(no subject)
I thought my fever had gone away but it had not. Now both sides of my throat are inflammed and both of my ears are in pain. I haven't been sick like this in years I don't think, but when I was little I was constantly sick. So I guess when I was little I was conditioned to it. Now being sick seems worse because it rarely gets that bad and now it seems that its accompanied by some of my other health problems. The cabinets continuously open and close and yet no one is in my bathroom. But they have to be because I hear it. But no one is in the bathroom. It's not down stairs because they are watching tv. Is it in the kitchen? No one was in the kitchen. Why am I hearing this it seems so pointless. Cabinets open cabinets bang. Can't nap because I'm scared. Very scared. I'm still scared. My body is constantly producing more mucus spit than I can handle it promptly comes out my mouth. Can't spit it out, can't get up to walk to the bathroom. I'm too scared I might see something. Want to take all the risperdal I have so it can stop but I can't stand. If I move my head I'll die. My throat is too tight it chokes me occasionally when I don't drool the spit onto the sheets. I feel like a vegtable, paralized and unable to stand up. But nothing is wrong with me I'm just too scared, scared over hearing cabinets open and close. The silliest thing on earth. I keep hearing them. I want it to stop I can't stop crying. I keep crying. I need to use the bathroom but I just hold it in. Still crying. Turn up music. Wince in pain because my ears hurt, but it's all I can do to stop hearing the cabinets. It doesn't help. Make my self stop crying. Feel so horrible by now (as if I didn't earlier) that my body succumbs to sleep. When I open my eyes and cry in pain it seems like five minutes has passed. Throat feels much tighter. Swimming in a puddle of mucus, sweat, saliva, and tears. I can't hear anything anymore. I force myself up. I try to go down stairs with a normal walk but I almost fall so many times it feels like a gallop. I can't help but pout and make little puppy whines. I see that my stepmom has just started cooking. That I went up to my room an hour ago, but she just started cooking within five minutes. I haven't eaten decently in a few days. Smelling food makes me want to cry because I'm so hungry. She asks whats wrong I can't speak so I just push out "my throat" and she still doesn't understand because she can't hear it. This time when she says "huh?" she doesn't seem annoyed because I'm not doing my usuall "mumble mumble". She asks about the medicine my dad got me and I say it doesn't work. Most likely because I have a fever. She says to me "go see your father he's in the room". I almost fall on the short walk to the master bedroom from the kitchen. But I give a weak knock because it took all my energy to walk there and force open the door. He asks me whats wrong. It hurts to even push out words at zero volume. He tells me to take two asprin. I'm concerned that I can't swallow them because my throat is so tight but he simply says "thats the way to stop imflammation". I take the two asprin go to the kitchen get some water and force them down. I almost passout from the pain. My stepmom asks me what he said. I just hold up two fingers. She says "two asprin" I nod. I gallop up the stairs and decide not to go back to my room, but to sit here and force myself to type this. I have to take frequent short breaks because my wrists start to hurt & I need to spit out mucus
I just want to remember this, so I can appreciate being healthy when I am.