HOUSE OF BROKEN SOULS Part 26
Warnings: This Chapter: None. Overall: Slash, sexually explicit content, graphic violence
The fiction includes a mental illness storyline. I am not qualified in mental health, everything I know about it is googled. It's fantasy folks, please don't shoot me though helpful criticism is always welcomed.
*Not real. The folks aren't mine. No damage intended.
Thanks to Lia (Cheebles) for all her help and encouragment.
Ellen poured herself a cup of coffee and sat across the table from Jared in the small staff room at Harvelle‘s. “Well you look like Hell Jay.”
“You know how to make a man feel good Ellen.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t Sasquatch?”
“Both.” he said morosely, playing with the froth on his coffee.
“Well this ain’t about Caitlin because JD tells me she’s doing well, so I’m guessing it’s about Jensen, right Hun?”
“Why would it be about Jensen?”
“Well. I’m not blind and that there outside is a mover’s truck taking all of Jensen’s belongings and therefore, Jensen, away to a new home.”
Jared huffed. “It’s for the best.”
“Best for who Jay? Because I’m not seeing a heck of a lot of joy on Jensen’s face either.”
“What do you expect of us Ellen? We don’t get along.”
“Oh Jared love, you really can’t be that oblivious. The man hasn’t stopped lusting after you since he moved in and if I had to guess I would say you‘re head over heels in love with him.” Ellen raised her voice in exasperation. “Are you going to tell me what your fight was about? Was what he did so unforgivable? Was what you did?”
“Can we just stop this now?” Jared moaned quietly at Ellen.
“Boy. If you ever want Jo to walk your mutts again, we are finishing this.”
“He shouldn’t have done what he did but I suppose in the end it wouldn’t have mattered. He was going to find out what I am one way or another.”
Ellen brushed his hair back from his face with her hand, to look into up into his eyes. Her eyes glittered with unshed tears “Oh Hun and what is it that you think you are?”
He shook his head and refused to answer.
“Do they pay you?”
“No.”
“Then that’s not what you are. Are you addicted?”
Jared looked confused.
“To the sex I mean.” Ellen spoke clinically “because it’s not like you’re subtle about the hook-ups Jay and I think you need to get your head around this.”
“No. I didn’t for a long time. Probably won’t so much when Caitlin comes back.”
“So why? What does it do for you?”
“It’s just sex. What else is there to say? It makes me feel.”
“But a hook up like that, what does it make you feel Jay? It looks more like punishment than pleasure to me. Have you ever wondered why you don’t want to do that with Jensen? You know you could have had that and you didn’t take it.”
His eyebrows met in the middle of his face and she could see that he was thinking. “I don’t know. I‘m always careful.” he said defensively.
“You’re careful with your body Sweetie. How about your emotions? Don’t you think you could feel better with Jensen, take your time and feel it all?”
“I‘m not good for anyone. Besides he hates me. He thinks I‘m some sort of Gangster.” Jared was murmuring into his coffee, head bent low.
Ellen couldn’t help the upward twist of her mouth. “Jay how could anyone think you’re a gangster? I mean c’mon.”
“S’not funny Ellen.” He wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “He really does.”
“Well why would he think that?”
“Because he can’t find a good reason for me to be as wealthy as I am, because he’s a cop and it’s his job to worry about these things.”
“You’re an architect Jay, it’s a well paid job.”
“Not that well paid.”
“Jared would it be rude to ask how much money we’re talking about? Heck, even if it is rude I’m gonna ask. How wealthy Jared?”
He mumbled into his coffee.
“You’re gonna have to repeat that Jay.”
“Six million, six million dollars in available cash. OK. Happy now.”
“Wow.” she fell silent.
“Conversation stopper eh?”
She coughed and found her voice again, “So just tell him how you got it.”
“He fiddled with the handle of his mug. “ I can’t. What I did, it’s not criminal, but I’m not proud of it. Besides, there’s a contract.”
“Contract, what sort of contract? Do I have to drag everything out of you Jared Padalecki.”
“ A legal one. I can’t tell anyone. Ever. Not even a therapist.”
“What the hell..?” Her voice trailed off. “That doesn’t sound healthy Hun. How old were you when you signed that contract?”
“Old enough.” He sounded resigned. “So I can never have an honest relationship with anyone. Satisfied Ellen? He’s better off forgetting I even exist.”
“I’m going to ask you a question Jared and for your own sake I want you to answer it honestly. Truly honestly. OK?”
He nodded mutely, too weary to argue.
In all your relationships (and I’m not talking about Chris here because that was just fuck-buddies and neither of you were invested in that partnership) but all your other relationships, family and romantic. How many people have you hurt? I mean really wounded emotionally or physically. Not let down, not disappointed, but deliberately hurt or abandoned?”
