(no subject)
who jongyu
what the continuation of the downfall of a relationship.
fandom shinee
title hearts a mess pt2 ( pt1)
rating pg-13
etc for unmap. part of the holiday fic exchange. part two of.. maybe more. etc, etc. onew is fucking hard to write ok but i want to keep trying knsfgfdg. this one kind of shadows the previous.. feels a little repetitive too.
you said my life would leave my heart in a deadly spin, so why don't you come on, baby?
he's sitting alone, minding his own business.
he's also the first awake, from a long night. restlessness at his body and mind like a horrid disease, leaving him tossing and turning all over the couch until the sun began to glare through the clouds and into their hostel.
mornings are not usually quiet ones, but jonghyun finds himself in an abnormal solitude, the shinee home bent into an unruly shape, washed over in a thick syrup of silence - so thick he feels a bit trapped, sliding his bare feet across the kitchen floor as he leans his weight into his elbows that dig into the table normally used to share meals.
sighing against his own skin, permanently scarred in a faint smell of sweat and determination, he buries his face in the darkness of the crook of his elbow, brushing a hand over his hair, fingers moving through coarse strands, momentarily at peace with the fact that he couldn't put the puzzle of himself together yet.
but it was only morning.
and that's when a door opens, shattering the void with its groan of awakening, an acceptably filled out boy walking through the now open gap into the living room, feet shuffling along the floorboards towards the light of the kitchen.
it's jinki.
and he's drawn to the brightness blasting through the window, blinding his eyes still full of sleep, as he yawns and runs a hand along his stomach, shirt lifting ever so slightly.
jonghyun's alert now, looking straightforward at the older boy. he's tightening up, feeling every part of his body start to freeze in place and not let him move, stuck in the chair and unable to avoid being seen - being spoken to, by their leader.
"oh, jonghyun, good morning."
there it was.
jinki's smiling at the younger boy now, as if nothing had happened the night before. where the other's hand had met his face before, he couldn't feel it anymore. sleep had long healed the wound that was now pushed far back into jinki's being - it wasn't something that was on his mind any longer and it hadn't been for a while.
but it was still on jonghyun's. there hadn't been enough time yet for him to forgive himself.
he wasn't really sure there ever would be enough time.
and instead of answering the leader, jonghyun suddenly stands up, chair scraping across the floor in surprise as a gap is made between the two with the force. the younger's hand is curling into a ball; tight and strained, his head looking down at the design of the table before him - boring and white.
"hm?" jinki's voice slips through closed lips, hands dropping to his sides as his eyes open and warm with a concerned face. "ah-"
are you ok? jonghyun knows he wants to ask, but doesn't know how. he knows exactly how jinki is, and it sends his emotions in a whirl; he doesn't know how to handle what he's feeling, though unable to suppress the rage that slips into his whole being.
it only took moments - just jinki presenting himself and he's this riled up.
and jinki only worsens the situation with his un-intentions, as he moves closer to the table, jonghyun feels himself buckle under the pressure of his mind and he makes a move for it, the lead totally broken from the post; the beast freeing once again in less than twenty-four hours.
the space between the two boys is brought to a close in almost an instant, as jonghyun wraps a heavy hand around onew's wrist, pushing against his chest with the other until the leader teeters back, stumbling towards the couch, falling on his ass with an unpleasant thud.
jonghyun goes right down with him, feeling the slip being barricaded by the couch as jinki's back pushes against it, making his shirt rise again. the younger boy breathing deeply the air between them, before he's slipped himself onto the elder's lap, knees wrapped around the others frame as he sits up against the awkward positioned parts of jinki's body.
"jonghyun?" jinki's voiced is laced with the same, sleepy concern it was moments before and nothing more. as if something like this was totally normal, he's just staring at jonghyun, his mind lost to any thought besides if he was all right or not.
but the younger was obviously not. it was just too much and it was building too quickly inside him at a rapid speed.
like hyperventilating, jonghyun's mouth hung open, as his breaths became shorter and deeper.
bringing his hands up and wrapping them around jinki's throat, he's finally able to put his eyes on the older boy. his intense eyes, filled with an unknowing rage, that hid an abundance of questions he didn't want to know the answers to.
like why was he so angry?
why was his heart beating so fast?
what the fuck was he doing?
jinki is scared now, arms up and trying to push jonghyun away, gripping the other boy's tank top that's too thin to make a real statement; he doesn't want to destroy it and he gulps away the hesitance as his eyes flutter away from jonghyun's face, palms flat against the other's quickly racing chest and giving a little shove.
please take the hint, jonghyun.
and jonghyun finally let's go, feeling his reality shift again, awakening his conscience as he pulls away from jinki, pulling himself across the floor away from the leader as he curls a leg under his butt to pull himself up off the floor.
