time around, it's just damned annoying now. And then he had the nerve to want to know what I saw! All things considered, I almost wanted to haul off and slap him to see if it'd bring him back down to the reality of the moment."
"What did you see?"
"Not what he saw but even if I told him what I saw, it just would've made things worse because he'd have thought it meant something. When really it doesn't matter at all. Just like everything else between us."
Quinn listened as Nicole continued and she was pretty sure that whatever Nicole had seen Bryce figured into it heavily. Considering the date in her flash, Quinn thought that it could very well take Nicole and Bryce just that long to work things out. Until then she'd listen, help when she could and try not to visibly cringe at Nikki's Mega-Emo Playlist loop in the background, which she was sure was going to be in heavy rotation until the Bryce situation was resolved.
~~~~~~~
Nicole checked the time and couldn't believe almost three hours had already passed. Sliding her books off her lap she headed off to check on Bryce. She wasn't sure whether to think his being so quiet for so long was a good thing or not.
She opened his bedroom door and peeked in to make sure he was okay. The room was half golden afternoon glow and half dark grey shadow and she could hear birds chirping through an open window. But the important thing to Nicole was the figure in the red tee shirt and black sweatpants curled up on the bed. The bottle of water she'd left him was empty and she took that as a good sign as he seemed now to be resting. Hoping that he'd gotten through the worst part she was reluctant to disturb him. She hesitated in the doorway a moment longer before turning to close the door.
"I'm not asleep." he said just as she was about to close the door.
"I didn't wake you did I?" she cringed still standing in the doorway, hoping she hadn't.
"No. I woke up a little while ago. Just laying here."
"How do you feel? Can I get you anything?"
"Blank. And no. But thanks." he said with a sigh and shifted slightly.
"Okay. Just call me if you do." she said and began to close the door.
"Wait. Don't go." he began and rolled over.
Nicole came over to the side of the bed and knelt down.
"I owe you an apology."
"No, you don't."
"Yeah, I do. Yesterday after my chemo, I was just in a bad mood and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You didn't deserve that."
"Like you said, cancer sucks."
"It definitely does but that doesn't make it okay to treat the people you love who love you back, badly. So, I'm sorry."
"I accept and you're forgiven. Always." Nicole said with a smile.
"I know I spend a lot of time acting like I don't need anyone around but I don't think... I know, I don't I spend enough time telling you that I'm glad you're here. And that I appreciate you."
"I wouldn't be anywhere else."
"Yeah, I know that about you. I guess I suspected that when I told you I was sick. Do you remember when you heard me on the phone with my Mom and my sister and you asked me why I lied to them?"
"Yeah. That was kinda intrusive of me, huh?" she asked recalling that Bryce made it clear at the time that he didn't want to talk about it.
"Not in a bad way. And I never really answered you. The reason I lie to them is because they can't do this. Whatever it is you have that makes you able to do this, they don't have that. So there's no point in putting them in that position in the first place. It'd just make everyone involved feel worse."
"But they're your family, Bryce. They love you." She ventured, though she knew exactly what he meant. Paige didn't have whatever "it" was either and there wasn't a day that went by that Nicole wasn't reminded of that.
"This isn't about how much they love me. I know my Mom loved my Dad but from his initial diagnosis she just kinda shut herself off from him. And when it was clear that he wasn't going to get better she couldn't deal with it. She wrapped herself in work and my sister did the same thing with her family. It was like they knew time was running out but they just couldn't engage in the moment. It wasn't that they didn't care or that it didn't hurt them, but they just couldn't get to place where they could separate how they felt from what he needed. And they couldn't admit it. Any of it."
"And I've found that I'm not like my Dad. He was never mad at them for that. Even when I was. He would say that he regretted that his being sick was causing them pain and that the only thing worse than that was that he knew his death would do the same thing. And more than anything, he didn't want any of us to suffer. I still admire that, even though I fall well short of it. I could say it's okay and say I let them off the hook. But it'd be a lie. I want to be that person. I thought I was, but I'm not. I've tried to be. Just the thought that they would do the denial thing after I bore my soul, when I needed them most is more than I want to think about. Because unlike my Dad, there's no me to pick up where they leave off. So, it's just better to do all this alone. It's not that I don't already know how they are. It's the confirmation of it all that I just... at least if I never tell them, they can't..."
