HOUSE OF BROKEN SOULS Part 36
Warnings: This Chapter: None. Overall: Slash, sexually explicit content, graphic violence
The fiction includes a mental illness storyline. I am not qualified in mental health, everything I know about it is googled. It's fantasy folks, please don't shoot me though helpful criticism is always welcomed.
*Not real. The folks aren't mine. No damage intended.
Lia (Cheebles) is still with me for help & support for which I am very grateful (hugs)
They went back to the Country Club. They sat in their well appointed suite and Beth nibbled on some toast and then excused herself “You boys be sure to come and see me soon. She placed a hand over Jared’s, “Both of you are always welcome.”
He nodded at her. “Thanks. Beth”
“We will.” replied Jensen.
The pancakes were good but Jared didn’t have much of an appetite. Jensen sipped his coffee and toyed with his pancakes. They sat only inches from each other but there was a chasm between them. Jensen had become progressively distant since they‘d arrived back in their accommodation and Jared felt lost and helpless. He had been offered absolution by the one person he’d never expected or asked it from and yet the one who never judged him, who he needed understanding from most, was slipping away from him.
He moved to put an arm around the green-eyed man but Jensen ducked away from him, shrugged it away and yawned. “I’m turning in. You take the bed, it’s bigger. I’ll grab the couch.” Jensen opened the mini bar and peered in, then shut it again with a slam. He picked up the phone, dialed room service and asked for bottle of Jack.
“Jen.” the tall man pleaded.
“I can’t deal with this right now. I need to sleep.” the older man snapped at him.
“Fine, but not drink. Please.”
“You know what.” Jensen spat “You’re not my mother or my father, you’re sure as hell not my aunt. You’re not family, you’re not even older than me, so you can keep your advice to yourself Jay.” and he knew how much it would hurt, even as he said it, but right then his give-a-damn was as busted as the shattered image of his own family.
Jared got ready for bed and slipped under the covers. He didn’t move to shut the partition between the sitting area and the bedroom and Jensen made no effort to close it. The architect lay, feigning sleep, watching through half closed eyelids as Jensen took the bottle and tipped the maid. He heard the glug as it poured and the splash of the amber fluid hitting the base and sides of the tumbler. He saw Jensen tip the glass back and empty it with one gulp and then pour another. He had never felt so alone in a bed and he had no idea what he could do to make things better. He turned on his side, away from the view of Jensen throwing away his sobriety and his exhausted body reluctantly slipped into a light, fitful sleep.
He awoke, unsure of the time, to the sound of wretched vomiting and moaning. He forced himself out of bed and over to the bathroom. He could see a half full bottle of Jack in the sitting area. “Jen. You Ok?” he nudged at the bathroom door and it swung open to reveal Jensen, pale and sweaty kneeling over the toilet.
“M’super. Doc Carver is a bastard.”
Jared grabbed a washcloth and ran it under cool water. He wiped Jensen’s face.
“Did you have a second bottle?”
“Nah,” groaned Jensen “You know those little pills they give alcoholics to keep them off the booze?”
Jared’s eyebrow raised.
“Yeah. They work like a bitch.” he continued to retch. “Why do you care anyway?”
Jared leaned against the vanity. “I thought I was your boyfriend. It’s sort of in the job description. Is this us over? Because even if it is, I’d still care.” He ran his fingers through his hair anxiously and pulled at the hem of his T Shirt. He took the washcloth from him, rinsed and returned it.
“I don’t know what this is any more.” Jensen sounded small and weary.
“What did Beth say? About me I mean.”
“She told me everything Jay.”
“She doesn’t know anything. Not really.”
You fucked my godfather for four years and he died in your bed. I’d like you to tell me she got that bit wrong, because it’s screwing with my head.”
“I fucked Misha and that doesn’t seem to bother you, in fact you had no problem with my past at all until now. ”
“You should have told me.”
“Then I would not only be a gold digging whore but one that breaks his promises. How is that better?”
“Who called you that?”
“It doesn’t matter.” he was slouched, with his hands and legs crossed. His eyes were dull and his jaw tense.
Jensen wiped his face with a dry towel. “I think it’s over now.”
“Us?” Hazel-eyes glistened, “You should know I don’t regret what happened with Derek and I’m sorry if it hurts you, or ruins your childhood memories but I’m glad it’s out. I’m glad someone else can finally know how much he meant to me. It wasn’t dirty and it wasn’t sordid. Derek wasn’t a pedophile and we didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did. I wish I had been strong enough to walk away when I found out about his family, his business and his life but I wasn’t. I’m not going to pretend he didn’t want to hire my services the first time, but he never did, it never worked out like that. I wish I could say that in the first few months it wasn’t about safety and somewhere to live but it was. None of that matters because I fell in love with him and I think he loved me too. I’m not pretending it wasn’t a screwed up version of love because he was like a father and that made it even hotter for me. We were good together and the day he died, he was happy. He taught me so much about life. Not just practicalities, business and manners. He taught me that there are good people out there. He gave me self-respect and let me grow up in safety. Yes we had sex, but he never pushed me to do anything I was uncomfortable with. Whatever you think of me as you walk away from this relationship, please don’t think badly of him.”