"sorry," the younger finally chokes - it's dry and almost lost of sound all together, as he moves hunched towards the bedroom. "i'm going back to bed." he says, easier this time.
frazzled by the series of events, jinki is left alone again, staring straight ahead towards the chair pushed out from beneath the table. legs slipping out to stretch slowly in front of his body, he feels the deja vu of the situation, because this was the feeling of last night he'd tried to forget, that was back again.
and for a while, he just breathes■
what the continuation of the downfall of a relationship.
fandom shinee
title hearts a mess pt2 ( pt1)
rating pg-13
etc for unmap. part of the holiday fic exchange. part two of.. maybe more. etc, etc. onew is fucking hard to write ok but i want to keep trying knsfgfdg. this one kind of shadows the previous.. feels a little repetitive too.
you said my life would leave my heart in a deadly spin, so why don't you come on, baby?
he's sitting alone, minding his own business.
he's also the first awake, from a long night. restlessness at his body and mind like a horrid disease, leaving him tossing and turning all over the couch until the sun began to glare through the clouds and into their hostel.
mornings are not usually quiet ones, but jonghyun finds himself in an abnormal solitude, the shinee home bent into an unruly shape, washed over in a thick syrup of silence - so thick he feels a bit trapped, sliding his bare feet across the kitchen floor as he leans his weight into his elbows that dig into the table normally used to share meals.
sighing against his own skin, permanently scarred in a faint smell of sweat and determination, he buries his face in the darkness of the crook of his elbow, brushing a hand over his hair, fingers moving through coarse strands, momentarily at peace with the fact that he couldn't put the puzzle of himself together yet.
but it was only morning.
and that's when a door opens, shattering the void with its groan of awakening, an acceptably filled out boy walking through the now open gap into the living room, feet shuffling along the floorboards towards the light of the kitchen.
it's jinki.
and he's drawn to the brightness blasting through the window, blinding his eyes still full of sleep, as he yawns and runs a hand along his stomach, shirt lifting ever so slightly.
jonghyun's alert now, looking straightforward at the older boy. he's tightening up, feeling every part of his body start to freeze in place and not let him move, stuck in the chair and unable to avoid being seen - being spoken to, by their leader.
"oh, jonghyun, good morning."
there it was.
jinki's smiling at the younger boy now, as if nothing had happened the night before. where the other's hand had met his face before, he couldn't feel it anymore. sleep had long healed the wound that was now pushed far back into jinki's being - it wasn't something that was on his mind any longer and it hadn't been for a while.
but it was still on jonghyun's. there hadn't been enough time yet for him to forgive himself.
he wasn't really sure there ever would be enough time.
and instead of answering the leader, jonghyun suddenly stands up, chair scraping across the floor in surprise as a gap is made between the two with the force. the younger's hand is curling into a ball; tight and strained, his head looking down at the design of the table before him - boring and white.
"hm?" jinki's voice slips through closed lips, hands dropping to his sides as his eyes open and warm with a concerned face. "ah-"
are you ok? jonghyun knows he wants to ask, but doesn't know how. he knows exactly how jinki is, and it sends his emotions in a whirl; he doesn't know how to handle what he's feeling, though unable to suppress the rage that slips into his whole being.
it only took moments - just jinki presenting himself and he's this riled up.
and jinki only worsens the situation with his un-intentions, as he moves closer to the table, jonghyun feels himself buckle under the pressure of his mind and he makes a move for it, the lead totally broken from the post; the beast freeing once again in less than twenty-four hours.
the space between the two boys is brought to a close in almost an instant, as jonghyun wraps a heavy hand around onew's wrist, pushing against his chest with the other until the leader teeters back, stumbling towards the couch, falling on his ass with an unpleasant thud.
jonghyun goes right down with him, feeling the slip being barricaded by the couch as jinki's back pushes against it, making his shirt rise again. the younger boy breathing deeply the air between them, before he's slipped himself onto the elder's lap, knees wrapped around the others frame as he sits up against the awkward positioned parts of jinki's body.
"jonghyun?" jinki's voiced is laced with the same, sleepy concern it was moments before and nothing more. as if something like this was totally normal, he's just staring at jonghyun, his mind lost to any thought besides if he was all right or not.
but the younger was obviously not. it was just too much and it was building too quickly inside him at a rapid speed.
like hyperventilating, jonghyun's mouth hung open, as his breaths became shorter and deeper.
bringing his hands up and wrapping them around jinki's throat, he's finally able to put his eyes on the older boy. his intense eyes, filled with an unknowing rage, that hid an abundance of questions he didn't want to know the answers to.
like why was he so angry?
why was his heart beating so fast?
what the fuck was he doing?
jinki is scared now, arms up and trying to push jonghyun away, gripping the other boy's tank top that's too thin to make a real statement; he doesn't want to destroy it and he gulps away the hesitance as his eyes flutter away from jonghyun's face, palms flat against the other's quickly racing chest and giving a little shove.
please take the hint, jonghyun.
and jonghyun finally let's go, feeling his reality shift again, awakening his conscience as he pulls away from jinki, pulling himself across the floor away from the leader as he curls a leg under his butt to pull himself up off the floor.
"sorry," the younger finally chokes - it's dry and almost lost of sound all together, as he moves hunched towards the bedroom. "i'm going back to bed." he says, easier this time.
frazzled by the series of events, jinki is left alone again, staring straight ahead towards the chair pushed out from beneath the table. legs slipping out to stretch slowly in front of his body, he feels the deja vu of the situation, because this was the feeling of last night he'd tried to forget, that was back again.
and for a while, he just breathes■