"They can't disappoint you. They can't let you down." She finished, holding his hand.
"Exactly. So... I guess that's my round about way of saying that, even as bad as I feel, you make it better. And I'm glad you're you and chose to spend your time with me." he explained. "And I'm really sorry about earlier. I really didn't mean to... on you."
"No problem, on all of the above. My shirt's in the dryer with the other stuff now. Nothing that wasn't fixable. But you really should rest now."
"Stay. Please. I'm done the vomiting thing, I promise." He said with a wan smile.
"Sure." She agreed and climbed into the bed alongside.
She wrapped her arms around him and kissed the back of his neck as she rested her head on the pillow. Holding her hand in his, he smiled. Close in body and mind both were content in the moment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The living room of Quinn's apartment was scattered with the remains of the evening. Plates, bowls, empty ice cream cartons and foil chocolate wrappers along with boxes of tissues bore testament to the evening retrospective on what had been and become of Nicole and Bryce. Through it all Quinn had listened and given pitch perfect counterpoint to whatever tangent Nicole had taken off on. She'd put aside her own feelings of being trapped between her own foreknowledge, having encouraged Nicole in the first place and Nicole's feelings about the current state of her relationship with Bryce. It was and was going to continue to be one hell of a tightrope to navigate.
"She flew all the way across the Pacific for him." Nicole explained from her side of the sofa, holding up her glass for a refill.
Quinn rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew this part would come given enough time.
"And now we've the entered the apologist phase. Seriously?"
She reached behind her for the bottle on the table and poured. They'd long passed the point where it mattered if they were drinking white or red.
"You're giving her mad credit for booking a flight? That makes them epic? Nikki, what the hell?! Call me when she undertakes cancer recon, chemo ward & vomit duty. None of that shit is pretty but it's real and it counts. To me, that's epic. And this isn't even about her, it's about him."
"Well, he flew there to find her too." Nicole said with tears in her eyes.
"Oh, big fucking deal. I mean yes, on one hand that's sweet and kinda cool, but in some ways way lame and actually really sad. Drop everything and tear off on a fools errand. He came back with nothing but her name and he still couldn't find her. Like, did he not know Mosaic existed since it was so damned important? And she wound up all caught up with Immigration without even that. That's worth more than what you had with him? Whatever."
Quinn tried to temper her annoyance. She wasn't so good with the part where all the allowances and reasons why the ex went stupid were made. It was always hard to watch a friend do that, especially because it reminded her of what she'd sounded like the times she'd done the same thing.
"I don't know... it was important to him." Nicole was annoyed that given recent developments, she still cared at all about what was now or had been important to him. She made a mental note to stop doing that.
"Important is fine, more important than you after all you've shared... not cool. Not epic. Just bullshit." Quinn told her matter-of-factly.
"She saved his life." Nicole said, more repeating from memory than actually arguing the case. She tried to remember how many glasses of wine she'd had as she continued to drink her current one.
"No. The blackout saved his life. Possibly even the flashforward pulled him back from the brink of desperation. They hadn't actually met, so she hadn't done anything. Even if we're going all existential here... no. That's just theory and crap he built up in his mind."
"Yeah. And he still dumped me to take off and find her. She didn't have to know anything about him, or show him how much she loves him because I guess the flash was enough."
"Their flash, whatever it was beyond the moment they saw it, when they woke up, could only be infatuation. From his point of view, I guess it makes sense, he was facing death and needed a lifeline. I don't know what was going on in her life, but she must have been going through something equally perilous. I mean, she couldn't have just been some chick bored with her job, ya know?"
"Yeah, I know. You're probably right."
"But Nikki, none of that has anything to do with the validity of you or your relationship with him. And yeah, he really shouldn't have done what he did and you absolutely have every right and reason to be pissed, but don't go thinking that everything that happened between you was all for naught. You two were happy. For real."
"But what did it matter in the end? It still turned into all about her to the exclusion of everything else. All day I just kept wondering what he'd do if I told him and if he was still planning and pining to find her. Apparently he was all along."
