From Yuma to Kalamazoo - a memoir
First, I would like to begin by saying - on my plane from Detroit to Pheonix, I sat next to the cutest old lady ever! We are now BFF. Also, the Pheonix airport is super boring and really big and I felt horribly out of place as I was not wearing a cowboy hat or boots. Pheonix also has the biggest population of MILFs in the world. Apparently menopause + the desert = hot older women. I fell asleep waiting for my next plane and drooled all over myself!
I took a little puddle-jumper to Yuma and randomly sat next to a girl from Detroit! She had a dog in a duffle bag. The first thing I saw when I got off the plane was a cactus. Danielle and Nick gave me a tour of Yuma and the Marine base, but Nick almost got caught wearing flip-flops! OH shoot! We drove to California, saw some shady people and turned around. 12 Hours later and Danielle and I were on our way to Michigan.
Stopped in Gila Bend, AZ for breakfast:
For information on this establishment, click here.
We also decided to stop in Danielle's favorite town - Sedona which is BEAUTIFUL. We also visited the Chapel of the Holy Cross and walked around the town for a bit:
We took the scenic mountain route instead of the boring highway and stopped (again) at Oak Creek Canyon, which was also very beautiful.
Next Stop: Winslow, Arizona
Taking a cue from the Eagles... I stood on the corner.
Tucumcari, New Mexico:
had a random dinosaur museum - which we HAD to visit!
I sent Scott and Baxworth a postcard. It seemed necessary.
Stopped in Conway, Texas to use the bathroom and found a random Route 66 attraction:
Signed a Bug... And it was Ryan's birthday!
So I signed it for him too! Sadly, right after this picture was taken... MY CAMERA DIED! Luckily Texas and Oklahoma are the most boring states to drive through.
And, even worse - somewhere in Missouri the car's CD player broke! Totally tragic! The last song it played was "I Would Do Anything For Love" by Meatloaf
Slept in Oklahoma City in a really ghetto motel (they only served WHOLE milk with our continental breakfast - gross!) Oklahoma and Missouri prompted many hours of 20 Questions...
When on a road trip it is important to take note of the small things that bring you pleasure - A woman (driving like a maniac) getting pulled over by a cop, the side of the highway being on fire, trying to pronounce funny city names, having a little red car follow you for 100 miles, a large bowl of ranch dressing, and the list of porn tapes available in your motel.
And how can we forget! Brought to you by my cross-country trip through America's heartland - The Top Ten Signs You Are Driving Through A Red State:
- People are carrying loaded guns at their waists
- The only signs of civilization are Walmarts in the middle of the desert surrounded by subdivisions
- You stumble upon a town who's only claim to fame is that it is the birthplace of Garth Brooks
- Every radio station plays either country music or religious talk radio
- You see several trucks in a row with bumper stickers praising God
- Every single person you see for 2 hours is wearing a cowboy hat (even the cops)
- You order a Boca burger off the menu and the waitress has no idea what you are talking about
- You are forced to watch FOX News with your continental breakfast
- You can see "The World's Biggest Cross" from the highway