Jared stared at her and scrunched his face in concentration.
“Be honest Jared.”
“Jeff.” he said.
“You never abandoned him. You always visited Glenview when he was there, you were always there at the drop of a hat. It wasn’t deliberate and he was ill, so no, I don’t accept that one.”
“Jensen.” he whispered. “I hit Jensen and I was deliberately mean to him.”
“I heard he hit you first.”
“Because I was mean.”
“Anyone else?” She could see he was drawing a blank.
“Now. Honestly again. How many times have you been hurt by, or lost, a person you love?”
He put down his mug as he started to shake and Ellen moved around the table to join him, putting an arm around his back and hugging him “Oh Hon, you break my heart.” She handed him a tissue, he blew his nose and calmed, eyes red-ringed but not crying.
“Tell me Jay, why are you afraid to try with Jensen?” she paused to lock eyes with him. “It’s not really him you’re trying protect is it? Is feeling everything so very scary? Is it the thought of feeling it all and losing it? You need to consider what I’m saying Jared, because never feeling it all, that’s not living.”
He nodded. “Not a lot I can do about it, even if I agree with you. That’s him gone and I’m pretty sure he’s been dating for weeks now.”
“Maybe,” said Ellen softly as she massaged his shoulders “but it’s not like you won’t see him around and if it’s not meant to be, then another chance will come along sooner or later and you need to take it. Promise me you’ll give yourself a chance.”
Jared nodded bleakly.
“Good. In that case I think we should break out a new batch of Rocky Road.. Pink or white mallows ..or both?”
“Both.” offered the architect.
Jared and Ellen were sticky with mallow and chocolate when Jo found them.
“Jensen wants to know if Jared is here. He wants to speak to him, he says he’s not angry and it’s important. Shall I tell him to go away?”
Ellen glanced at Jared, she could see him fighting the instinct to tell Jo “Yes.” He looked to Ellen “Will you stay with me?”
“If you want me to.”
“Tell him to come on through.”
Jo bounced back toward the customer seating then turned back in surprise “Did you just say you’d see him?”
“Yes.” said Ellen and Jared together.
Jensen cleared his throat nervously as he approached them. He had been practising this all morning. “I brought these back.” he said, setting the apartment keys on the table. “It really is a nice apartment. I told the Realtor it isn’t close enough to work for me. I don’t want to make it hard for you to find someone else. To rent the apartment I mean.”
Jared was bouncing his leg and drumming his fingers nervously. “You know the money.” he blurted out unexpectedly, “all that money I have. I’m not Mafia or anything like that. I didn’t steal it or do anything criminal. It’s just that I can’t say why I have it. It’s a legal thing. Like an out-of-court settlement, compensation, that sort of thing.
“Oh. Right,” Jensen didn’t know how to react to the sudden, random statement. He thought it best not to mention that he already knew Jared had paid inheritance tax on his fortune. He’d followed the trail until the thick red tape of expensive but reputable lawyers had blocked his enquiries. He didn't know the details but the end result was the same, the mob didn’t pay things like inheritance tax on their ill-gotten gains.
“I just didn’t want you thinking that of me. When you’re gone.” Jared explained.
“I’ll still be working at the Precinct, won’t you?” asked Jensen. He looked anxious.
“You could stay on, at the apartment, if you wanted. I haven’t looked for anyone else.” Jared said toying with a strand of rebellious hair about his face. Without thinking Jensen leaned in to Jared and hooked his finger over the stray hair, tucking it behind Jared’s ear. He flinched as he noticed himself doing it but Jared didn‘t seem to mind. “Sorry. Oh. We’re all packed up and the interior designer has finished with my new apartment. It’s a place, y’know, new. You’ll find someone soon enough.”
The mover’s truck started it’s engine with a roar and honked it’s horn. “I have to get going. There’s something else I wanted to say. You may want this to be private.”
Jared looked at Ellen “No, I think anything you have to say Ellen can hear.” Ellen nodded in support.
Jensen held out an envelope to Jared. He took a deep breath and focused on the large hands that now gripped the paper. “I wanted to apologize. I was wrong to do what I did and I regret it. I don’t think any less of you, but I don’t blame you for thinking less of me. I know what I’ve done to get this is wrong too, but I don’t care. I owe you this much.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a prepaid mobile phone. He pressed it into the architect’s hand. “When it rings, I think you should answer it.”
The detective nodded to both of them and took his leave. Walking with his cane he made his way out of Harvelle’s and took a deep breath as he reached his cab. “Let’s go” he said decisively to the driver.
Jared looked at the phone and back at Ellen.
“Don’t look at me. I don’t know anything.”
