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String Theory: An AU SeriesDr. Samantha Carter joins the SGC and discovers a life she never expected.
Action/Adventure, Drama, Angst, Romance, S/J
Teen: minor language and violence
Ficlet 23: Diplopia
An unfamiliar car is sitting in Sam’s driveway when Jack drops her off after a lazy Sunday brunch at his favorite little breakfast place. It’s one of the few moments they’ve managed to steal together in weeks and his hand is slung across the back of her seat as he drives, his fingers caressing careless circles into the back of her neck. Wind blows through the partially open window and Sam has her eyes closed, reveling in the mix of sensation, sun and wind on her face and the warmth sliding down her spine at the gentle dance of Jack’s fingers.
As they pull up in front of her house near the intruding car though, the hand stills, breaking the delicate moment. Her eyes slide across her front yard and next to her Jack tenses at the presence of an unknown person in the driveway She tells herself that’s just his training. A soldier at every moment.
She reaches for Jack’s arm, even as the visitor turns to observe them. “It’s Jeff.”
The name hangs heavily in the car, a subject never broached between them. Just like Sam never asks about the photos in Jack’s house.
“Do you want me to...,” Jack says, gesturing vaguely towards her house.
Sam shakes her head. Something about these two particular men inhabiting the same space makes her fear for the integrity of the fabric of space. But maybe she’s just being fanciful.
“I’ll be fine,” she says with a smile she hopes is reassuring.
Jack’s eyes narrow, letting her know he doesn’t buy it. But he doesn’t call her on it either. “Give me a call later,” he says instead and she can’t decide if his concern is comforting or cloying.
“Sure,” she agrees, trying not to pull away when he leans over to kiss her, far too aware of Jeff’s eyes on them both.
Sam steps down out of Jack’s truck and waits for him to drive away before she lets herself turn and acknowledge Jeff. Not once has she seen him since she left so abruptly more than three years ago. She has no idea what she should be feeling.
Forcing herself around to look at him, she can only think that he looks the same. Sam feels aged, as if centuries of experience spread between them, but he hasn’t aged even a moment. There is a beat of exquisite familiarity, of a life lived together, but then he shifts, his expression distant and Sam’s back on the outside where she belongs.
She stops halfway up her path, barely close enough to speak without raised voices.
The sun glints off a ring on his hand that isn’t hers. She hadn’t been invited to his wedding, not that she expected to be. She has no right to think about how quickly he found someone to replace her.
Jeff gave her fair warning of his marriage of course, but there hadn’t been a personal meeting. Just a courteous phone call in honor of what they had once shared. She can’t think what might require him to travel so far, to cover the treacherous distance between them to see her today.
She doesn’t invite him in and the way he hugs the very edge of the driveway tells her it would be unwelcome anyway.
“I’m going to be a father,” Jeff says by way of greeting, probably deciding to circumvent any painful small talk or excuses. Just the brutal, gut-wrenching truth.
Sam feels herself sway on the spot under the impact. Jeff takes one half step forward before stopping himself, as if remembering that he is no longer that guy. He glances back in the direction that Jack’s truck has disappeared into, undoubtedly wishing the other man back.
“Sam,” Jeff eventually says in a tone that Sam can feel travel all the way down to her toes. “You have to know that I-.”
But Sam doesn’t want to hear it. She blurts, “Congratulations, Jeff,” with as much strength as she can muster, cutting him off mid-sentence.
Jeff looks like he might stubbornly finish what he wanted to say, but then the lines smooth from his face and he sighs a soft breath of regret that is painfully familiar from the last year of their marriage.
“Really, Jeff,” Sam says, focusing on her breathing and not the way everything is turning fuzzy and numb around the edges. “You’ll be a great father. I’ve always thought so.”
She starts moving up the path once more, seeking the solitude of the house that she still struggles to think of as a home.
“You deserve to be happy,” Jeff says.
Sam thinks that must be some kind of non-sequitur until she turns back to look at him and he’s glancing after Jack’s truck again.
No, is all Sam can think as she tries not to scream. Too much, too much.
“Be happy, Sam,” he says before moving back to his car. She doesn’t know if that is a command or simply permission. She doesn’t particularly want either.
She waits for him to drive away, but first he pulls out a small cardboard box and leaves it on the edge of her garden like a ticking time bomb.
They don’t say goodbye.
* * *
The box burns a hole in Sam’s mind for three weeks. It takes all her energy to convince Jack that she is fine, that Jeff has in no way upset her. An emergency or two on base makes that easier than it should be.
You deserve to be happy.
She knows that. But every time Jack touches her, all she can think about is how wrong it feels.
She can’t remember how she got here.
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