"Okay, I'll give you some leeway because you're all upset but I'm going to have to pull you back on the logic track here and not because I'm trying to help his case at all but because I don't want you feeling any worse than you have to. He wasn't thinking about her until that moment you decided to give up the intel. If he had been, he'd have booked another flight to Tokyo on FlashForward Day, because that's still where he thought she and the restaurant were to be found. Though it's creepy trippy that they met at a place you were originally taking him to, where he first kissed you and where he planned for you to meet up. That's some cosmic fuckery right there."
"I just kept hoping that when he found out about Keiko, he'd remember us and it'd be okay. He was so mad when I told him. Then I tried to explain but he wouldn't even look at me. And then he left. And I mean, I knew... I knew this was how it was going to end up. But I convinced myself that everything would be okay and I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe everything he said. But I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things. I hurt him, he hurt me and now it's just a mess."
"Is it a mess you want to try and clean up?" Quinn asked with a yawn.
"I don't want to think about it right now. I'm just so mad at him. One moment I can't stand to be around him and the next it's all I can think about. And it's pissing me off. But the worst thing, is that I still can't hate him. I want to and it'd be so much easier if I could."
"That's what friends are for. I'll hold down the hate and you just feel everything else you need to." Quinn assured her in a slow, easy tone.
Nicole could tell Quinn had slipped off to sleep. She laid her head on her pillow and watched the images on the television. It would just figure that Adult Swim was running a night of Bleach. It reminded her of times spent with him. She looked around for the remote but couldn't find it. She sighed, finished her glass of wine and closed her eyes. She wasn't sure if it was all the crying, ranting, junk food or drinking, but she was feeling better. She could hear Quinn softly snoring from the other side of the sofa and decided it was because of her. When the realization that the boyfriend wasn't your best friend afterall and may have been the best disguised enemy ever, dawned on you, it was good to know that the BFF that had been with you since baby teeth and teddy bears still had your back. And even though she'd not admit it aloud, it didn't hurt being carried off into slumber swathed in Bryce's hoodie. It reminded her of being content in his arms. It was a place that even now she longed to be.
~~~~~~~
Thursday April 29 1:15 PM PDT
Nicole sighed and stretched, her body moulded against his. Her arm across him and her leg in a full body hug. Bryce was loathe to move and disturb her. No matter how many times he awoke to being enveloped by her, he marveled at how she was actually able to sleep that way. But she could and her face was all contentment and calm. He still wasn't sure if it was her expression or the fact that even in her sleep she could maintain a decent grip on him that made him smile most. He thought both were pretty sexy.
She opened her eyes and looked up at him, "Hey you."
"Hey." he smiled, a little sad that she'd released her hold on him.
"What time is it?" She looked over her shoulder to check the time. "You got me roses?"
She grinned and sat up to check out the blooms in her favorite colors.
"Don't sound so surprised. It's not the first time."
"No, I know. It's just, sweet and thoughtful. When did you do this?"
"They were delivered when you were asleep. The original plan was for you to answer the door but you were asleep so this isn't a bad plan B."
"Thank you. I love them. But you didn't have to. I think it's pretty clear that I'm your sure thing." she added the last part flippantly.
"Why do you do that?" he asked a little annoyed.
"Do what?"
"Act like it's a surprise that I would do nice things for you or want to. Or that I wouldn't think you're worth it. I love you."
"That's what you say." Nicole said with a nonchalance that she didn't feel.
""That's what I mean." Bryce admittedly didn't understand this aspect of her personality. He could never figure out if she thought he was lying or she really didn't see herself as she really was or at least as he saw her.
"Of course you do. Who wouldn't love the girl you can get into bed in less than an hour of her arriving at your house?" She heard herself say it but couldn't for the life of her fathom why she'd said it. She was sabotaging what should have been a perfectly lovely moment and she couldn't stop herself.
"You know that you and me is not about that. It's... an awesome addition but not the make or break. Seriously. Don't do that."
She paused before she spoke again and looked over her shoulder at her roses.
"I just keep thinking that this is some sort of dream and I'll wake up and it'll be over or I'll find out that it was never real."
"Well, you're awake and we're here, so you can cross the first part off your list of worries. And I'm pretty sure that our whole relationship has been real. So I'd say that you don't have to worry about that either. It's been months."
"Yeah. You're right, of course."
"You don't seem convinced. What's it going to take to make you a believer?" he asked wondering if this was just a consequence of her flash preoccupying her thoughts.
"Ask me tomorrow."
He nodded in agreement with a smile and kissed her.