“I meant, I think I’ve stopped throwing up now.” he struggled to get up from the smooth tiled floor.
Jared reached a hand for him. “You should come to bed. Not for sex. You should get some proper sleep.”
“It’s 10am.”
“You looked for me all night. I’m sorry. I should have left a note.”
“What were you going to say? Dear Jensen. Your family are not nice people. I’m going to run away and die of hypothermia. Even if you‘d left a note telling me not to look for you I still would have done it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with your parents Jensen. They wanted to protect their friend. That’s all.”
“You know, Beth told me her side of the story and you’ve told me yours. The subject that neither of you even touched on was money. It’s obvious to me it was never about that to either of you. So, the only person that could have made that accusation is my father. That‘s just awesome.” He brushed his teeth and let Jared support him across to the bed and help him in.
“So all of this is because you’re freaked out that I had a relationship with an older man, who happened to be family, and your dad called me on it? There‘s a contract. He was in his rights. I didn‘t tell you because I didn‘t think it would happen. A population of 100,000 and I meet the one person I can‘t go near. What‘s the odds?”
Jensen lay with his back to Jared, squeezed his eyes shut and let his head sink into the pillow. “It’s not about that. Not really.”
Jared rested his hand on his back and Jensen flinched away again. Jared winced. “Then tell me.”
Jensen huffed and ran his hand over his chin, scraping over the stubble there. “Before I met you I knew I was going to live a quiet life with my books. I was retired from the police force and I didn’t ever have to look at the photographs of mutilated bodies again. I believed my family were good, honest people who didn’t keep dirty little secrets from each other. I didn’t have to be terrified that the person I love was gone or that something terrible might happen to him because of me. I didn’t have to make a choice between my father and the man I love. I’m angry at my Uncle for what he did but I don’t understand why. I’m angry at myself for being angry because I know I’ve done almost exactly what he did. I’ve got my own dirty little secret and I haven’t been honest enough to tell you. It’s gotten so complicated and I don’t even know where to start. I need a drink but I don’t want one. I need you but that’s not fair. I love my father but I don’t like him any more. I want to have it together so I can be there for you, but I’m falling apart.”
“You love me?” Jared’s eyes were wide and bright.
“Yes but I don’t know if I can do this. I can’t expect you to want me, want all this mess around me and I know I love you sounds ridiculous so soon but,” he struggled to finish “but it just is and I‘m scared.” He twisted around to see Jared gazing at him with a wide, dreamy grin on his face “Hang on. I poured all that out and all you heard was I love you?”
“It’s the only thing that really matters isn’t it? Because if we love each other we can deal with the rest together.”
“Jared. Just by being with you I’ve painted a glaring target on your back, how are we going to deal with that? I can’t see you hurt, I’d rather let you go.”
“What do you mean a target?”
Jensen could no longer keep all the details confidential, there was potential for Jared to be a victim and he needed to know about Laing and The Game. He gave a brief overview of the investigation and of the information Chad had given him the previous night, leaving out references to Caitlin. He would show him photographs of the suspects later.
“It doesn’t seem to matter to them if we stay together or not, I mean the others weren‘t in a relationship were they? If I’m already a target it’s not going to change anything. We deal with it together.” He leaned in and gave Jensen a kiss, barely a touch to his lips. “In case you didn’t get the reference earlier, I love you Jensen Ackles. I may be your Baby but I’m not a child. We stay careful and you catch the bastards. Does that work for you? Can we go to sleep together, in the same bed now?”
“You want me to stay in bed with you?”
“I’ve never wanted anything more. I’ve never felt more alone than when you were on the couch and I was over here without you.”
“We’ll miss the flight.”
“Stuff it. The suite was booked for three days and I think between us we can rustle up the money for another flight don’t you?”
“Wait. Did you say you love me?”
“Mmhmm.”
Jensen nestled his head on Jared’s chest and kissed him affectionately. “I am going to fuck you senseless when we wake up.“ he murmured. He let out a slight snuffle, his eyes closed and his breath was steady within minutes. Jared looped an arm around him to pull him in close and kissed the crown of his head. He gave in to the enveloping blackness and both of them slept deeply and dreamlessly.