He placed the phone on the table and ripped the envelope open, tugging out the documents within. He stared down at formal certificate and the neatly typed address, afraid to blink in case it disappeared.
“What is it?” asked Ellen.
“It’s an adoption certificate. It‘s my sister‘s.” and now the dam broke and Jared was crying, fat tears running down his cheek.
“You have a sister?”
The sound of the phone interrupted his soft sniffles and Ellen handed him another tissue. He passed the paperwork to her and used the tissue, then pressed the ‘answer’ button. He didn’t speak, just listened. “Jared. Is that you?”
“It’s me.” Jared managed.
“Some detective told me it would be you. You sound strange. If this is a joke it’s not funny.”
“Megan? No, Megan wait, it’s me, s’just a surprise. God Megan I’ve missed you.” He broke down totally then and Ellen took the phone from him. “Megan, please just wait, Jared’s a bit emotional right now.”
“Tell her we named a kitten Mr. Snuggles and hid it in the laundry cupboard for two days. No-one else knows that.” he hiccuped.
There was an excited squeal from the phone. “Oh my God, Jare-bear it really is you. I looked for you. The people we asked, they said you got in a car and never came back. They thought you were dead. I thought you were dead. ”
Jared panicked and his stomach roiled as he suddenly realized the news he would have to break to his little sister. “No. I’m fine. I did go away, to University, I’m an architect now. Megan, I have to tell you something, is someone with you?”
“My mom’s here, my adoptive mom, but Jare, I already know about Jeff.”
“How? How long?”
“Detective Ackles contacted mom and dad a week ago, explained about Jeff, said you are OK and would like to hear from me. When I first went into care Dad, he was my foster dad back then, he helped me look for you. We kept going back to Eastside for three years but we didn’t find anything. I’m sorry we gave up Jare, I’m so sorry. I moved out to California last year. Mom and Dad came all the way out here for a family meeting to discuss Detective Ackles’ call. Can you imagine that? They‘re good to me. I‘m so lucky.”
He couldn’t imagine it. His heart ached for all they had been and there was a stab of guilt, Megan should always have had that. All the years he held on to her, all his scheming to keep them together. Had he kept her from that?
Megan continued, as if she knew, “Stop thinking that Jare! Nothing was your fault. If you hadn’t held on as long as you did I’d never have met mom and dad. They were new to fostering, so you made that happen for me big brother.”
They continued swapping news and snippets of their life. All at once Megan changed subject “Why did that detective do this? I mean track me down. Are you in trouble? Is it something to do with dad?”
“No. Oh no.” Jared considered it for a moment. “Jensen is my friend, a good friend. I think he did it because he could.” He wished for it to be true as he said it.
“He has a lovely voice, is he good looking?”
“Megan!”
“So how good friends? Kissing friends?”
“God Megan you haven’t changed one bit. No, not kissing friends.”
“But you want it to be, don’t you? I can hear it.” Her voice sing-songed “Jare’s got a cru-ush.”
“I swear I am going to tickle your feet for so long when I get my hands on you.”
They both dissolved into giggles. They talked until the phone battery ran low and Ellen was shutting up shop. When they returned to Madison House, Jared had a light his eyes and a bounce in his step that Ellen had never seen.
“Well” she said as they stood at the base of the sweeping staircase, “Sometimes you do get a second chance with the ones you think you’ve lost. I’ll see you later Sweetie, but if you need to talk, you know where I am.”
***
Jensen stepped under the security camera and waited for the Concierge to release the door catch. It buzzed and he pushed on the plain glass and steel door. His steps were noiseless as he crossed the plush cream carpet to collect his keys. The lobby smelt of disinfectant and canned perfume. The walls were clean, bright cream and there were spotlights in the low, white ceiling “Welcome Home Sir.” the Concierge proffered without lifting his eyes.
“I’m Jensen.”
“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Ackles. If you need anything, any time, just ring down and I’ll be pleased to assist. I‘m Malcolm.”
“It’s Jensen.” he insisted. “Can I ring down and ask you to fix my love life?” he was smirking at the man.
Malcolm looked humorlessly at him over wire-rimmed, half moon glasses. “I meant if you need anything to do with the building.”
“Right. Awkward. I’ll just get on with moving-in then.”
He rode the sleek, mirrored elevator up to the third floor and crossed the hallway to the “chic, well appointed, new-build apartment, ideal for the modern professional” that he had purchased, without a single viewing, the day after he fought with Jared.
He made a coffee and settled himself on the couch as soon as it was placed. He flicked his mobile open and dialed. “Mac?”
“Jen. Are you OK?”
“I’m fine. I just wanted to chat. I don’t do that enough. I miss you Sis.”
Continued in part 27 here: anniespinkhouse.livejournal.com/8219.html