Continued in part 37 here: anniespinkhouse.livejournal.com/10822.html
The fiction includes a mental illness storyline. I am not qualified in mental health, everything I know about it is googled. It's fantasy folks, please don't shoot me though helpful criticism is always welcomed.
*Not real. The folks aren't mine. No damage intended.
Lia (Cheebles) is still with me for help & support for which I am very grateful (hugs)
They went back to the Country Club. They sat in their well appointed suite and Beth nibbled on some toast and then excused herself “You boys be sure to come and see me soon. She placed a hand over Jared’s, “Both of you are always welcome.”
He nodded at her. “Thanks. Beth”
“We will.” replied Jensen.
The pancakes were good but Jared didn’t have much of an appetite. Jensen sipped his coffee and toyed with his pancakes. They sat only inches from each other but there was a chasm between them. Jensen had become progressively distant since they‘d arrived back in their accommodation and Jared felt lost and helpless. He had been offered absolution by the one person he’d never expected or asked it from and yet the one who never judged him, who he needed understanding from most, was slipping away from him.
He moved to put an arm around the green-eyed man but Jensen ducked away from him, shrugged it away and yawned. “I’m turning in. You take the bed, it’s bigger. I’ll grab the couch.” Jensen opened the mini bar and peered in, then shut it again with a slam. He picked up the phone, dialed room service and asked for bottle of Jack.
“Jen.” the tall man pleaded.
“I can’t deal with this right now. I need to sleep.” the older man snapped at him.
“Fine, but not drink. Please.”
“You know what.” Jensen spat “You’re not my mother or my father, you’re sure as hell not my aunt. You’re not family, you’re not even older than me, so you can keep your advice to yourself Jay.” and he knew how much it would hurt, even as he said it, but right then his give-a-damn was as busted as the shattered image of his own family.
Jared got ready for bed and slipped under the covers. He didn’t move to shut the partition between the sitting area and the bedroom and Jensen made no effort to close it. The architect lay, feigning sleep, watching through half closed eyelids as Jensen took the bottle and tipped the maid. He heard the glug as it poured and the splash of the amber fluid hitting the base and sides of the tumbler. He saw Jensen tip the glass back and empty it with one gulp and then pour another. He had never felt so alone in a bed and he had no idea what he could do to make things better. He turned on his side, away from the view of Jensen throwing away his sobriety and his exhausted body reluctantly slipped into a light, fitful sleep.
He awoke, unsure of the time, to the sound of wretched vomiting and moaning. He forced himself out of bed and over to the bathroom. He could see a half full bottle of Jack in the sitting area. “Jen. You Ok?” he nudged at the bathroom door and it swung open to reveal Jensen, pale and sweaty kneeling over the toilet.
“M’super. Doc Carver is a bastard.”
Jared grabbed a washcloth and ran it under cool water. He wiped Jensen’s face.
“Did you have a second bottle?”
“Nah,” groaned Jensen “You know those little pills they give alcoholics to keep them off the booze?”
Jared’s eyebrow raised.
“Yeah. They work like a bitch.” he continued to retch. “Why do you care anyway?”
Jared leaned against the vanity. “I thought I was your boyfriend. It’s sort of in the job description. Is this us over? Because even if it is, I’d still care.” He ran his fingers through his hair anxiously and pulled at the hem of his T Shirt. He took the washcloth from him, rinsed and returned it.
“I don’t know what this is any more.” Jensen sounded small and weary.
“What did Beth say? About me I mean.”
“She told me everything Jay.”
“She doesn’t know anything. Not really.”
You fucked my godfather for four years and he died in your bed. I’d like you to tell me she got that bit wrong, because it’s screwing with my head.”
“I fucked Misha and that doesn’t seem to bother you, in fact you had no problem with my past at all until now. ”
“You should have told me.”
“Then I would not only be a gold digging whore but one that breaks his promises. How is that better?”
“Who called you that?”
“It doesn’t matter.” he was slouched, with his hands and legs crossed. His eyes were dull and his jaw tense.
Jensen wiped his face with a dry towel. “I think it’s over now.”
“Us?” Hazel-eyes glistened, “You should know I don’t regret what happened with Derek and I’m sorry if it hurts you, or ruins your childhood memories but I’m glad it’s out. I’m glad someone else can finally know how much he meant to me. It wasn’t dirty and it wasn’t sordid. Derek wasn’t a pedophile and we didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did. I wish I had been strong enough to walk away when I found out about his family, his business and his life but I wasn’t. I’m not going to pretend he didn’t want to hire my services the first time, but he never did, it never worked out like that. I wish I could say that in the first few months it wasn’t about safety and somewhere to live but it was. None of that matters because I fell in love with him and I think he loved me too. I’m not pretending it wasn’t a screwed up version of love because he was like a father and that made it even hotter for me. We were good together and the day he died, he was happy. He taught me so much about life. Not just practicalities, business and manners. He taught me that there are good people out there. He gave me self-respect and let me grow up in safety. Yes we had sex, but he never pushed me to do anything I was uncomfortable with. Whatever you think of me as you walk away from this relationship, please don’t think badly of him.”
“I meant, I think I’ve stopped throwing up now.” he struggled to get up from the smooth tiled floor.
Jared reached a hand for him. “You should come to bed. Not for sex. You should get some proper sleep.”
“It’s 10am.”
“You looked for me all night. I’m sorry. I should have left a note.”
“What were you going to say? Dear Jensen. Your family are not nice people. I’m going to run away and die of hypothermia. Even if you‘d left a note telling me not to look for you I still would have done it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with your parents Jensen. They wanted to protect their friend. That’s all.”
“You know, Beth told me her side of the story and you’ve told me yours. The subject that neither of you even touched on was money. It’s obvious to me it was never about that to either of you. So, the only person that could have made that accusation is my father. That‘s just awesome.” He brushed his teeth and let Jared support him across to the bed and help him in.
“So all of this is because you’re freaked out that I had a relationship with an older man, who happened to be family, and your dad called me on it? There‘s a contract. He was in his rights. I didn‘t tell you because I didn‘t think it would happen. A population of 100,000 and I meet the one person I can‘t go near. What‘s the odds?”
Jensen lay with his back to Jared, squeezed his eyes shut and let his head sink into the pillow. “It’s not about that. Not really.”
Jared rested his hand on his back and Jensen flinched away again. Jared winced. “Then tell me.”
Jensen huffed and ran his hand over his chin, scraping over the stubble there. “Before I met you I knew I was going to live a quiet life with my books. I was retired from the police force and I didn’t ever have to look at the photographs of mutilated bodies again. I believed my family were good, honest people who didn’t keep dirty little secrets from each other. I didn’t have to be terrified that the person I love was gone or that something terrible might happen to him because of me. I didn’t have to make a choice between my father and the man I love. I’m angry at my Uncle for what he did but I don’t understand why. I’m angry at myself for being angry because I know I’ve done almost exactly what he did. I’ve got my own dirty little secret and I haven’t been honest enough to tell you. It’s gotten so complicated and I don’t even know where to start. I need a drink but I don’t want one. I need you but that’s not fair. I love my father but I don’t like him any more. I want to have it together so I can be there for you, but I’m falling apart.”
“You love me?” Jared’s eyes were wide and bright.
“Yes but I don’t know if I can do this. I can’t expect you to want me, want all this mess around me and I know I love you sounds ridiculous so soon but,” he struggled to finish “but it just is and I‘m scared.” He twisted around to see Jared gazing at him with a wide, dreamy grin on his face “Hang on. I poured all that out and all you heard was I love you?”
“It’s the only thing that really matters isn’t it? Because if we love each other we can deal with the rest together.”
“Jared. Just by being with you I’ve painted a glaring target on your back, how are we going to deal with that? I can’t see you hurt, I’d rather let you go.”
“What do you mean a target?”
Jensen could no longer keep all the details confidential, there was potential for Jared to be a victim and he needed to know about Laing and The Game. He gave a brief overview of the investigation and of the information Chad had given him the previous night, leaving out references to Caitlin. He would show him photographs of the suspects later.
“It doesn’t seem to matter to them if we stay together or not, I mean the others weren‘t in a relationship were they? If I’m already a target it’s not going to change anything. We deal with it together.” He leaned in and gave Jensen a kiss, barely a touch to his lips. “In case you didn’t get the reference earlier, I love you Jensen Ackles. I may be your Baby but I’m not a child. We stay careful and you catch the bastards. Does that work for you? Can we go to sleep together, in the same bed now?”
“You want me to stay in bed with you?”
“I’ve never wanted anything more. I’ve never felt more alone than when you were on the couch and I was over here without you.”
“We’ll miss the flight.”
“Stuff it. The suite was booked for three days and I think between us we can rustle up the money for another flight don’t you?”
“Wait. Did you say you love me?”
“Mmhmm.”
Jensen nestled his head on Jared’s chest and kissed him affectionately. “I am going to fuck you senseless when we wake up.“ he murmured. He let out a slight snuffle, his eyes closed and his breath was steady within minutes. Jared looped an arm around him to pull him in close and kissed the crown of his head. He gave in to the enveloping blackness and both of them slept deeply and dreamlessly.
Continued in part 37 here: anniespinkhouse.livejournal.com/10822.html